JAG's Blog

ViSalus Tips

2011-11-24T07:32:00.001-05:00

Every once in a while, someone asks how to improve their results with the Body By Vi 90-Day Challenge. I've picked up a few tips over the last six months or so and I wanted to put them all together here. Special Thanks to Matthew Brit, a former personal trainer and gym manager from Toronto. He joined ViSalus in 2010 and is one of the top earners in the company, and he frequently does training across Canada.

General Tips

Early Start Use the ViSalus Vi-Shake within 15 minutes of waking up if you are using it for breakfast. This kick-starts your metabolism for the day.
Eat Often Eat 5-7 times per day to keep that metabolism working. Breakfast, lunch and dinner are obvious enough - don't skip breakfast! Then, have small snacks between those meals and another one after dinner. It actually slows your progress to starve yourself or skip meals because it causes your body to hoard food for later.
Healthy Snacks For snacks, keep it small and healthy. Fruits and veggies are best, of course. Beware of granola bars and seemingly-nutritious snacks that can disguise extra colories and sugar.
Low Sugar On that note, cut out the sugar as much as possible. Juices may contain surprising amounts, so stick with water or skim milk if you can.
Shake Recipes There are a million recipes for the ViSalus shake mix. Everything from fruit/veggie/dessert flavours to hot and cold beverages. Mix the shake in water, orange juice, skim milk, or almond/soy milk. The only thing to be careful about is how much extra stuff you put into the shake - don't overload it with chocolate or extra ingredients, since that kind of defeats the purpose.
Lots of Water Drink plenty of water. Constantly keep a water bottle at hand.
Simple Exercise Naturally, exercise of any kind is useful, even a simple 15 minute walk each day. I was personally able to lose 20 pounds in my first 90 days without any exercise at all 'cause I was busy and lazy. ;)
Measure Before In the beginning, take your measurements. Weight is the focus for most people. However, you should also be sure to measure your hips, waist (at the belly button), chest (at the biggest point), biceps and thighs. Be real, keep your body relaxed and don't suck in that belly. Since ViSalus is a Health Challenge and not just a weight loss plan, it will automatically help you build lean muscle - and that weighs more than fat. So once every 2-4 weeks, check all of those measurements and don't be disappointed if your bathroom scale isn't ideal. If you go two weeks without seeing positive changes in your weight or measurements, though, be sure to ask someone about it since that ain't right. ;)
Take a Pic Take pictures of yourself from a few angles when you begin, and then once every 2-4 weeks after that. Pictures can say a lot more than numbers sometimes. Don't hide behind clothes but try to wear something decent in case you ever want to have your before-and-after photos.
Your Support Finally, your support team is crucial. Any 90-day goal will be more difficult if you're solo. Family and friends can be wonderfully supportive, but don't hold back if people doubt since there are always doubters out there. Enlist friends to join your challenge - and refer 3 friends so you get your shakes for free! Talk to your ViSalus team regularly. Listen to people and read stories on Facebook about other people that have succeeded with ViSalus so that you cna be inspired, too!

90-Day Health Challenge for Nutrition & Weight Loss

Balance Kit Use one shake per day as a great nutritional supplement. May lose up to 5 pounds and gain muscle during the first 90 day period.
Shape Kit Use two shakes per day to lose an average of 1-2 pounds per week, which is around 20 pounds for a 90 day period. Replace your breakfast and lunch with the shakes and have a healthy dinner. For even better results, replace breakfast and dinner and have a normal lunch.
Transformation Kit For maximum results, use this kit. Most of the crazy stories of people losing 30+ pounds in a 90 day period are from people using this kit. It is similar to the Shape Kit, replacing two meals per day with a shake. It also includes various vitamins and pills to enhance your energy, fire up your metabolism and curb your hunger.

90-Day Health Challenge for Physical Fitness & Muscle Building

Use one shake with a good breakfast like oatmeal.
Use one shake immediately after your work-out.
Blake Malen, one of the founders of ViSalus, recently completed a 90-Challenge with the goal of adding 20 pounds of muscle. He describes his work-out regimen in this video.

For more info, you can visit the ViSalus Overview and watch the first few videos. Or, you can go to my site, watch videos there and then click "Join the Challenge" to get specific product info and prices. Our team would love to hear from you so that we can answer any questions and provides samples. Good luck!

ViSalus: My Story

2011-11-21T08:01:00.004-05:00

It boils down to two simple things: Health and Money. Seemed like a pretty easy decision to me! At a later time, I'll delve into the financial side of things but for me, that was secondary to the health benefits.

Right up front, I'll admit that the goal for my first 90-Day Challenge was to lose twenty pounds. My wife and I welcomed our first child, our daughter Jade, in September. ( !!! ) Naturally, I put on some "sympathy weight" during this pregnancy. In fact, I actually put on plenty ofweight during the first three months of the pregnancy and Cam didn't gain anything at all. Oops! I usually ate what my wife ate (including those late-night fast food trips) and she had trouble with nausea in the beginning, so it was pretty easy to pick up a few pounds here or there.

Now let me back up a bit... When we first got married three years ago, I thoroughly enjoyed all of my wife's cooking. So much goodness, and she cooked all of my favourites. Giant steaks, creamy mashed potatoes, home-made pizza...yum! We always made sure we had nutritious meals with plenty of veggies but it was the portions that did me in.

After about six months, I hit my top weight ever and we decided it was time for a lifestyle change. There's no big secret to losing weight. You hear it everywhere you go: Eat healthy and exercise, right? Step One: We cut our portions in half, replaced the sugary juices with water, had fruit instead of desserts, and lessened the snacking on chips and other goodies. Step Two: We hit the gym. And by that, I mean that we hit the gym hard an average of three times per week. We usually did an hour-and-a-half session starting with cardio, then focused on strength training for different muscle groups, and finished with extended cardio. And if that wasn't enough, we also did morning or evening walks around the neighbourhood on the non-gym days.

And what do you know - it worked! We put on muscle, cut the fat, improved our overall health and our daily habits. Cam trained me from scratch at the gym since I was entirely inexperienced, while she had been hitting the gym regularly for many years. Simple things like breathing the right way during reps were difficult for me but I eventually figured those things out.

Returning to the present day... I put on my own "baby weight" but this time my wife needed to focus on growing baby. Her pregnancy symptoms prevented her from exercising so hitting the gym together wasn't an option. I really had no desire to hit the gym by myself (ugh!) but I definitely needed to do something. And along came Visalus... *cue inspiring music with stringed instruments*

I experimented with the meal-replacement shakes at first. I used it for breakfast during the weekdays but that was it. I understood that using the shake to replace one meal was just the "healthy maintenance" plan and not intended for weight loss. Eventually, I started using it for both breakfast and lunch each weekday - but again, I ignored it on weekends since I enjoy breakfast food and I always like cooking for my wife. Plus, I still had chips and whatnot for snacks when we watched movies together. I did that for one month, and actually lost five pounds in my first week (which is not uncommon).

Eventually, with support from Cam, I decided to get serious about losing weight. On July 11, I started the recommended 90-Day Challenge just as prescribed. Replace breakfast and lunch with the Vi-Shake. Have a small, healthy snack mid-morning and mid-afternoon. And finally, eat a normal dinner with sensible portions and skip the snacks entirely afterwards. *poof* The pounds started dropping off more quickly. Just as promised, I have averaged the healthy weight-loss pattern of 1-2 pounds per week.

I have to confess that I did eat fast food for lunch still when we were on the go, and there were a few all-you-can-eat Sushi and Dim Sum dinners in there. Surprisingly, that didn't stop me my weekly progress. It was nice to know that I didn't have to be so strict about eating, I just had to be sensible.

More importantly, it was easy to do. Yes, laziness was an important factor to me. As in, I like to be lazy (or "efficient" as I prefer to say). Staying at home is much more attractive to me then busting my butt and sweating buckets at the gym by myself. Throwing shake mix and orange juice into a thermos for lunch gets me out the door faster in the morning before work. And now that our baby has come along, who has time to prep a properly nutritious meal anyway?

And somewhere along the way, we also saved money on our groceries.

So how did it work for me in the end? I did my measurements again on October 10, exactly 90 days after I started. I went dropped from 218 pounds down to 198, which is the lightest I've been since I started dating Cam more than 4 years ago. I also lost 3 inches from my waistline, 2.5 inches from around my chest and 1 inch from my hips. Hey, I even had to go down a notch on my belt. Yep, it worked for me!

In my case, Visalus is delivering on it's promise. ViSalus even surpassed my expectations for the 90 Day Challenge, which actually surprised me and motivated me to tell others about it. That includes you, Dear Reader. Everyone knows that it's important to have good health so hopefully my story can help motivate you to focus on your health once again. Pick the right solution for you: Hitting the gym, walking or bike riding, changing your meal plan at home, whatever you prefer. And if you're interested in Visalus and would like some more info then please be sure to contact me to find out more!

Alphabet Rhyme

2011-11-18T12:28:00.008-05:00

A is for Apple
B is for Bear
C is for Cat
D is for Dare

E is for Elephant
F is for Fat
G is for Good
H is for Hat

I is for Ink
J is for Jade
K is for Koala
L is for Laid

M is for Me
N is for Noodle
O is for Otter
P is for Poodle

Q is for Quiet
R is for Roast
S is for Snake
T is for Toast

U is for Umbrella
V is for Vitamin
W is for Walrus
X is for Xylophone

Y is for You
Z is for Zoo

I spontaneously created this poem for my daughter Jade during activity time this morning. You can modify the above version and use the words "Jam" and "Lamb" instead to make it work for anyone. Good luck fitting your own child's name into the poem! ;)

The Challenge

2011-11-14T21:50:00.002-05:00

I have three easy questions for you...
1. Do you want to improve your health?
2. Do you want to improve your finances?
3. Do you want to help someone else improve their health or finances?

Do you want to improve your health?
If you answered yes, then you already have a goal in mind. If you answered no, let me ask these additional questions...

Do you want to eat more nutritiously?
Do you want to lose weight?
Do you want to tone your body or add muscle?
Do you want to run faster, have more stamina, or do better at a sport?
Do you want to lower your blood pressure or improve your cholesterol?

Do you want to improve your finances?
If you answered yes, then you already have a goal in mind. If you answered no, let me ask these additional questions...

Do you want to pay off some debt?
Do you want to quit worrying about bills?
Do you want more emergency money in case your car breaks down or your home is flooded?
Do you want to buy a car or a new home?
Do you want to have a child or plan for their post-secondary education?
Do you want to stay at home with your children instead of working and using daycare?
Do you want to retire?

Do you want to help someone else improve their health or finances?
If you answered yes, then you already have someone in mind. If you answered no, then... come on, everybody knows somebody that they can help! ;)

Looking over these three questions, and then the smaller questions, makes it pretty clear that almost everyone is in the same boat. Perfect health and plenty of money aren't blessings that God just rains down on everybody. Even if our initial answer is "I'm healthy and I'm satisfied," we usually discover a slightly different answer if we dig a little deeper. And even if we honestly do have good health and enough money, then we can certainly help someone else with a few of their own goals, right?

There's a million ways that we can help our own situations and help other people. For me, one big part of the solution is ViSalus. I tried the 90-Day Health Challenge and I dramatically improved my health. My entire family did the same thing. The ViSalus challenge gives the average person an easy way to save money on their grocery bills. And as a promoter, it really opened my eyes to see the opportunity and freedom that comes from working with friends to achieve our goals. It doesn't get any better than that!

So consider this my Challenge to you: Do you want to join me and improve your health, improve your finances and help other people do the same?

Top Ten Movies of 2010

2011-01-11T21:33:00.001-05:00

This is my seventh annual Top Ten list. As before, this list only accounts for movies that were officially released in 2010. I saw 70 new releases in all this year - a personal record! (I give full credit to my hot wife, who accompanied me to many of them.) I only considered the movies that I actually saw but there are still 37 movies on my future wish list...

[10] Gunless (Link)
My list begins with a modestly amusing Western. I have liked Westerns ever since my dad introduced my siblings and I to The Man With No Name, and since Westerns show up in theatres so infrequently I try to catch 'em when I can. I also like to support mainstream made-in-Canada films (as opposed to weird art-house stuff) and I rightly assumed that this film would be in a limited number of theatres for a couple of weeks at best, so I went out of my way to see this one. This film stars the quintessential Canadian actor Paul Gross as an American that gets stuck in Canada accidentally, and thus hijinks ensue. A nice, pleasant flick.

[9] Kick-Ass (Link)
I struggled a bit with putting this one into my list because I'm not a fan of excessive gore, and there's plenty of visceral violence to be had here. However, I am a major comic geek and at least one comic movie was sure to make this list. I liked this one better than Iron Man 2 (since I was disappointed with the entire action climax) and Scott Pilgrim (which geeky but piled on the weirdness). So Kick-Ass makes the grade because it aimed high and for all intents and purposes, it hit the mark.

[8] Toy Story 3 (Link)
It was fun to see familiar characters together again, and the darker tone was very welcome. I wasn't a fan of the silly misunderstandings ("Oh, Andy's throwing us away!") but the brand new world of the day care was a lot of fun to explore with old friends.

[7] True Grit (Link)
Wow, two cowboy movies made my list this year! This one has the awards-season cred of the Coen brothers teaming up with Jeff Bridges. Even though it's based on the original book, it still has to follow in the footsteps of John Wayne, and Bridges was completely up to the task. I threw this movie on while my wife was doing other things, and she got sucked into the movie by the whip-smart 14-year old character that tries to hire a gunslinger to get revenge for her father's death. There were a lot of memorable moments and iconic images, but it was the acting of the girl and the grump that earned this position.

[6] The Expendables (Link)
I absolutely love Stallone's comeback in recent years, and I was anticipating this movie ever since I first heard about it. Just straight-up action with plenty of explosions and cool weapons and a reason to use them.

[5] How To Train Your Dragon (Link)
This was a superb animated movie, by far the best in a year with many options. I saw this in IMAX 3D and it was perfect for that format - even if Cam and I were two of the few that were standing in line without children. The sheer imagination and variety of dragons lent a real sense of discovery, to go along with the main theme of the movie.

[4] The Fighter (Link)
This was a very late entry into my Top Ten list, given how late it was released this year. This film argued with my brain and kept clawing it's way up this list entirely on the strength of the superb acting, and Christian Bale completely inhabits the role that keeps coming to my mind. To be frank, I thought that Mark Wahlberg's character felt a little flat but that makes perfect sense within the content of his nutso family, too. Since it's a sports movie based on a true story with lots of Oscar buzz, let's just call it this year's version of The Blind Side and leave it at that.

[3] The Karate Kid (Link)
Presumably, this movie isn't nearly as high in esteem in everyone else's lists but I completely fell for this one. Jaden Smith nails it as a tweenie fish-out-of-water in China, and China itself plays a starring role here. However, the big draw for me was Jackie Chan. This was an ideal role for him just because of the kung fu fun but when he breaks down and cries at one pivotal part in the movie, that just sucked the air right out of me.

[2] Inception (Link)
As a sci-fi geek, the genre had to have one movie represented on this list, and what a movie it was! I love to discuss movies after leaving the theatre to analyze the plot and everyone's opinions, and this gave plenty of food for thought. It was a mind-bending trip with a lot of unique concepts and a well-orchestrated playground of rules within this make-believe world.

[1] The Social Network (Link)
Much to my own surprise, look what made #1 on my list this year! I'm not surprised that I liked this movie, I'm just surprised that I liked it so much, even more than the usual action-oriented blockbusters. Granted, I'm a web developer by trade so this was right up my alley. The bullet-spray staccato of conversation and the he-said-she-said aspects of the lawsuits were fascinating. I researched some of the claims of the movie afterwards but the facts aren't quite as interesting, so I'll prefer to stick with the movie version of events.

Worst Ending Award
Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps had an annoying ending that was completely unearned. I got a big kick out of the cameo from the first movie, though.

Non-Twisty Twist Award
This award goes to Salt. The whole movie pivots on whether the protagonist is good or bad but, honestly, a lot of tension was completely missing since some of it was so obvious.

Top Movies on Wish List:
Exit Through the Gift Shop
Joan Rivers: A Piece of Work
Get Low
Babies

My Previous Top 10 Lists:
2004, 2005, 2006, 2007, 2008 & 2009

References:
Film Release Dates for 2010
Top Grossing Movies of 2010

Ten Percent

2010-06-21T08:10:00.013-04:00

Even since I was a young kid with a paper route, I was taught and I believed that tithing was a requirement. As a Christian, we were supposed to give ten percent of our gross earnings to our local church. I complied with this rule completely, from my pre-teens until I was 29 years old.

I understood that tithing was intended for general offerings only and it couldn't be designated to anything specific. The church leaders were supposed to figure out the best way to invest my money, not me. The only thing I worried about was whether I should tithe additionally on any cash gifts that I received. I usually made up for that little bit of doubt by donating an extra bit to some secondary cause at church.

At the beginning of every year, I made sure that I got a box of tithing envelopes from my church. At the end of the year I would donate my unused envelopes back to the church so that they could be placed in the back of the pews for anyone that ended them. I would also black out the registration number so that there was no confusion for the accountants. In fact, I was often the one that replenished the envelopes behind the pews when I noticed that they were missing.

Naturally, I always got a receipt from church for my charitable donations, which accounted for a fairly large tax return every year. I had a friend that believed that getting a tax return on tithing was somehow against the principle of tithing because you weren't giving your full amount. I said that this was just smart practice but if they were really worried then they could tithe on the income tax return, too. Actually, I think I started doing this after that discussion.

I was aware of the different verses about tithing, both Old and New Testament. I had heard enough sermons about the blessings of tithing and the curses of selfishly keeping our money. The main verse about tithing from Malachi was usually printed on the tithing envelopes, anyway, so it was pretty obvious.

I knew that the majority of people at church did not tithe. I saw enough church budgets at the annual meetings to know that less than 20% of the church members bothered to tithe regularly. I also knew that because the pastors told me so during a sermon here or there. However, I would never force anyone to tithe. If people said that they really couldn't afford it, I chalked that up as poor budgeting or a personal decision. No biggie, everyone has issues that they have to work through, including me, and we don't need to get all legalistic about it. Let the pastor preach, let the Holy Spirit do his thing, and people will figure it out.

Now take a breath, Jamie...
I don't believe in the requirement of tithing anymore. I don't believe in the general principle behind it. I will go even further than that and say that I believe that tithing is quite wrong. Wrong to do, and wrong to teach. And for my part in this, I am sorry.

I mean, did you see what I wrote up there? I never realized how legalistic it all was. So many little rules and exceptions. It sounds so hard to keep to keep track of it all!

I recognize that part of it was my natural tendancy to find rules and obey them. I'm a goody-two-shoes that automatically does that kind of thing. Even so, tithing has always been a part of my Christian life, and it's been a big part of the churches I attended.

It took me about a year and a half to walk away from tithing. At first, I vaguely questioned the practice. I learned a little more as time went on about the Biblical basis for the current idea of tithing, versus the way tithing was done back in the Old Testament days. My first big step as to stop tithing all of my money to my local church, and give money directly to friends that needed it. After that, I decided to save that ten percent and keep it as my personal giving fund. Then I decided to pull back from the idea of setting any kind of restriction on it and I let that set-in-stone ten percent go. Finally, I had to admit to myself that it wasn't just a nice idea - it was actually the wrong thing to do.

Emotionally, it was hard to let go and I felt quilty for doing it. I still feel a little guilty, kind of. I was walking away from church teaching, and walking away from what my parents taught me. Breaking a habit is always hard to do.

Intellectually, I had to discard the Biblical interpretation and the arguments I had heard for so long. I could have handled that but once I got rid of the idea of tithing, a lot of other ideas fell apart as well. The whole idea of how a church pays it's bills and how pastors get paid became a mess for me, since I was always told that churches survived based on tithes. Like a house of cards, pulling out that one Ace called "tithing" caused a bunch of other cards to fall down.

And so here I am, writing about my journey through the issue of tithing. I intended to write about the Biblical references that we use to support tithing, but I ended up writing a more cathartic assessment of myself instead. I will follow up this post with Part II to get into some of the specifics about tithing...

Religion Ain't What It Used To Be (Part III)

2010-06-09T12:44:00.000-04:00

I'm a Christian but that ain't what it used to be. My beliefs have changed quite a bit in the past two or three years...

(See Part I for the introduction and then Part II.)

Evolution

Yeah, I was persuaded some time ago that evolution actually works, as I wrote here. Considering the amount of time I devoted to research and debates on this topic, this was a big change for me. I was finally convinced by an author that explained the science behind it while still being open to Christian spirituality. I like to think that I'm willing to honestly consider opposing opinions regardless of the source or cimcumstances, but this author really communicated to me through simple respect.

I still think that God actually created everything, so I don't buy into the Big Bang theory directly. However, I may be willing to accept that the earth wasn't created conveniantly six thousand years ago, as calculated from Biblical geneaologies. Which leads me to my next point...

Accuracy of the Bible

And here's where I go right off the rails! I've heard so many arguments that the Bible contradicts itself, and so many arguments about the Bible being historically or scientifically inaccurate. I've heard 'em, analyzed 'em and argued against 'em. Naturally, I said, the Bible is perfect in every way.

And yet, here I am. I'll state this clearly: I no longer believe that the modern NIV version of the Bible is the infallible, perfectly accurate Word of God.

I think the Bible is incredibly reliable in umpteen different ways. I think it's the most well-kept ancient document of any kind. I think that it is a very clear picture of the reality and truth of the Christian God, and a great picture of Jesus' time on earth.

I also acknowledge that the people that wrote it were human and may have messed up some details. There may have been some copy problems along the way, or problems with word-of-mouth history before things were written down, or simple problems with the memory of the people testifying. Then there's the history of how the books of the KJV translation were selected, versus the different book selections from Catholic or Orthodox denomiations - so is the KJV selection perfect?

To go a step beyond that, there may be significant problems with all of the English translations, period. Besides normal difficulties with basic English interpretation, some of our English versions may in fact be translations-from-translations. Apparently, recent research by Nehemia Gordon shows that the book of Matthew may have been written in Hebrew originally, but our English version is based on various Greek versions. This scholar has this two-hour video that goes over the main arguments for this idea. Some of the common Bible verses that we have memorized may in fact say the opposite in the original Hebrew - and this video absolutely blew my mind with that revelation.

I love the Bible but its hardly written in stone, so to speak. Yep, I'm a crazy now...

Conclusion

So I'm a Christian but that ain't what it used to be. I still visit church once in a while but I'm not nearly as involved as I used to be. I still think that local churches provide various advantages that can't be found anywhere else, but I wonder if those advantages are worth the disadvantages. And since I am fully against the idea of tithing now, that pretty much leaves me at odds with any number of Christian denominations.

I did find that I had to back away from church in order to see it in a different light. I couldn't really understand how people could feel so rejected by church until I was on the outside looking in. And now that I'm on the outside, I have discovered that I'm part of a very disorganized and very large group of people that have similarly walked away from church. I don't know what will become of this happy unchurched population of Christians but it seems like a scary and freeing experience so far.

It's taken me a few years to make this transition and I assume I'm not done yet. We'll see where we go from here...

Religion Ain't What It Used To Be (Part II)

2010-06-06T19:35:00.003-04:00

I'm a Christian but that ain't what it used to be. My beliefs have changed quite a bit in the past two or three years...

(See Part I for the introduction, and Part III is here. There's a lot of ground to cover here, so I'll open up the different topics and then we can follow up with more detailed discussions if anyone wants to do that...)

Tithing

This is the central piece, the ace that toppled my house of cards. I've been faithfully tithing 10% of my gross earnings since I had a paper route as a ten year old boy, giving that money directly to my local church. I often gave even more money on top of that, usually towards specific ministries at church.

I came to realize that (a) tithing is not a Biblical requirement for Christians and (b) the brand of tithing that we commonly teach at church has very little to do with the original tithing laws in the Old Testament anyway. (For example, poor people aren't supposed to tithe.) After years of habit, and years of collecting receipts for my charitable donations, it actually took me more than a year to fully quit tithing.

Church Income

Once we take tithing out of the equation, this directly effects how a local church runs. The church has utility bills and staff salaries and supplies to pay for. Granted, some churches (a minority?) do not promote tithing and may not even collect money during every service, but even these churches depend on regular donations in order to keep running.

We seem to have three options:

Give money to the local church because it's mandatory (a la tithing).
Give money to the local church voluntarily - but it's actually mandatory because otherwise, the church will have to close due to bankruptcy.
Do not give money to the local church - in which case there can be no local church.

The common result, regardless of a church's stance on tithing, is to have 10 to 20% of the church members give money on a mandatory basis. This supports the majority of the other members who do not give or give little.

I no longer believe that tithing is valid. I see voluntary giving as either being "secretly" mandatory or a hypocritically mandatory responsibility for a core group of members, and I don't buy into either of those ideas now. Therefore, I am left with Option 3 - the dissolution of local church? That's crazy talk!

Church Expenses

For arguments sake, though, let's say that the church continues to get enough money from purely voluntary donations, on a continual basis, and everyone is happy. Then, we need to look at where the church expenses go.

The majority of a church budget goes to two spots: paying for the building (rent/mortgage/utilities) and paying for staff salaries (pastor/youth pastor/custodians). When I donate money to church, the majority of it actually pays for my own experience at the church. The equipment for the musicians, the time it took the pastor to prepare and preach, the child care programs, the actual facilities that I visit.

I like to think that my money supports the poor, or some sort of spiritual outreach like a missionary, but only a tiny percentage (2 to 5%) actually gets there. Instead, I have to accept the view that the church building and the staff are the main forms of spiritual ministry. And while local churches do fulfill certain needs that would not be met otherwise, I no longer see this as necessary or efficient.

Instead, the very best spiritual growth that I have ever received or helped has come within the context of close friendships. And the combined money of this same small group of people can dramatically change the life of another person more easily then a church corporation can. In terms of the plain Return On Investment (ROI), I don't see local church as a good bet.

Paid Pastors

The real focal point of the church is the big guy (or sometimes girl) that stands up front every Sunday to teach us all a little somethin' somethin'. To a lesser extent, the focal point of the church also belongs to the youth pastor or children's pastor of the counseling pastor, since they do the face-to-face stuff with people.

Of course, gettin' paid falls apart unless money is still comin' in. And since I don't buy into the tithing or mandatory giving model anymore, the money isn't there and this position can't exist anymore.

I also have more philosophical/theological grounds that leads me to think that we should not have paid pastoral jobs anymore. For one thing, I now think that Jesus and the New Testament exemplify *not* to do this. I think that each Christian is more than capable of fulfilling a pastor's duties one-on-one or two-on-two with friends. Beyond that, I think that the existence of the pastoral role stifles the involvement of the church members themselves - despite the fact that pastors frequently preach against this type of thing. The church subtly enforces a corporate approach to care giving and relationships, with a hierarchal model and leadership, rather than natural group life.

Church Family

So that leads to the cliche that the local church should be a spiritual family. I have moved between cities a number of times while growing up, and I always realized that churches come and go and we rarely have any contact with former church friends once we depart. These are usually friendships of conveniance - we see these people every week so it's easy to chat and maybe make plans to hang out. Once the conveniance factor is gone, so is that friendship. That's not a big deal because this is true in almost all walks to life. Friendships with co-workers, or even with immediate family members, tends to dissolve if someone moves away. That's normal, but it's a far cry from the concept of "church family."

Note that I use the term "friendship" loosely here since most church friends remain at a somewhat superficial level. Actual discussions about real-life difficulties or our hopes and dreams are not a part of this. It takes a conscious effort to develop a deeper friendship, and church is not designed for that purpose.

The dark side of this is that it's easy for people to leave a local church without anyone talking to them afterwards. Even worse, it's easy to ostracize a person from the local church. People are formally and informally kicked out of leadership or out of church for all kinds of reasons. Don't agree with tithing? Strike one. Don't attend the Sunday service? Strike two. Cause too much discussion about what the church teaches? Strike three - you're out of here!

