Couple of Snowflakes

Questions for Couples:

• Do you want or need time apart from each other?
• How much money/time is devoted to each of your hobbies?
• Is it important to share your spiritual beliefs?
• Who takes care of the cleaning, the cooking, the bills, the planning?
• How often to you see family and friends, and are you together or apart?
• How many kids will you have, and when? If you do, how will you raise them?
• How do you deal with conflict?
• What makes your partner feel good? How do you show your love to them?
• How has your relationship or how have your views changed over time?

It's fascinating to talk to friends and other couples about how they view romantic relationships and marriage. Whether or not they're single, every person has their own perspective on these things. And each couple seems to have a very unique set of "ground rules" that they live by, a common understanding about how to live together and how to relate to one another.

This personal perspective is developed by many things. It's based on our values, the things that we believe in and expect. It's based on our personality, the way that we communicate and listen, the things that make us feel good or bad. It's based on how we grew up, on our experiences, on our history. It's based on everyday things, like how much money we have or where we live. Everything that makes us so distinctly us drives how we see relationships.

That's where things get interesting. The lessons that we have learned and the rules that we live by may not work very well at all for someone else. The spoken and unspoken guidelines that we use (or will use) within our own romantic relationship may give us a lifetime of love but those same guidelines may cripple another couple.

And when we discuss these things with other people, we may be shocked to learn how they look at things. We may try to convince them that we have it figured out. We may analyze their relationship to spot potential dangers and explain their actions. We have gained some wisdom and we're confident that everyone would benefit from it.

Just look at the first question at the top. Some couples love being together constantly. At home, at work, at play, with friends...they're hardly ever apart. Some couples relish their time apart, showing that absence does indeed make the heart grow fonder. Some couples live with the fact that their careers keep them away from each other for extended periods of time, and some couples would prefer to change careers rather than be apart for weeks at a time. The thing is, a healthy relationship is possible in any of these scenarios.

As I continue to learn and grow as a married man, I'm always discovering things about myself and about my beautiful wife and about our relationship. I want to write and explain some of these things. Sometimes it's practical ("Take out the trash before it stinks") and sometimes it's more philosophial ("What about her love languages?") but the goal is to deepen a healthy and passionate love for one another.

And as I continue to write about what I/we have learned, it's tempting to turn these insights into dogma and present it as wisdom from on high. That's just not how life works. We're all unique, we're all a little normal and we're all a little odd. We're a couple of snowflakes - or just some flakes, if you will. Each relationship is an incredible combination of two individual souls and we need to appreciate that and learn from each other, applying whatever works without dismissing the rest...

His Needs, Her Needs

In preparing for our wedding last June, we did some premarital counseling with my former pastor Leonard Terry and his wife Carrie. They spoke with us about their experiences in a very matter-of-fact way and were really able to relate to us. They explored various issues like financial plans, past romantic history, and future goals. They wanted to make sure we knew each other well and that we knew what we were getting into. They emphasized balance in everything, repeatedly giving examples about how even the best relationship advice in the world can become harmful if you take it too far.

Beyond that, they provided us with a few different books to work through together. To be honest, some of them weren't expecially good but several of them were amazingly insightful. They captured the dynamics of committed romantic relationships and explained them in a way that was easy to grasp. Even though we were both in our late twenties, it was surprising to discover so much about ourselves and about our relationship as we worked through these books.

As I begin to write about marriage, I wanted to introduce some of these books along with the core concepts. The first one, and the one that we refer to most frequently, is called His Needs, Her Needs by Willard F. Harley Jr. It discusses the idea that both partners each have their own needs - not just selfish desires or preferences, but genuine needs. The author offers his list of the ten most prominent needs for married couples, which includes (in no particular order)...

1. Affection
2. Sexual Fulfillment
3. Conversation
4. Recreational Companionship
5. Honesty & Openness
6. Physical Attractiveness
7. Financial Support
8. Domestic Support
9. Family Commitment
10. Admiration

Very often, we don't even realize that we have some of these needs so it's helpful to analyze ourselves. We may not realize how fulfilling or ignoring these needs can make us feel either good or bad, and how these things affect our relationship. With this in mind, we can learn how to express ourselves better. On the flip side, we can learn more about our partner and we can see how to draw closer together.

The needs are co-operative. Fulfilling a need for our partner often leads to them reciprocating and fulfilling our own need in some way. It's a positive effect, building and building. For example, sharing in some recreational fun that we both enjoy can easily lead to extended conversations afterwards. As another example, the parallel needs of affection and sexual fulfillment become entwined, displays of love leading to sex and sex leading to more displays of love.

Conversely, this spiral of needs can also be destructive. Hurting our partner may lead them to shut down on us and ignore our needs, which in turn hurts us and makes us less inclined to fill their needs. Sometimes this process is intentional, withholding something in revenge or for spite. Sometimes it's unintentional, like when we feel hurt by dishonesty and we're not in the mood to touch one another. Either negatively or positively, whether we're aware of it or not, we always play this role in the health of our relationship.

