Pushed Around

Most people get pushed around at some point. Eventually, you're ordered to do something that you really don't want to do. Such is life.

Maybe we're at work and we're given the duty of cleaning bathrooms - or worse yet, answering the phone. We have a boss or manager to whom we answer. We might have a little wiggle room but in the end, the boss is the boss. What they say goes.

Maybe we're at church and we get burned by a pastor. It happens to almost every church member somewhere along the way. A little misunderstanding here, a smudged reputation there, a disagreement over some issue et voila, we're removed from leadership or we're reprimanded. You don't have to volunteer for too long before you realize that everyone has someone to answer to.

Everywhere we go, there's a hierarchy in life. Even in some homes, the father's word is law and if the kids get out of line too often, it's gonna get messy. Volunteer at a soup kitchen and you quickly learn your place in the pecking order. Hang out with a random group of friends and try to decide which movie to see, and we'll see who is the most influential person.

So how do we respond to these situations? There are a few options...

We accept it. It doesn't matter if that's because we're faithful and obediant or because we're powerless and fearful. Either way, we accede and give up control. We support the very people that tell us what to do and we thank them for it. Maybe we're just stuck in a job because we need the steady paycheque, or maybe we're true believers and we think that this is how things are supposed to be. We love it or we live with it.

We move on. We refuse to accept this hierarchy, whether it's justifiable or not. We get angry with our pastor for what he did, or we become increasingly frustrated with our boss. Maybe we're attracted to another church that seems to suit us better, or maybe another attractive job comes along. Either way, we're easily pursuaded to pack up and go. Sometimes this response works out well for us and sometimes we learn that the grass isn't any greener elsewhere. It's just funny how we always end answering to someone else, and we're simply hoping that we like what we're told to do.

Those are two most common options. I don't think that really makes a major difference in our lives, though. The overall pattern is established and we support it. We want someone in charge, we want a strong leader, we want a great boss. We expect it. I suggest that there is one other option, though...

We change the rules. In our careers, we take the chance and become an entrepreneur. In our spiritual lives, we decide to focus on relationships and place the strict requirements of church as a secondary priority. In our families, we decide to build our relationships on something other than the parent-child hierarchy and we look for real one-on-one friendship and respect.

I've shown three main options and in each of these cases, we can do them well or we can do them poorly. On the negative side, we can cower and give up, we can rebel and fight, or we can run and escape. We can be passively aggressive or actively aggressive. On the positive side, we can be humble and submit, or obey and honour, or we can leave with tears and and farewells. The motivations of our hearts can colour any of these choices in black or white.

I'm simply suggesting that this pattern of power, this greater-lesser dynamic, this hierarchy of obediance, does not have to be a fact of life. There are ways to be employed, to be a church member, to live in your parents' home, without making us all fit into little boxes of rules and roles. We can be employed as equals, we can work together as a church family, we can make our parents into our friends.

Such is life? It doesn't have to be that way...