And once you're on the outside, it's tough to retain those former friends. I've heard way too many stories that attest to this dark side, but it's tough to see when we're still part of the church. Love your neighbour, it ain't. Kinda appreciate your fellow church member, it is.

... Coming in Part III, I talk about the controversial topics. ;)

Religion Ain't What It Used To Be

2010-06-01T12:30:00.006-04:00

I'm a Christian but that ain't what it used to be. My beliefs have changed quite a bit in the past two or three years...

*cue time travel montage*

I've been a Christian since I was a wee young 'un. I have vague memories of praying beside my bed by myself as a 4 or 5 year old boy, asking Jesus to forgive my sins and come into my heart. Easy as that. It was a natural part of life growing up in a Christian family. (To be specific, within the Pentecostal denomination of Protestant Christianity.)

I went to Braeside Christian camp as a kid every summer with my family, and I regularly went to Silver Birches Christian camp as a teenager. These camps usually involved group activities and games, and some sort of elongated church service in the morning and evening. It was at Braeside camp that I experienced baptism of the Holy Spirit, complete with evidence of tongues. Later on at Silver Birches, I experienced the phenomenon of laughing uncontrollably in the spirit. Somewhere along the way before I was a teenager, I also chose to get baptized in water when we attended a church in Vineland, ON.

My parents were always heavily involved in church ministry, usually focused on children and youth. Later on, around the time I was ten years old, my dad decided to ditch his plush job with GM and go to Bible College to become a full-time pastor. That allowed me to graduate from goody-two-shoes church boy to good-two-shoes PK (Pastor's Kid) but weekly life didn't change too much.

Every year from the time I was born until I was 29 years old, I regularly spent 2-3 days each week at church. In the early years, I was attending various childrens' programs or simply waiting for hours while my parents chatted with friends after church. During my teens, I was always involved in various youth group events. By my twenties, my parents and siblings were scattered across the globe while I become even more heavily involved with music ministry, cell groups and leading youth groups.

I've been involved in church as a vocalist since I was a young teenager, singing either bass or tenor. I sang backup vocals for Sunday services and I've been a member of various choirs - even recording CDs at two churches. I also took over as worship leader in both home and church settings, handling everything from pre-planning to the cues for the band. Eventually, I added some rudimentary piano skills so that I could both play and sing in smaller groups. I also became fairly proficient as a percussionist, playing instruments like congas, bongos, shakers and tambourines.

I wasn't shy about my spiritual faith or my status as a Christian. I frequently debated with people in person or online about any number of God-related topics. I taught both adults and youth in over a dozen different settings. I published various articles in the local newspaper and the school newspaper.

In short, I wasn't just a guy that accepted what I was taught. No, I was the guy that was doing the teaching. I simply didn't submit to the particular version of Christianity that my parents believed, I was the one that promoted it.

I'm born and bred this way. And as an adult and on my own two feet, I chose to continue on this path. I became even more ingrained in it, if anything. I've always been very certain of my faith, and very certain of my particular brand of theology.

*fade from montage to present day*

When I hit the ripe old age of 29, various factors conspired to show me different parts of Christianity in a new light. Little by little, different pieces of my theology came into question and fell apart. It was like a game of jenga, taking one stick out and then another stick out, until the whole thing came toppling down.

Well, not the whole thing. I still believe in God and I still consider myself a devout Christian. It's just that I have modified or entirely scrapped different parts of my spiritual beliefs.

I know other people that have had similar experiences, and some of those people opted to dismiss the whole story. God and Jesus, the devil, heaven and hell, spirituality, souls, the Bible... If a person won't accept some parts of it, then why accept any of it?

As one example, there's a fascinating video series on YouTube by a guy that was a Christian just like me. He explains how he gradually lost his faith, bit by bit. "Deconversion," he called it. Common to other stories I've heard, a big part of this process came through his post-secondary university experience.

Some of this guy's discarded beliefs would have struck me as silly even as a kid. Even so, his video series is visually and mentally stimulating. Here you go...
Deconversion: Why I am no longer a Christian
(Note: As recommended to me by Nathan Hatton. )

To sum up, I still look back very fondly on my years in church. I just don't buy into much of what Christian religion is selling these days. More to the point, I don't buy what *I* was selling. In my next post, I'll try to summarize how my ideas have changed over the past two or three years...

Update: Part II is here and Part III is here.

Top Ten Movies of 2009

2010-01-06T19:36:00.000-05:00

This is my sixth annual Top Ten list. As before, this list only accounts for movies that were officially released in 2009, and I saw 55 new releases in all this year. I only considered the movies that I actually saw but there are still 61 movies on my future wish list...

[10] Where the Wild Things Are (Link)
This movie made my list because of everything that it didn't do. It didn't use the usual 3-act movie arc; it didn't explain who the characters were; it didn't have a tidy ending; it didn't let you off easy in any way. The director obviously had a very specific idea in mind for this movie, and much of the credit must go to him. I just read the original children's book a few weeks before seeing this and it's quite brief but I think that the soul of the book was left intact. This movie makes you feel the emotions of growing up and the hurts of a modern family, but it does this in entirely unexpected ways. And if you can have some extra Fraggle-like monsters running around, then all the better!

[9] The Blind Side (Link)
This is the standard based-on-a-true-sports-story movie but it has the advantage of being based on a current NFL player. Rather than glory in past achievements, we can flick on the next Baltimore Ravens game (Jan. 10!) and see him in action, and visit a sports website to see his profile. That aside, the movie's quite enjoyable. The central characters are played by Sandra Bullock and Quiton Aaron and they nailed those roles. The downside is that it's tough to know which scenes were Hollywoodized for the sake of drama but I assume that osme of the gang-related scenes weren't exactly like that in real life. Also, the husband's role is strictly yes-man to Bullock's dominating wife, which got annoying after a while and apparently isn't very accurate. Minor critiques aside, it was a good sports flick that worked really well as a date movie.

[8] Surrogates (Link)
I can't help it: My list is heavy with sci-fi flicks. I love reading sci-fi novels and short stories and, if anything, I love watching sci-fi flicks even more. While this movie was sure to include the standard action scenes and finale, it was the technology and social commentary that made this better than the average movie. They didn't just set up the basics of people using remote-controlled robotic avatars. They gave a completely believable "this could really happen" intro for the movie and then played with numerous examples of the effect this would have on people's lives. By comparison, the movie Gamer also had some similar sci-fi concepts but did very little with those ideas. This is a definite Bruce Willis type of movie and it didn't get much box office but if you haven't seen it then by all means, check this out sometime.

[7] Watchmen (Link)
As a serious comics geek, I was paying attention to all of the early hype for this movie. I've owned the original graphics novel since forever and it certainly was a genre-changing book back in the 80's. The movie, however, hardly has that impact. It's a great comic movie but nowhere near the level of The Dark Knight or Spider-Man. I marveled at how accurately the movie portrayed exact scenes from the comic book and I thought the twist ending was an actual improvement over the original plot. Even so, the dramatic heart was kind of missing. The actions scenes were brutal but it was the other scenes that seemed to be missing je-ne-sais-quois. The best part of this experience was external to the movie, actually. My wife decided to read the entire graphic novel, every single word of it, beforehand. I skipped a lot of the boring stuff between chapters but she was able to understand both the book and the movie on a deeper level that I did and I admired her muchly for that. Now, I'm just waiting to see the final super-extended Director's Cut version that incorporates the animated movie between movie chapters. Geeks of the world unite!

[6] The Hurt Locker (Link)
This is the thinking man's action movie. Much credit to the director, Kathryn Bigelow, for putting together this indie flick. Even though this is was critically acclaimed it was woefully underappreciated while in theatres. It's about a bomb-squad guy with serious skills, and it explores his crazy attitude and why he does what he does. Set in middle of the ongoing Iraqi war and it plays real and gritty. To quote the best line in the movie, "The rush of battle is often a potent and lethal addiction, for war is a drug."

[5] Sherlock Holmes (Link)
I have always been a fan of the original Sherlock Holmes stories but I haven't seen many movies based on these flicks - possible because there were no recent ones. I'm aware that there were critics originally dismissing this because it was too much of an action flick and it disregarded the original stories, and the fact that the movie makers claimed that this was even more accurate than previous movies. I will agree with both sides of that argument, actually. This movie is more accurate than previous incarnations but it still takes certain liberties. Holmes was a kick-ass strong guy when he had to be and he did have difficulty keeping his intricate mind busy when he didn't have a case, and his sidekick was more than just a portly author. Even so, the books depict him as more controlled than the movie version. Despite the fact that I'm such a fan of the source material, and I give kudos to the director Guy Ritchie for modernizing thigns in just the right ways, I can't move this up any more. It's a good movie that I thoroughly enjoyed and I hope/assume there are sequels to come but I would have enjoyed this movie just as much at home as I did in the theatre. The reason I recommend this so highly is the way the central characters were written, and how they were portrayed by both Robert Downey Jr. and Jude Law. And it wasn't an "origins" story, either, so it gets bonus points for that.

[4] The Hangover (Link)
This was easily the most hilarious movie of the year for me. I wasn't sure what to expect but it just kept piling on the crazy until you couldn't help but laugh. I'm a fan of Bradley Cooper because of his role in the Alias TV show and the cast was a great band of misfit misfits.

[3] District 9 (Link)
Lo and behold, my Top 3 movies are sci-fi. I loved this little-movie-that-could. On a low budget but with the reputation of Peter Jackson behind it as producer, this was a completely unexpected surprise. The alien effects were superb and the action was bug-nuts but it was the intentional parallel to South African apartheid that really made me appreciate this movie. On the flip side, my wife thought this was a terrible movie. ;)

[2] Star Trek (Link)
This movie is emminently re-watchable. And I say that because I have watched it quite a number of times in the past year. The cleverness of the time travel = parallel universe plot allows this to pay homage to the original TV show and movies while moving in a new direction. The cast was perfectly chosen, the effects were great and it had sooo many memorable scenes. Kirk as a boy, Spock as a boy, Kirk in the bar, the introduction of Bones, Spock and Scotty, Spock enraged... I could go on and on. Kudos to the brain of J.J. Abrams for pulling this quasi-reboot out of his hat.

[1] Avatar (Link)
This film absolutely must be seen in the theatre in 3D. This is the kind of film experience that has to be big and bold. Do not wait for this to show up on DVD or Blue-Ray because it won't do the film justice. James Cameron creates a new world out of nothing, with its own rules and unique beauty, and we can't help but become completely immersed in this creation. It is a straight-ahead sci-fi movie with with a romance at the heart of it. Even if you don't want to buy into the omni-present CGI and the funky aliens, you can't help but be drawn into the story and the planet. Box office records aside, this is the one movie that everyone needs to go out and see in the theatres.

Honourable Mentions:
Up (It has those magic Pixar qualities and it made me cry.)
Zombieland (Three words: Bill Murray cameo.)
Moon (A one-man drama in which Sam Rockwell slowly goes crazy - or does he?)
Taken (Actually released in Europe in 2008, it's way better than expected.)
The Brothers Bloom (I'm always a sucker for a good con-artist movie.)

Top Movies on Wish List:
Monsters Vs. Aliens (Top 10 box office, somehow I missed it.)
Up in the Air, The Men Who Stare at Goats, Fantastic Mr. Fox (All George Clooney movies, all well reviewed.)
Inglourious Basterds (Tarantino and alternate-history WWII are enough for me.)
Cold Souls (Little known, weird & funny sci-fi with Giammatti chewing up scenery.)

My Previous Top 10 Lists:
2004, 2005, 2006, 2007 & 2008

References:
Film Release Dates for 2009
Top Grossing Movies of 2009

Links & Blinks

2009-11-06T23:52:00.002-05:00

Aaaaaand...I'm back! I'm back due to popular demand. And by that I mean, my wife is beautiful and incredible and she likes reading my work, so here I am. Let's see what we have for today, shall we?

Abe has three new tattoos: Faith, Hope & Love. Here are the pics.

Know what my favourite daily blog is? Doug Smith's Toronto Raptors blog. This guy's been with the team since it's inception and he's with the players and coaches constantly. He has great insight and a huge and very loyal following. In fact, he just hit ten million page views last week and that's quite the impressive milestone.

Did God really say...? My dad ponders the original meaning of words like tithe, talents, Sabbath and church. How do we use (or misuse) these words today?

When is an war veteran like a former pastor? When they both suffer from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). Read this blog by a long-time pastor as he talks about protecting a wife from her abusive husband - and how doing the right thing just blew up in his face. It's a first-hand account from inside the walls of church, showing the often harsh reality behind the pleasant Sunday morning smiles.

Trente-et-Un: Looking Forward

2009-05-18T11:09:00.001-04:00

I hit 31 years of age this past weekend, so now it's time to look forward...

I only have a few goals for this upcoming year. The big-ticket item is that Cam and I are planning to buy a house within driving distance of my workplace in Mississauga. We are considering living as far away as Burlington or Milton, which would involve a minimum 45 minutes of driving to and from work each weekday. Closer would be better, of course, but prices and property taxes in this area are much higher than they would be in London, ON. We would be ready to buy a home now if we were still living in London but we'll need a few more months of saving for the downpayment here. We're strongly considering building a new home, actually, since it may be cheaper to do that in the end.

Ideally, we'll get something in a nice neighbourhood with a fabulous kitchen, ensuite bathroom and a private yard. A big kitchen is key since we are currently in a nice-yet-small basement apartment and the kitchen is sooo tiny. We need a house that will be big enough for raising kids in the future but not so large that it's a pain to manage and finance. Y'know, the average starter-family home. As long as it's not a fix-er-upper 'cause I'm not the handy-man type. ;)

That's our main goal for the upcoming year. Other than that, we have a two-week road trip planned for the East Coast of Canada this summer and then in a few years we want to take a major trip through Vietnam-NewZealand-Australia. Cam and I are practicing our French for our travels through Quebec this summer and then I'll have to figure out how this Vietnamese language works.

Much of my life before marriage was focused on church and worship/music ministry. When Cam and I were preparing for our wedding and our marriage, I consciously decided to step back from all of that. Cam and I do attend a church nearby on Oakville intermittantly (The Meeting Place) and that's fine. No pressure, no schedules, no time away from my wife. That being said, I do get a strong urge to pick up a dijembe or grab a conga and do some percussion once in a while. I also miss singing, playing piano and writing music. I think that I might be happy to wait until we have our new house and I can move my old piano from my parents' place. Simply worshipping with God privately sounds really good to me right now...

As for my career, things are going extremely well. With more than a year under my belt now, I've gained my footing at OSL Marketing and I'm starting to pursue my personal career goals. It remains the best job that I have ever had (and I've had some good ones) and my managers give me plenty of room to learn and try new things. I'm completely comfortable with VB.NET website development and I'm beginning to help out in other areas of our projects. I used to be a director at another software company, overseeing a team of programmers and software testers, and we'll see if I can get the chance to something similar on specific projects this year. Seeing my work advertised in stores and printed on food packages is still quite thrilling!

The rest of life will be spent with numerous visits with family and our close friends. There's a couple of weddings on the horizon and a camping trip or two. Throw that all together with my hobbies of comics and movies and it'll be good times. And as I've said before: The fact that get to share all of these experiences with my beautiful and amazing wife makes everything better!

Top Ten Movies Of 2008

2009-01-09T16:23:00.003-05:00

This is my fifth annual Top Ten list. This list only accounts for movies that were officially released in 2008, and I saw 56 new releases in all this year. I only considered the movies that I actually saw but there are still 46 movies on my future wish list...

[10] What Happens In Vegas (Link)
I am shocked - shocked! - that a chick flick made my Top Ten list. The premise is entirely cliche: A drunken night in Vegas leads two people to get married, they win a $3 Million jackpot and a judge forces them to remain married for six months before they're allowed to divorce and claim the money. Yeah, it's an awful cliche but it made me laugh the first time I saw it. That's all I ask from a girly movie so I was adequately satisfied. Then I had to watch it for a second time over the Christmas holidays and I was surprised that it made me laugh just as much the second time 'round. The continual conflict and the precarious balance between the characters of Cameron Diaz and Ashton Kutcher hit my funny bone just right, and the fact that the two supporting "best friend" characters also hated each other was a nice sidebar. I hate that this movie forced it's way in here, and I accept all mockery accordingly...

[9] Vantage Point (Link)
I respect this movie so it makes this list even though I enjoyed the others more. The central conceit is that the President of the United States is shot in a crowded square. The film then follows five or six main people as their simultaneous stories play out. It's one story told from each of their points of view and everything crashes together at the end. After seeing the same scene play out for the fourth or fifth time, you would expect the suspense to lessen but somehow it keeps things moving quite nicely for most of the movie.

[8] The Curious Case of Benjamin Button (Link)
Yes, it's a splendid movie. Written by the same author as Forrest Gump, it's follows an epic lifetime as a baby is born with the same infirmities that an eighty year old man would have, and then the boy's body grows younger as the boy grows older. The CGI was frickin' awesome since Brad Pitt played the same character at most stages of life. My main problem is that I didn't identify or engage with the main character. Despite the fact that I whine about getting older, old age is still foreign territory for me so this didn't grab me emotionally. Besides that, everything else pays off nicely.

[7] Kung-Fu Panda (Link)
This is the 6th highest grossing of the year, second for animated flicks behind Wall·E. Jack Black is perfect in the role of a fat panda with dreams of kung-fu glory. Lotsa funniness but the main characters are fully realized and the enemy tiger is cool. I always enjoy animated movies and I came away with plenty of smiles.

[6] Hellboy II: The Golden Army (Link)
I enjoyed the first Hellboy movie and I've read some of the original comics, and this movie kicked the first movie's ass. On the DVD, there is a documentary that details all of the incredible work in the now-legendary "Troll Market" movie set. (The forced-perspective alley was an especially great trick.) Throw in the mechano-men, a war between the fairy-tale world and the world of men, some touching/funny relationship stuff and it equals a great summer blockbuster.

[5] Frost/Nixon (Link)
This is a late addition to my list since I just saw it this week. I know only the general details about Nixon's political career and Watergate so it was educational and very interesting. The film revolves around Frost, an entertainment host in the vein of Ryan Seacrest, as he attempts the greatest challenge of his career by self-funding an television interview with Nixon after Nixon resigned as president. The intellectual dual between Frost and Nixon is fantastic and the climax is spell-binding. There are various name actors playing real-life people, which was distracting at first but worked well later on. In particular, I enjoyed the performances of Kevin Bacon, Oliver Platt and Frank Langella as Nixon, and I walked around mimicing Nixon's voice all evening. This might seem like a boring talking-heads kinda flick but it was right up my alley.

[4] Iron Man (Link)
Another awesome comic movie, though the climactic fight left a little to be desired. I was tracking this one from it's inception, and I strongly admire the clear vision that director Jon Favreau had for everything. Robert Downey Jr. was ideal as Tony Stark and the notion of a sequel and an Avengers team movie is geek-heaven. It pulled off the requisite origin story and added the same learning-the-ropes physical humour that Spider-Man had. Still, all of the credit for this movie goes to those two men that I mentioned.

[3] Wall·E (Link)
Brilliant. It had humour that worked for both kids and adults, and it had the best love story on this list. The unique sound effects had much well-justified praise, and I only mention that since the sounds were such an integral part to both the characters and the plot. Sure, it was pretty preachy and showing real-life actors in some scenes really rubbed me the wrong way, but the beauty and intelligence far outweighed these minor flaws.

[2] Tropic Thunder (Link)
By far, by far, the best comedy of the year. All of the actors were at their peak and the humour was as bold as it gets. The way it traded between satire and broad laughs was inspiring and it kept me on my toes the whole time. "I'm a dude playin' a dude disguised as another dude."

[1] The Dark Knight (Link)
And here it is, my Number One of the Year. No surprise, and I'll leave the superlatives alone for this one. My fear of the "too many villains" syndrome was thankfully alleviated. Heath Ledger's choices in how he played the Joker really worked, even though I'm not a huge fan of Christian Bale's growling Batman. I saw this in IMAX format and the sense of vertigo made it a rather immersive experience. The. Best.

Honourable Mentions:
Traitor (Should have made my Top Ten but I forgot about it 'til the end.)
Rambo (Bloody old-school action flick.)
Quantum of Solace (The previous one was better.)
Leatherheads (Too clever for it's own good.)
Gran Torino (So much racism it was unintentionally/intentionally funny.)
War, Inc. (B-level pseudo-sequel to the excellent Grosse Point Blank.)

Movies I Missed The Could Have Made This List:
The Wrestler (Mickey Rourke's comeback miracle.)
JCVD (Jean Claude Van Damme acts as a version of himself caught in a robbery.)
Che (Lots of award talk...)

Most Frustrating Movie:
Seven Pounds with Will Smith. It was a mystifying premise while Will's character ran around doing weird things for no apparent reason. My wife Cam figured it out early on but the full explanation didn't kick in until the very end. Soooo annoying.

Worst Movie Of The Year:
Max Payne with Mark Whalberg. I don't know what Whalberg's problem is but it was like he smoked some pot and then did a rip-off impersonation of his previous roles. Weird plot, terrible casting, freaky demon-things for no reason at all, predictable plot twists, bad acting, etc. You get the picture.

My Previous Top 10 Lists:
2004, 2005, 2006 & 2007

References:
Film Release Dates for 2008
Top Grossing Movies of 2008

Couple of Snowflakes

2008-11-24T13:00:00.009-05:00

Questions for Couples:

Do you want or need time apart from each other?
How much money/time is devoted to each of your hobbies?
Is it important to share your spiritual beliefs?
Who takes care of the cleaning, the cooking, the bills, the planning?
How often to you see family and friends, and are you together or apart?
How many kids will you have, and when? If you do, how will you raise them?
How do you deal with conflict?
What makes your partner feel good? How do you show your love to them?
How has your relationship or how have your views changed over time?

It's fascinating to talk to friends and other couples about how they view romantic relationships and marriage. Whether or not they're single, every person has their own perspective on these things. And each couple seems to have a very unique set of "ground rules" that they live by, a common understanding about how to live together and how to relate to one another.

This personal perspective is developed by many things. It's based on our values, the things that we believe in and expect. It's based on our personality, the way that we communicate and listen, the things that make us feel good or bad. It's based on how we grew up, on our experiences, on our history. It's based on everyday things, like how much money we have or where we live. Everything that makes us so distinctly us drives how we see relationships.

That's where things get interesting. The lessons that we have learned and the rules that we live by may not work very well at all for someone else. The spoken and unspoken guidelines that we use (or will use) within our own romantic relationship may give us a lifetime of love but those same guidelines may cripple another couple.

And when we discuss these things with other people, we may be shocked to learn how they look at things. We may try to convince them that we have it figured out. We may analyze their relationship to spot potential dangers and explain their actions. We have gained some wisdom and we're confident that everyone would benefit from it.

Just look at the first question at the top. Some couples love being together constantly. At home, at work, at play, with friends...they're hardly ever apart. Some couples relish their time apart, showing that absence does indeed make the heart grow fonder. Some couples live with the fact that their careers keep them away from each other for extended periods of time, and some couples would prefer to change careers rather than be apart for weeks at a time. The thing is, a healthy relationship is possible in any of these scenarios.

As I continue to learn and grow as a married man, I'm always discovering things about myself and about my beautiful wife and about our relationship. I want to write and explain some of these things. Sometimes it's practical ("Take out the trash before it stinks") and sometimes it's more philosophial ("What about her love languages?") but the goal is to deepen a healthy and passionate love for one another.

And as I continue to write about what I/we have learned, it's tempting to turn these insights into dogma and present it as wisdom from on high. That's just not how life works. We're all unique, we're all a little normal and we're all a little odd. We're a couple of snowflakes - or just some flakes, if you will. Each relationship is an incredible combination of two individual souls and we need to appreciate that and learn from each other, applying whatever works without dismissing the rest...

His Needs, Her Needs

2008-10-18T13:22:00.005-04:00

In preparing for our wedding last June, we did some premarital counseling with my former pastor Leonard Terry and his wife Carrie. They spoke with us about their experiences in a very matter-of-fact way and were really able to relate to us. They explored various issues like financial plans, past romantic history, and future goals. They wanted to make sure we knew each other well and that we knew what we were getting into. They emphasized balance in everything, repeatedly giving examples about how even the best relationship advice in the world can become harmful if you take it too far.

Beyond that, they provided us with a few different books to work through together. To be honest, some of them weren't expecially good but several of them were amazingly insightful. They captured the dynamics of committed romantic relationships and explained them in a way that was easy to grasp. Even though we were both in our late twenties, it was surprising to discover so much about ourselves and about our relationship as we worked through these books.

As I begin to write about marriage, I wanted to introduce some of these books along with the core concepts. The first one, and the one that we refer to most frequently, is called His Needs, Her Needs by Willard F. Harley Jr. It discusses the idea that both partners each have their own needs - not just selfish desires or preferences, but genuine needs. The author offers his list of the ten most prominent needs for married couples, which includes (in no particular order)...

Affection
Sexual Fulfillment
Conversation
Recreational Companionship
Honesty & Openness
Physical Attractiveness
Financial Support
Domestic Support
Family Commitment
Admiration

Very often, we don't even realize that we have some of these needs so it's helpful to analyze ourselves. We may not realize how fulfilling or ignoring these needs can make us feel either good or bad, and how these things affect our relationship. With this in mind, we can learn how to express ourselves better. On the flip side, we can learn more about our partner and we can see how to draw closer together.

The needs are co-operative. Fulfilling a need for our partner often leads to them reciprocating and fulfilling our own need in some way. It's a positive effect, building and building. For example, sharing in some recreational fun that we both enjoy can easily lead to extended conversations afterwards. As another example, the parallel needs of affection and sexual fulfillment become entwined, displays of love leading to sex and sex leading to more displays of love.

Conversely, this spiral of needs can also be destructive. Hurting our partner may lead them to shut down on us and ignore our needs, which in turn hurts us and makes us less inclined to fill their needs. Sometimes this process is intentional, withholding something in revenge or for spite. Sometimes it's unintentional, like when we feel hurt by dishonesty and we're not in the mood to touch one another. Either negatively or positively, whether we're aware of it or not, we always play this role in the health of our relationship.

These principles apply to married couples and non-married couples alike, which is why I like to refer to "partners" instead of "spouses." Naturally, I'm a big fan of marriage since I love my wife so much but these same dynamics are active in any long-term romantic relationship. This back-and-forth is always happening and we have to realize that we honestly require some things and the other person is the same way. It's the natural give and take (although "Give & Take" is something I will get into more later).

I have a lot of thoughts about this topic and about the various specific needs, and the book has much more to say about it. I may follow up with more thoughts on these things in future posts but you're welcome to track down that book yourself or open more discussions on this blog...

Life Together

2008-10-15T23:39:00.006-04:00

As a newlywed, I have found that my entire perspective on life has changed quite dramatically. It's like I was wandering in the dark by moonlight and the sun has risen. It's like I was severely near-sighted (as I actually am) and now I have better than 20/20 vision. It's not that life itself has changed but now I can see so much more of it.

Not only can I see more but I also see things differently. Through the lens of my relationship with my wife Cam, everything is transformed. How I see myself, how I know God, how I value friendships, how I look at marriages... I feel like I was an ant that was surrounded by these gigantic things and I suddenly grew into a man that could hold these same things in my hand. My life will never be the same and it's amazing and incredible and miraculous.

As I go along, I am planning to write about a few concepts that I have learned that have really helped me understand the dynamics of relationships, in particular romantic relationships. It's interesting to discuss these things with my friends and discover how diverse we are, how unique each couple is and how different our ideas are. Hopefully you'll enjoy my thoughts on these matters and maybe you'll even find some of these things practical and useful in your own life. In return, you're welcome to share and contribute your own wisdom and experience...

Links & Blinks

2008-09-09T00:54:00.001-04:00

Whole buncha random links for ya today...

The man who has been playing the Raptors Mascot for the past twelve years was voted as the best mascot in North American professional sports. He also worked as the red mascot at the recent Summer Olympics. This article talks about his humble beginnings as a small-town tumbler. How cool is it that we have one of the best mascots in the world?

A few weeks back, Toronto hosted the annual Buskerfest. Street performers from all around the world join the fun. Check out that link to see some videos and hear some cool stories. You may also recognize one of the "poppers" from recent IKEA ads on television.

Wanna see a cool clip of Tiger Woods putting a Rubik's Cube?

In recent news, Google has released a new web browser called Google Chrome. Check out this comic that explains the advantages and functionality. I like it when a subject combines my geeky comicness with my nerdy learningness...

Here's a cool video of a presentation given by the MythBuster guys. They have an automated paintball gun that can pain the Mona Lisa in less than a second!

From the creator of The Sims, they present the new game Spore. You design and build animals, evolving them from single-celled organisms through to giant creatures that can duke it out with others. Quite the novel concept, I'd like to try it sometime.

And finally, here's a story about an elephant that was addicted to heroin. Now that's a curious problem...

Links & Blinks

2008-08-09T12:58:00.003-04:00

A few weeks ago, our parents took a vacation to B.C. While they were away, my sister hatched a plan to give them an excellent birthday gift. My brother, my sister, Cam and I teamed up to completely remodel their two-car garage. My brother bought and installed a new garage door opener, which my dad has been dying to have for a couple of years now. My sister worked her butt off for two weeks, mudding the drywall and a number of other things. And Cam and I joined the fun, spending tons of time over one weekend painting and cleaning and installing new window blinds.

It was an excellent surprise that utterly astonished our parents. Flabbergasticated. My dad wrote about his reaction here and my mom wrote abour her reaction here. Congrats a la famille!

(And now for something completely different...)

Just for fun, I recommend that you visit the website http://wordle.net/create. You can enter a URL or type in a paragraph of text and it creates a randomized graphic with the words. Click the "Randomize" button at the bottom and it will change the layout. The trick is that words that are used more frequently appear larger. I plugged in my blog and it generated the picture shown above, and you can see that I speak fairly frequently about my loving wife Cam. ;)

As for sports, I happened to come across an ancient article written by the legendary Bill Russell, 11-time NBA champion. It was published in Sports Illustrated 1965, and he explains various tricks that his teams used to psych out their opponents. Fascinating insight into what it takes to get that competitive edge...

Finally, my good friend Battle has created his own photostream on flickr. He's still out around London creating his awesome graffiti. Keep up the good work, mon ami!

Nicest Thing Ever

2008-07-16T08:37:00.002-04:00

Over on Taken4Granted, my dad writes about a recent event for our family. My mom and my sister were in Toronto shopping and they were just about to get onto the 401 highway when the tie-rod for one of the front tires fell apart. Had that happened on that 401, it could have been a major accident.

My dad relates how the tow truck driver happened to come from China. Since my mom and my dad have been there, and since my sister taught English there, the driver went out of his way to pull some strings and tow the car for free all the way from Toronto to London, giving my mom and my sister a ride along the way. It saved everyone a huge headache. In my dad's words, "That was the greatest act of kindness that I have experienced in my life."

That statement kind of shocked me. Seriously? A complete stranger did the nicest thing ever? Shouldn't we expect some family member or close friend to have done the nicest act of kindness in our lives? What does something like this really mean?

So I'm reviewing my life a bit today, trying to consider this over-the-top form of generosity. Why would someone go that extra mile? Does it come down to the type of person you are? Is it based on relationship, or some moral code, or some Good Samaritan example? Maybe it's mere circumstance - if you don't have serious problems, there's less opportunity for extravagent gestures.

I can think of two moments in my life when someone has told me that something I did for them was "the nicest thing anyone has ever done." One of those times cost me very little but it meant the world to the other person. The other act was physically almost impossible to do but I pulled it off and it's still a cool story.

On the receiving end, there are a few times in my life that stand out for me. My wife Cam planned a number of activities and gifts and other things to celebrate my recent 30th birthday, including a surprise breakfast with many of my friends. That was the best birthday ever. And before we were dating, I used to work as a manager at AV-Base Systems and when I left Cam organized an amazing scrapbook to commemorate my time there. I aptly called that the Best Parting Gift Ever and it's my favourite single gift of all time.

And what about you, Dear Reader? Can you think of anything that anyone else has ever done for you that just amaze you to this day? And can you think of something that you have done that had an impact like that on someone else?

My Everything

2008-07-09T12:45:00.007-04:00

We're married!!!

It all happened on Saturday June 21st, 2008. It was wonderful to have so many family and friends join us and help celebrate such an amazing day. Cam and I have so many incredible memories.

Rather than detail every part of the day, I just wanted to list a few of the highlights...

After the Bridesmaids had completed their processional, I close my eyes and offered a quick prayer to God to thank Him. When I opened my eyes, there she was. She was so beautiful she brought me to tears in an instant...

During the entire ceremony, I couldn't take my eyes off of her. I hardly noticed the audience at all, and she was definitely glowing.

Cam and I served tea to our parents in a traditional Asian ceremony to thank them for raising us. Then we all poured four different colours of sand into one vase to symbolize the joining of our families and our lives.

I wasn't actually able to get through saying all of the vows that we had written for each other. I was too emotional with the final two sentences and all I could do was mumble the final word. Cam and I were both standing these crying and completely in love.

The entire day took place on my parents' property in Dorchester. The ceremony took place along the Thames River and the reception was held inside a large tent that we had rented.

My parents worked so hard to groom the landscape, my brother was our caterer, my sister handled desserts and Cam's mom cooked a lot as well. Add in all of the work that our friends did with the flowers and so many other arrangements and we couldn't be more grateful. There are too many people to thank here, actually, but we'll be sending our thanks to everyone individually within the next few months.

It rained in the morning but fortunately that dissipated around noon and allowed us to set up. It was a bright day with a cool breeze but nicely overcast skies, which gave consistant lighting for the pictures. The best part was that the rain held on just long enough for us to make our official introduction at the beginning of the reception. And then once the rain came, it downright poured! A bunch of my guys immediately jumped up, suits and all, to grab the "walls" for the tent and hang them up. It was hilarious! Cam was so concerned about how wet my friends got but they were awesome (like Abe). As my dad said, that tent was certainly worth the money that day.

Finally, we had the best photographer ever. Joee Wong and his assistant were there for about ten hours, capturing the setting and the casual shots and the formal photos and the intimate ones. We saw a selection of his final work yesterday and the photos were stunning. As one friend commented, they attended the wedding and these photos look even better than real life!

In any case, I have included a selection of our photos here and you can see more on Joee's blog. And once again, our thanks to everyone. We couldn't be happier to be married, the day was fabulous and now we can look forward to spending the rest of our lives together!

The Big Three-Oh: Just The Beginning

2008-05-17T10:00:00.002-04:00

The big three-oh rolled into my life yesterday like a slow boulder that is gradually tumbling down a low hill and it refuses to be stopped by anything. Wow, has my life ever changed since my 29th birthday. I now have a brand-new vehicle, I have the best job that I have ever had, I live in a cool apartment in Mississauga...

And the most important thing, by far, is that I am in love with the girl of my dreams, and Cam and I will be getting married next month.

My life has changed so much in the past year. It's nothing that I could have planned or hoped for or even expected. I just look back on my life, and on Cam's life, and it's like God was preparing us so that we could find each other at exactly the right time. Everything that we have experienced and the people that we have become has created this perfect supernova that explodes across the night sky. God is amazing, and Cam is My Everything.

I have been blogging regularly since April 2004, that's a total of 452 blog posts. Recently, my blogging has taken a back seat to wedding stuff. Not just our own wedding but also that of Richard & Tara and Joel & Lindsay. These guys are two of my dearest friends and it's been so much fun to be involved with their weddings. (Joel and & Lindsay are gettin' hitched later today and Richard & Tara were wed last month.) Throw in moving to an entirely new city, starting a new job, changing churches and who knows what else and it's obvious that my writing had to take a backseat.

Well, that's not entirely true. I actually have written quite a bit in the past few months but it's usually directed towards the love of my life. I used to write about things that God has been showing me and ways that I have been growing personally. In the past year, I have learned so much about love and life that it would be almost impossible to get it all down with some scribbles. So much of that is due to Cam and her deep wisdom, mixed in with plenty of God's grace. So while I have learned more during this period that I have any other time, most of it is just between me, Cam and The Big Guy.

I just want to thank all of my friends for their well-wishes, and I'm really looking forward to the best year of my life. This journey that Cam and I will be sharing will be the most thrilling and fulfilling experience ever and I can't wait to see the kind of surprises that God has in store for us next!

Richard & Tara: Part II

2008-04-22T04:39:00.007-04:00

At long last, I managed to post the second half of Richard & Tara's wedding day movie, courtesy of Ariel Terry. (See Part I here.) Please excuse the low quality since it's hosted on Google Video.

Richard & Tara Phillips Wedding Day (Part II)

Richard & Tara: The Wedding Videos

2008-04-16T20:35:00.001-04:00

With many thanks to Ariel Terry, I now present the first half of the movie from their wedding day! I'm still working on uploading the second half of this movie but go ahead and enjoy this first half hour from their special day...

Richard & Tara Phillips Wedding Day

Not only that but Richard created his own movie from their honeymoon trip to Disneyworld in Florida! They had a great time on the surprise trip that Richard planned for them. It was the perfect choice since their first dance was the song "Kiss The Girl" from The Little Mermaid, and they can sing all of the lyrics to pretty much any Disney song. They have a their own fairy tale ending...

Richard & Tara Phillips Honeymoon Trip

They're Married!

2008-04-01T20:37:00.007-04:00

Richard Phillips & Tara White
Married on Sunday March 30, 2008 at 2:00 PM.
This past weekend, we celebrated the wedding of my good friends Richard Phillips and Tara White. They have been dating for almost five years now. I've know Richard since he was seventeen and I met Tara on their second date.

Obviously, I am ecstatically proud of the newlyweds. They are pefectly made for one another. They both have a love for God and a natural passion for helping others, et la joie de vie that they display every day is contagious. Happiness, hope, faith and fun just pour out of these two friends of mine.

The above picture displays the entire wedding party. From left to right, we have: Stephanie Ross, Ruth Borowski, Candice White, the flower girl (name?), Tara Phillips, Richard Phillips, Jamie Grant, Abe Oudshoorn and Joel Terry. I acted as the Best Man and Candice, Tara's twin sister, was the Bride's Maid.

The entire day was so much fun. Granted, there was a lot to do and to organize so some of us were feeling a tad winded at different points. Being surrounded by eighty or so family and friends can seem overwhelming at times. Everything was so great, though, a real pleasure from beginning to end.

The ceremony was performed by Leonard Terry and he spoke movingly. The Groom's Men did not attend the wedding rehearsal but we made sure that we knew our roles during the ceremony. Thank goodness for little x's of tape on the floor. And thank goodness for Abe, who whispered to me when I was supposed to go to sign the registry and showed me which way to face during the ceremony. Heh.

My big job was to pass Richard the ring at the appropriate moment during the ceremony. I was guarding Tara's ring all day and my part went smoothly. No fumbling or dropping the ring on the floor, fortunately. Unfortunately, the Bride's Maids, who had all attended the rehearsal the previous evening, had forgotten to bring the ring. Oh, it was a classic moment when everyone realized what had happened and Aunt Pat scurried away to find it. She did find it, eventually, right there in her purse beside her chair. I thought the irony of it all was amusing and it was actually a funny, personal and very memorable situation. We cracked a few jokes, broke the tension a bit and finished off the romantic I Do's with a flourish.

After the ceremony, the wedding party had our pictures done. Throughout the afternoon and evening, Ariel Terry set up a video camera in different locations and he invited all of the guests to take a minute to record a personal message to Richard and Tara. I'm really looking forward to seeing that video, and I was actually on it three times. Once at the end of Joel Timmerman's message, once with Cam as we danced like fools and gave a heartfelt message, and once with all of the ex-AV-Base staff. Along with Tara, there were five ex-AV-Base staff members there, which was cool to see since I was the one that helped Tara get a job for a while there in the first place.

During the dinner, a few people were selected to give speeches. A little to my surprise, my speech was the first one. I had written my speech out and I had rehearsed it with Cam the night before, which was a good idea since it turned out to be fairly lengthy even with my editing. I opened up my reminiscing about Richard's life and his giant green mohawk, mentioning his graffiti alley in downtown London and how he developed a career as a social worker. I recounted the story of Richard and Tara's second date and then related some more thoughts about the two of them. I closed by giving them their wedding present, a scrapbook album that Cam and I had prepared for them containing many of their engagement photos and various blogs about the two of them.

Once dinner was served and the cake cutting was complete, the dance began. Richard and Tara's first dance was to the song "Kiss the Girl" from Disney's The Little Mermaid. They can both sing the lyrics of every Disney song you can think of, and their dance was terrific. Tara kept coming close to Richard as if to kiss him and then she would turn her face away suddenly, and Richard had a brilliant smile the entire time. At the end of the song, they finally drew close to each other and completed a passionate kiss. Perfect.

May God be with you every single day. Each dawn, as the sun breaks over the horizon and you slowly awaken, may you feel His presence. And when you turn over in bed, may you see the evidence of God's blessing in your lives. May you know that the person there is fully and completely yours, and that you are theirs.

May you be forever passionate for one another and may your love for each continue to grow. May your love grow so much that it spills out of you both, from your hearts and into the lives of everyone that you meet. A deep and wonderful love that flows from God's heart through you to the world. May you experience the joy of being one, of being close to one another and being close to God.

A new day has come and it's looking brighter all the time. Always remember God's love for you, and your love for one another.

A Tale Of Two Farmers

2008-03-25T13:40:00.000-04:00

My brother wrote this blog recently and I received permission to re-post this story here. It's a great analogy...

There was a man. He was an normal average everyday man. This man, however, had a passion. His passion was to be a farmer. He wanted to be one since he was a toddler and sat on his grandpas knee as he drove the combine across the fields. Because life is life, however, this man grew up and became a banker. He was never really happy with being a banker but he had gone to school for it and was competent. He had friends, a family. He had a good life. However, this passion that he had deep within him continued to nag at him.

One day, after many years of banking he finally had enough. With much discussion with his family he left all that he knew in the banking world and bought a farm. Now this man didn't know a lot about farming but his passion drove him to learn all there was. His passion made him a sponge and he just absorbed it all. He cared for his land, really loving the feel of the earth between his fingers and the premorning chill that woke him up as he fed his cattle and gathered the eggs. He worked long hours, had to change his lifestyle habits in order to afford his farm.

At first his family went along with dads crazy scheme, but eventually his passion became instilled into them and they learned the land and became proud of what their hands grew. It wasn't the most productive farm but it held its own. More importantly, it allowed this man to live his passion. It brought his family together. His children grew to have a passion and they brought new ideas and technique to the farm, eventually taking over the farm from their father. The farm grew and became known as having the best crop in the district and they became prosperous. It was good.

Now, this man had a neighbor. They had the same land quality and size. It was run by a man whose dad was a farmer and whose dad was a farmer. He didn't know what else to do. This man didn't like the chill of the premorning as he got up to do his chores, wishing instead to be in his warm bed. He didn't work longer then he had to during the day. He bought the things of convenience that would make his crop grow faster and better, without understanding what it would do to his land. He made his family do chores in order to keep the farm going and keep the money coming in. They did not like doing chores just as much as the man didn't like doing chores, and so as soon as they could leave the farm they did.

Over the years his children left, meaning that he had to do more and more of the work. He bought more and more fertilizer and grew more and more cash crop to pay for the mounting bills. One year: nothing. His crop wouldn't grow. His land was dead. The man was alone, abandoned by his family for the pursuit of their own money.

These two men, while both farmers, became focused on different things. One man having to farm, and the other man just on the farm itself. The man whose focus was on the potential lost his love for the farm and it became work for him and in the process he ended up losing it all. The other man left all that he had for a passion and with his passion a knowledge that deepened his passion and was passed along to his family. He loved the land itself and cared for it, while the other man cared for what the land could do for him and he lost it all.

In this same way have we become focused on the relationship to the point that we forget to have a relationship. I am not saying that the ways that we have relationship with God are wrong. But are we going to church, volunteering, praying etc, in order to have a relationship or are we doing those things as an outpouring of our relationship?

Bruxy Cavey has a line in his book "The End Of Religion" that I want to leave you with. "Do I kiss my wife to earn her love? Or do I kiss my wife to express the love that we already share?" Do we do all the things we do in His name because we will have a relationship with Him by doing those things, or do we do those things because of a natural out pouring from our relationship with Him which compels us to those things?

GPS Jerks

2008-03-18T19:52:00.000-04:00

Ah, the land of blogs. Safe haven for rants of all kinds. I recently discovered a new pet peeve of mine and now it's my turn...

You know what really turns my crank? When people borrow someone's GPS unit and they change the owner's chosen settings for it. Sometimes it's only changing the volume or day/night displays, which is fine in general. Sometimes it's changing the interface to add or remove certain statistics or displays, and that's tricky to reset. Sometimes, people reset the "Home" link and that just seems selfish and unnecessary.

However, there's one more thing that GPS users just love to customize: The voice.

Different GPS units treat this aspect differently. On some units, it involves the language feature and it lets you select the local dialect. On other units, the voice options are controlled by fun personalities with cute little names. Regardless, people love to get in there and flip back and forth between a bunch of settings until they find one they prefer or one that amuses them in some way.

And when the owner gets their GPS unit back and continues to use it as usual, the instructions come out in different way. Changing from a female voice to a male voice is the most drastic change. However, the vocabulary used by a British setting and an American setting can vary quite a bit as well. It's freakin' annoying! And now the owner has to find that long-forgotten setting and feature that their friend messed with and they have to remmeber how to reset it.

Sure, we may be anthropomorphizing the GPS a bit, giving it a name and treating it like a person. Nothing wrong with that, is there? People give their cars names and they treat their pets that way. I've had hilarious conversations with other guys as we mock the GPS personality as if it's really thinking. As long as we don't start to have deep emotional discussions with this little computer then we'll be fine, we can just stick to getting ticked off as it gives us confusing directions yet again.

So, my pet peeve is that people change the settings on a GPS unit that they borrow from someone else. Your friend was kind enough to lend you this expensive piece of hardware, so why are you annoying them by changing all of their settings? It's like borrowing someone's car and changing the pre-set radio stations. It's like borrowing someone's iPod and messing with their folders and play lists.

I say that it's rude and disrespectful. Back in the day, not removing your hat when speaking to someone was offensive. These days, we have new unwritten rules of etiquette that have evolved to match our technology. Well, this used to be an unwritten rule but I guess it's not anymore. So take that, GPS Jerks!

It's A Boy!

2008-03-12T07:07:00.000-04:00

Yay! Congratulations to Joel Terry and Alma on the birth of their son! And now Rhea has a new little brother, too!

The baby was a little overdue and was delivered by C-section the morning of Sunday March 9, 2008. All are healthy and apparently the baby was bigger than usual due to the timing.

Their son's name is Jude Nathaneal Terry.

Movies & More

2008-03-11T07:32:00.001-04:00

Any guesses about which actor plays the character in the middle? It's shocking and utterly awesome. What's the answer?

Did anyone see Will Smith's I Am Legend during the summer? The DVD is being released soon and I guess it will include an alternate ending that they shot, as described here. Oops, that video clip was pulled - check it out here. It's not viscerally satisfying as the final cut but it makes a much more brutal point, I think.

Remember last year when they discovered skeletons of a supposed Hobbit-like race of small people? The new theory is that these were simply malnourished humans with gland problems. Not as exciting, but maybe we'll still find a race of lvigin tree Ents or something...

Comic geek that I am, I've been tracking the making of the movie The Watchmen since the beginning. One of the best comics of all time, written by the genius Alan Moore back in the day. They have new posters showing each of the main characters now. Rorshach, of course, is the best one.

As Amy Goertz says, do not do a google image search for "Largest Bear."

Anybody care to try a bacon chocolate bar? Mmmm...

There's an interesting documentary called Winning For A Living, about people that enter contests as their full-time jobs. 'Mazingfruit...

As I mentioned before, an old co-worker of mine named Trevor was sitting by the red carpet at the Oscars last month. He wrote about his day, including a video. Apparently Viggo Mortensen was very cool.

I've been published! Well, actually, all I did was get a question published online on the Raptors blog at The Toroto Star's website. Click here and go down halfway to look for "Jamie A" from Mississauga. Even so, it's cool! C'mon, Raptors, doesn't anyone know how to box out?

Solo Like Frodo

2008-03-06T22:03:00.000-05:00

Why do we have this tendency to go through life solo? Why do we prefer to struggle through our problems by ourselves? Why do we shun advice and help and experience when we should be seeking these things? Why do we think that we're better off alone?

I just finished watching the super-mega-hyper-extended version of all three Lord Of The Ring movies. (Now with even more false endings!) With the extended and additional scenes, it's now the length of four movies. At one point early on, the Fellowship disbands as they fight a bunch of Orcs and our hero Frodo takes off by himself, only to relent and allow Sam to join him when Sam almost drowns in pursuit. Later on, Gollum manipulates Frodo and gets him to get rid of Sam, only to have Sam come back and save his life after the giant spider attacks him.

In fact, Frodo has a strong tendency to wander off by himself at exactly the worst moments. Repeatedly, he states that this burden is his to bear alone. And yet, he would have drowned and been captured and been eaten a number of times if Sam hadn't caught him. Actually, I always found it annoying that Sam was supposed to look out for Frodo but Sam kept looking after his own butt while Frodo went into trances and walked into danger. You would think that Sam would have learned his lesson after the third time, eh?

The movie culminates with Frodo faltering as he and Sam ascend Mount Doom. Sam gives his Oscar-worthy speech about strawberries and better times, and then he lifts Frodo onto his back and starts to walk a mile up a smokin' hot mountain. That brave gardener must have been lifting weights back in the Shire or something. (Yes, I found that part hard to believe but the wizards and the all-seeing eye were just fine.)

My point is that going through life alone sucks. We might think that we're better off tackling our troubles by ourselves but that's just not true. Ever. More likely, we'll get caught in a trance of self pity and we'll get chomped by a Nazgul. Or we'll get lost in the barrens and we'll keep returning to the same spot again and again. We will sit there and suck our thumb, and we will despair and lose hope. We will look into the dark night and fail to see the stars and we will forget that dawn is coming soon.

Everyone needs a friend to lean on, everyone needs a helping hand. "Everybody needs somebody sometime..." (C'mon now, sing it!) We need to let people into our lives, instead of blocking them out. We need somebody to raise our head up and encourage us. We need to have a friend that can tell us what we don't want to hear but what we need to hear, that will help protect us. We need a friend that will walk beside us, in good times and bad. We need our friends.

Friends are precious. Yes...my Precious...

Grab a Surfboard

2008-03-03T19:35:00.001-05:00

So, my life has been a massive tsunami of change lately. I have a new job, I'm living in a new city, I will be moving into a new apartment, and I'm getting married in less than four months. The only other thing I could have done was to skip the country entirely and learn to speak a new language. Heh. This ocean of life is moving pretty fast now...

The main difference that created this giant wave is my new job here in Mississauga. I recently landed a position as a Database Developer with OSL Marketing. I started my new job a little over one week ago and it's been fantastic so far. Plenty of fascinating work creating the database side of websites for famous brands like Pepsi and McCain. I'll probably post some links as my work is rolled out live but I definitely appreciate the fact that everyone will be able to see and use the fruits of my labour now.

It's a fascinating job for a cool company, with good benefits, fun/funky co-workers and some impressive management philosophy. I think that my talents will fit perfectly and I have plenty of room for my professional ambitions. I'm looking forward to being here for a long time. Thankfully, it's been great fun to delve into the database designs and offer my ideas, a distinct pleasure with very little stress.

On the other hand, almost all of my free time in the past few weeks has been devoted to apartment searches in the Mississauga area. Unlike being a database geek, this was a terrible ball of stress for me. To be honest, I was getting freaked out that I would not find something suitable at all. Every night, I was scouring the internet rental postings and calling place after place for more information. I visited a number of places during this period, and time was not on my side since I'm already working here.

After getting a feel for the local rental market, I tried to focus on basement apartments. The price range was much more manageable and it costs several hundred dollars more per month to upgrade to a proper high-rise apartment building. Granted, you get what you pay for - I had to sift through a lot of ugly options along the way. Kiss a lot of frogs to find your princess, as the saying goes.

So while money was a binding factor, my other main concern is that this apartment was no mere short-term residence. This was intended to be the first home for me and my fiance Cam after we get married in a few months, so I wanted it to be something that would actually deserve the title of "home" for us, at least for a while. Throw in the fact that we needed two parking spaces, since we're both working professionals in IT, and that made the pickings pretty slim.

Lo and behold, we managed to find a superb place this past Saturday. I'm moving in this coming Monday and it's fabulous. It's a basement apartment but since the house is on a slope, the back is actually a walk-out with a patio and private yard. It's extremely large, has two bedrooms, it's quite cheap and it's all-inclusive with internet access. I won't post pictures or anything but suffice it to say, we found a hidden gem. Many thanks to Cam for all of her work and advice during this entire process as well, especially since speaking to strangers isn't exactly my forte.

And speaking of thanks, much of it must go to Josh and Beth Jones, Josh being the brother of the infamous Abe. Abe got me into contact with his brother once he heard that I was moving to the area, and Josh was quite helpful in giving me local advice. Astonishingly, Josh and Beth also offered to let me stay with them in the guest room in their apartment during these first few weeks, and I still can't believe how generous they have been to me. I was going to have to take a motel room and their kind offer made my life sooo much easier.

The next four months or so will still be crazy. I have to get settled into the new apartment, pack up and move all of worldly possessions, and start the gradual process of importing Cam's belongings. Somewhere in there, Cam and I have to finish planning our wedding. I'm the Best Man for Battle's wedding at the end of this month and I'm a Groom's Man for Lawyer Kid's wedding in May. I expect to succeed spectacularly at work, of course. And the hardest part, by far, is that I only get to see Cam on weekends when I go back to London. Yeah...

The waves of life are crashing all around but the horizon is getting brighter and the dawn is going to be brilliant. I'll be happiest four or five months from now after the this phase of frantic activity is over and I can settle into my life with my new wife. Until then, I guess I'll just grab a surfboard and try to enjoy the ride...

Marriage Announcement

2008-02-25T07:36:00.001-05:00

WE'RE GETTIN' MARRIED! Cam Tran & Jamie Grant On June 21st 2008, we will be committing our lives to one another. Thanks to our family and friends for their love and support. Thank you God, may you always be with us in our journey. PUBLISHED: London Free Press, Saturday February 23, 2008.

Links & Blinks

2008-02-20T10:48:00.001-05:00

Announcing an Announcement: Cam is putting our marriage announcement, including a picture of us, into the London Free Press this coming Saturday February 23rd. Please pick up a copy!

Have y'all seen the latest trailer for Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull? Then check out this link. Apparently, the American version of this trailer differs from the international trailer in one key scene. The MPAA, which controls ratings and content for both movies and trailers, has a rule against pointing guns towards characters within a trailer. "Won't somebody please think of the children" and all that. So they CGI-ed that shot to make the obvious guns disappear. Weird, eh?

There will be a total lunar eclipse tonight, starting at around 10:00 PM. You can read about the details here, and apparently the planet Saturn will be visible during this time as well. Cool!

For a while now, there has been a heated competition for the next generation hi-definition DVD technology. Similar to the Beta and VHS wars of a bygone era, this was a commercial war between Blu-Ray and HD DVD formats. As this article details, Toshiba has conceded the HD format and Blu-Ray now stands victorious. All of the momentum shifted this past year as movie studios started to choose sides, and only one survivor was left standing.

As a fan of the NBA, it's been fascinating to see all of the major trades that were recently completed. Pau Gasol to the Lakers, Shaq to Phoenix, Mike Bibby to Atlanta and Kidd to Dallas. Gasol and Bibby were taken almost for free, and Shaq was an expensive rebuilding trade in exchange for Shawn Marion. Kidd was the most complicated, protracted and costly trade of the bunch. Of that bunch, Gasol was the best steal and he certainly makes Kobe a happy guy. The jury is still out regarding Shaq's againg skills on a run-and-gun team and Kidd's clear slacking this year, but it will be fun to see how well they do with a change in scenery and a renewed playoff run.