These principles apply to married couples and non-married couples alike, which is why I like to refer to "partners" instead of "spouses." Naturally, I'm a big fan of marriage since I love my wife so much but these same dynamics are active in any long-term romantic relationship. This back-and-forth is always happening and we have to realize that we honestly require some things and the other person is the same way. It's the natural give and take (although "Give & Take" is something I will get into more later).

I have a lot of thoughts about this topic and about the various specific needs, and the book has much more to say about it. I may follow up with more thoughts on these things in future posts but you're welcome to track down that book yourself or open more discussions on this blog...

Life Together

As a newlywed, I have found that my entire perspective on life has changed quite dramatically. It's like I was wandering in the dark by moonlight and the sun has risen. It's like I was severely near-sighted (as I actually am) and now I have better than 20/20 vision. It's not that life itself has changed but now I can see so much more of it.

Not only can I see more but I also see things differently. Through the lens of my relationship with my wife Cam, everything is transformed. How I see myself, how I know God, how I value friendships, how I look at marriages... I feel like I was an ant that was surrounded by these gigantic things and I suddenly grew into a man that could hold these same things in my hand. My life will never be the same and it's amazing and incredible and miraculous.

As I go along, I am planning to write about a few concepts that I have learned that have really helped me understand the dynamics of relationships, in particular romantic relationships. It's interesting to discuss these things with my friends and discover how diverse we are, how unique each couple is and how different our ideas are. Hopefully you'll enjoy my thoughts on these matters and maybe you'll even find some of these things practical and useful in your own life. In return, you're welcome to share and contribute your own wisdom and experience...

Links & Blinks

Whole buncha random links for ya today...

The man who has been playing the Raptors Mascot for the past twelve years was voted as the best mascot in North American professional sports. He also worked as the red mascot at the recent Summer Olympics. This article talks about his humble beginnings as a small-town tumbler. How cool is it that we have one of the best mascots in the world?

A few weeks back, Toronto hosted the annual Buskerfest. Street performers from all around the world join the fun. Check out that link to see some videos and hear some cool stories. You may also recognize one of the "poppers" from recent IKEA ads on television.

Wanna see a cool clip of Tiger Woods putting a Rubik's Cube?

In recent news, Google has released a new web browser called Google Chrome. Check out this comic that explains the advantages and functionality. I like it when a subject combines my geeky comicness with my nerdy learningness...

Here's a cool video of a presentation given by the MythBuster guys. They have an automated paintball gun that can pain the Mona Lisa in less than a second!

From the creator of The Sims, they present the new game Spore. You design and build animals, evolving them from single-celled organisms through to giant creatures that can duke it out with others. Quite the novel concept, I'd like to try it sometime.

And finally, here's a story about an elephant that was addicted to heroin. Now that's a curious problem...

Links & Blinks

A few weeks ago, our parents took a vacation to B.C. While they were away, my sister hatched a plan to give them an excellent birthday gift. My brother, my sister, Cam and I teamed up to completely remodel their two-car garage. My brother bought and installed a new garage door opener, which my dad has been dying to have for a couple of years now. My sister worked her butt off for two weeks, mudding the drywall and a number of other things. And Cam and I joined the fun, spending tons of time over one weekend painting and cleaning and installing new window blinds.

It was an excellent surprise that utterly astonished our parents. Flabbergasticated. My dad wrote about his reaction here and my mom wrote abour her reaction here. Congrats a la famille!

(And now for something completely different...)

Just for fun, I recommend that you visit the website http://wordle.net/create. You can enter a URL or type in a paragraph of text and it creates a randomized graphic with the words. Click the "Randomize" button at the bottom and it will change the layout. The trick is that words that are used more frequently appear larger. I plugged in my blog and it generated the picture shown above, and you can see that I speak fairly frequently about my loving wife Cam. ;)

As for sports, I happened to come across an ancient article written by the legendary Bill Russell, 11-time NBA champion. It was published in Sports Illustrated 1965, and he explains various tricks that his teams used to psych out their opponents. Fascinating insight into what it takes to get that competitive edge...

Finally, my good friend Battle has created his own photostream on flickr. He's still out around London creating his awesome graffiti. Keep up the good work, mon ami!

Nicest Thing Ever

Over on Taken4Granted, my dad writes about a recent event for our family. My mom and my sister were in Toronto shopping and they were just about to get onto the 401 highway when the tie-rod for one of the front tires fell apart. Had that happened on that 401, it could have been a major accident.

My dad relates how the tow truck driver happened to come from China. Since my mom and my dad have been there, and since my sister taught English there, the driver went out of his way to pull some strings and tow the car for free all the way from Toronto to London, giving my mom and my sister a ride along the way. It saved everyone a huge headache. In my dad's words, "That was the greatest act of kindness that I have experienced in my life."

That statement kind of shocked me. Seriously? A complete stranger did the nicest thing ever? Shouldn't we expect some family member or close friend to have done the nicest act of kindness in our lives? What does something like this really mean?

So I'm reviewing my life a bit today, trying to consider this over-the-top form of generosity. Why would someone go that extra mile? Does it come down to the type of person you are? Is it based on relationship, or some moral code, or some Good Samaritan example? Maybe it's mere circumstance - if you don't have serious problems, there's less opportunity for extravagent gestures.

I can think of two moments in my life when someone has told me that something I did for them was "the nicest thing anyone has ever done." One of those times cost me very little but it meant the world to the other person. The other act was physically almost impossible to do but I pulled it off and it's still a cool story.

On the receiving end, there are a few times in my life that stand out for me. My wife Cam planned a number of activities and gifts and other things to celebrate my recent 30th birthday, including a surprise breakfast with many of my friends. That was the best birthday ever. And before we were dating, I used to work as a manager at AV-Base Systems and when I left Cam organized an amazing scrapbook to commemorate my time there. I aptly called that the Best Parting Gift Ever and it's my favourite single gift of all time.

And what about you, Dear Reader? Can you think of anything that anyone else has ever done for you that just amaze you to this day? And can you think of something that you have done that had an impact like that on someone else?

My Everything

We're married!!!

It all happened on Saturday June 21st, 2008. It was wonderful to have so many family and friends join us and help celebrate such an amazing day. Cam and I have so many incredible memories.

Rather than detail every part of the day, I just wanted to list a few of the highlights...

• After the Bridesmaids had completed their processional, I close my eyes and offered a quick prayer to God to thank Him. When I opened my eyes, there she was. She was so beautiful she brought me to tears in an instant...


• During the entire ceremony, I couldn't take my eyes off of her. I hardly noticed the audience at all, and she was definitely glowing.


• Cam and I served tea to our parents in a traditional Asian ceremony to thank them for raising us. Then we all poured four different colours of sand into one vase to symbolize the joining of our families and our lives.


• I wasn't actually able to get through saying all of the vows that we had written for each other. I was too emotional with the final two sentences and all I could do was mumble the final word. Cam and I were both standing these crying and completely in love.

The entire day took place on my parents' property in Dorchester. The ceremony took place along the Thames River and the reception was held inside a large tent that we had rented.

• My parents worked so hard to groom the landscape, my brother was our caterer, my sister handled desserts and Cam's mom cooked a lot as well. Add in all of the work that our friends did with the flowers and so many other arrangements and we couldn't be more grateful. There are too many people to thank here, actually, but we'll be sending our thanks to everyone individually within the next few months.


• It rained in the morning but fortunately that dissipated around noon and allowed us to set up. It was a bright day with a cool breeze but nicely overcast skies, which gave consistant lighting for the pictures. The best part was that the rain held on just long enough for us to make our official introduction at the beginning of the reception. And then once the rain came, it downright poured! A bunch of my guys immediately jumped up, suits and all, to grab the "walls" for the tent and hang them up. It was hilarious! Cam was so concerned about how wet my friends got but they were awesome (like Abe). As my dad said, that tent was certainly worth the money that day.

Finally, we had the best photographer ever. Joee Wong and his assistant were there for about ten hours, capturing the setting and the casual shots and the formal photos and the intimate ones. We saw a selection of his final work yesterday and the photos were stunning. As one friend commented, they attended the wedding and these photos look even better than real life!

In any case, I have included a selection of our photos here and you can see more on Joee's blog. And once again, our thanks to everyone. We couldn't be happier to be married, the day was fabulous and now we can look forward to spending the rest of our lives together!

The Big Three-Oh: Just The Beginning

The big three-oh rolled into my life yesterday like a slow boulder that is gradually tumbling down a low hill and it refuses to be stopped by anything. Wow, has my life ever changed since my 29th birthday. I now have a brand-new vehicle, I have the best job that I have ever had, I live in a cool apartment in Mississauga...

And the most important thing, by far, is that I am in love with the girl of my dreams, and Cam and I will be getting married next month.

My life has changed so much in the past year. It's nothing that I could have planned or hoped for or even expected. I just look back on my life, and on Cam's life, and it's like God was preparing us so that we could find each other at exactly the right time. Everything that we have experienced and the people that we have become has created this perfect supernova that explodes across the night sky. God is amazing, and Cam is My Everything.

I have been blogging regularly since April 2004, that's a total of 452 blog posts. Recently, my blogging has taken a back seat to wedding stuff. Not just our own wedding but also that of Richard & Tara and Joel & Lindsay. These guys are two of my dearest friends and it's been so much fun to be involved with their weddings. (Joel and & Lindsay are gettin' hitched later today and Richard & Tara were wed last month.) Throw in moving to an entirely new city, starting a new job, changing churches and who knows what else and it's obvious that my writing had to take a backseat.

Well, that's not entirely true. I actually have written quite a bit in the past few months but it's usually directed towards the love of my life. I used to write about things that God has been showing me and ways that I have been growing personally. In the past year, I have learned so much about love and life that it would be almost impossible to get it all down with some scribbles. So much of that is due to Cam and her deep wisdom, mixed in with plenty of God's grace. So while I have learned more during this period that I have any other time, most of it is just between me, Cam and The Big Guy.

I just want to thank all of my friends for their well-wishes, and I'm really looking forward to the best year of my life. This journey that Cam and I will be sharing will be the most thrilling and fulfilling experience ever and I can't wait to see the kind of surprises that God has in store for us next!

Richard & Tara: Part II

At long last, I managed to post the second half of Richard & Tara's wedding day movie, courtesy of Ariel Terry. (See Part I here.) Please excuse the low quality since it's hosted on Google Video.

Richard & Tara Phillips Wedding Day (Part II)

Richard & Tara: The Wedding Videos

With many thanks to Ariel Terry, I now present the first half of the movie from their wedding day! I'm still working on uploading the second half of this movie but go ahead and enjoy this first half hour from their special day...

Richard & Tara Phillips Wedding Day

Not only that but Richard created his own movie from their honeymoon trip to Disneyworld in Florida! They had a great time on the surprise trip that Richard planned for them. It was the perfect choice since their first dance was the song "Kiss The Girl" from The Little Mermaid, and they can sing all of the lyrics to pretty much any Disney song. They have a their own fairy tale ending...

Richard & Tara Phillips Honeymoon Trip

They're Married!

Richard Phillips & Tara White
Married on Sunday March 30, 2008 at 2:00 PM.
This past weekend, we celebrated the wedding of my good friends Richard Phillips and Tara White. They have been dating for almost five years now. I've know Richard since he was seventeen and I met Tara on their second date.

Obviously, I am ecstatically proud of the newlyweds. They are pefectly made for one another. They both have a love for God and a natural passion for helping others, et la joie de vie that they display every day is contagious. Happiness, hope, faith and fun just pour out of these two friends of mine.

The above picture displays the entire wedding party. From left to right, we have: Stephanie Ross, Ruth Borowski, Candice White, the flower girl (name?), Tara Phillips, Richard Phillips, Jamie Grant, Abe Oudshoorn and Joel Terry. I acted as the Best Man and Candice, Tara's twin sister, was the Bride's Maid.

The entire day was so much fun. Granted, there was a lot to do and to organize so some of us were feeling a tad winded at different points. Being surrounded by eighty or so family and friends can seem overwhelming at times. Everything was so great, though, a real pleasure from beginning to end.

The ceremony was performed by Leonard Terry and he spoke movingly. The Groom's Men did not attend the wedding rehearsal but we made sure that we knew our roles during the ceremony. Thank goodness for little x's of tape on the floor. And thank goodness for Abe, who whispered to me when I was supposed to go to sign the registry and showed me which way to face during the ceremony. Heh.

My big job was to pass Richard the ring at the appropriate moment during the ceremony. I was guarding Tara's ring all day and my part went smoothly. No fumbling or dropping the ring on the floor, fortunately. Unfortunately, the Bride's Maids, who had all attended the rehearsal the previous evening, had forgotten to bring the ring. Oh, it was a classic moment when everyone realized what had happened and Aunt Pat scurried away to find it. She did find it, eventually, right there in her purse beside her chair. I thought the irony of it all was amusing and it was actually a funny, personal and very memorable situation. We cracked a few jokes, broke the tension a bit and finished off the romantic I Do's with a flourish.

After the ceremony, the wedding party had our pictures done. Throughout the afternoon and evening, Ariel Terry set up a video camera in different locations and he invited all of the guests to take a minute to record a personal message to Richard and Tara. I'm really looking forward to seeing that video, and I was actually on it three times. Once at the end of Joel Timmerman's message, once with Cam as we danced like fools and gave a heartfelt message, and once with all of the ex-AV-Base staff. Along with Tara, there were five ex-AV-Base staff members there, which was cool to see since I was the one that helped Tara get a job for a while there in the first place.

During the dinner, a few people were selected to give speeches. A little to my surprise, my speech was the first one. I had written my speech out and I had rehearsed it with Cam the night before, which was a good idea since it turned out to be fairly lengthy even with my editing. I opened up my reminiscing about Richard's life and his giant green mohawk, mentioning his graffiti alley in downtown London and how he developed a career as a social worker. I recounted the story of Richard and Tara's second date and then related some more thoughts about the two of them. I closed by giving them their wedding present, a scrapbook album that Cam and I had prepared for them containing many of their engagement photos and various blogs about the two of them.

Once dinner was served and the cake cutting was complete, the dance began. Richard and Tara's first dance was to the song "Kiss the Girl" from Disney's The Little Mermaid. They can both sing the lyrics of every Disney song you can think of, and their dance was terrific. Tara kept coming close to Richard as if to kiss him and then she would turn her face away suddenly, and Richard had a brilliant smile the entire time. At the end of the song, they finally drew close to each other and completed a passionate kiss. Perfect.

May God be with you every single day. Each dawn, as the sun breaks over the horizon and you slowly awaken, may you feel His presence. And when you turn over in bed, may you see the evidence of God's blessing in your lives. May you know that the person there is fully and completely yours, and that you are theirs.

May you be forever passionate for one another and may your love for each continue to grow. May your love grow so much that it spills out of you both, from your hearts and into the lives of everyone that you meet. A deep and wonderful love that flows from God's heart through you to the world. May you experience the joy of being one, of being close to one another and being close to God.

A new day has come and it's looking brighter all the time. Always remember God's love for you, and your love for one another.

A Tale Of Two Farmers

My brother wrote this blog recently and I received permission to re-post this story here. It's a great analogy...

There was a man. He was an normal average everyday man. This man, however, had a passion. His passion was to be a farmer. He wanted to be one since he was a toddler and sat on his grandpas knee as he drove the combine across the fields. Because life is life, however, this man grew up and became a banker. He was never really happy with being a banker but he had gone to school for it and was competent. He had friends, a family. He had a good life. However, this passion that he had deep within him continued to nag at him.

One day, after many years of banking he finally had enough. With much discussion with his family he left all that he knew in the banking world and bought a farm. Now this man didn't know a lot about farming but his passion drove him to learn all there was. His passion made him a sponge and he just absorbed it all. He cared for his land, really loving the feel of the earth between his fingers and the premorning chill that woke him up as he fed his cattle and gathered the eggs. He worked long hours, had to change his lifestyle habits in order to afford his farm.

At first his family went along with dads crazy scheme, but eventually his passion became instilled into them and they learned the land and became proud of what their hands grew. It wasn't the most productive farm but it held its own. More importantly, it allowed this man to live his passion. It brought his family together. His children grew to have a passion and they brought new ideas and technique to the farm, eventually taking over the farm from their father. The farm grew and became known as having the best crop in the district and they became prosperous. It was good.

Now, this man had a neighbor. They had the same land quality and size. It was run by a man whose dad was a farmer and whose dad was a farmer. He didn't know what else to do. This man didn't like the chill of the premorning as he got up to do his chores, wishing instead to be in his warm bed. He didn't work longer then he had to during the day. He bought the things of convenience that would make his crop grow faster and better, without understanding what it would do to his land. He made his family do chores in order to keep the farm going and keep the money coming in. They did not like doing chores just as much as the man didn't like doing chores, and so as soon as they could leave the farm they did.

Over the years his children left, meaning that he had to do more and more of the work. He bought more and more fertilizer and grew more and more cash crop to pay for the mounting bills. One year: nothing. His crop wouldn't grow. His land was dead. The man was alone, abandoned by his family for the pursuit of their own money.

These two men, while both farmers, became focused on different things. One man having to farm, and the other man just on the farm itself. The man whose focus was on the potential lost his love for the farm and it became work for him and in the process he ended up losing it all. The other man left all that he had for a passion and with his passion a knowledge that deepened his passion and was passed along to his family. He loved the land itself and cared for it, while the other man cared for what the land could do for him and he lost it all.

In this same way have we become focused on the relationship to the point that we forget to have a relationship. I am not saying that the ways that we have relationship with God are wrong. But are we going to church, volunteering, praying etc, in order to have a relationship or are we doing those things as an outpouring of our relationship?

Bruxy Cavey has a line in his book "The End Of Religion" that I want to leave you with. "Do I kiss my wife to earn her love? Or do I kiss my wife to express the love that we already share?" Do we do all the things we do in His name because we will have a relationship with Him by doing those things, or do we do those things because of a natural out pouring from our relationship with Him which compels us to those things?

GPS Jerks

Ah, the land of blogs. Safe haven for rants of all kinds. I recently discovered a new pet peeve of mine and now it's my turn...

You know what really turns my crank? When people borrow someone's GPS unit and they change the owner's chosen settings for it. Sometimes it's only changing the volume or day/night displays, which is fine in general. Sometimes it's changing the interface to add or remove certain statistics or displays, and that's tricky to reset. Sometimes, people reset the "Home" link and that just seems selfish and unnecessary.

However, there's one more thing that GPS users just love to customize: The voice.

Different GPS units treat this aspect differently. On some units, it involves the language feature and it lets you select the local dialect. On other units, the voice options are controlled by fun personalities with cute little names. Regardless, people love to get in there and flip back and forth between a bunch of settings until they find one they prefer or one that amuses them in some way.

And when the owner gets their GPS unit back and continues to use it as usual, the instructions come out in different way. Changing from a female voice to a male voice is the most drastic change. However, the vocabulary used by a British setting and an American setting can vary quite a bit as well. It's freakin' annoying! And now the owner has to find that long-forgotten setting and feature that their friend messed with and they have to remmeber how to reset it.

Sure, we may be anthropomorphizing the GPS a bit, giving it a name and treating it like a person. Nothing wrong with that, is there? People give their cars names and they treat their pets that way. I've had hilarious conversations with other guys as we mock the GPS personality as if it's really thinking. As long as we don't start to have deep emotional discussions with this little computer then we'll be fine, we can just stick to getting ticked off as it gives us confusing directions yet again.

So, my pet peeve is that people change the settings on a GPS unit that they borrow from someone else. Your friend was kind enough to lend you this expensive piece of hardware, so why are you annoying them by changing all of their settings? It's like borrowing someone's car and changing the pre-set radio stations. It's like borrowing someone's iPod and messing with their folders and play lists.

I say that it's rude and disrespectful. Back in the day, not removing your hat when speaking to someone was offensive. These days, we have new unwritten rules of etiquette that have evolved to match our technology. Well, this used to be an unwritten rule but I guess it's not anymore. So take that, GPS Jerks!

It's A Boy!

Yay! Congratulations to Joel Terry and Alma on the birth of their son! And now Rhea has a new little brother, too!

The baby was a little overdue and was delivered by C-section the morning of Sunday March 9, 2008. All are healthy and apparently the baby was bigger than usual due to the timing.

Their son's name is Jude Nathaneal Terry.

Movies & More

Any guesses about which actor plays the character in the middle? It's shocking and utterly awesome. What's the answer?

Did anyone see Will Smith's I Am Legend during the summer? The DVD is being released soon and I guess it will include an alternate ending that they shot, as described here. Oops, that video clip was pulled - check it out here. It's not viscerally satisfying as the final cut but it makes a much more brutal point, I think.

Remember last year when they discovered skeletons of a supposed Hobbit-like race of small people? The new theory is that these were simply malnourished humans with gland problems. Not as exciting, but maybe we'll still find a race of lvigin tree Ents or something...

Comic geek that I am, I've been tracking the making of the movie The Watchmen since the beginning. One of the best comics of all time, written by the genius Alan Moore back in the day. They have new posters showing each of the main characters now. Rorshach, of course, is the best one.

As Amy Goertz says, do not do a google image search for "Largest Bear."

Anybody care to try a bacon chocolate bar? Mmmm...

There's an interesting documentary called Winning For A Living, about people that enter contests as their full-time jobs. 'Mazingfruit...

As I mentioned before, an old co-worker of mine named Trevor was sitting by the red carpet at the Oscars last month. He wrote about his day, including a video. Apparently Viggo Mortensen was very cool.

I've been published! Well, actually, all I did was get a question published online on the Raptors blog at The Toroto Star's website. Click here and go down halfway to look for "Jamie A" from Mississauga. Even so, it's cool! C'mon, Raptors, doesn't anyone know how to box out?

Solo Like Frodo

Why do we have this tendency to go through life solo? Why do we prefer to struggle through our problems by ourselves? Why do we shun advice and help and experience when we should be seeking these things? Why do we think that we're better off alone?

I just finished watching the super-mega-hyper-extended version of all three Lord Of The Ring movies. (Now with even more false endings!) With the extended and additional scenes, it's now the length of four movies. At one point early on, the Fellowship disbands as they fight a bunch of Orcs and our hero Frodo takes off by himself, only to relent and allow Sam to join him when Sam almost drowns in pursuit. Later on, Gollum manipulates Frodo and gets him to get rid of Sam, only to have Sam come back and save his life after the giant spider attacks him.

In fact, Frodo has a strong tendency to wander off by himself at exactly the worst moments. Repeatedly, he states that this burden is his to bear alone. And yet, he would have drowned and been captured and been eaten a number of times if Sam hadn't caught him. Actually, I always found it annoying that Sam was supposed to look out for Frodo but Sam kept looking after his own butt while Frodo went into trances and walked into danger. You would think that Sam would have learned his lesson after the third time, eh?

The movie culminates with Frodo faltering as he and Sam ascend Mount Doom. Sam gives his Oscar-worthy speech about strawberries and better times, and then he lifts Frodo onto his back and starts to walk a mile up a smokin' hot mountain. That brave gardener must have been lifting weights back in the Shire or something. (Yes, I found that part hard to believe but the wizards and the all-seeing eye were just fine.)

My point is that going through life alone sucks. We might think that we're better off tackling our troubles by ourselves but that's just not true. Ever. More likely, we'll get caught in a trance of self pity and we'll get chomped by a Nazgul. Or we'll get lost in the barrens and we'll keep returning to the same spot again and again. We will sit there and suck our thumb, and we will despair and lose hope. We will look into the dark night and fail to see the stars and we will forget that dawn is coming soon.

Everyone needs a friend to lean on, everyone needs a helping hand. "Everybody needs somebody sometime..." (C'mon now, sing it!) We need to let people into our lives, instead of blocking them out. We need somebody to raise our head up and encourage us. We need to have a friend that can tell us what we don't want to hear but what we need to hear, that will help protect us. We need a friend that will walk beside us, in good times and bad. We need our friends.

Friends are precious. Yes...my Precious...

Grab a Surfboard

So, my life has been a massive tsunami of change lately. I have a new job, I'm living in a new city, I will be moving into a new apartment, and I'm getting married in less than four months. The only other thing I could have done was to skip the country entirely and learn to speak a new language. Heh. This ocean of life is moving pretty fast now...

The main difference that created this giant wave is my new job here in Mississauga. I recently landed a position as a Database Developer with OSL Marketing. I started my new job a little over one week ago and it's been fantastic so far. Plenty of fascinating work creating the database side of websites for famous brands like Pepsi and McCain. I'll probably post some links as my work is rolled out live but I definitely appreciate the fact that everyone will be able to see and use the fruits of my labour now.

It's a fascinating job for a cool company, with good benefits, fun/funky co-workers and some impressive management philosophy. I think that my talents will fit perfectly and I have plenty of room for my professional ambitions. I'm looking forward to being here for a long time. Thankfully, it's been great fun to delve into the database designs and offer my ideas, a distinct pleasure with very little stress.

On the other hand, almost all of my free time in the past few weeks has been devoted to apartment searches in the Mississauga area. Unlike being a database geek, this was a terrible ball of stress for me. To be honest, I was getting freaked out that I would not find something suitable at all. Every night, I was scouring the internet rental postings and calling place after place for more information. I visited a number of places during this period, and time was not on my side since I'm already working here.

After getting a feel for the local rental market, I tried to focus on basement apartments. The price range was much more manageable and it costs several hundred dollars more per month to upgrade to a proper high-rise apartment building. Granted, you get what you pay for - I had to sift through a lot of ugly options along the way. Kiss a lot of frogs to find your princess, as the saying goes.

So while money was a binding factor, my other main concern is that this apartment was no mere short-term residence. This was intended to be the first home for me and my fiance Cam after we get married in a few months, so I wanted it to be something that would actually deserve the title of "home" for us, at least for a while. Throw in the fact that we needed two parking spaces, since we're both working professionals in IT, and that made the pickings pretty slim.

Lo and behold, we managed to find a superb place this past Saturday. I'm moving in this coming Monday and it's fabulous. It's a basement apartment but since the house is on a slope, the back is actually a walk-out with a patio and private yard. It's extremely large, has two bedrooms, it's quite cheap and it's all-inclusive with internet access. I won't post pictures or anything but suffice it to say, we found a hidden gem. Many thanks to Cam for all of her work and advice during this entire process as well, especially since speaking to strangers isn't exactly my forte.

And speaking of thanks, much of it must go to Josh and Beth Jones, Josh being the brother of the infamous Abe. Abe got me into contact with his brother once he heard that I was moving to the area, and Josh was quite helpful in giving me local advice. Astonishingly, Josh and Beth also offered to let me stay with them in the guest room in their apartment during these first few weeks, and I still can't believe how generous they have been to me. I was going to have to take a motel room and their kind offer made my life sooo much easier.

The next four months or so will still be crazy. I have to get settled into the new apartment, pack up and move all of worldly possessions, and start the gradual process of importing Cam's belongings. Somewhere in there, Cam and I have to finish planning our wedding. I'm the Best Man for Battle's wedding at the end of this month and I'm a Groom's Man for Lawyer Kid's wedding in May. I expect to succeed spectacularly at work, of course. And the hardest part, by far, is that I only get to see Cam on weekends when I go back to London. Yeah...

The waves of life are crashing all around but the horizon is getting brighter and the dawn is going to be brilliant. I'll be happiest four or five months from now after the this phase of frantic activity is over and I can settle into my life with my new wife. Until then, I guess I'll just grab a surfboard and try to enjoy the ride...

Marriage Announcement

WE'RE GETTIN' MARRIED! Cam Tran & Jamie Grant On June 21st 2008, we will be committing our lives to one another. Thanks to our family and friends for their love and support. Thank you God, may you always be with us in our journey. PUBLISHED: London Free Press, Saturday February 23, 2008.

Links & Blinks

Announcing an Announcement: Cam is putting our marriage announcement, including a picture of us, into the London Free Press this coming Saturday February 23rd. Please pick up a copy!

Have y'all seen the latest trailer for Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull? Then check out this link. Apparently, the American version of this trailer differs from the international trailer in one key scene. The MPAA, which controls ratings and content for both movies and trailers, has a rule against pointing guns towards characters within a trailer. "Won't somebody please think of the children" and all that. So they CGI-ed that shot to make the obvious guns disappear. Weird, eh?

There will be a total lunar eclipse tonight, starting at around 10:00 PM. You can read about the details here, and apparently the planet Saturn will be visible during this time as well. Cool!

For a while now, there has been a heated competition for the next generation hi-definition DVD technology. Similar to the Beta and VHS wars of a bygone era, this was a commercial war between Blu-Ray and HD DVD formats. As this article details, Toshiba has conceded the HD format and Blu-Ray now stands victorious. All of the momentum shifted this past year as movie studios started to choose sides, and only one survivor was left standing.

As a fan of the NBA, it's been fascinating to see all of the major trades that were recently completed. Pau Gasol to the Lakers, Shaq to Phoenix, Mike Bibby to Atlanta and Kidd to Dallas. Gasol and Bibby were taken almost for free, and Shaq was an expensive rebuilding trade in exchange for Shawn Marion. Kidd was the most complicated, protracted and costly trade of the bunch. Of that bunch, Gasol was the best steal and he certainly makes Kobe a happy guy. The jury is still out regarding Shaq's againg skills on a run-and-gun team and Kidd's clear slacking this year, but it will be fun to see how well they do with a change in scenery and a renewed playoff run.

Links & Blinks

My latest video game fix is the Sam & Max episode, "Abe Lincoln Must Die!" You can download this here absolutely free. I love some of those old-school Sam & Max games and now they have new "seasons" of games, like tv seasons, which is a great concept. You can also check out the Best Freeware Games of 2007 for another giant list of 'em.

Speaking of U.S. presidents, the Dilbert Blog makes an amusing argument that Barack Obama is a mish-mash of a skinny Frank Sinatra, Sammy Davis Junior and Bobby Kennedy. Heh.

An old co-worker of mine, Trevor, posted this blog explaining that he and his wife won a draw and they will get to sit on the bleachers for the red carpet at the Oscars this year. How utterly cool is that?! Wish I could be there...

Mike's blog has an ongoing discussion about the phrase, "Hate the sin, love the sinner." Specifically, as it relates to homosexuality. It includes a pretty widely varied set of viewpoints, but there's a story that relates one person's real experience with how painful this idea can be.

I really like what my dad has been posting on his blog lately. His most recent blog looks at how we think about friendship these days. He has a great challenge for us: "How do you know if you have a friend? Try leaving whatever it is that you’ve been doing together and see if they still call you. You may be surprised that it wasn’t friendship that held you together but the activity which you had been involved in." Sadly, that's more true than we would like to admit.

My Big Brothers Story

Yesterday, I volunteered to speak at orientation for Big Brothers. Every few months, they have an information session to talk to prospective Bigs about the requirements and expectations and how it all works.

I wrote out some notes beforehand, which is a tad geeky and unnecessary but I do like to give presentations. My talk took between fifteen and twenty minutes and I think that I gave a pretty clear picture about what it's like to be a Big. We had a total of six guys there, I think, ranging from late teens to mid-twenties to a guy in his forties. And since Big Brothers works with high school co-op students, one of them was video taping our session for a school project as well. I cracked a joke about posting it on YouTube but apparently my fifteen seconds of fame will have to wait.

I was surprised when I realized that I started the application process with them back in January 2005, and I'm coming up on my third anniversary with my Little in April. Cool! So here are some of my notes, for anyone that may care or may come across this on google...

HOW I JOINED
In September 2004, I noticed the sign on Oxford Street asking for new Bigs so I started asking around. My old co-worker Lindsay, in particular, was a Big Sister before and she told me her story. In January 2005, I called Big Brothers and attended their orientation meeting. On February 7, 2005 I had my initial interview
with the case workers during which I asked my own questions and they asked about my family life growing up and that kind of thing. The background and police check was done, and all that jazz.

I then had a second meeting to discuss potential Littles that they had selected for me. Three were within my desired age range, 12 and up, because I thought that I would relate better with an older kid. However, one was only 7 years old
but that was easily my best match. On April 4 2005, I started hanging out with my Little Brother.

Ever since then, we have made a point of spending three to four hours each weekend together. The organization only expects you to do this consistantly for the first year but my Little and I have so much fun that we have kept this up all along. Sometimes we're with a group of people but it's supposed to be one-on-one time so that's what we usually do.

WHY I JOINED
I have a passion for mentoring young people. I have mentored/befriended a few younger guys over the years personally, along with a group of teenage musicians from my old church. I think that everyone needs to have someone from whom they can learn, and someone that they can teach. As those roles in church came to an end, I was looking for another outlet and opportunity to mentor. I saw the sign while I was driving along and the rest is history.

WHAT WE HAVE DONE
I don't want to go into too many details for privacy reasons but I'll list off a few things. I gradually helped my Little learn how to swim, and two winters ago we took snowboarding lessons together, which was a brand new experience for me. I took him on his first camping trip, went fishing with him for his first time, have gone hiking and biking, went river tubing, we've hit a number of heavy metal screamo concerts, etc.

My pattern is that we stick around my house every other week and do the usual things like video games, movies and imaginary games. On the opposite weeks, we usually go out and do something, whether it's waking around the flea market or learning how to fill the windshield washer fluid in my van. Nothing too crazy or expensive, just hanging out with my friend and often doing the things I would do anyway.

OUR RELATIONSHIP
I went into much more detail about this during my talk but suffice it to say, he's one of my best friends. He's the only friend that knew about it when I was going to propose to my fiance, and he helped me buy roses for that occasion. We talk about fun stuff and we talk about serious issues, and I make a point of getting beyond the easy, superficial conversations once in a while. So yeah, I love this kid!

MY ADVICE
It's a wonderful opportunity to get a great friend. You will learn a lot from each other so it's definitely not just a one-way thing.

My warning is: Don't jerk 'em around. These kids don't have a dad in the picture and one of the worst things you can do is join and then quit before your first year is up. I've seen this happen. Despite our best intentions, sometimes intentions are not enough so don't get involved until your life is pretty stable. The trust and friendship that is so easily given in the beginning can become cynical and cold if you burn a kid by ditching 'em, regardless of the reason, so be careful.

Sometimes, we wonder about making an impact in this world. With just one small life, we certainly can have a gigantic impact. And the effect on the rest of the family is noticeable, too, as an added bonus. It's a fantastic experience, full of fun and life-long memories and first-time events. It's be great!

Related Blog Posts
Sept. 8, 2004 Considering Big Brothers
Jan. 26, 2005 Funny Thing happened to me on the way to get my police check...
Feb. 9, 2005 Big Brothers Interview
Apr. 5, 2005 I'm a Big Brother!
Feb. 13, 2006 Our First Mosh Pit & Screamo Concert

Links & Blinks

I've been pondering various issues lately. A small sample...

• Network Marketing vs. Corporate Sales (Buy from a friend or give money to shareholders.)
• Network Marketing vs. Classical Enterpreneurship vs. Workin' For The Man
• Rejection is a bitter pill to continually swallow, and I'm almost full. (Link)
• Why do people think I'm scamming them when I'm paying money out of my own pocket? Doesn't that simply show how much I believe in my idea?
• Top 10 Reasons for Network Marketing (Link)
• Top 10 Problems with Network Marketing (Tracking...)
• