Prefer Others
Put yourself aside, and help others get ahead. Don't be obsessed with getting your own advantage. Forget yourselves long enough to lend a helping hand. Phillipians 2:3-4 (The Message)
"Who's looking out for #1?" "If I don't take care of myself, who will?" "I only want what is rightfully mine." "Hey, I just don't want to be the one that gets used." "What have they ever done for me? Why should I be nice to them?"
"Prefer others." That's another way that this passage has been phrased. If you want Option A and the other person wants Option B, which option will you usually choose? Ah, but this isn't like one of Joel's questions. It's not about which option is more important. I say that you should find Option C, the compromise that works well for both of you. You do not need to become the other person's Yes Man (or Woman), but neither do you need to hold onto your own preferences so tightly.
Too often I find that people will hold on to Option A for all of the good reasons that they can think of. What does it cost you to be kinder than that? (For some it costs more than they would like. For others, it seems to cost little - even though it may be the exact same situation.) I say that there's still room for personal growth if we do not intentionally choose to put others first, whether that's within some ministry at church or it's by offering the first slice of pizza to a family member at home. I say that to be like Christ
To put it more succinctly, if you do not choose kindess towards others as your primary response then you choose selfishness. Don't be trapped by this bond of your own making.
9 comments:
I normally choose Option B. The thing that's difficult about this one, like you said, is you usually get walked all over.
So what if the other person won't compromise? I assume you'll say that Option B is better than Option A in this situation. But then again, you know what they say about assuming...
Selfishness is the root of all evil, I'm planning on elaborating on this in a blog sometime.
The option A, B, or C question is very situation specific. For example, if someone says let's go rob the liquor store, you don't want to go along with them. However, in situations like this it's actually in their best interests (ie. prefering them) to say no. Looking out for the best interests of others and being unselfish doesn't always mean going along with them and being a push-over.
Most importantly though, you can never go wrong by being unselfish...your life may seem miserable initially as you're not getting what you want, but you'll soon find happiness. I know of women who have stayed with a crappy husband at their own expense but have found the joy of God in that. There's many other examples.
I'll just say that I disagree with Abe about the matter of staying with a crappy husband. There are too many battered women out there that don't leave because they feel they would be selfish if they did.
We all need to take care of ourselves a bit too. If you are unhappy and don't say anything then you will harbour bitter feelings towards another person. The best thing to do is to deal with it and compromise. I'm not selfish if I ask for fairness and justice. And I have learned the hard way that you can be too unselfish.
You'll notice that I kept it fairly general by saying "crappy husband". There are obviously a lot of different situations, from someone who's just lazy to someone who's horribly abusive. There are some situations where safety and law require certain actions. However, there are also a lot of situations where people are just unhappy so they selfishly choose their own way.
Abe, I know there are a lot of situations out there, I used the most extreeme one to show my point. Anyway I just think that it is okay to go after what you want. People should generally be happy. If a person is in a relationship and not happy, then they should do something about it, not just live with it. I believe that compromise is the best thing to do. You have to deal with situations that make you unhappy. And if there is no room for compromise than perhaps the relationship should be ended. At any rate I feel that you are not being selfish if you want happiness.
Re: "I feel that you are not being selfish if you want happiness."
I would suggest that the only time this is true is if what you want and what God wants lines up exactly. He's the One that really understands what will make us truly happy. We're just trying to snatch at fireflies if we don't follow His light. (Poetic enough for ya?)
Well put Jamie, It's hard to define happiness and I suppose we do need some sort of beacon to light the way. I do believe that we were meant to enjoy this life while leading a Godly life too. God wants us to be happy and can pour out His blessings upon us. It's not to say that it's all peaches and cream, but just that we don't have to be miserable, we can be happy.
On another thought, I suppose that happiness is a matter of perspective as well. Some people may define happiness as having certain posessions, or a big family, enought to eat etc. Maybe we should be happy where we are and not always wanting more? (ah ha...here's were selfishness could equal happiness for some).
Hmmm...I suppose what I meant by happiness was also fairness. We are not selfish if we want fairness and justice, meeting in the middle. Of course we could always choose to give more - this is where kindness and love fit in? *thinking to myself*
Okay so I know I went on and on here, I'm sorry if I've been flogging the dead horse, but I like to think about these things, helps me sort them out when I see differnet perspectives on issues. Thanks for reading...
Cheers!
Re: "I'm not selfish if I ask for fairness and justice."
Well, my dad was fond of saying that he would not treat me, my brother and sister "fairly." He would treat each of us unqiuely, since we were unique. Yet how often would we whine and complain if our sibling was given some money and we were not? How common was it that we would demand that our sibling be punished as severely as we were if they misbehaved in the same way that we did?
My point is, many people demand fairness and justice without recognizing that they're actually making selfish or spiteful requests. Still, if we're asking for fairness and justice for other people then that would be a different motivation, right?
Oh Jamie, you make me think!
The situation between you and your siblings reminds me of the parable about the workers in the vinyard (Matthew 20:1-16). Each worker gets a penny, even though some have worked longer than others. The workers who started first think they deserve more, but the penny is the wage that they agreed upon.
It took me a while to figure out this one because at first it does seem like an unfair situation, but really it's a situation of kindness.
If we ask for fairness and justice for others then perhaps we are treating others as we would like to be treated?
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