Links & Blinks

2008-02-13T11:25:00.002-05:00

My latest video game fix is the Sam & Max episode, "Abe Lincoln Must Die!" You can download this here absolutely free. I love some of those old-school Sam & Max games and now they have new "seasons" of games, like tv seasons, which is a great concept. You can also check out the Best Freeware Games of 2007 for another giant list of 'em.

Speaking of U.S. presidents, the Dilbert Blog makes an amusing argument that Barack Obama is a mish-mash of a skinny Frank Sinatra, Sammy Davis Junior and Bobby Kennedy. Heh.

An old co-worker of mine, Trevor, posted this blog explaining that he and his wife won a draw and they will get to sit on the bleachers for the red carpet at the Oscars this year. How utterly cool is that?! Wish I could be there...

Mike's blog has an ongoing discussion about the phrase, "Hate the sin, love the sinner." Specifically, as it relates to homosexuality. It includes a pretty widely varied set of viewpoints, but there's a story that relates one person's real experience with how painful this idea can be.

I really like what my dad has been posting on his blog lately. His most recent blog looks at how we think about friendship these days. He has a great challenge for us: "How do you know if you have a friend? Try leaving whatever it is that you’ve been doing together and see if they still call you. You may be surprised that it wasn’t friendship that held you together but the activity which you had been involved in." Sadly, that's more true than we would like to admit.

My Big Brothers Story

2008-02-08T11:11:00.000-05:00

Yesterday, I volunteered to speak at orientation for Big Brothers. Every few months, they have an information session to talk to prospective Bigs about the requirements and expectations and how it all works.

I wrote out some notes beforehand, which is a tad geeky and unnecessary but I do like to give presentations. My talk took between fifteen and twenty minutes and I think that I gave a pretty clear picture about what it's like to be a Big. We had a total of six guys there, I think, ranging from late teens to mid-twenties to a guy in his forties. And since Big Brothers works with high school co-op students, one of them was video taping our session for a school project as well. I cracked a joke about posting it on YouTube but apparently my fifteen seconds of fame will have to wait.

I was surprised when I realized that I started the application process with them back in January 2005, and I'm coming up on my third anniversary with my Little in April. Cool! So here are some of my notes, for anyone that may care or may come across this on google...

HOW I JOINED
In September 2004, I noticed the sign on Oxford Street asking for new Bigs so I started asking around. My old co-worker Lindsay, in particular, was a Big Sister before and she told me her story. In January 2005, I called Big Brothers and attended their orientation meeting. On February 7, 2005 I had my initial interview
with the case workers during which I asked my own questions and they asked about my family life growing up and that kind of thing. The background and police check was done, and all that jazz.

I then had a second meeting to discuss potential Littles that they had selected for me. Three were within my desired age range, 12 and up, because I thought that I would relate better with an older kid. However, one was only 7 years old
but that was easily my best match. On April 4 2005, I started hanging out with my Little Brother.

Ever since then, we have made a point of spending three to four hours each weekend together. The organization only expects you to do this consistantly for the first year but my Little and I have so much fun that we have kept this up all along. Sometimes we're with a group of people but it's supposed to be one-on-one time so that's what we usually do.

WHY I JOINED
I have a passion for mentoring young people. I have mentored/befriended a few younger guys over the years personally, along with a group of teenage musicians from my old church. I think that everyone needs to have someone from whom they can learn, and someone that they can teach. As those roles in church came to an end, I was looking for another outlet and opportunity to mentor. I saw the sign while I was driving along and the rest is history.

WHAT WE HAVE DONE
I don't want to go into too many details for privacy reasons but I'll list off a few things. I gradually helped my Little learn how to swim, and two winters ago we took snowboarding lessons together, which was a brand new experience for me. I took him on his first camping trip, went fishing with him for his first time, have gone hiking and biking, went river tubing, we've hit a number of heavy metal screamo concerts, etc.

My pattern is that we stick around my house every other week and do the usual things like video games, movies and imaginary games. On the opposite weeks, we usually go out and do something, whether it's waking around the flea market or learning how to fill the windshield washer fluid in my van. Nothing too crazy or expensive, just hanging out with my friend and often doing the things I would do anyway.

OUR RELATIONSHIP
I went into much more detail about this during my talk but suffice it to say, he's one of my best friends. He's the only friend that knew about it when I was going to propose to my fiance, and he helped me buy roses for that occasion. We talk about fun stuff and we talk about serious issues, and I make a point of getting beyond the easy, superficial conversations once in a while. So yeah, I love this kid!

MY ADVICE
It's a wonderful opportunity to get a great friend. You will learn a lot from each other so it's definitely not just a one-way thing.

My warning is: Don't jerk 'em around. These kids don't have a dad in the picture and one of the worst things you can do is join and then quit before your first year is up. I've seen this happen. Despite our best intentions, sometimes intentions are not enough so don't get involved until your life is pretty stable. The trust and friendship that is so easily given in the beginning can become cynical and cold if you burn a kid by ditching 'em, regardless of the reason, so be careful.

Sometimes, we wonder about making an impact in this world. With just one small life, we certainly can have a gigantic impact. And the effect on the rest of the family is noticeable, too, as an added bonus. It's a fantastic experience, full of fun and life-long memories and first-time events. It's be great!

Related Blog Posts
Sept. 8, 2004 Considering Big Brothers
Jan. 26, 2005 Funny Thing happened to me on the way to get my police check...
Feb. 9, 2005 Big Brothers Interview
Apr. 5, 2005 I'm a Big Brother!
Feb. 13, 2006 Our First Mosh Pit & Screamo Concert

Links & Blinks

2008-02-05T10:31:00.000-05:00

I've been pondering various issues lately. A small sample...

Network Marketing vs. Corporate Sales (Buy from a friend or give money to shareholders.)
Network Marketing vs. Classical Enterpreneurship vs. Workin' For The Man
Rejection is a bitter pill to continually swallow, and I'm almost full. (Link)
Why do people think I'm scamming them when I'm paying money out of my own pocket? Doesn't that simply show how much I believe in my idea?
Top 10 Reasons for Network Marketing (Link)
Top 10 Problems with Network Marketing (Tracking...)
Risk vs. Reward. Security is our priority. The present is more important than the future.
We defend what we know and attack what we don't know. Church, business, whatever.
I'm a brilliant idiot.

And now for something completely different...

Did you hear about the latest perpetual motion machine? Well, it's not exactly perpetual motion but it apparently defies the laws of physics in a similar way. This guy has invented a type of engine that speeds up when a sold magnet is put near it. Without adding more energy or gas, the engine should not be able to do that. At worst, this might allow us to create more efficient electric motors. At best, it would create an electric car engine that gets charged by simply braking. The trick is, he needs to convince people that this is real because everyone just keeps telling him it's impossible, even after agreeing that his demonstration seems real.

Mark Twain said, “Never let public schooling deny your child of an education.” My dad wrote a blog post recently, Edumacated Versus Desire To Learn. He comments on the irony of well-educated people having a difficult time learning certain new ideas. Their circular reasoning goes this way. "I’m educated and therefore this new idea that I’m being presented with can’t be good because if it was good I would already know about it because I’m educated." I think he has a point there. (BOCTAOE)

Phraseological Fun

2008-01-16T10:46:00.000-05:00

I have an ongoing series of blog posts entitled "As They Say in Zanzibar," quoting interesting and odd sayings from around the world. Similarly, this post is the second in this series and it explains the origins of common terms and phrases.

Bull Pen
Why is the spot where a pitcher warms up called a "bull pen"?
The term comes from the fact that in newspaper reporting a pitcher whose delivery is hit hard is said to have been "slaughtered." This led to comparing pitchers with bulls and the game with a bull fight. When one pitcher was hit out of the box and another sent it, the reporters wrote "another bull was led to the slaughter." At a bull fight, there is a "bull pen" close to the arena where the bulls are kept, waiting their turn. Thus, the place where the relief pitcher warms up, waiting to be called, is named the "bull pen."

Crocodile Tears
How did false emotion get the name "crocodile tears"?
The expression comes from what was once believed to be a fanciful tale of ancient travelers who said that the crocodile weeps over those he eats - and isn't sorry at all. But a crocodile does cry as it eats. For when a crocodile's mouth is full of food, the food presses at the top of the mouth and this releases tears from the lachrymal glands.

Funny-Bone
What is the reason the spot at our elbow is called a "funny-bone"?
It's a pun. This spot not only give us a "funny feeling when we hit it; it's also located at the enlarged end of the bone known to medical science as the "humerus."

Minister
How did a "minister" come to be called that?
The word literally refers to an "inferior person" or "servant." The original idea was that a minister was supposed to serve the parishioners. This idea has not yet completely disappeared.

Quiz
How did "quiz" come into the English language?
Because of a bet. A man named Daly, who was manager of the Dublin Theatre, made a bet that he would introduce into the Enlgish language within twenty-four hours a new word that had no meaning. Accordingly, on every wall in Dublin and every other place accessible, Daly had chalked up the four mystic letters Q-U-I-Z. That day all Dublin was inquiring what they meant, the people saying to each other: "Quiz? Quiz? What does that mean?" Daly won his bet - and the word has remained in our language to this day. It is quite probable, however, that his choice of letters - or at least, the continued popularity of the term - was influenced by the similarity in sound and meaning to the word "inquisition."

Tip
What is the reason we call a gratuity a "tip"?
Years ago in English inns and taverns it was customary for the patrons to drop a coin for the benefit of the waiters into a box placed on the wall. On the box was a little sign which said: "To insure promptness." Later, just the initials of the phrase were put on the box - T.I.P.

Source: "Why Do We Say It?" Published by Castle Books, no author listed.

Pushed Around

2008-01-11T14:29:00.000-05:00

Most people get pushed around at some point. Eventually, you're ordered to do something that you really don't want to do. Such is life.

Maybe we're at work and we're given the duty of cleaning bathrooms - or worse yet, answering the phone. We have a boss or manager to whom we answer. We might have a little wiggle room but in the end, the boss is the boss. What they say goes.

Maybe we're at church and we get burned by a pastor. It happens to almost every church member somewhere along the way. A little misunderstanding here, a smudged reputation there, a disagreement over some issue et voila, we're removed from leadership or we're reprimanded. You don't have to volunteer for too long before you realize that everyone has someone to answer to.

Everywhere we go, there's a hierarchy in life. Even in some homes, the father's word is law and if the kids get out of line too often, it's gonna get messy. Volunteer at a soup kitchen and you quickly learn your place in the pecking order. Hang out with a random group of friends and try to decide which movie to see, and we'll see who is the most influential person.

So how do we respond to these situations? There are a few options...

We accept it. It doesn't matter if that's because we're faithful and obediant or because we're powerless and fearful. Either way, we accede and give up control. We support the very people that tell us what to do and we thank them for it. Maybe we're just stuck in a job because we need the steady paycheque, or maybe we're true believers and we think that this is how things are supposed to be. We love it or we live with it.

We move on. We refuse to accept this hierarchy, whether it's justifiable or not. We get angry with our pastor for what he did, or we become increasingly frustrated with our boss. Maybe we're attracted to another church that seems to suit us better, or maybe another attractive job comes along. Either way, we're easily pursuaded to pack up and go. Sometimes this response works out well for us and sometimes we learn that the grass isn't any greener elsewhere. It's just funny how we always end answering to someone else, and we're simply hoping that we like what we're told to do.

Those are two most common options. I don't think that really makes a major difference in our lives, though. The overall pattern is established and we support it. We want someone in charge, we want a strong leader, we want a great boss. We expect it. I suggest that there is one other option, though...

We change the rules. In our careers, we take the chance and become an entrepreneur. In our spiritual lives, we decide to focus on relationships and place the strict requirements of church as a secondary priority. In our families, we decide to build our relationships on something other than the parent-child hierarchy and we look for real one-on-one friendship and respect.

I've shown three main options and in each of these cases, we can do them well or we can do them poorly. On the negative side, we can cower and give up, we can rebel and fight, or we can run and escape. We can be passively aggressive or actively aggressive. On the positive side, we can be humble and submit, or obey and honour, or we can leave with tears and and farewells. The motivations of our hearts can colour any of these choices in black or white.

I'm simply suggesting that this pattern of power, this greater-lesser dynamic, this hierarchy of obediance, does not have to be a fact of life. There are ways to be employed, to be a church member, to live in your parents' home, without making us all fit into little boxes of rules and roles. We can be employed as equals, we can work together as a church family, we can make our parents into our friends.

Such is life? It doesn't have to be that way...

Emperor Of These United States

2008-01-09T09:52:00.000-05:00

Joshua Abraham Norton was a fascinating man. He lived from 1819 until 1880, spending his latter years living in San Francisco. An immigrant from South Africa, he became a successful businessman but he lost his entire fortune on a rice deal gone wrong and he became quite insane - or perhaps just weird, depending on your point of view.

He formally declared himself to be "Emperor of these United States." His local neighbours liked to humour him and play along, and gradually he became famous within the city for his eccentricities and kind heart. Tourists would visit just to meet him. As for his income, he often traded official certificates with his country's currency for regular American money, and eventually many of the local establishments treated these papers as legal tender. He would publish official edicts in the local newspapers, decreeing that a bridge be built across the bay and that U.S. Congress be dissolved.

At one point, the local police arrested him with the intent of forcibly admitting him to an insane asylum. However, he was so beloved by this time that there was a public outcry against this action, with many editorials defending him. As a result, this self-styled monarch was released with a formal apology which stated "that he had shed no blood; robbed no one; and despoiled no country; which is more than can be said of his fellows in that line." From then on, the local constabulary made a point of saluting whenever they came across him.

Upon his death, a local businessman's club funded a dignified funeral. Thirty thousand people lined the streets to pay their respects to this once-and-only Emperor of these United States.

Source: Wikipedia. I learned of this real man because of a story in the Sandman comic series by Neil Gaiman entitled "Three Septembers and a January."

GroupThink

2008-01-07T10:53:00.000-05:00

I was sitting in church this past weekend and the service was emphasizing a recent initiative for church members to become more active in our communities. Soup kitchens, single moms, people with disabilities, a whole stream of things. Since it started in the fall, this initiative seems to have been wildly successful. It's really helped a lot of people become aware of various groups and needs in our city, and it has encouraged many people to step out of their comfort zone and reach out to people in personal, tangible ways. (For more info, check the Engage website.)

Four people gave their testimonies about their recent experiences. Two of them, in particular, contrasted quite a bit. One of them was from a middle-aged guy that was impacted by the book God In The Alley, which he read two years ago. Ever since then, he has been making an effort to learn about homelessness and other issues and step out to contact and help these people personally. He was already doing things like helping at the soup kitchen and he thought this new church intiative simply helped him learn and grow more in this area.

The other person was a leader of a women's group and she helped organize all of the mothers into one united team. For the entire fall season, they were able to supply necessities like twice-weekly meals for mothers with cancer, and socks and underwear for the men's shelter. They started this stuff based on the official guidebook that the church supplied but they expanded beyond it to start helping single mothers that they just knew personally. During her talk, she mentioned how little time mother of several children have and how effective this program was in harnessing what few resources this group had.

She also said something else: If often feels like we can't make a real difference by ourselves. Like, providing a meal a couple of times for someone has only limited value, but supplying two meals a week for three and a half months can really do something.

It's a subtle state of mind that creeps in, I think. As Christians, or as employees, or as people that just want to do some good, we feel like we're so limited. We feel powerless or restricted or ineffective and we often opt for apathy instead of change. Or worse yet, we opt to defend this system that created these feelings of uselessness in the first place and we won't rock the boat.

We like to think that we need a strong leader to direct the charge. Or we wait for someone to enlist us into some bigger group. Or we move to another church or business and hope that things will be better there. We come to accept the idea that we're just one little, busy person and there's only so much that we can do...

I suggest that we can have a great amount of influence even by ourselves. We can effect real change at work and at church and in our homes. We can have dramatic impacts on the lives of our friends, and we can find new friends and new needs anywhere.

If we choose to let the group define us, we can only do as much as the group allows. Sometimes we need to be willing to break through those walls a bit and challenge ourselves and the rules. We make a mistake when we assume that the group is more important that the individual, and especially when we support one at the cost of the other.

Yadda Yadda: I happen to like this church initiative and it seems to have been remarkably effective, well beyond the pattern of normal church programs. It's a great and useful tool, and being part of a larger group is also good. I'm just saying that we often give ourselves licence to be limited, rather than challenging ourselves to grow and change. And if that means going solo for a bit then so be it...

Top Ten Movies of 2007

2008-01-01T17:37:00.000-05:00

At the end of each year, I like to pull together my personal Top 10 list of movies. This list only accounts for movies that were officially released in 2007, and I did managed to see all but two of the Top 20 this year. I only considered the movies that I actually saw, which was about fifty of them, so there may be a few good movies that I missed...

[10] Fracture (Link)
I expected a tight drama with plenty of head-to-head scenes between Anthony Hopkins and Ryan Gosling, and I got it. I've been a fan of Gosling since Breaker High and I think that he's a great actor that can more than hold his own. Nothing like an old-school locked-room murder mystery with some court-room twists and turns to mix things up.

[9] Sicko (Link)
In Michael Moore's latest rant, he focuses on the pathetic health care system in the United States. He runs through Canada, then England, then France and progressively compares each of them. (Yes, I'm jealous of France's full-service system and England's cheapo drug costs.) Moore intentionally takes himself out of the central lens and lets the stories of others take centre stage. Anyone burned by Canada's health care system won't care for the lofty compliments he offers for our system but it's still infinitely better than that of the USA. And you've got to hand it to a documentary that can keep us entertained, eh?

[8] Across The Universe (Link)
This is a little-seen musical that incorporates Beatle's songs with a storyline centred around the Vietnam War. The songs are sung well and are meaningful to the story, and it made me appreciate the Beatles all the more. Beautiful.

[7] Stardust (Link)
Take The Princess Bride, add much improved special effects instead of muppets, take away the quotability factor, and you have Stardust. I actually watched Bride again shortly afterwards and the characters in that movie are definitely much more likeable and memorable, especially since Claire Dane's character in Stardust is a whiny brat and the hero is a naive idiot. However, it has the same sort of sensibility, the fantastical premise and setting, and the same amusing sense of humour.

[6] The Assassination of Jesse James By The Coward Robert Ford (Link)
I saw this shortly after watching 3:10 to Yuma, which was the (only) other major Western of the year. Yuma had the benefit of two great actors and a lot more action but I opted to put this Brad Pitt flick in my list instead. It's based on the real events of Jesse James' life, which I find fascinating. The final "confrontation" between Jesse and Robert Ford still sticks out in my mind months after I saw it, and the final commentary on modern celebrity is downright brutal.

[5] The Bourne Ultimatum (Link)
The best action movie of the summer, so says me. (Only bested by 300 in September.) Up until this was released, I thought that the fourth Die Hard movie held that title. It encapsulates parts of the previous two movies in the Bourne trilogy, which is certainly a unique approach, but taken by itself it actually ends up as the best of the three.

[4] American Gangster (Link)
Based on the true story of the rise of a black mob boss, this pits Denzel Washington against Russell Crowe. What more do you even need to know? From the outset, it makes it clear that Denzel is a bad, bad man. And yet, he cherishes self-discipline and family in a way that Crowe's cop character can't live out in his own life. It's a great dynamic and while the ending kind of fizzles, it's still a great dramatic movie.

[3] The Transformers (Link)
As a life-long fan of the original Saturday morning cartoon and the comics, this was my most anticipated movie of the year. (My favourite comic has them teaming up with Spider-Man.) This had the original narrator from the cartoon movie, a few bursts of the original sound effects, and even some classic lines from the cartoon. ("Once again, Starscream, you have failed me.") The fact that they had product placements everywhere and all of the vehicles were from GM didn't detract too much, though John Turtorro's silly role was insipid. Some people derided the focus on the human characters but I thought that gave the audience someone to root for and it fit well with the Tranformers philosophy. All in all, I was definitely that annoying audience geek that cheered and clapped all over the place.

[2] Dan In Real Life (Link)
After all of the big blockbusters of the summer and fall, I'm surprised that this small flick rated so highly for me. I saw this mostly because my sister wanted to see it so badly, but it's also the type of character-driven pic that I have always appreciated. Steve Carell is a bundle of supressed nerves and pain, and the family angst and paternal relations strike a real chord. And I have really enjoyed Dane Cook's work this year, both here as the main brotherly foil for Steve's character, and in Mr. Brooks earlier this year.

[1] 300 (Link)
I liked the original graphic novel and I loved the movie. I like that it relates to real history, even if the facts are askew. Each small battle, with the increasingly crazy setups, was a pleasure to cheer. Frank Miller's unique comic perspective was translated perfectly. Best movie of the year, be it action or otherwise.

Honourable Mentions:
Children Of Men
Ratatouille
I Am Legend
Beowulf
Amazing Grace

My Previous Top 10 Lists: 2004, 2005 & 2006
Reference: Top Grossing Movies of 2007

Links & Blinks

2007-12-27T15:59:00.000-05:00

Cam and I sent a Christmas card to our wedding photographer, Joee. In response, he snapped a pic and posted this blog about us. He's a fantastic photographer and we love his work, so we feel very lucky to have him for our wedding on June 21, 2008. You can visit that blog or his main website for more examples of his work, and the picture of us above was also created by him.

One of my friends has a new blog, Mutterings Of A Mom. The joys and stress of new motherhood... "This too, shall pass." Heh.

My dad had another good blog post recently, Great Versus Good Programs. Any great program requires a clear goal, a clear time frame and a clear exit strategy. Otherwise, any good program will either not accomplish anything specific or it will gradually peter out and die. I really like what he said here, it makes sense to me. Anyone disagree?

Close Relationships

2007-12-19T12:13:00.000-05:00

Allow me to summarize what my brain is thinking about Christian life and personal growth these days...

1. Close Relationships Are Crucial
Much of my thinking flows from this initial premise. Close relationships are absolutely necessary and foundational to our growth as people and as Christians. Yes, we can grow and mature in many other ways but the most important and effective way, by far, is through our friends and mentors. Everything else is like going to English classes once a week rather than being immersed in an English culture (to steal an example from my dad).

2. Close Relationships Cannot Be Mandated
We can't pluck two people out of a crowd and make 'em into close friends. We can't assign mentors and expect things to work out marvelously. We can't assume that an Alpha program will produce continuing friendships. Cell groups and Bible studies can remain as boring and useless as we please. A church cannot decree that "relationships are important" or that "everyone needs a mentor" and expect to see something happen.

At best, a church can provide opportunities like Alpha and small groups. At best, the leaders can teach this by example. At worst, a church can facilitate superficial programs and encourage apathetic Christian lives. At worst, the leaders can show us that mentoring is not important. Either way, we can't expect the church to create these kinds of close relationships.

3. Close Relationships Are Created By Individuals
I suspect that there is no model that automatically creates close friendships and mentoring relationships. (Although it may be argued that cell churches in other countries intend to do exactly this, but even then...) It's up to each person on their own to make this happen. My goal is not to change church practice as a whole, it's to convince individual people of the importance of growing through close relationships. Sometimes I can do this by example and my direct friendships, sometimes it's through a cell group, sometimes it's through a blog like this, sometimes it's by challenging the status quo.

4. Close Relationships Are Intentional
In the end, close friendships come together because of many factors. A mutual desire for friendships, mutual willingness to be vulnerable and real, mutual interests or life situations may help, finding ways to spend time together, etc.

That being said, developing close friendships is not a "magical" thing, as I've heard people tell me many times. It's not some elusive chemistry and happenstance. Close friendships are intentional and they don't just happen. We have to make a point of finding people, of reaching out to them, of inviting them into our lives, of intruding into their lives. That's what good friends do.

Much of my blog writing regarding spiritual life and personal growth flows from these ideas, I think. Much of my emphasis with friends and the purpose of my conversations with people comes from here. If I criticize the church at all, it's because I see examples of how the church discourages close relationships. And even then, it's still not up to the church because it always comes back to making our own choices to pursue real and meaningful friendships.

All I want to do is enourage some people to develop some new friendships. I don't think that's too much to ask. We want to do it anyway, and we need to do it. It's not very difficult but it does require us to open up and make the effort. And when we do, we'll find that we can each grow so easily and so quickly and so well. We'll love these friends of ours and we'll make an impact with our lives, one friend at a time.

Actions Speak Louder Than Words

2007-12-16T12:06:00.000-05:00

A few random thoughts based on various recent conversations...

The majority of a church's resources are devoted to the weekend service. Preparation for worship and sermons and multi-media stuff, Sunday school teachers, ushers, building usage, etc. While other church activities certainly take place, the greater percentage of it is devoted to the weekend services.

So if we try to emphasize any other initiative or purpose, whether it's social assistance of some kind or cell groups and mentoring, these will always come second to the weekend service. These other goals may be important but they're never as important as the services because we do not devote as much of the church to them. And when push comes to shove and people have to give something up, they'll stick with that top priority of the weekend service at the expense of anything else.

Actions speak louder than words, right?

If someone was involved in small groups, or service to the poor, or Alpha, are they considered to be a member of that local church? What if they only do those things regularly and they never come to a weekend service? What if they only attend one service a month? How do we define who is a member of our local church and who isn't?

Many people like to describe the local church as a "family." I am leaving my current church soon to join a different one with my fiance and various people have expressed some sadness at my departure. I was part of another church that permanently shut down and that was a very emotional experience for many long-term members there. We love those friends and those close relationships that we have in church.

However, how many of those relationships continued in any way after that church closed? How many of my friends from my current church will I ever see again once I switch? How many friendships survive after there's a conflict and someone leaves a church? In my experience, the answer is that very few relationships continue once someone moves on from a church for any reason, whether good or bad.

Attending church on weekly basis seems to make it conveniant to be friendly but it makes it inconveniant to become very close friends. Church is a life-support system that keeps these relationships alive, but only superficially, like keeping the breathing going. And once you remove the common factor of weekly attendance, these relationships falter and die. And when that happens, you have to wonder how close these relationships were in the first place.

Actions speak louder than words, right?

And what is the basis for a healthy Christian life with continued growth? The way that we answer this question informs much of our spiritual lives. If we answer that Bible and prayer are most important, we can devote ourselves to daily devotions and Bible studies. If we answer that good and challenging teaching is required, we can look for books and sermons and Sunday School classes. If we answer that we need mentoring relationships and discipleship, then we look to develop closer relationships with people. If answer that all of those things are important then we need to incorporate every facet.

Since mentoring relations are the exception rather than the norm in modern Canadian Christian culture, that would suggest that we place less emphasis on the relational aspect of our spiritual growth. And frequently, someone in church will ask if we all study the Bible and pray by ourselves enough, and the majority of the people will admit they do not. So that leaves Sunday services as the most common method to drive our spiritual growth because everyone actively attends these services every week.

Actions speak louder than words, right?

A Problem With The People

2007-12-10T10:47:00.000-05:00

I was recently in church as the teacher made a comment that struck me quite hard. We were discussing the importance of prayer. The teacher was saying that most people in the church do not pray very much. Similarly, the majority of people in the church are not involved in church ministry at all. Likewise, there is a group of young people that are not involved in any church ministry, not even the Sunday service, because they feel excluded and they don't fit in with anything.

Everyone agreed with these observations, readily raising our hands to identify that we did not pray enough and all that. So the conclusion was that we all need to pray more. Pray for those young people, pray for our leadership, pray for opportunities, pray for God's leading...

"There is no problem with the programs, it's a problem with the people."

And there it was, said right out in the open. In addressing these issues and while trying to encourage all of us, we are told that it's all our fault and we need to change. Oftentimes, when I discuss the inefficiencies and limitations and problems with the way that the modern church is run, this is by far the most common response that I get. Church is fine as it is, it's just the individuals that are at fault.

For every example of how someone feels excluded from church, we have an example of how someone considers the church to be their family. Talk about someone with no friends in church and we can point out the opposite. Hear about someone that has never been mentored in any way and we can show how we have small group ministries to fix that.

Doesn't the overwhelming pattern say something about church at all? If ninety percent of the people are never involved in church ministry, and most people do not pray regularly, and many people do not have even one close Christian friend, and... At what point do we admit that maybe, just maybe, our system of church is producing these results, rather than blaming all of these people as being immature or incompetant or unwilling or rebellious or selfish or lazy? (And that's only a partial list of how we blame and label people!)

As David Grant recently wrote here, why are we so keen to defend the local church institution while we're so willing to attack the people themselves? That seems so backwards.

So fine, I don't want to go overboard with this. The modern practice of church is useful in many ways and we don't want to scrap it all. Yes, there is a great degree of personal responsibility in each of our Christian lives and we can't expect the church to do it all for us. Yes, we certainly should be challenged and encouraged to pray more, to seek God's leading more, to love more.

And yet the need to defend the church programs and services is so ingrained that we preach it openly and no one doubts it. Sometimes I feel like I can't help but cry out against this.

Links & Blinks

2007-12-07T12:13:00.000-05:00

Get a Cash Advance

Ha! My perspicacity is undeniable. Many thanks to my friend Mike, whose blog supposedly requires postgrad education just to have a sweet clue what he's talking about. I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not but he seems to think it is. I expected Dan's blog to qualify for the same status, as Abe playfully mocked here, but this evaluation claims that you only need high school for that one. 'S funny.

As for other recent blogs, my fiance Cam has some Christmas tree pics up. Ashleigh has a friend that recently published their own book, entitled The Invisible War. Steve gets nostalgic about old Saturday morning cartoons, my favourite being G.I.Joe.

We bid farewell to the Jennifer's blog. She has been posting off and on since August 2004 and she has some honestly revelational pieces in there about topics like grief and the loss of loved ones that will move you. A few other blogs have been deleted over the past month or two as well, and Lawyer Kid is the new semi-anonymous blog of one of my good friends whose initials may or may not be JET.

Thanks to everyone that responded to my recent posts about Marriage Manners and Wedding Crashers. Lawyer Kid responds with his this blog about his own rules for weddings, and he seems to emphasize Rule #1 a bit. Fascinating stuff, everyone, it was the best discussion on here in a while and I loved hearing the contrasting viewpoints.

One more link for the road: My dad uses the now-common catch-phrase BOCTAOE. The term was coined by Scott Adams, the creator of the Dilbert comics. Scott has a habit of toying with new ideas on his blog (which I read faithfully 'cause it's hilarious). The problem is that every new idea is often met with examples of how a general statement does not apply in a particular situation.

"The sky is blue." "Well, sometimes the sky is red at sunset." "No kidding. BOCTAOE!" The original statement is still true enough as an observation but people love to nit-pick and disagree and defend their own positions without really giving the original statement any serious consideration.

"The modern church does not encourage one-on-one friendships." "That's not true 'cause I met my best friend through my church." "Sure, but I met five people in church in the past three months that do not have even one friend." Open discussion to see if maybe, just maybe, the modern church isn't all it's cracked to be is hard if everyone just assumes that church is fine as it is. We can never improve and grow as individuals and as a church if the BOCTAOEs keep getting in the way. Let me hear an Amen!

The Advent Of A Miracle

2007-12-05T10:42:00.000-05:00

For the fourth year in a row, I am part of the choir for the annual Christmas performance at my church. I sang in the bass section in my first year, I sang in the tenor section for the last two years, and this year I am singing bass again. I also have the solo for the final song of the evening, a really jazzy and uptempo version of "Hark, The Herald Angels Sing."

I have seen a preview of the entire performance during our practices and it's fantastic. The choir and soloists handle about twelve songs, ranging from classic Christmas carols to modern songs from Sarah McLachlin. This year, our choir is also accompanied by a live band. Usually, we record our own music tracks inhouse each year but this time we opted for the presence of musicians, even if that does double the complexity of performing these choir songs.

Mixed in with the songs, there are two stories. We have the classic story of Mary and Joseph, performed on stage by various actors. Virgin birth, Joseph not wanting anything to do with it until an angel visits him, no room in the inn, etc.

This story is shown in contrast with a modern tale about a husband whose family is in a car accident. The husband has to face the brutal emotions and questions that come in a situation like this as his family fights for their lives in a hospital. Themes of forgiveness and purpose show how the birth (and eventual death and resurrection) of Jesus has really changed our lives and our relationship with God forever.

This second story is actually shown as a film and it is quite impressive. It was filmed with proper cameras and lighting and boom mics and the whole bit, on location in Toronto and everything. It's like a short film that is woven between the on-stage play of Mary and Joseph and the choir songs. At one point, there is one song that really encapsulates all of the agonizing emotions from this main story and I think that it's the saddest song that I have ever heard.

It's a real roller-coaster ride and it's incredibly powerful. Everyone is invited to join us for one of the six free performances, as noted above. Be forewarned that each performance is usually packed and the second weekend is so full that many people have to be turned away due to a lack of parking and seating. You may want to arrive by 6:30 pm at the latest for whichever performance you are attending.

Merry Christmas!

My Own Man

2007-12-03T17:41:00.000-05:00

So for the past few months, my dad has been reviewing his thoughts about church, paid pastors, the church building, and the importance of meaningful relationships. being the guy that he is, he likes to make his point with plenty of incendiary comments. Like this one and this one, in which he uses the average church budget to calculate that most Christians pay $43 per month for the Sunday services and give $2 per month to the poor, which is how the church finances ends up being spent.

And me, I love to read my dad's stuff 'cause it makes you think. Granted, a chunk of it is crazy talk designed to get a reaction out of us but I still like it. I think his core opinions are valid and well considered even he is still figuring things out for himself in many ways.

The problem is that I seem to get painted with the same label as my dad. Whatever little description we place on his stuff tends to get applied to me as well. And yet, I'm the one that directly challenges my dad more than anyone else. I could give examples directly from my own blog or from my comments on his blog, but even in my own daily discussions with him I tend to take everything that he says with a grain of salt.

Not that I think my dad is too off-base with some of his thoughts. It just so happens that I've been growing in the same areas that he has for the past ten years or so. I started my own cell group back when I was 21 years old because I realized how shallow and superficial so many of my own friendships had been. (As I wrote about here.) And in recent years, I've noticed the same pattern in soooo many other Christians and that makes me questions the effectiveness and purpose of the local church.

Of my entire family, I'm the one person that has consistantly attended church for the past 29 years of my life. (More than that, if you count when my mom was pregnant.) Each of my family members has lived in other countries for periods of time, has gone to school, and for whatever reasons they haven't always gone to church consistantly. But I have. And now that my dad has a lot of blog posts questioning the goals of the average Sunday service, people think that I'm in the same boat. If anything, I believe in church more than most people, and I've been more involved in church ministry than almost anybody else. Heck, I'm probably more of a goody-two-shoes-churchy-McChurch-A-Lot than all of you.

But you know what? As much as I love church, and as much as I have been involved with church ministry, I'm always willing to talk about the problems and search for better ways. Better ways of reaching out to people, better ways of communicating God's love, better ways of building friendships, better ways of being the followers of Christ that we were meant to be. And if that means asking a few innocent questions about the modern machinations of church then so be it.

So my question to you is: How many of us are just following in the footsteps of our own parents? How many of us believe the same version of religion that our parents believe? How many of us have only one or two friends, just because that's what our parents have? How many of us think it's all right to yell and scream during an argument, just because that's what we saw and heard while growing up? How many of us still hurt because of something our parents said or did, and still allow those memories to wound us all the time?

How many of us like still make little decisions every day as a direct result of what our parents did? And how many of us are willing to step back and try to grow a little more on our own? We can take the good and positive things from our parents without allowing the negative stuff to control us. Be thankful for what our parents gave us, and what they still give us, but without limiting ourselves to being mere reflections of who they are.

Wedding Crashers

2007-11-30T15:59:00.000-05:00

Due to popular response, I am following up on my Marriage Manners post with another one.

The question of the day: How polite is it to crash a wedding?

Granted, that question is somewhat leading since the term "crash" indicates the answer itself. Even so, are there certain situations in which it is more acceptable to attend a wedding uninvited? Here are some possible scenarios...

Attending the ceremony vs. attending the dinner vs. attending the dance.
Larger wedding with 100+ guests vs. only family and close friends.
Public location vs. local church vs. private home.
Catered affair vs. potluck dinner.

Some of the central concerns about wedding crashers include: the hosts had to pay for everything; limited and designated seating; invitations were sent months in advance; the bride and groom already went through the very difficult and socially awkward process of selecting their guest list. There's also a difference between not being able to have all of your friends and acquaintances attend versus explicitly not wanting someone to attend.

On the other side, two positive reasons to crash are: to bless and celebrate the couple; to have a fun evening for yourself; other friends are attending and you don't want to feel left out. Any other reasons that you can imagine? And does a nice card and gift mitigate the rudeness factor?

Does anybody care to relate some amusing stories on either side of this discussion? Have you been the crasher, or have you been the host?

Rollin' Eyeballs

2007-11-29T09:41:00.000-05:00

Now the body is not made up of one part but of many. If the foot should say, "Because I am not a hand, I do not belong to the body," it would not for that reason cease to be part of the body. And if the ear should say, "Because I am not an eye, I do not belong to the body," it would not for that reason cease to be part of the body. If the whole body were an eye, where would the sense of hearing be? If the whole body were an ear, where would the sense of smell be? But in fact God has arranged the parts in the body, every one of them, just as he wanted them to be. If they were all one part, where would the body be? As it is, there are many parts, but one body.

The eye cannot say to the hand, "I don't need you!" And the head cannot say to the feet, "I don't need you!" On the contrary, those parts of the body that seem to be weaker are indispensable, and the parts that we think are less honorable we treat with special honor. And the parts that are unpresentable are treated with special modesty, while our presentable parts need no special treatment. But God has combined the members of the body and has given greater honor to the parts that lacked it, so that there should be no division in the body, but that its parts should have equal concern for each other. If one part suffers, every part suffers with it; if one part is honored, every part rejoices with it. 1 Corinthians 12:14-26

Every person that walks into church is a different part of the body of Christ. Some of us are eyes, some are hands, some are the head, some are the feet.

What happens if these body parts never work together as one body? What happens if the people never come together in relationships to support one another and move forward together?

It's like a single eyeball that rolls into church, watches the Sunday service, and then the eyeball rolls out of church again without ever touching another body part. It's like an ear that comes just to listen to the sermon, or lips that only showed up so they could sing, and then each part leaves on its own again.

Sure, each body part and each person might get something from the Sunday service but the experience is so limited. We need those other parts and those other people to really grow and to really accomplish something meaningful.

Greasy God

2007-11-28T12:32:00.000-05:00

A lot of our churches are like fast food restaurants. We make it easy for someone to drive in, grab their greasy God meal and get out. We provide the spiritual food once a week, and it's optional to tip 10% to the server.

With a litle less rhetoric, I suggest that the average church makes it really easy for people to visit once a week for the Sunday sermon and worship. Say hi to a few people if you want to but feel free to slip in and out without notice. Since the Sunday service is the primary focus of most churches, and only a small number of people can be actively involved in it as ushers or musicians or whatever, the majority of the crowd must remain passive participants. We pick from a menu of services in different churches, select our order, eat up quickly and move on.

So for this passive majority, the way to get involved is outside of that Sunday service. Nursery care, youth ministry, soup kitchens, etc. These programs usually require some sort of regular time commitment and you will have less time for family and friends, naturally. And in many cases, the activity itself is the focus of your time, so you concentrate on keeping the kids entertained but don't actually get much of a chance to get to know the people you're with. The opportunities to get involved are still plentiful but they come at a price, like going to a restaurant where you wait for a half hour for your meal and the bill is more than twenty bucks each.

Churches make it really easy to simply attend a Sunday service and then it's a little harder to get involved with a ministry. And in the context of all of that, the hardest thing is to find ways to develop mentoring relationships and close friendships. It's still possible, of course, but I think that this is the most difficult thing to do inside of a church. So why are we surprised when the majority sticks with the easiest option?

To extend this metaphor even further, most people do not eat at fast food joints or fancy resturants on a regular basis. Instead, we prefer to do a little home cookin' with our own groceries most of the time. It's easier, it's cheaper and it's in the comfort of our own home. To compare that to our Christian lives, it's more like inviting a friend over for dinner to discuss God and life, and we get our spiritual nutrition that way. This method is both easy and effective, and most of us already do this anyway.

If we can agree that the one-on-one relationships are key to a healthy spiritual lives, then we need to make sure it's easy to do. If it's not easy to do then most people won't do it.

Marriage Manners

2007-11-26T10:20:00.000-05:00

Exactly three months ago, I got engaged to my fiance Cam. There has been a flurry of activity ever since then, as can be expected. Notifying friends and family, two engagement parties, two sessions for engagement photos, deciding on the wedding party members, wedding dresses, location, rentals, catering...the list goes on.

Cam is amazingly well-organized. She sees the colours and ideas in her mind's eye so easily, so the design for the invitations and other things is going smoothly. It's been a lot of fun for both of us so far, though I have to give her the majority of the credit for her hard work.

All of this is a frequent topic when I speak to people, as everyone often asks about our plans and the final date and everything. Therein lies the rub. People don't seem to have any qualms about placing me in awkward situations during conversations. Allow me to point a few annoyances...

1. No, you may not invite yourself to the wedding ceremony, the wedding reception or the engagement parties.

2. If you are invited to the wedding or the engagement parties, then please don't ask someone else if they're invited to the wedding. Well, you can ask that question but don't ask it right in front of me! That forces me into the position of blatantly saying the person is not invited.

3. Don't assume you know who the Best Man is, or the Master of Ceremonies, or the Maid of Honour, or whatever. It may or may not be the person you are thinking of, and just throwing that question out in front of me can be a tad weird.

4. My fiance and I currently go to different churches. However, I made the mistake of answering someone's questions honestly, indicating that I would not want to be in a separate church from my own fiance forever. Lo and behold, two minutes later everyone knew that I was considering leaving my current church. Ouch!

(For the record, I am leaving my current church of Glad Tidings Assembly at the end of the Christmas season in order to join Northpark Community Church. And yes, I have informed my pastor about this already. I've been an active member for three and a half years so it will be somewhat sad to leave.)

Granted, some of these issues could have been resolved if I was more private about the planning. And I have had to speak to some casual friends to clearly ask them to back off a bit and not assume an invitation. I would find it all to be amusing if I wasn't so embarrassed by such situations.

And most of all, I think it's funny that I'm complaining about poor manners when in fact I tend to be oblivious to just how rude I can be sometimes. Irony noted.

Back To Square One

2007-11-23T16:07:00.000-05:00

Professionally, this past year was quite a unique experience for me.

In December 2006, I let my company of eight years in order to help found a new company that was intended to help people with disabilities. While it was a great opportunity for me, the money never materialized and I ended up spending my savings during that period. That hurt financially and in retrospect it wasn't a prudent move but it was still a fascinating experience.

At various times during the year, I completed a couple of short-term programming contracts. Those were a ton of fun, and I enjoyed pulling together all of my varied skills to put on these little one-man shows. The trick is finding enough of these small projects, which ain't no small thing.

Back in August 2007, I joined another small company near London as a programmer. As it turns out, they needed someone to do technical support a lot more than they needed coding. Despite by best efforts, I got burned out from the constant phone calls and client care and I eventually had to resign from this job due to overwhelming stress. Today was my last official day with my current company, but they have a bright future ahead of them and I am disappointed that I had to leave.

I actually considered going back to my first company but my old position as Director no longer exists. I wouldn't enjoy returning if it meant kicking someone else out of a current management role, and I don't want to go back as a programmer only and lose the progress I've made in my career so far. That idea is somewhat awkward as well.

So here I am, back at square one. I would dearly love to find a job in people management for a software development team, or as a business analyst, or as a database architect. Overall, I wiped out my savings and ended up below the poverty line this year, which is hilarious. We'll just have to wait to see what happens with my career now...

Top 10 Reason For The Church Of You & Me

2007-11-20T08:20:00.000-05:00

Here is my Top Ten list about the best reasons for Christians to simply live as the church body. That means having friends and helping each other grow, period. One of you may be mentoring or discipling the other, or you may simply be friends on an equal level.

The important thing is not the forum, it's the one-on-one time with each other. You can both be involved in Alpha programs, or cell groups, or Bible studies, or be members of a local church congregation, or play on a band together, or do a soup kitchen ministry together. You can have a mutual friend or two that is equally import to both of you.

As long as those things never take precedance over your one-on-one time then it's all good and will hopefully serve to enhance your growth. As long as the forum does not become a requirement and a rule, the relationship can thrive regardless. So you don't have to be a member of a local church and you don't have to be involved in a ministry. However, you do need to have Christian and non-Christian relationships, and you do need to use your gifts and talents, and you do need to reach out to people. It's just that the format for these things is really, really flexible.

So here is my Top Ten list of the benfits of this "Church of You and Me..."

1. Everyone Needs a Friend
That's a simple truth. Everyone needs a friend and no one wants to feel like they're alone. Someone to laugh and cry with, someone that gives to us and one to whom we can give. There are so many people, of all ages, in all walks of life, inside and outside of the local church, that do not have that kind of close friendship. We all need a friend, and I'm always shocked at how many people don't even have one close friend.

2. No Restrictions on Leadership
Depending on your theological flavour, your personal beliefs and your Christian denomination, you may accept certain restrictions in a local church setting. Some churches will not allow women to teach or preach, some will not allow single men to become elders, some will not allow people without pastoral credentials to give a sermon. However, these restrictions don't even apply if you're simply being friends with someone. Any woman can be a friend to another woman and can mentor them. No credentials or formal training required, just be a friend.

3. Everyone Should Lead
This is the positive flip side of the point above. Not only are there no restrictions on simply developing good friendships, but everyone should do this. (BOCTAOE) All Christians, regardless of maturity and age, can always come alongside someone else. And whether or not you call yourself a mentor officially, this is always the way to grow as a leader and mature. And in my experience, the most dynmaic growth in our own lives comes when we are trying to help others grow.

4. The Body Grows
As my dad said in this post, bringing one friend to salvation every few years isn't too hard. It can be a family member, a coworker, a classmate, anyone that you hang with. And if we do this, the Christian body would grow far more quickly than the rate we now see in North America. (And as bonus, you can still be a member of a local church, you just can't expect the local church to do your ministry for you.)

5. Meet The Need
Since this is all based on friendship, you will hopefully know what is going on in the other person's life. You will know their struggles, whether it's physical or emotional or whatever. And as their friend, you want to help. That might mean kicking in a few bucks to help with school, or inviting them over for dinner. It's simple. You may not be able to meet every need directly by yourself but even then you'll be sure to stand with your friend and support them.

6. Meet The Needs
As an extension of the above point, it can be even easier to meet the needs of a wider circle of friends. So much of our money is normally devoted to tithing, paying the pastors and paying the monthly bills of the local church. If this same money is instead directed to people you know personally, or friends-of-friends, it multiplies it's effectiveness. Just do the math. Take the amount of money that ten people give to the local church in a year and give that directly to friends in need, and the results are tenfold. (To be fair, there are certain things a local church can do much more easily, like planning foreign missions trips or large-scale ministries, but even these I have seen done on an individual basis.)

7. Anywhere
If you live in a tiny town in northern Ontario and you can't afford to build a church and hire a pastor, that's fine since you're just looking to build Christian friendships. If you live in modern-day Russia or China and your local pastor is put into prison and your church congregation is persecuted, you can handle it because it's all based on one-on-one friendships anyway. If you're a missionary heading into a strange part of the world, it's fine if there is no one that speaks English and there is no church, because your goal is to find a friend and lead them to Christ. Friendships work anywhere and everywhere.

8. Anytime
What about the person that works constant night shifts? What about the mother of two infant kids? What about the student that has to go to school full time and has to work full time? No problem. Friends always make time for friends.

9. It's All About Me
Not to be arrogant or selfish, but we can always grow in ways that we need to grow. If we're struggling with something, or we're curious about something, or we want to experience something new, we can go ahead and focus on that. We don't have to listen to weekly sermons that may or may not have much to do with our lives, though we may still prefer to do that through the internet or in a Sunday service. Granted, we need to ensure that we have somebody speaking new things to us and challenging us, otherwise we can get stuck in a rut of always dealing with the same issues and never exploring new areas. The key here is that the ministry that we give and receive is uniquely personalized to us.

10. We're Already Doing It
The most unassuming reason for this is the fact that we're already doing it. Hopefully, we already have a desire for close friends and we already spend time on those friendships. The difference is that we now make this the priority and all of the other aspects of modern Christian life become secondary, which is often not the case these days for church members. Playing on the music team should be secondary to being there for a friend in need. Attending a Sunday service should be less important than coffee with a friend. If we can balance different things like that then good for us, no need to throw the baby out with the bathwater. The most important thing is that we always ensure that our friends are the most important part of our Christian lives.

The Church Of You & Me: Context

2007-11-20T07:27:00.000-05:00

Previously, I posted the Top 10 Reasons For A Big Church. This was in response to my dad's blog post in which he mockingly did the same. However, I am genuinely a fan of both big and small churches. I think that they each offer different advantages and disadvantages related to the number of people in the church.

I've been a member of maybe a dozen churches throughout my lifetime, usually changing churches only when my family moved or when the church closed. Several of those churches had between forty and eighty people, and a few had upwards of one thousand people. Regardless, I was equally involved in the music ministry in each place, and I was often involved in many other areas like youth ministry and small groups. And speaking of small groups, I've been a member of five different cell groups for most of the past ten years, including leading one such group for two and a half years

When we suggest that 90% of the ministry in a church is done by 10% of the people, I was always in that 10%. Spending 20+ hours at church in any given week is not abnormal for me, it's always been my habit. And you know what? I never regretted any of it. I always loved being heavily involved in church, using my gifts and talents for God and to minister to people. I'm a big, big fan of church.

I say all of this in order to supply the context for this next post...

Taken 4 Granted

2007-11-18T23:54:00.000-05:00

My dad has been blogging for a number of months now, often focusing on how the institution of Sunday Services and the local church building actually inhibits and restricts real growth and life in the Christian body. Given my experience over the years, I am increasingly persuaded to agree with this idea. I want to summarize a few of his key points to save y'all the trouble of reading his stuff.

Persecuted For...
If the Christian church is actually persecuted, as it is now in Russia, the simplest solution is to go underground and only have small groups. There is no need for formal church congregations and buildings.

The Cycle of Church Life
Small groups of Christians will thrive and grow, become larger, slowly stop growing and eventually fade away or split. And then this cycle repeats itself...why not stay small and multiply the groups instead? Why repeat this pattern of slow decay?

Why Do You?
Why do we go to a local church? Because the church tells us we should, not because the Bible does. It's a teaching that feeds on itself.

Bill Hybels and I Agree
Willowcreek, the megachurch, did surveys and found no correlation between the church programs and long-term growth and discipleship for Christians. The local church congregation is not as useful as we like to think.

Aftermath!
If we lead only one person to Christ every four years, and those people do the same, we will see explosive growth. It's not too hard to do, and it's way more effective than the statistical growth of the local church.

Is Christ Divided?
Why does the local church need a name, or a building? That ain't in the Bible.

Scattered
In the Old Testament, people demand a king. In modern times, people demand a pastor. Missionaries get by just fine without a pastor.

Empowerment?
We say that we want people to be active as Christians, but if they contradict the ideas of the local church body they'll find that they eventually have to leave the group. The group itself is more important than individuals.

Living Relationally
An oxymoron: The Relational Church. Wayne Jocobsen has a story that illustrates how poorly the local church does in teaching and developing individuals.

Jesus Plus
Why do we feel the need for a local church congregation? Why do we add so much to Jesus, when Jesus himself is enough?

Hmm. Perhaps I will follow this up soon with a Top Ten list of the best reaons to not have a local church congregation...

Jury Duty

2007-11-15T19:52:00.001-05:00

This past Tuesday, I had jury duty. I thought I would write up a bit about my experience just for the sake of curiousity. This is also for anyone who might be called for jury duty in London, Ontario in the future, if they want to know what they're getting into.

I arrived at the court house in downtown London at about 8:45 am for the 9:00 am session. Parking is something like $13.00 if you park at the courthouse, it's $7.00 about a block away and it's only $4.50 if you go three blocks south at the corner of King Street and Ridout. Yes, I chose the best parking spot and I got to brag about it a few times as everyone else complained about the price.

It's a good thing I arrived early at the courthouse. There was a long line of people waiting to go through the security checkin. We had to take everything out of our pockets, our bags were inspected and we had to go through a metal detector. Make sure you have extra time for that. Oh, and make sure you don't bring a drink in with you because it will get confiscated.

Once in, I took the elevator to the 14th floor. It's technically the 13th floor but such floors do not exist in some large buildings. This is where the main courtroom was situated for jury selections. I had my jury duty letter and I had to tear off the bottom portion, sign it and hand it in before I was admitted into the courtroom.

The courtroom seats about 200 spectators, just barely. On this day, we actually had two jury pools of 100 people each. The pool from the previous week had been cancelled and it was deferred to this week with my pool. At around 9:30 am, a lawyer-or-somebody-official came out and informed us that we would have two jury selections, one in the morning and one in the afternoon with a 1.5 hour break for lunch.

The lawyer-or-somebody-official then proceeded with rollcall. He went through two giant stacks of computer-generated cards, verifying that everyone was present. He worked hard to keep things lively, cracking jokes and referencing old names and businesses that he knew. At one point, he asked if one lady knew of so-and-so. The lady answered yes, that was her sister. And the lawyer-or-other responded and said that he had been married to that sister, much to the woman's surprise! Small world...

The lawyer-or-other also used this time to clarify the occupation of each person. Something like "manager" or "sales" had to be made more specific. As an example, he said that defense lawyers in a trial for a bank robbery may not want a bank manager in the jury. And while in civil cases a jury might be random, in this criminal case the lawyers had a finite number of vetoes regarding jury selection.

By coincidence, one of my friends happened to be in this jury pool with me and he sat down just two seats behind me. Nick Hourd had been in the pool for the previous week and now he was joining me in this selection. Interesting occurence, considering that I was hanging out with him the previous Friday. So later on, we got the chance to sit together and quietly crack jokes like those two guys on The Muppet Show.

At around 10:30 pm, the judge and the lawyers and the court officials and the cops and the defendant all came into the courtroom. "All rise...something, something...Queen and Britain...please sit down." Then they read the charges in this first case against the defendant. There were two charges, one for 2nd degree murder and one for arson. Based on that, it would seem that this guy was accused of lighting a house on fire on June 1 2006, thereby killing a woman that had been inside. The defendant then gave his plea for each charge, pleading guilty for the fire thing and not guilty for the worse thing.

After that, they stuck all of the jury cards into a big bingo spinner and mixed 'em all up. They pulled out twenty cards and had everyone come up one at a time as their name was called. After four or five people were lined up at the front, the judge explained (for a second time) that they were supposed to talk to the judge as they came forward if they had any good reason to be excluded from jury duty. Immediately, most of the people that were lined up stepped forward and gave some excuse and they were excused, leaving just one person standing there.

They gradually called more and more people up until they had 20 people in line that were willing and able to do jury duty. The excuses that people had for exclusion were sometimes quite amusing. A few examples...

One lady announced that she was turning 100 next year and preferred not to participate.
Another lady's occupation was announced as "maternity leave." 'Nuff said.
One guy said he had cancer was starting chemo and the judge was this close to making him stay anyway.
A couple of people said that they recognized the accused or one of the lawyers or witnesses involved.
There was one priest that was excused on religious grounds.
A lot of people said they had business trips that were absolutely required, and some simply offered the fact that they couldn't afford the time off.
One guy offered the poor excused of being important at work and not wanting to burden his co-workers. He was let off but then the judge gave everyone a lecture about how she realized that this was a burden to everyone but each potential juror had to prove that it was an "undue burden" if they wanted to the be excused.

Other than that, the minimum requirements for a juror are that:

They can understand english very well - not just conversational english since a court case is intricate.
They are a legal citizen of Canada.
They have adequate hearing abilities.
In this case, that they are available for approximately three weeks.

Once the line up of twenty potential jurors was set, each person was brought forward one at a time and they were told to look at the accused, and the accused was to look at them. Because this was a criminal case, the lawyers on each side had veto power to dismiss 12 potential people. The lawyers alternated, giving each side a chance to say "Content" or "Challenge" for each person. The lawyers took notes of each person and their occupation and it was an interesting little game of strategy. In the end, the jury seemed to be made of mostly of people that were 40 years old or older, with a few more men than women. It seemed to me the the lawyers were looking for people that seemed dispassionate and logical but that's just my opinion.

In the first set of names, about 40 people were called up and 20 or so were excused. Of these 20, only six were actually admitted to jury duty. After that, they gathered another line up of 10 people, then again a group of 5, and then another group of 5. So there were probably 100 or so names called in all form the jury pool to create a 12-member jury with two additional alternate members.

Once a jury member was agreed upon, they had the choice of swearing in or affirming. By swearing in, they held a Christian Bible and swore to uphold justice so help them God, or something like that. By affirming, the juror just had to promise real hard. Of the 14 jurors selected, only one man opted for affirmation. He was an awkward little asian guy that had trouble understanding the difference between affirming and swearing in. In the end, he simply said that he wanted to "stay away from the Bible," which I found quite amusing. I also thought that most of the people swearing by God was a little funny since I doubt that all 13 of those jurors were actually Christian.

So that was the end of that. All of the court-like people vacated the place and then the jury pool just sat around for another hour or so. We had the option of leaving at any time to go to the bathroom or to get a drink of water. And as the one lawyer-or-other guy said, the final jury members are "treated like gold" and they can get whatever they want, whether it's a bathroom break or a sandwich.

Time dragged on and it was well after 1:00 pm when somebody came back into the courtroom to announce that everyone could go home. We had been waiting to find out how long the lunch break was going to be but then the second courtcase was settled out of court around noon and they cancelled the whole thing. So we got out early, albeit quite hungry, and then Nick and I went out for a long and relaxing lunch.

All in all, 'twas a fascinating day. And this seemed like a fairly big trial with a lot at stake so that added to it all. Very serious stuff but I really enjoyed the experience.

Links & Blinks

2007-11-13T07:52:00.000-05:00

Ashleigh has finally returned after being away for almost two months. She's still trying to catch up on all of the e-mail and facebook messages, but in the meantime she has managed to update her blog again.

If you want a tour-de-force, read this short story on Abe's blog as he describes himself watching the world die while he does nothing. Powerful images...

David Grant had this recent post about Willowcreek church. As one of the famous mega-churches, they just completed some intensive studies and discovered that their 30 years of church programs have no real correlation with a person deepening their relationship with God. By my estimation, people that want a deeper relationship with Christ will get it regardless of the church setting, and the average church attendee will just be satisfied with simply attending church. Do we just assume that church helps us grow, until someone pulls out the facts that say otherwise? And if church doesn't do the trick then what is the best environment?

There is some good, ongoing discussion on this recent post of mine. Is it enough to just make a buck at work, or do we expect more from our workplaces? As a manager, do we strive for satisfied and happy employees, or do we just expect people to do their jobs? Some interesting perspectives are popping up there...

As They Say In Zanzibar

2007-11-09T18:21:00.000-05:00

And now for the return of my selection of proverbs from around the globe. My theme this time centres on rats and mice, for no particular reason. I chose some of these as truisms but others I chose primarily for the humour. The trick is interpreting all of these correctly.

When rats infest a palace a lame cat is better than the swiftest horse. China

The one who hunts two rats will catch neither. Uganda

A cat with mittens won't catch mice. Scotland

The cat who frightens the mice away is as good as the cat who eats them. Germany

The mouse is not crushed under the haystack. Scotland

The cat does not catch mice for God. India

When the mouse laughs at the cat, there is a hole. Gambia

It is a cunning mouse which nests in the cat's ear. England

Reference: As They Say In Zanzibar

Tit For Tat

2007-11-06T09:47:00.000-05:00

I'm very much a 9-to-5 sort of guy. I come in on time and I leave on time. For many years at the beginning of my career, I actually despised the idea of working past 5:00:00 pm. That's right, down to the second. For me, leaving on time emphasized that my life outside of work, including my family and friends, was just as important or more important than my career. Workaholism was a dirty word to me and I really tried to avoid letting work take over my life.

The thing is, most employers tend to frown on this kind of behaviour. Employers want to see someone that is dedicated to the company, someone with ambition, someone willing to go that extra mile. They want happy customers and completed deadlines, and if that means taking an extra phone call at 4:58 PM or coming in on a weekend then so be it. Employers want a team player, someone personally invested in the company, someone they can count on.

It took me a long time to figure that out. So I gradually made small changes. Sticking around for an extra fifteen minutes made me look good even if little was happening. I still made a point of leaving at five o-clock regularly but I also made myself available when asked, and then I would advertise my extra work a little bit to the managers. If I'm going work extra time, I want the credit for it at least.

I will even offer to work extra weekends provided that I am paid the expected overtime. Ah, but that's where things fall apart. Suddenly these looming priorities and impending emergencies can wait until Monday if we have to pay time and a half to get them done. Money puts everything into perspective for a manager, it seems.

Companies, owners and managers want and expect employees to go that extra mile. And not only that, but not going the extra mile and sacrificing personal time is viewed poorly. It's a negative trait to refuse to work unpaid overtime or ten hour shifts.

The irony here is that these same companies will demand that everyone arrive on time at the start of the day. They will reprimand people that make personal calls or check their private e-mail. They will quell casual conversations between co-workers and split up teams that are too noisy. (And they usually don't realize that removing this freedom actually makes people work more poorly, not better.)

So companies place these demands on their employees and they often offer nothing in return. It's not a give-and-take proposition, it's a take-and-take deal. And if an employee challenges this, it's the employees reputation and standing that takes the hit.

As a manager and programmer, whenever I had deadlines looming I would make sure I got them done every time. Often enough, I would stay and work that extra Saturday shift in order to meet Monday's due date. I figured that was better than forcing my team to give up their weekend. As a by-product of setting that example, my team was then more willing to give up a few hours the odd Saturday every six months because they knew that I did it several times before for their sake. And as a manager, I tried to ensure that these types of extra shifts were not necessary in the first place because that would indicate poor planning from the start, so making a habit of it would be a systematic problem.

Companies can certainly have high expectations, I'm not disagreeing with that. However, companies need to offer something in return as well. If companies take-and-take, eventually the employee will have nothing left to give. Like strip mining a natural resource, the ground will be torn up. New ground and new people will be needed as the old people feel like they are forced to leave.

If we want to get the most from our employees, we need to give them something back.

Engagement Photos

2007-11-03T18:42:00.000-04:00

This past week, Cam and I had our engagement photos done. We were supposed to visit our photographer in Toronto but the evening before we were informed that he had sprained his ankle and our plans were canceled. Our good friend Lori stepped in at the last minute and we managed to do an hour-long session at Pinafore Park in St. Thomas. Many thanks to Lori for that, she's been a great friend to both of us. And for your viewing pleasure, here is a selection of the many photos.

It was difficult for me to take my eyes off of Cam during our photo shoot. She is captivating to me...beautiful, beautiful.

The Measure Of A Manager

2007-10-29T13:37:00.000-04:00

How can a manager know that they're any good at what they do? The manager's manager will rarely see what they do on a daily basis, they just get the end results. And the people that are supervised will very likely never give their honest opinion for fear of reprisal. So the manager ends up in this nebulous zone within which they as they please and think as they wish, with no real feedback.

The easiest and most common measuring stick is the end results. The big deadlines, the ongoing projects, the new initiatives, the paperwork, the meetings. As long as those goals are met and they look good, that's all that we ask.

And the means to that end? Bah! It's too hard to measure easily and superficially. Threaten the employees, intimidate them, use sarcasm and derision, "constructive" criticism, expect unpaid overtime, withhold the next pay raise, etc. Whatever gets the job done, right?

There's still the tell-tale sign of employee turnover, but we can attribute that to the employees being selfish and immature. There is the option of the ominous Exit Interview but that requires a certain degree of trust, honesty, openness and genuine curiousity. Plus, it's uncomfortable to do, so it's easier to just let people leave and draw our own conclusions.

By definition, most people hover around the average. Most managers are average, most employees are average, most results are average. It's much harder to develop or find superstars in the professional market. It follows that most managers are merely adequate in their roles, and yet most of them don't realize this.

Many managers are simply promoted from another job, and no realizes that the skills of management are entirely different than their previous skills. And that experience and talent that they may have had as a programmer really doesn't translate into making people feel good about their jobs and not exhausting the talent. It's assumed that natural instinct and clever ideas are enough, so managers don't bother to research or study or assess themselves in any meaningful way.

The biggest problem with a bad manager is that they do not realize that they're bad. The biggest problem with an average manager is that they think they are good. Only the best managers continue to grow and become even better, recognizing their own weaknesses and strengths, whilst the rest become accustomed to the status quo.

Actually, that's incorrect. Poor managers aren't just accustomed to the status quo. They actually like it, and like it a lot. They will defend the status quo with every political and psychological trick in the book, even at the expense of everything else.

If you're a good manager, you will look for real feedback. You will want an honest reflection of your professional skills and the opinions of those with whom you work. You want to see the mirror clearly and won't be satisfied with anything less.

Movie Jerk

2007-10-27T23:57:00.000-04:00

You know how you can be in a movie theatre and there's that one obnoxious person right behind you that cheers and claps and laughs like a fool throughout the movie?

Heh. Yeah, that's me.

I don't know when this habit of mine started. I distinctly remember a time when I was extremely well behaved in a movie theatre, quiet as a mouse and only laughing politely. Hmmm...

I seem to remember watching one of the most recent Star Wars at the theatres. Beforehand, I was standing in line for two and a half hours with other geeks and anticipating the greatness of these new movie. And once Yoda started flipping around during his main fight scene, and the crowd cheered loudly in unison...yeah, that was a great moment.

And more recently than that, I remember watching The Protector. The audience, mostly made up of guys, was blown away by the Bruce Lee styled fight at the end as the protaganist brutally beat down wave after wave of henchmen. Much cheering ensued once we caught our breath, so it really got a reaction out of us.

So thanks to a few of these big blockbusters and action movies, I have experienced some amazing movies that really drew a response from everyone in the theatre. And from this, I think that I gradually lost a lot of my inhibitions as a movie viewer.

So now I'm that guy that randomly cheers a cool stunt. The one that claps repeatedly after an awesome fight scene. The one that laughs uproariously at the hilarious jokes, and the one that laughs way too much at things that are only slightly amusing. I'm the one that exclaims something when the rest of the theatre is completely quiet, when I'm surprised by a plot twist or I really enjoy some subtlety of the scene. And I'm the guy that makes a none-too-quiet comment after I see an exciting movie trailer before the feature presentation starts.

I have always enjoyed movies quite thoroughly and I often try to see a movie on the opening weekend. And now that this hobby of mine is interactive, I like watching movies even more. I offer no apologies if I'm that annoying guy right behind you, all I can offer is an invitation to you to enjoy the movie as much as I do. So that's me, the movie jerk extraordinaire. :)

Spiritual Life Support

2007-10-23T10:22:00.000-04:00

Currently, I'm a participant in three different churches.

As a formal member of Glad Tidings Assembly, I was involved in cell group with the church for three years. I play percussion and sing backup vocals for the worship team, several times a month. I'm also an annual member of the Christmas Choir and I have been involved in a few other ministries.

I also attend Open Door Christian Fellowship. I am involved with the Young Adults group there since GTA has little for me in that regard. I've been doing that for two and a half years now, and last year I was co-leader of the worship for YA as well.

Finally, I have recently started attending Saturday evening services at North Park Community Church. That's because of my fiance, and I go to Alpha with her here as well.

So I'm a member of three churches at the moment, and I'm fairly busy with each one. Come January, I am seriously considering cutting back and simply joining my fiance Cam at North Park for Saturday evening services and not doing anything else at all, as far as ministry goes. I don't know if I can actually last for very long without being involved with a music team at church but that's what I am considering right now.

You know what I am thinking about, though? I'm wondering what my spiritual life will be like at that point. As it now stands, I don't do enough daily Bible reading or prayer or private worship for my liking. Once I ditch all of these church activities, I wonder if I'll be hit with the sudden shock of how dependant my spiritual health is on my official church programs.

Is the church my spiritual life support? Is my personal faith in God just surviving because I go to all of these events and ministries? Is it like a respirator in a hospital that keeps me breathing, and I don't even use my own lungs anymore? Where is the depth and meaning in my own private time with God, where is the passion and purpose within my soul? Is my personal relationship with Jesus being killed by an unknown and hidden cancer?

I suspect that I am that dying man, lying in the hospital as the respirator pumps up and down while my heartbeat just barely keeps beeping. I suspect that church has made me dependant on this machine and I will struggle to live on my own without it. And I suspect that this is the case for a lot of other people in church these days...

Mumbly Joe

2007-10-17T07:01:00.000-04:00

I have the particular habit of mumbling. In my head, my voice is clear enough but too often people miss what I am saying. It seems to be a combination of being too quiet, having a bass voice and not enunciating properly.

Near as I can figure, this is my response to having a very loud family. With three kids running around our house, plus a menagerie of animals, volume was a given. My parents and my siblings each have impressive pipes, too.

If you're arguing, the best tactic is to raise your voice, right? And if other people are speaking, we get louder to compensate. And if the television is on or the music is blaring, we can easily shout those down. Historically, my family would do this even when we were in the car on long trips, or especially in those cases, much to my father's annoyance. And then he would raise his voice even more to tell us to be quiet. It's ironical or something...

So I very intentionally have developed these quiet speaking patterns. Not that I don't have the ability to be the loudest one in the room. I often am, especially if I'm laughing at something. And while singing or acting, I can certainly project my voice with ease. However, I have cultivated a persona of self-control and calm in many situations, and keeping my voice low is an aspect of that.

Just call me Mumbly Joe. (Ten points if you know that reference...)

Pictures Of God

2007-10-15T10:43:00.000-04:00

Do you know the story of King David and the prophet Nathan? It's in 2 Samuel 12, and Nathan uses a parable to confront David's sin of adultery with Bathsheba.

I recently noticed that I tend to keep this image of God in my head. Anytime I have a sin for which I have not repented, I briefly worry that God will send somebody to prophecy over me, revealing my sin and demanding my repentance. He'll just uncover my deeply hidden sin and let someone call me on it.

I don't really think that this is God's usual gameplan, nor do I think that he is a particularly judgmental guy that just wants to crush people. I know that God loves me, I know that Jesus died for me, I know that sin hurts him and it hurts me, and I know that God just wants what is best for me.

And yet, the very fact that this minor concern pops into my head may indicate something about my view of God. Why would such a dramatic image have stuck with me for all of these years? Usually it doesn't have any real effect on me, other than to remind me that I do need to repent. I usually dismiss that condemnation and guilt and instead try to come back to God honestly and ask for real forgiveness.

What about you? Do you have any images or worries or ideas that define your view of God? Do you innately assume that God shares a lot of characteristics with your biological father? Do you interpret life through a coloured lens of who God is to you? Sometimes these things are not obvious, like this subtle fear I have that keeps cropping up. Sometimes it's a more obvious thing, where we directly claim that God is a jerk or whatever.

So what is your picture of God?

Pile It On

2007-10-11T09:50:00.000-04:00

In the average company, work piles up like the laundry and dishes pile up in our homes. The clients keep calling and calling and the deadlines continue to march down upon us. It doesn't matter how many people you spoke to or how many problems you have resolved, there's always another person and a new problem. Um, not to compare clients to dirty dishes and smelly clothes but you get the point. It's a never-ending flow of work.

So what does the average company and the average manager do? Piles it on. These are all things that have to get done, and someone has to do them, so it might as well be...you!

Sure, we know that you're crazy busy and it's a miracle that you're keeping up with everything so far. That's a testament to your talent and how good you are. And logically, since you're keeping up with everything now, and you're so good at what you do, you should be able to handle just a bit more. Right?

So we add to the workload of our best employees, while we let the lesser employees stay as they are because we can't quite trust them with these new tasks. And we assign the jobs that nobody wants to the employees that won't complain, and those just happen to be our best employees, too. And we see how good our best employees are, so we want to reward them and use them to oversee the lesser employees, so we give them the grunt work of daily supervision and reporting as well.

And eventually, our best employees leave. One after another after another. And we stand amazed that people of such talent and dedication and desire couldn't cut it. Apparently they weren't quite as good as we thought, otherwise they would never have complained and they would never leave.

As an employee, we need to understand the limits of what we can do. We need to have a clear idea about how much is too much. We need to stand up and defend our time, to challenge the idea that we can cram three days into one. We need to assert ourselves, lay out everything that we have on our schedule, and get those priorities straight or get some work reassigned to someone else. Staying late regularly to finish that last project and meet that last deadline is a fool's errand and it will never end.

As a manager, we need to be the strongest defender of our employee resources. We need to be the ones that analyze the workload. We need to see that it's too much for any one person to handle, and we need to see overwhelming work coming ahead of time. We need to add extra staff, reassign extra work or defer some of the tasks. We need to take on the grunt work of reports and time consuming meetings so that our employees spend their time efficiently on the important things. And we need to decide what the important things are, since so much of what a business does every day amounts to so very little. Clear away the needless stuff, remove all of the obstacles and let our employees do what they do best.

The work isn't going to go away. We can keep on working hard and long, like a dog digging a hole, or we can find a better way to bury that bone.

The Boss

2007-10-09T09:40:00.000-04:00

How did the "boss" get his name?

From the fact that at one time he had complete authority over his workers and could thrash them at will. "Boss" comes from the Old High German word bozan which means " to beat."

Source: "Why Do We Say It? The stories behind the words, expressions and cliches that we use." By Castle Books, no author.

Always With The Laughs

2007-10-03T20:20:00.000-04:00

"I'm the kind of guy who laughs at a funeral.
Can't understand what I mean?
Well, you soon will."
One Week by Barenaked Ladies
I laugh at everything. Jokes, funny comments and puns? Always. Cartoons and comedies? I'll laugh louder than anyone else. The joys of life? Happy and hearty guffaws. The absurdities of life? Why not laugh? Insults, accusations, threats and anger? Mocking mirthfulness ensues. Disappointment, loss and heartache? Better to laugh than cry, I always say.

Even when I shouldn't laugh, I still do. Check that: Especially during the times when I shouldn't laugh, I still do. Everyone has their own defense mechanism, and mine seems to be laughter.

Uncomfortable situations make be giggle repeatedly. Someone yelling at me will draw a wry smile to my face, though I work to control that reaction since it only creates more of a problem. The best kind of bad situation will make me laugh, like this time when my van was broken into. The most annoying frustrations strike me as hilarious, like this time when I waited for the slowest train ever. And yes, I have indeed laughed at a funeral. Many times, in fact.

Laughter is my go-to move. It's my default reaction almost regardless of the situation. Sometimes it's just a subtle giggle, sometimes it's crazy laugh-to-the-sky hysterics. Sometimes it's for a good reason, sometimes it's not. I don't know how or why I developed this trait but it strikes me as funny. Of course.

I find it even more amusing to note the main defense mechanisms of my friends and family, especially in contrast to my own. Anger is a common response, along with all the mess that entails. Withdrawing and shutting down is another option I've seen. Dominating others or enforcing our independance can work fine sometimes. Some people have a million fears in any situation, some have a million tears. And while I rely on laughter so often, I've certainly used a couple of those other ones as well.

I love to laugh, and yet I find my own writing to be so bereft of humour. That's so odd...and it strikes me as funny. Heh.

Our Engagement

2007-09-30T17:57:00.000-04:00

As Cam wrote about here, we recently became engaged and I gave Cam the engagement ring on September 10th, 2007. Cam took the two pictures above and below herself. The ring itself is a platinum band with a knife-edge cut and the diamond is a brilliant one. It compliments Cam's hand perfectly and I am very happy that I was able to select this ring with her help. This ring is the promise of our future together and I can hardly wait until we are married... I love this woman!

On Saturday September 20, 2007, my parents hosted a Bonfire & BBQ at our home to celebrate our engagement. We had about fifty people arrive at different times in the evening, some of whom were meeting Cam for the first time. My parents organized everything, my brother cooked up the succulent meat and Cam's mother Kim prepared Vietnamese springrolls from scratch. Everyone loved the food and since there were so many people from so many different social circles, there were plenty of new faces to see and all kinds of interesting conversations.

(Note: Most likely, Cam and I will host our own engagement party during the winter/spring. This was much more of a spur-of-the-moment thing that was planned the previous weekend.)

Later on in the evening, we relocated from the deck and inside the house to the bonfire in the lower field. The last time we did this, we had a lower deck on our house and the steep walk down the hill to the bonfire was somewhat treacherous. However, my parents tore out that bottom porch a couple of weeks ago and built a really long staircase, so the walk down was much more pleasant this time around.

Many thanks to everyone that came last night. The congratulations and card and gifts were much appreciated. It was a lot of fun for me to get the chance to see everyone and let you share in our happiness. And for more pictures, please see the next blog post.

P.S. Have I mentioned how much I love Cam?

Bring The Ring: Engagement Party

2007-09-30T17:56:00.000-04:00

Here are some additional pictures from the engagement party that my parents hosted on Saturday September 29, 2007. For more details, please see this blog post.

Family Values

2007-09-23T23:15:00.000-04:00

A question was raised recently that I thought was rather interesting. What were your family values when you were growing up? That's not referring to what you think is important or the moral code you live by. It means the key things that were emphasized on a regular basis, that were backed up in both word and action, those things that defined your family.

As it happens, some of these family values may not be positive things. Or, your family might have preached some things that you straight up disagree with now. Even so, what were the central themes of your family life when you were a kid? Or you for your immediate family now?

I was trying to think of how I would answer that for my family. There's a lot of great things, and some not so great things, that I picked up along the way. Let me list the biggest things that I can see...

1. Family Time
Every Sunday Night we used to have movie night back in Wawa. That was always great. Throw in board games, Jays baseball when we were really young, road trips to Florida... Yeah, family night was always a regular feature and it was always required for both of my parents and we three kids. Good times.

2. Church
Personal faith in God, sure. However, the real focus was on church and lots of it. Every week, multiple times a week, for extended periods of time, for as long as I can remember. Early to arrive, late to leave. Usually last to leave, actually, whether that was here in London or back in Wawa or back in Peterborough or back in Thorold before that. We're talking decades of regular and frequent attendance, involved in everything from Sunday school to youth to music to sports stuff. I enjoyed it all along but these days... Let's just say that hindsight makes me question how useful it all was.

3. Big Decisions Are Easy
My family has made several major moves to new cities over the years. Parts of my family have even moved to new countries in recent times. My parents have changed careers drastically a few times, we have changed churches, we've all gone to school, etc. Sometimes these decisions took a while to consider and finalize, and they often came at a steep cost. However, I tend to look at how easily these decisions kicked in so many times. (Granted, part of this perspective is probably due to my childhood naivete.) From the initial start of it all when my parents got engaged after only dating for four weeks, to my parents ditching Canada to teach in Korea after thinking about it for all of a month. Big decisions are easy.

That's my initial list. Anyone else want to offer something about your own families?

One Question

2007-09-19T09:57:00.000-04:00

This past week, I was in a group discussing various things and someone asked this common question: "If Jesus was physically here with us, what is the one question that you would ask him?"

I think that our answers to this question reveal a lot about our perspective of God and faith and the focus of our lives. Here's a sample of a few of the group's answers...

"Why? Why do you allow such bad things to happen to people? Why do you allow such bad things to happen to me? Why?"

"How am I doing? Am I good enough? Do I need to fix some stuff? Am I doing enough?"

"Do you love me?"

This discussion is a cliche in Christian circles but I don't think that these are superficial questions. They really reveal our hearts and inner thoughts. These questions really mean a lot to each person that asks. Even if some of them seem simple to answer, the reality of people's personal lives and tragic stories makes these questions deeply consequential. Flippant answers do not resolve the emotion and doubt and pain and confusion that lies within these questions.

What would your one question be?

Lessons From The Office: Part IV

2007-09-14T14:20:00.000-04:00

I've come a long way over the years since I graduated from Fanshawe College. As a manager and software designer, I have developed some clear principles that guide my decisions. Some of these lessons were learned the hard way by failing in many ways, but some of these lessons were learned through different kinds of success. While I did learn a lot through other activities like leading small groups and worship teams at church, the majority of my training came from the eight years that I spent with AV-Base Systems. I will be eternally grateful to this company, and to Bert and Helen, for that period in my life.

Allow me to summarize a few more lessons...

Words are powerful, use them wisely.
Ain't just words. Sticks and stones will break my bones...

Focus on strengths, not weaknesses.
Focus on strengths, not weaknesses. Build people up and let them reach their full potential. Don't focus on chiseling away the rough edges or else we'll wear away even the good qualities.

Emotional bank account.
Emotional bank account. Positive reinforcement is necessary. Any teacher can tell you this. If we rarely speak to an employee, and the only time we do it we are negative, that employee will start to run the other way when they see us. And eventually they will run away from the company entirely.

Encouragement and recognition are crucial.
On a superficial level, we all know this. I always had trouble with this myself and I had to learn the hard way, as I discuss in detail in the links above. Beyond that, I also believe that real and tangible recognition is key. Personal compliments are good and public statements are great. However, if everyone knows you're amazing at your job and you never receive a raise, that can say a lot more than words. If everyone comes to you to deal with hard stuff at work but then the newbie that you're training has a starting salary that is more than yours, that means something. And if you're acknowledged as the "senior" something for day-to-day work but your job title does not reflect your role, that's a statement.

Talk to the people that are effected.
Consult with the people that will be effected by our decisions. Discuss the options with the people that have to implement them. Let them have their say and offer their experience and suggestions. Even the very best idea in the world, done for the very best of reasons, will frustrate the employees if we simply announce it by decree 'cause we're the boss.

Experience and expertise are supreme.
Being the boss doesn't mean that we're the best person to make every decision. It doesn't mean that we understand the issues and the big picture better than anyone else. Chances are, we will repeatedly make mistakes if we try to oversee an area that others actually handle on a daily basis. We need to rely on our best people to get the best results.

Learn from history.
High employee turnover rates are the most visible sign of problems, so pay attention to it. Whether people quit or they are fired, that means something. It indicates something about the working environment, the management style, the pay scale, etc. As this article notes, call centres average a 31% turnover rate annually while fast-food joints average a 123% rate. Don't we want to be better than those kinds of places? And most information technology companies probably don't realize that one lost employee can cost them about $34,100.00. Factor in job posting, interviews, training, new computers, newbie mistakes...it all adds up, though it's an invisible number that can be ignored too easily. Ignore history and we're doomed to repeat it.

Managers are the grunt workers.
This idea runs directly against common wisdom. A manager's job is to make the daily work of our employees as easy as possible. Cut through the red tape, deal with the meetings, get rid of the distractions, handle the irate complaints, give them the tools and training they need, etc. If we are not serving our employees then we are ruling over them. And everyone likes a good revolt...

Part I - Meaningful change is hard, meaningless change is easy.
Part II - We're all different. Use that to our advantage.
Part III - Good managers make others better.

Five Things I Didn't Learn In Sunday School

2007-09-06T20:15:00.000-04:00

This past year has been a fascinating time for me. Scattered amongst the rubble of changes in my life, I accidentally uncovered nuggets of truth. My perspective as a Christian has been molded and reformed in dozens of new ways and my spiritual life has taken on a very different shape. Here are a few pieces that I have picked up along the way. I assume that even these things will be torn down as I continue on this particular journey...

1. Christian Business
I've encountered several versions of what a "Christian Business" or a "Christian Entrepreneur" should look like, at least five flavours by my count. The idea of merging my faith with my profession always seemed like a lofty ideal and...yeah, pretty much. I'm a lot more cynical about anyone mentioning how God leads business decisions, or how business policies reflect Biblical values, or how a business will be used as a ministry. The most effective Christian businessman that I have known, in terms of reaching people for Christ, doesn't even bother to mix business with faith. Ministry just happens because of who they are, not by professional design. Build a box for faith and watch it falter...

2. God's Plans
Ah, the mysteries of life. It's been a roller coaster ride for me this year, and I have a couple of friends who redefined what that "roller coaster" analogy even means. Things that seemed to be so clearly within God's will fall apart and things that we desperately wish for will fade away. And conversely, dreams that are too good to imagine will come out of nowhere to become reality. Figuring out the theology and logic behind it makes us either confused or hurt, and it doesn't really get us anywhere. Better to go with the flow, in the hands of You Know Who.

3. Legalism & Assumptions
House of Cards, eh? Tithing, Sunday services, paid ministers, church buildings, subtle judgments, spiritual covering, anti-Biblical teaching, etc. So many of my precious ideas about Christianity, the things that I held true for so long and defended with such vigour, were wrong. Not just wrong but even destructive. It's insane to realize how little I still know about any of this God stuff...

2. This Holy Spirit Person
My assumptions about baptism of the Holy Spirit have been shown as cheap trinkets of knowledge. Following the leading of the Holy Spirit daily, looking for him to direct each of my conversations and prayers and actions...it's so foreign to me. And this is coming from the free-flow Spirit-led heart-of-worship guy that I am. What comes so easily to me within the realm of worship music seems so unattainable in my regular life. And yet, with insightful examples and stories from certain key friends, I find that it's something that I really desire. My silly brain just gets in the way a lot...

1. Relationship
My relationship with Cam ("Hi Cam!") has revealed much to me about my relationship with God. The passion and admiration and love that I have for her has become a mirror of my heart with God. To know and love God personally, to have a relationship with him...it's such a common phrase for us modern "anti religion" believers. And compared to this earthly relationship of mine, I realize how hollow and superficial my relationship with God is. And yet I find that it inspires me and makes me yearn for more of God. Amazing.

Everything I know I learned in Sunday School. And everything I am learning is tearing that down. God is tearing me down, piece by piece, and making me into a new kind of person.

A Love Like This

2007-08-30T19:06:00.000-04:00

Patiently, passionately have I waited.
Carefully, quietly have I longed.
To find my star, the light of my life.
To free my soul, to finally let go.
To give myself away.

Mysteriously, miraculously has she come.
Hopefully, helpfully did she approach.
To see my heart, to know my thoughts.
To pierce my heart, to take me in.
To love all of me.

I have heard of this kind of love, in fairy tales and from aged couples. The kind of love that is so honest and free, so intense and empassioned, so easy and innocent, so crazy and wise. The kind of love for Happily Ever After. The kind of love that makes a couple still gaze into each other's eyes so deeply after the years have gone. The kind of love that burns instantly and explodes brilliantly, like a supernova that shines across millions of years.

I have heard of this love and it's unfathomable but I have found it. No, that's not it. I didn't find this love, this love has found me. I found her and she found me.

On Sunday August twenty-fourth of two thousand and seven, I asked Cam M. N. Tran to marry me. She accepted.

The Saturday beforehand, I began to make preparations. I spoke to my mom and then later to my dad to tell them I was going to ask The Question. As I predicted, my mom's first reaction was to slap me hard in the arm, immediately following that with a big hug and much excitement. My dad responded by saying, "It's about time!" and then offering some sage advice.

On Sunday afternoon at four o'clock in the afternoon, I arrived at Cam's apartment. I had purchased six dozen roses and I placed them with the vase on the floor in front of her door. I knocked and then scurried around the corner. Cam looked through the peephole and saw no one, so she opened the door and was greeted by an abundance of flowers.

I then stepped out from around the corner, we entered her apartment and she stared in amazement at this bouquet. It included five dozen red roses and one dozen white roses, plus baby's breath and green leaves among the petals. The florist said this was the single biggest collection of roses that she had ever prepared and she was surprised that she even managed to fit them all into the vase.

Once we were inside, Cam and I sat down on the couch. She laid in my arms while still focusing on the roses. I then read a long love letter than I had written. I have written her many love letters and a few poems and songs before but this was the first time that I had read one aloud to her. And at the end of the letter, I asked The Question.
"Will you marry me?"
She had suspected that I might ask her soon but she was surprised none the less. "Really? Is this really happening?", she asked. And she immediately answered yes, and then yes again, and then yes again and again...

The previous Friday marked two months since our first date. Initially, she thought that my letter and the roses were intended to celebrate that milestone. However, I had gotten her three roses on that day to mimic the three roses from our first date so this extravagent gesture was fairly unexpected.

After enjoying an hour together by ourselves, it was time to start sharing this crazy news! The remainder of the evening was a whirlwind of phone calls and driving. We informed our parents and our siblings. I even made a direct call to South Korea on my cell phone so that I could speak to my sister. Then we went to St. Thomas so we could each inform Lori, who was the friend that used to work with both of us and had played match maker. After we left Lori and Brooke to finish their bath, Cam and I had dinner in St. Thomas together.

Then we returned to London and we made an impromptu visit with Tara for a bit because she is a good friend to each of us. Many phone calls and other visits ensued for the rest of the evening and over the next two days. It all culminated with changing our official Facebook relationship status and now, this blog. Heh.

There is one more amusing note about this story. I was writing my love letter earlier on that Sunday afternoon. As is my habit, I e-mailed the document to myself so that I could go and print it from the main computer in my house. After sending the file and checking my inbox, I came to a sudden realization: I had accidentally sent the e-mail to Cam instead!

Slightly panicked as I realized my error, I immediately phoned her and asked her not to check her e-mail account. She actually had her e-mail open at the time but she had not received my mistaken missive yet so she complied and closed her browser. Wow, I just barely averted that crisis. The e-mail in question was entitled "The Question" and the document attachment was named "Engagement.doc." Good thing I got away with that one!

Now to answer all of the persistant questions...
No, she does not have a ring yet. She preferred to select one with me but we'll have one on her left hand soon enough. Pictures will be posted at that point, naturally.

No, we do not have a date set yet. We're considering at least one year away, possibly more.

No, we have not decided on any of the million other decisions related to weddings. We are aware of these things, especially since we have several friends that recently became engaged as well, but we'll take our time and enjoy each other for now.

If you're interested in learning more about how we got together, you can read my blog and her blog. To all of my friends and family, thank you so much for the warm wishes and encouragement and excitement and love.

And Cam, I love you so much. The depth of your beauty draws me in, a light that is fully radiant in spirit, soul and body. I am amazed by you, by simply who you are. And I want to be with you, each day and forever.

Links & Blinks

2007-08-23T07:04:00.000-04:00

Congratulations to Richard and Tara. They have been engaged for a little while now, as Tara wrote here. They have now set a formal wedding date: March 30th, 2008. The wedding will take place at Circle Square Ranch, which is where they first met when they were summer camp counselors there.

Super-crazy-amazing-fantastic congrats to my friends Joel Terry and Alma. Alma is now pregnant and she is expecting their second child together! The due date is sometime in April 2007, no word on if it's a boy or girl yet. This is great news, especially since they have been talking recently about having another baby, and their daughter Rhea is excited by the idea of having a young sibling. I love the story of their family. Woo hoo!

As for recent bloggers, Ashleigh wrote about her recent experiences. Our friend Nicci also wrote about her recent experiences here. They both opened up honestly about the challenges they have each faced in the past few months.

And a random blogger was searching the web and came across this blog from my dad, and then found my blog in turn. She wrote about that here. She also wrote her own brief biography here, talking about the obstacles that she has overcome throughout her life. Wow.

The Source

2007-08-20T10:04:00.000-04:00

Pretend that there is a girl in a counseling session. She is dealing with some trauma from her childhood. As she walks through her memories, she experiences the pain and fear of that situation all over again. This time, though, God is healing her. She realizes the truth of it: It was not her fault. God loves her. She will survive, she will be whole again, she is beautiful.

The river of tears still flow as they always have whenever she remembers this time. This time, though, the tears are from being overwhelmed with incredible relief, comfort and peace. Tears of pain and fear have been replaced with tears of life. For the first time ever, this girl no longer feels like she is dead and buried. Instead she feels free to take a few tentative steps, to discover who she is and see the world as if it was brand new. It's like taking her a breath of air for the first time. It's almost scary for her to feel so happy and beautiful. It's life changing.

And then the counselor asks her to remember the situation again. This time, those waves of black emotion no longer roll over. This time, she recognizes that God is there with her. This time, she sees the enemy for who he is: A monster, but a pitiful monster. A person whose life has been destroyed, and who spreads destruction in turn. She feels pity for this tragic figure. She is in control of her heart and her mind now. She is not tormented and recoiling, she sees herself for who she truly is and that dark memory no longer binds her.

I've often heard of counseling scenarios like this. This is an entirely fictional one with few details, of course. However, I have heard that real healing like this not only results the girl seeing herself clearly for the first time, it also results in seeing the other person clearly for the first time. She sees how valuable and good and beautiful she is. And as a side effect, the person that attacked is no longer this impossible monster but instead they are seen as the broken and bleeding human being that they are.

Everyone has somebody in their past that has hurt them. I wrote about various examples here: Father and mothers, family, friends, boyfriends or girlfriends, bosses... Most of us have been hurt, though perhaps not so dramatically, and we all need healing and freedom from these things.

And with that life giving change, we start to see that almost everyone that hurt us was first hurt themselves. That abusive person may have first received abuse from their own parents. The controlling boss is just coping with a bad home life. The judgmental pastor was just trying his best considering how judgmental his own church was when he was growing up. That road rage freak experienced the pain of losing his parents as a young age and never learned how to deal with it.

Everyone has a story. We are the products of our past and the way that we reacted to that history. Whenever someone attacks someone else, in either word or action, it might just be a sign of how broken that person is on the inside. Whenever we see patterns of weird and detrimental behaviour, it might point to how that person grew up or was taught or how they reacted to a situation.

It's not necessarily a cause-and-effect thing, of course. Sometimes people are just jerks, right? ("Stop head butting me, Mr. Simpson.") However, I find that this is often my very first question when I hear about an especially mean boss or a crazy circumstance or an emotionally fragile person.

Why? Why did that person act that way? Why do they think that's normal behaviour? Why can't they see how harmful their actions are? Why do they choose to attack like that? Why are they so vulnerable, or why are they so hard-hearted? Why do they keep doing the same weird things while thinking that's acceptable?

What is the source of it?

And when we ask that question, it effects how we respond. Rather than just trying to defend ourselves, fight or flight, we now look for a better way out. Instead of responding only in anger or fear, we see that maybe the other person is just as wounded as we are - maybe even more. This question is what we find when we take control of our hearts and decisions, when we make our choices independantly, when we are whole again.

None of us are perfect, none of us have had completely picturesque lives. However, we can have healing and freedom for ourselves. And we can start to understand the hearts and minds of others a bit better...

Let It Flow

2007-08-14T19:51:00.000-04:00

The boss that fired us without cause, or the boss that always criticizes you. The brother that physically attacked you, or the sister that always mocks your choice of clothes. The father that left you, or the father that was around but never had a kind word for you. The mother that said she never wanted you, or the mother that won't leave you alone. The friend that gave away your precious secret to everyone, or the friend that always gets you to do something you don't want to do. The boyfriend that used you and left, or the girlfriend that just won't let go.

We have all had people like these in our lives. Sometimes we were badly hurt by a single black moment that we can't forget. Sometimes the person just eroded us slowly and wore away our identity until there was nothing left. Sometimes the person meant well and hurt us anyway, sometimes the person was selfish and cruel and spiteful. It may have happened while we still just kids, we may have been blind-sided as a teenager, or we may been burned as adults.

Sometimes the wounds were relatively minor and we just tried to deal with it. Sometimes these circumstances were terrifying and they tore apart our lives and our families.

And in response, we tried to find ways to cope. Fight or flight. We learned how to attack that mean person - and then anyone else that we saw as a threat. We use words to try and stab their hearts, or we are passive aggresive, or we yell and swear and threaten them. Or we learned to hide and concede and run. We never voice our own desires, we try to never offend or confront anyone, never make a decision and always let someone else lead.

And so the cycle continues. We inflict pain because pain was inflicted on us. We refuse to express our feelings because daddy never expressed his love to us. We ignore relational problems because we saw how our parents fought, but eventually we fight because of that. We vowed to never abandon our families, but we worked so hard to support our families that we were never home. We hated how helpless we felt when we were so young, so we gained control and now we make others feel helpless.

So much of who we are was formed by the choices of others. Our character is defined by how others behaved. The way we view life is built on what others told us was true. The way we see our future is through the lens of our past.

It doesn't have to be this way. We can change the pattern and create a new one, not by fighting against the infinite tide but by swimming in a new direction. We can find peace and bring light into those dark places. We can let God draw us close and caress us and love us in a way that no one else ever has. We can replace those insidious lies with amazing truth, with Jesus. We can break those chains and find freedom.

Healing and freedom and joy do not come because we are smart enough or strong enough or good enough. It comes when we give it all up. Give up trying to fix it, give up trying to fight everyone, give up trying to protect ourselves, give up running away.

We are made healthy again when we acknowledge that wound and we surrender our pain. It comes when we forgive and release that enemy of our soul and we hold on to our saviour instead. It comes when we let God show us what really happened, how he was there with us and cried with us, how he has walked with us each step of the way.

There is hope. There is life, real life. Like water waiting to burst from our spirits and into our souls, washing away all of the dirt and making everything grow again. Let it flow...

Glimpses of God

2007-08-11T11:54:00.000-04:00

Everywhere I look, I see a glimpse of God. In everyone I know, I see God somehow. Every person can teach me something about the heart of God.

From women, I learn something about the desire and longing of God, that desire that he has for a close relationship with me. From people in pain, I see the frailty of Jesus and the sacrifice that he made for me, the way that he identifies with me. From children, I see the way that God celebrates and cherishes my life. From parents, I see the way that God wants to love me and call me his child, his desire to have me mature and change.

As my relationships grow and deepen with my friends and family, I find that I am seeing more and more of God each day. Each of my friends is teaching me something new about my own heart and the way that I communicate with God. It's an incredible experience and it requires nothing more than being a friend and then looking for God.

After all, every one of us is created in God's image. Men and women both show aspects of God's character but we show it in different ways. Our unique personality traits and who we are today reveals something about how amazing God is. Each of is a mirror of His love. We can see parts of ourselves as we look into other people, and we can see God.

You are incredible. Thank you for showing me something new, just by being you.

Open Door

2007-08-06T09:06:00.000-04:00

"Imagine yourself floating in a foggy environment. You can see only one thing in front of you. It’s an open doorway to somewhere.

Without knowing anything else, including where the doorway leads, or what your needs and desires are at the moment, or even why you are in this foggy environment at all, give your first reaction to this question:

Do you choose to pass through the doorway?"

Ah, the doorways of life. What is your instinct in a situation like this? Do you prefer to stick with the safe and known, or venture into the nebulous unknown? All things being equal, will you opt for change and movement or will you choose to stay where you are?

I stole this question from this post on The Dilbert Blog. After asking that initial question, the author followed up with this post in which he suggested that women and men tend to view this situation differently. He tries to conclude that women would generally prefer to stay while men would generally prefer to use the door. I don't intend to make a comment regarding the battle of the sexes, but it is a nice picture about how we approach decisions in our lives.

Do we prefer to stick with the safe and unfulfilling job or do we take the chance and aim for something new and better? Do we wait for that girl or guy to come along and sweep us off of our feet or do we take a few steps towards somebody that we might like? Do we expect our friends to make plans for us or do we invite others to join us? Do we wait for God to speak to us before we move or do we look for God to speak as we're moving?

It's about passivity versus action. There may be a number of reasons to stay where we are, and there may be a number of reasons to get moving. It's easy enough to build a case to stay, if that's what you really want. And it's easy to enough to convince ourselves to move, if that's what we really want. I say...

"Nothing ventured, nothing gained."

All The News

2007-07-30T17:11:00.000-04:00

Super-excellent-fantastic congratulations to my good friend Joel Timmerman. He become engaged to Lindsay Myles this past Friday, which was the week of their first anniversary. The wedding is already set for May 17th (which happens to be one day after my birthday). They're a wonderful couple and it's always nice to see Joel talk about Lindsay with that love in his eyes...

He posted a quick blurb on his blog and he has changed his facebook relationship status, which is about as official as it gets these days. There are five guys in the large wedding party, including myself, and his brother Zach will be the best man. Good luck to Zach in figuring out all of the stuff that the best man has to do!

In other news, I finally landed a job. Indeed! After scouting the globe for senior positions in software development, I re-focused recently to search locally. I found a company called Atlas Chiropractic Systems, which is based out of Tillsonburg and is only 30-35 minutes from my house. It's a small startup company that is already doing very well and my varied talents will be put to good use, though my primary role will be as a computer programmer. And since it's such a small company, a lot of my previous experience with small companies will be quite valuable to us. It should be exciting!

And finally, for all of you old FCCC members, we're having a reunion picnic on Monday August 6th, which is the civic holiday. It will be held at the Terry's home in Fingal and you need to contact them to confirm that you're coming. While there are some friends that I see semi-regularly every few months, there is a wider circle of people that I haven't seen in a while and it will be nice to see y'all again.

Sweet Dreams

2007-07-27T11:11:00.000-04:00

Ladies and Gentlemen, introducing the girl of my sweet dreams...Cam Tran.

I have known Cam Tran for a number of years now, at least as an acquaintance. I originally met her when the youth group at FCCC helped Jane Viktor move into her new apartment. After that, I spoke to Cam once in a while because she went to my church and was dating a guy that I knew. At one point while chatting at church, I learned that she was looking for a job and I knew of an opening within my company in Quality Assurance (software testing). I pushed her a bit over the next few weeks and I talked to my bosses directly, and she landed the job.

Soon after that, I took over as Team Lead for the QA department at AV-Base Systems. Along with Michelle Pedden, Cam and I worked closely for about a year on a number of projects. On a professional basis, she improved and excelled at her work and I always gave her and Michelle full credit for their achievements. Of course, I would never in a million years consider dating somebody that I was supervising.

Back in November 2006, I resigned from the company in order to join a startup venture. Over the course of that final month with the company and the next six months after I left, my friendship with several co-workers grew. I really cared (and I still care) about the people that I was supervising and my co-workers, and on a professional basis I have kept touch with many of those people. I went out for lunch once a month with Michelle and Cam just to encourage them, and a group of us visited Lori Worthington a few times since she went on maternity leave and had her first baby girl. (Hi Brooke!)

On Saturday June 16th, Cam and I visited Lori along with Tara and Ashleigh. Later on, Lori ever-so-subtly asked me if I was interested in dating Cam. Lori had hinted at the question two months before, as she is prone to doing, but this was the first time that I actually considered it seriously. For a long time, Cam was involved with another guy and then I was her supervisor at work, so I never even allowed myself to think in that way. It took a bit of a slap to the head to make me realize that Cam had been single for a while and I was no longer working with her. (So kudos to Lori for playing match-maker!)

I asked Cam out on a date on Monday June 18th. We each had busy weeks scheduled so our first date was on Sunday June 24th. We took an impromptu road trip to Strathroy for the sake of random fun using my GPS. Since then, we have gone on other road trips, watched movies, gone out with friends, had a bonfire, gone to church, met each other's families and have generally had a lot of fun together.

From casual acquaintance, to church acquaintance, to co-worker, to work friend, to personal friend, to romantic relationship. I have always loved the ideal of being friends with a girl before we started dating and there she was, right in front of me and I didn't even realize it at first. Surprised by life...I'm a lucky, lucky man and God is amazing.

I always admired Cam for her intelligence and skills in her professional life and I always appreciated her personality. While her faith in God is relatively young, she has a depth and wisdom in her spiritual life that is incredibly rare to find. Her love for her family, her laughter and sense of humour, her eclectic interests, her talents, the way she thinks, the woman that she is today...and let's not forget her stunning beauty, as these photos can attest. I am awestruck every time I look at her and every time I think about her.

My friend, my confidante, my soul mate.

Google Greatness

2007-07-24T17:28:00.000-04:00

If you perform this google search, you will come back with exactly one result and only one result: A link to this blog.

Apparently the word in question is an invention of my Little Brother and my reference to it within my blogs is unique to all of google. I'm so proud of us!

I found this out by looking at my incoming blog links and I happened to see that someone did this search themselves. Please note that I cannot actually say what this unique word is 'cause that would interfere with future google results. And if anyone gets the bright idea to include this word in their own blogs and wreck my google fun, I took a snapshot to prove this legendary achievement. (This is also similar to googlewhack but since this is a new word it doesn't count.)

First Impressions

2007-07-20T11:38:00.000-04:00

"You're one of the most arrogant men that I have ever met."

Ha! I loved hearing that line. It struck me in such a funny way. Arrogant, snobby, unteachable, prideful, jerk. Yep, I've received all of these labels a number of times.

It's so odd because my closest friends say the exact opposite. Every so often, someone applies these labels to me and I ask my confidants for their honest opinion. Am I really a butthead? Do I really think less of other people? Do I really push others around and assume that I'm the smartest person in the room? Do I think that I'm right all the time?

And close friends that they are, they all respond otherwise. They tell me that I'm caring, selfless, generous to a fault, always willing to listen, ready for compromise, not stubborn, open to discussion, blah blah blah. Parents think I'm perfect and my friends think I'm almost perfect.

Yes, I am humble and I am very proud of that humility. Yes, I am proud and rightfully so. (Um, a lot of this post is tongue-in-cheek, in case you think I'm merely proving my arrogance.)

I find that the biggest difference in opinion is between social groups. My closest friends, my oldest friends, the people I supervised in business, they tend to think that I'm really nice and humble. Other groups that see me less frequently, like Young Adults or worship team members, tend to have a more negative impression of my personality.

I think that some of this might come down to first impressions. Or perhaps more accurately, superficial impressions.

I'm a very decisive guy with a a lot of leader-commander strengths. Big decisions, a lot of decisions, hard decisions, they're all fairly easy to handle. Just weigh the pros and cons, get the info from people and make the call. I'm also good at delegation and efficiency, so two people doing two separate things at once is better than two people doing one thing together and then another thing together. Take these traits and put 'em to use when I lead worship or organize an event and it might rub some people the wrong way.

However, I have long recognized how easily I can dominate a group, either as a leader or in simply hogging the conversation. Therefore, I often make a conscious effort to shut up. I purposely give others the chance to step up and make a decision, to make their voices heard, to air their opinions. I really do like to see people develop and mature and grow, and that won't happen if I'm always talking and doing things. The problem is that this trait might come across as shy, or snobby, or stubborn, or passive-aggressive. And apparently it does come across that way to some people.

I'm also a big fan of sarcasm and trash talk. I attribute this to hanging out with guys most of my life, from public school to sports teams to road trips. A lot of guys bond really well with that sort of thing. Girls, not so much. And especially during the early stages of getting to know someone, some black humour or semi-inapproriate comments can easily offend or scare off the wrong person. Looking at my history, I think that my friends Lori and Ashleigh really enjoy this type of humour but few girls tend to accept such jokes. Most new guys that I meet join in the fun of it immediately, though.

I have a number of other traits, like my introverted personality, that can easily come across the wrong way. That's more than enough for now, though.

A lot of people have the mistaken understanding that being loud, taking charge, giving your opinion and being decisive are somehow bad things. I have always seen these attributes as personality strengths. I actually expect people to develop these traits in any group of business that I lead. I want people to stick their necks out and speak for themselves.

It's just that people often have a sheep mentality. Follow the leader, do whatever the boss says, obey the pastor, don't cross your parents. We're goaded into obediance in so many ways until we have a hard time making any kind of decision on our own. And if we see someone else being aggressive, we're taught that they're rebellious and arrogant and rude and...oh wait, that's me.

Could I soften the edges of my personality a bit? Sure. Should I be aware of the negative side of my personality strengths? I darn well better be. However, I also acknowledge my abilities and personality and I run with it. I value who I am and I see the depth of my own character. I don't expect everyone to behave as I do - and God help us if we had too many JAG's running around - but I like who I am.

First impressions are so brief but they can last for such a long time. I don't think that I'm well-built to make good first impressions but if someone befriends me, I think that they can see how hard I have worked to develop the character that I have today, to be the man that I am today. I write blog posts like this because I am not satisfied with where I am and I do want to grow more. I honestly consider criticism that I receive from all quarters and I try not to take things for granted. I know that my motivations and actions might look different from the outside and I don't want to tick people off and offend them unnecessarily.

So here's to making better first impressions...

Phraseological Fun

2007-07-17T09:19:00.000-04:00

I learned a few new things this week during my travels through literature. I found them interesting so I thought that I would share a few of them. These first two terms I learned by reading the graphic novel, "Death: The High Cost of Living." See, comics can be edumacational...

L'Esprit D'Escalier
Literally, it means "the spirit of the stairway" but there's no real axiom for it in english. It refers to the clever responses that you think of as you leave a place or a situation. Those great comebacks and that amazing argument that you should have used rather than standing there quietly like a fool.

Myoclonic Twitch
This is an involuntary twitch of a muscle. If this happens just as you're falling into deep sleep then it might be referred to as a hypnic (or hypnagogic) jerk. It might be your eyes moving or your eyelids fluttering, it might be an arm contraction. For me, it sometimes results in a brief spasm in of one of my legs. And the next time you're ticked off with someone, call them a hypnic jerk and see what the person does with it...

Acknowledge The Corn
This term is used to mean no acknowledgement at all. If you're arguing with somebody and you say, "I acknowledge the corn," then you're actually saying that you concede nothing. For the story behind this term, I will quote from the book "Why Do We Say It?" published by Castle Books (with no author listed, oddly enough).

"The story is told of a man that bought two flatboats, loaded one with corn and the other with potatoes, and sailed down the Mississippi River to make his fortune. Upon his arrival in New Orleans, the man went to a gambling house and there lost all his money - and the two boatloads of produce. On his return to the wharf, he found that the flatboat of corn had sunk. Later, when the person who held his notes for the produce demanded delivery, he said, "Stranger, I acknowledge the corn" - which was easy enough since the corn was at the bottom of the river - "but, by thunder, the potatoes you can't have!"

Anger Thermometer

2007-07-15T17:10:00.000-04:00

I was driving down Exeter Road two weeks ago with my Little on a Saturday afternoon. I came up behind a car that was veering from side to side across both of the right-hand lanes. I slowed down but the car still did not notice us and continued its erratic pattern. I beeped at the car and they finally clued in. The driver signaled that they were going to the right lane, and then they shot into left lane.

I promptly got into the right lane and sped past this crazy car since I usually prefer to distance myself from other dangerous vehicles. As I passed, the young male driver in the other car flipped me off and was yelling as me violently with a look of pure rage. He had another young woman in his car whom was presumably the reason he was distracted from driving originally. Love is blind but keep your eyes on the road, eh?

Half a minute later, the car zoomed up from behind me and I could tell that the driver intended to exact some revenge on me. I slowed down intentionally and let him cut me off as expected, then he slowed down in front of me parallel to another car and effectively blocked off the road ahead. I let him have his fun as I slowed down even more to get a fair bit of distance between us.

I was recently sharing stories of road rage with some friends and my Little and I were laughing while remembering this story. I assume the young man was dating the female passenger and that was why he was distracted from driving, which makes it even funnier to know that he would go so nuts even though he was trying to impress a girl. What, she's going to me attracted to this volcano of anger and be swept off of her feet? Maybe he imagines that he's an heroic crusader fighting to take the dark streets back from young punks like me...

Some people just seem to fly off the handle for no reason at all. Encountering a lengthy line-up at a store sets them off. Friendly trash-talk between friends becomes grounds for a fight. A polite request from their boss is met with an announcement that they're quitting. One misunderstood act from a relative is good enough to create a wall of silence for a month. One forgotten household chore or one delayed response to a question triggers the dreaded reaction.

And if the situation is really serious then look out! Instant anger pops up out of nowhere. The screaming kicks in on only the second sentence of the conversation. Insults fly like flies and bitter words are poured out like vinegar. Past history becomes a bludgeon to beat the other person down. Accusations and guilt pile up. Tables are pounded, paper is thrown and doors are slammed shut. Five minutes can go by and the rant just seems to be getting stronger. And it's not just that the person gets angry immediately, it's also the fact that they get disproportionately angry considering the trivial matter at hand.

My dad likes to explain this type of instant anger with a rating scale of 0 to 10. It's the anger thermometer.

Everyone starts at zero for their thermometer. Someone steals your lunch at work and it moves up to 1 for a few minutes as you try to track down the culprit, until falling back to zero. A friend spreads a rumour about you and it shoots up to 4 for a day until you can confront them, then it falls to 2 for another day and then you finally get back to 0 again. A family member dies unexpectedly and, mixed in with all kinds of emotions, your anger level shoots up to 8 as you yell at God and cry for answers.

For some people, though, their anger thermometers never get back to zero after something life-changing happens. Instead of dealing with that incomprehensible death in a healthy way over time, they allow themselves to become bitter and resentful of God and of the person that died. They simmer underneath the surface at an anger level of 2 for months or even years.

And now when another minor problem comes along, the effect becomes accumulative. While someone cutting us off on the road used to move up two notches, we're already at 2 to begin with and we end up burning at 4 degrees immediately. We overreact accordingly and everyone is mystified about our absurd response.

Repeat this process a few times for other major events in life. Get fired unfairly from a job, lose the love of your life, deal with depression... Without allowing that thermometer to settle back down, it just keeps raising the permanent low point of our emotions. Our body reacts to the constant stress of boiling anger, our relationships get worn down from so many harsh words, our lives become a trail of broken dreams.

It doesn't have to be this way. It's not an easy thing to deal with someone dying or a marriage falling apart in divorce. It's not a quick process and there is no prescribed formula for it. However, we do have a choice about how we will come out of it eventually.

We can blame everyone in the world and justify our anger or we can realize that anger will burn and consume us eventually. We can hold that sin in our hands and stare at it everyday or we can raise our hands to God and give it over to Him. We can watch for opportunities for revenge or we can release the person into God's hands to allow his ultimate justice. We can accept that painful memory as a fact of life or we can discover that we don't have to carry around that pain forever.

Pain and anger do not have to rule our lives. Those people and these situations do not have to control us. Our past does not have to determine our future. There is freedom for you and me. There is freedom for us.

Elora Gorge '07

2007-07-10T10:40:00.000-04:00

Every summer, I plan a camping trip for me and my Little Brother (from the Big Brothers program). For this year's trip, we went to Elora Gorge from Friday July 6th until Sunday July 8th. Our friends E*, Joel, Alma and Rhea joined me and my Little.

As you can tell from the above picture, tubing was the central activity for the weekend. Elora Gorge is a long, slow-moving river with several mini-rapids in it. I brought along my brother's gigantic tube-trampoline, plus a shopvac motor to inflate it. Early on Saturday morning, Rhea and I went to the camp site office to rent life jackets, helmets and two additional inner tubes.

Last year when I visited this camp site with the Young Adults group from Open Door (ODCF), we had to rent inner tubes and equipment. We arrived at the rental building 45 minutes before it opened and there were several hundred people already lined up. This time, Rhea and I were just as early and we were still first. It was really nice to sit there and teach each other silly games and talk about life. Our conversation was the highlight of my weekend.

The river tubing was fantastic fun. Joel and I tag-teamed to carry the giant tube on our heads for the twenty minute walk to the head of the river, and we received a lot of one-liners and comments along the way. When we reached the river, one random kid even came up to tell me that the tube was too big and it wouldn't work, though I assured him that I knew what I was doing. Once we got going, four of us piled on the big tube while another person sat in each of the small tubes.

Joel was the hippy drifter, casually floating about without a care in the world. He pulled out a cigarette from a ziplock bag part way down the river to light up and another guy floated up beside him and bummed a smoke, which was pretty funny.

As for the rest of us, my Little got caught on a backwards current at one point and ended up in a cul-de-sac. Acting as the rudder, I steered the big tube to the side of the river and went back along the shoreline to retrieve him. We both got back onto the small inner tube and plunged into the rapids again. Unfortunately, that proved difficult for two people in the biggest rapids on the river, so we flipped off of it halfway in. My Little had a life jacket and helmet so he was safe as we both clung to the tube with one hand. I worked hard to keep him above water and I cut open a nice deep gash on my right index finger and smashed my left knee against a rock. At one point, as my left leg as bending in the wrong direction against something underwater, it occurred to me that I could break my leg with this little stunt. Anyway, all's well that ends well since we made it out fine and had a great story to tell, even if I was hobbled for the rest of the weekend.

Joel and E* took care of the cooking duties for the weekend whilst I tackled dishes and cleanup after each meal. On the first evening, we had shishkabobs and while it took us a couple of hours to prepare, they were absolutely succulent. It was a really relaxing weekend. E* and I had prepared a schedule of activities and meals but we preferred not to rush anything and we just went with the flow, so we missed a few activities and didn't eat everything that we brought but we just tried to be easy-going about it.

On Friday night while we were preparing the meal, we were using both a propane stove and a charcoal BBQ grill. We had both of them on the picnic table as we worked and apparently some of the bacon grease dripped onto the table. (Mmm...bacon...so much bacon...) Next thing we know, the BBQ grill is spouting flames in every direction and the picnic table had caught fire! Joel grabbed a couple of towels and ditched the BBQ to the ground while E* and I worked to put out the flames that were everywhere. Crazy!

The above picture shows me on Saturday afternoon. The van battery died because it was holding most of the food and equipment and we had doors open constantly. Fortunately, I packed my dad's portable booster for just such an eventuality. Besides that, we hit the man-made beach at the campsite a few times and we practiced swimming across the deepest part of the water. I could touch the bottom at its deepest point but E* and my Little couldn't so it was a challenge for them to swim that distance, with me acting as their human life preserver.

On Friday night, the campers beside us arrived at 11:00 pm and set up their campsites. However, it's supposed to be quiet time for the entire camp ground at 11:00 pm so most of the people in our group were trying to sleep. These other campers were drinking, flirting and yelling until 1:00 am and it was pretty frustrating. I had the choice of getting up to talk to them but I figured they wouldn't respond too politely to a request for silence - in fact, they mocked another camper that did just that. I yelled at them twice and they eventually subsided. On Saturday night, there were no problems with that same group.

The major disappointment for the weekend was that there was a fire ban in effect. With so little rain recently, no open flames were permitted for bonfires. Since that is the central camping cliche, it stunted our fun a bit. However, on Saturday night we ended up using our charcoal BBQ and we managed to get enough flamage to toast marshmallows and s'mores so it worked out in the end.

In any case, I figured that it was better to have great weather and no fire than to have rain and fire. Ha! How silly of me... On Sunday morning, we were having a leisurely breakfast and Joel asked if we had heard thunder. No, that's crazy talk. The weather was supposed to be 30+ degrees and it was probably just a 4x4 passing by. After a few minutes, we heard it again - the definite peal of thunder in the distance.

That was the end of breakfast time. Everyone rushed to pack up our gear, tear down the tents and put away the food. We had just a few sprinkles before the downpour hit but by the then we had all of the main stuff pack in the vehicles and we just had a few extra bags of food to stash away. So we managed to get away from the rain but the storm did mess up our plans for a mini-hike and swimming at the Quarry.

In lieu of our well-laid plans, I had noticed a street sign just outside of camp directing travelers to a small town nearby. We punched it into my GPS box and took a detour before we headed back home to London. We pulled up on the side of the road and took a few pictures while standing in the rain. Indeed, we got some nice shots of Alma and her family in front of a sign for the town of Alma. "Population Growing."

Overall, it was a wonderful weekend with friends. Plenty of memories, a few interesting stories, good food and plenty of relaxation. Thanks to everyone in our group for making this happen!

He Loves Me

2007-07-03T17:31:00.000-04:00

[Excerpt from the book, "He Loves Me" by Wayne Jacobsen.]

He loves me.
He loves me not.
He loves me.
He loves me not.
The little girl stands in the backyard chanting as she plucks petals one by one from the daisy and drops them to the ground. At game's end, the last petal tells all: whether or not the person desired returns affection.

Of course no one takes it seriously, and if children don't get the answer they desire they take another daisy and start again. It doesn't take long even for children to realize that flowers weren't designed to tell romantic fortunes. Why should they link their hearts' desires to the fickleness of chance?

Why indeed! But it is a lesson far easier learned in romance than in more spiritual pursuits. For long after we've put away our daisies, many of us continue to play this game with God. This time we don't pluck flower petals, but probe through our circumstances trying to figure out exactly how God feels about us.

I got a raise. He loves me.
I didn't get the promotion I wanted, or I lost my job altogether. He loves me not!
Something in the Bible inspired me today. He loves me!
My child is seriously ill. He loves me not!
I gave money to someone in need. He loves me!
I let my anger get the best of me. He loves me not!
Something for which I prayed actually happened. He loves me!
I stretched the truth to get out of a tight spot. He loves me not!
A friend calls me unexpectedly to encourage me. He loves me!
My car needs a new transmission. He loves me not!

[The author has made this entire book available for download in PDF format from this site. The above quote is the beginning of Chapter One. It's about 160 pages long and I recommend reading it to get to the underlying truth if you're struggling with knowing God's love in your life.]

Healthy On The Inside

2007-07-02T14:01:00.000-04:00

This past month, the weekly services at my church focused on the theme "Healthy On The Inside." The main point is that we need to ensure that we're healed and healthy personally, past a superficial level. Based on people that I have spoken to over the years, and the response from people in church this past month, many people are really in need of this kind of restoration in their lives. Everyone needs freedom from their past and from the pain of life but so many people have trouble finding it sometimes.

This kind of healing may come through medical professionals, it may come through counselors and pastors, it may come through friends. Sometimes people find freedom and healing through seminars and books, or through deep teaching of some kind. Most amazingly, I know many people that are restored simply through Jesus working in their lives. God is the master physician and it's miraculous when the Holy Spirit simply leads us.

The links below provide the point-form notes for each sermon along with an audio recording. Of this bunch, the one that really stood out to me was the last one about depression. In particular, Angela Mercer sings a song that she wrote entitled "Timeless" towards the end of the sermon. It's an emotional song and it get right to our hearts on this. Following that, Pastor Rick closes the service by telling his personal story about how he struggled with deep depression at one point. That story is well worth hearing if you want to take the time.

Week 1: Self Esteem
Week 2: Anger
Week 3: Fear
Week 4: Depression

Marks Of Maturity

2007-06-28T09:00:00.000-04:00

Last week, my dad told me a story about my own childhood that I had never heard before. (Funny how that happens, eh?) I was about five years old and we were still living in Welland in a cul-de-sac. I had a french friend towards the end of this street that I used to play with a lot. One day, I had been away at his house and then I came back home, half-crying and obviously angry about something. My friend and I had had a fight, about whatever it is that five year olds fight about, and I had walked off.

I explained the situation to my dad and I was torn up about it. After a few minutes, my dad said that I recollected myself and thought about it. Apparently, I decided that this fight wasn't worth all of the anger and pain. As a young kid, I gathered myself together and walked back over to my friend's house to make up. My dad saw me again a few hours later after I had been happily playing with my friend again.

So what is this maturity thing, anyway?

Maturity certainly isn't a title. I've seen Christians enraged, employers insulting employees, teachers ticked off with students, parents having temper tantrums and pastors that don't how to counsel. I've also seen new Christians evangelizing, employees that support and teach their bosses, students that change teachers' lives, children that comfort their parents and church members that minister to their pastors. Position and power doesn't equal maturity.

Maturity doesn't come automatically with experience. I've seen fifty year old Christians that are still dealing with childhood trauma, long-term employers that still have high turnover rates, and parents repeating the same mistakes that they so despised in their own parents. I've also seen kids walk through unimaginable circumstances in a healthy way, employees that change the very atmosphere of their companies, and kids forgiving their parents and changing their entire families. Age and time do not guarantee maturity.

Maturity doesn't rely on certain personality types. I've seen introverts that don't know how to analyze themselves, extroverts that leave a trail of broken friendships behind them, leaders that cripple their teams rather than building them, and care-givers that miss the most important people in their lives. There is no combination of strengths and traits that creates maturity.

Maturity can't happen as a formula. We can't assume that we will grow emotionally just because of our relationships. We don't know that we will grow spiritually just because we go to church. Being parents doesn't necessarily make us good parents. The lessons that we have learned in life may have been wrong all along - I'm still unlearning things this month that I had thought were correct my whole life.

The mark of maturity is only seen in one way: The results of our lives.

Do we have deep friendships? Have we dealt with past experiences in a healthy way? Are we focused on ourselves or others? Are we able to deal with conflicts in a way that heals the relationships? Are we honest with ourselves and others? Do we know Jesus personally?

We won't necessarily grow just because of desire or circumstances. However, there is also nothing holding us back. No life story, no situation, no current pain can determine the course of our lives by themselves. We are the ones that determine how far we can go. The walk will probably not be easy because everything of value costs us something, and this walk will never actually end, but we are the ones that determine our path in life.

Fingerprints

2007-06-26T14:21:00.000-04:00

I was reviewing my blog links this week and I noticed that someone found me through this search and this search on Google. By coincidence, they stumbled across this old blog that I wrote in April 2004. (That was my first month of blogging. Wow, have I really been writing for more than three years now?) I used this story in that blog:

It's like my days as a custodian at London Gospel Temple, my old church. After everyone had gone home on Sunday night, I had to the clean the numerous glass doors at the entrances to the building. These glass doors would be layered with fingerprints from people pushing against the glass all day long, rather than using the push bar in the middle of the door. I would use a ton of Windex and paper towels, rubbing out every inch of each door. And even after a full half hour of cleaning, I would invariably change my viewing angle just a bit and I would see yet one more fingerprint that I hadn't seen before. You just had to change your angle ever-so-slightly and voila, more prints.

My point was that I was feeling exhausted from trying to fix all of these little details in my life. I was trying to mature and grow and improve myself but I just kept uncovering more problems to fix. It's an infinite loop that was wearing me out without end. There is always one more fingerprint to clean on the windows into me and I won't ever be able to clean them all.

I included my dad's observation that this is what religion does to us, this is what rules and traditions and "The Law" does. It sucks the life out of us and leaves us hallow and empty. I then concluded by saying that I wanted to find Life and Freedom somehow. I didn't even know how to do that, this was just a small and confused cry from somewhere inside me.

I look around at my life these days and I'm amazed to see where God has brought me. Now I'm writing posts like Finding Jesus and Dandelions and A Little Boy's Heart. I'm talking to friends like J.P. and reading about guys like Smith Wigglesworth as I try to learn what it means to follow Jesus each day. In allowing the Holy Spirit to direct me more than ever before, and in breaking away from the rules and laws that I used to obey without question, I find myself in a new place.

God is amazing. He knows what we really need better than we know ourselves. He knows what we're really seeking even if we can't say the question. He knows how to draw us into new life and new passion and so often, we don't even realize where we are being led. He knows our past, he sees our future and he's with us every step of the way.

I find that I'm trying to do less these days and yet, somehow, God is doing even more.

Riverside Bonfire

2007-06-25T11:15:00.000-04:00

On Saturday June 23, I hosted a Riverside Bonfire & BBQ at my house. All told, 28 guests came. I knew some of these friends from Open Door, some from GTA, some from FCCC, some from LGT, some were friends-of-friends. Wow, I just realized had friends from all of my old and current churches there. Interesting.

About ten people arrived a little later in the evening, so for the first hour and a half most of us were on the lower deck talking and getting to know one another. Thanks to my brother's direction and help, I had prepared honey-burger patties by hand. Nina and Melissa volunteered for BBQ duties, so many thanks to them. It took us until after 7:30 to really have enough burgers cooked up so everyone was really hungry by then. Once everyone got a taste of those burgers, though, they decided that it was worth the wait. The subtle honey flavour and aftertaste was really nice.

The main event was supposed to be a large soccer game but few people wanted to join. As a result, my Little Brother and I were playing one on one for a while. Eventually Tara joined us, and then Grace and Alma and Rhea joined us as well to play guys against girls. Besides that, there was croquet and the swing and other minor activities. At one point, we found a large post with a big metal piece on the end which we proceeded to use as an oversided javelin. Due to the size of it, it was a bit of a caber toss as well. I think that I won that competition but I'll need to have someone confirm that.

There were plenty of burgers and after everyone had had their fill, we randomly hung out until it became dusk. I had a couple of guys volunteer to build the bonfire for us, which was helpful. It was a fairly large bonfire and everyone gradually moved down from the deck to the bonfire area at the bottom of the hill closer to the river. Due to the large slope, it was a little tricky to get down without having to walk all the way around the house to the groomed trail. Ashleigh came up with the novel idea of trying to go piggyback so we tried that maneuver for the first time ever and it was really easy to get down.

The weather was perfect for the evening. Clear skies to see the stars, no wind, few bugs. The night air was chilly enough that you wanted to sit by the fire but not cold enough to be bothersome. A simple sweater was enough for most people as we created a large semi circle around the fire. At one point, Alma disappeared and then came back with a whole bunch of marshmallows. Alma and Tara scoured the tree line for long and thin sticks and everyone enjoyed themselves.

And of course, I would be remiss if I forgot to mention the ongoing fireworks display. Thanks to Nick, we had some lengthy periods in which staccato explosions popped up repeatedly.

I was very busy for most of the evening hosting and taking care of the details. I was able to sit down for a minute or two once in a while just to say hi and any free time that I had besides that was devoted to my Little. Around the middle of the evening, a lot of people were still in my brother's apartment furiously playing Nintendo Wii. People had been in there to ooh and ahh over Abe and Melissa's two children, Ben and Chris.

At around 10:00 pm the fire was going nicely so I went in and ever-so-politely kicked everyone out, forcing them to join the great outdoors. I'm glad that I did that because everyone eventually had a lot of fun with the bonfire but initially there was plenty of whining about goose poop and bugs and the cold. Yeah, the great outdoors isn't exactly for everyone.

I finally managed to relax at around 11:00 pm for a half hour or so. I actually had the choice of spending that time cleaning up but I finally opted to end my hosting duties for a bit. (And I woke up at 6:30 the next morning to finish cleaning.) At around midnight, seven of us piled into my car, because my van was down being repaired, and I drove 'em all home. Nick and a couple of people waited around a bit longer for the fire to die down and they put it out before they left.

All told, it was a wonderful evening. Our guest of honour, Jason, was able to come even though he's leaving in just a day or two to work in the Dominican Republic for six months. I got to see Terry and Gina for the first time together since their recent marriage. I had plenty of newly-made friends that were able to come out and a few old friends joined that I had not seen in a while. Good times in the summer, good times.

Roller Coaster Of Life

2007-06-21T20:35:00.000-04:00

"Click. Click. Click. Click. Click." You can hear the cars of the roller coaster gradually ascending to the top of that first giant hill. Anticipation builds as you get higher and higher, noticing your car way out at the edge of the parking lot and the ant-people milling about below. That rush of adrenaline starts to kick in.

"Clickclickclickclickclick!" You're sitting in that car on the roller coaster as it picks up speed and starts to barrel down the top of that mountain. You either grip onto that handle bar for dear life or you get the urge to get your hands in the air for the plummet. In a flash, you're at the bottom and zooming through your first loop, head banging back and forth a bit as you fight for control from the g forces.

It's the roller coaster of life. Up, down and all around.

Different people ride different kinds of roller coasters. For some people, this ride of life depends on what other people say. They're on top of the world when someone compliments them and encourages them. They're feeling that thrill when they find someone that really understands them. They can face any corkscrew as long as they have someone along for the ride to give support.

And yet these same people also find themselves at their lowest points because of what other people say. A harsh word, some sarcasm or a little gossip and the person is right at the bottom of the ride again. With each new day, with each new conversation, with each new person, the person just goes long for the ride, up and down, up and down.

For other kinds of people, life is a series of circumstances. They think of that upcoming vacation, that next job, that new relationship and they're in the air. Take away one of those things, or give them problems at school, or have a tough argument with a friend and they feel like they've crash landed again.

Everyone has a different roller coaster and each one is motivated and energized by different sources. Some people are motivated by responsibility and duty, like me. My friends can attest to how antsy I get when I'm late or when I fail to do something that I promised. I get a thrill out of killing software bugs and I am always disappointed every time I heard about a new problem that someone found in my code.

These motivations are not wrong, not by any means. Everyone gets pumped up by different things, everyone has the drive to succeed in different ways, everyone finds their own unique ways of moving forward. We're all wired in our own way and we all move through life on our track.

The problems arise when we allow these motivations to control us. Rather than using these things to fuel us, we let them take the driver's wheel each day.

Life will always have its up and downs, its highs and its lows. We're on the roller coaster, we're buckled in and there's no turning back. Of course, we will feel the emotion of it all. Joy and sadness, pleasure and pain, peace and panic, the entire spectrum of it. It's all part of this experience of life.

The question is, will we just let the coaster jerk us around every corner or will we enjoy the ride?

Attitude

2007-06-21T20:30:00.000-04:00

"Attitude is a little thing that makes a big difference." Winston Churchill

"I discovered I always have choices and sometimes it's only a choice of attitude." Judith M. Knowlton

"A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort." Herm Albright

"We choose our joys and sorrows long before we experience them." Kahlil Gibran

"Our attitude will determine our stress. Is your attitude causing you less stress or more stress?" Catherine Pulsifer

"I've learned from experience that the greater part of our happiness or misery depends on our dispositions and not on our circumstances." Martha Washington

"I had no shoes and complained, until I met a man who had no feet." Indian Proverb

"If you don't get everything you want, think of the things you don't get that you don't want." Oscar Wilde

"Every day may not be good, but there's something good in every day." Author Unknown

"I take nothing for granted. I now have only good days, or great days." Lance Armstrong

"If you don't think every day is a good day, just try missing one." Cavett Robert

"When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us." Helen Keller

"You can complain because roses have thorns, or you can rejoice because thorns have roses." Ziggy

"We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars." Oscar Wilde

Links & Blinks

2007-06-20T10:51:00.000-04:00

I have a few recent blog updates that I wanted to link and blink. ("Blink" stands for "Blog Link," natch.)

Wonder of wonders, Tara has written a new blog post about getting engaged to Richard. I love 'em both and I wish them the best. Click here to congratulate them, again.

Ashleigh continues to bare her soul on her blog. So brave and transparent to write like that. Click here to read about her highs, and click here to read about the not-so-highs. It's the roller coaster of life: sometimes it's thrilling and sometimes it's terrifying.

Lori has a million and one thoughts about being a new mother. I s'pose that most of cannot truly understand what she means until we are parents ourselves but it's fascinating regardless. Click here to share the love.

Cam has posted some pictures showing the new plants/herbs that she recently purchased. We're supposed to guess what kinds of plants these are. Is there some trick or method to doing this? Click here to add your guesses. I know there's a few garden lovers in this audience.

Elyse has a recent blog post (here) in which she asks what everyone thinks of child actors. My sister and I have had a number of debates on exactly this topic. I already wrote a response on that blog with some of my thoughts, so everyone feel free to pile on.

Deconstructing Jamie

2007-06-18T11:59:00.000-04:00

The past few months have been rather interesting for me. "Life is what happens when you're busy making other plans." Many of my plans and expectations have fallen to the wayside. A number of my ideas about life, love and Christianity have been torn down and are being rebuilt. It has been an interesting trip but it's been amazing to see God at work in my life and through my life regardless.

The following list just shows that various areas that I have been reconsidering and growing in. Some of these ideas are still quite fluid and flexible but it's a nice snapshot of where I am these days.

1. The Local Church
This would be the biggest area of theological change for me, influenced by the more drastic restructuring that my dad has been going through in this area. In summary, I'm fine with having formal local churches but I no longer think that such institutions are as helpful as we think, nor as necessary (or Biblical) as we assume. I won't go into much detail because I often describe this as a house of cards and once you take away one card, so many other things start to fall away.

2. Tithing
Funny enough, my dad was the one that always taught me the importance of tithing as a Biblical precept and now he's the one that disagrees with it. Tithing is so ingrained in Christian thought in my circles that many old-timers from Open Door church assumed it was held as a principle, even though Open Door actually disagrees with the 10% rule as a hard-and-fast requirement.

This may not seem like a big issue but I've been consistantly tithing ever since I had a newspaper route as a kid. I still look to give to God but I no longer assume a set amount and now I consider other ways of giving besides giving to my local church.

3. Hearing God's Voice
I have simultaneously become more attuned to the daily leading of the Holy Spirit while becoming more cynical when we talk that way. With many thanks to my friend J.P., I've been reading about Smith Wigglesworth and other such things, looking for God's random plans. I've also become much more skeptical when people reference some message from God when it comes to professional business, physical healings or dating relationships. It's a weird dichotomy for me.

4. Finding "The One"
Ah, dating relationships. Yes, I'm 29 years old and I do not have a girlfriend. It doesn't take a brainiac to figure out that this is an important issue for me. I used to be a major fan of Joshua Harris' books and I've recently had some interesting discussions with both guys and girls about this topic. I've always been pretty practical in my thinking and that has effected me here. Many thanks to my various friends for pushing me when I needed to be pushed and challenging my ideas when needed

5. Evolution
Yep, I now believe in evolution. And if that doesn't seem like a big deal then you're not aware of how long I have studied this area of science and how many debates I've had about it. Of course, my answer is a bit of a cop-out but that was still a struggle for me.

By nature, I'm an extremely habitual guy. I'm amazingly dependable and I can participate in some ministry or organization for years at a time without question. While I like to think that I'm a very open-minded guy and rather rational, I'm also fully aware of how thick-headed and obtuse I can be at times. The chains of religion can bind me in so many subtle ways, even as I declare that Christianity should be about "relationships and not religion."

I am grateful for my friends and family. I can only be so wise and clever and I keep those close relationships in order to smack some sense into me at regular intervals. And most importantly, I'm thankful that God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit love me, work in my life and direct me every day. I don't always see The Way clearly but I just keep trying to seek Him somehow.

Links & Blinks

2007-06-14T16:07:00.000-04:00

Props to TrueHoop for this YouTube link. It shows a high-speed video of a guy making an Etch-a-Sketch picture of Lebron James, in honour of the current (and soon to be completed) NBA finals. 'Mazing. And if you want to amuse yourself further, read the comments on that TrueHoops page. Apparently there is another Etch-a-Sketch artiste out there that despises this one. That guy, jumboXL, is pretty funny as he rants on and on.

M'boy Battle was in Kalamazoo last week. That's right, there really is a city named Kalamazoo. Check out his blog to see his latest pieces. He also has some good stories in there, like this one about racism in the US, and this one about how different people deal with the brutality of life.

By coincidence, I came across this news article in the Toronto Star last week, and it is also situated in Kalamazoo. Apparently a guy in an automated wheelchair was going through a crosswalk too late. The truck that was there started to move ahead when the light changed to green, knocking the chair around and getting the handles lodged into the grill. (Not the guy's teeth, the actual truck grill. Oy vey.) The truck then proceeded to drive onto the highway for quite some distance until other cars noticed the man hanging onto the chair and called 911. Cops eventually pulled the truck over and the man came out of it relatively unharmed. Crazy!

In other recent blog news, Ashleigh has this fun story about being on top of the world, so to speak. On the down side of life, you may have missed Aleah's blog about how she got jumped near her house last month and was beat up. I've heard too many first-hand stories like this one from around town recently.

And finally, to close off this post, there's this news about J. Michael Straczynski, creator of the hallowed B5 series, being brought on to write the script for the proposed Silver Surfer movie. I do so love my comics and sci-fi...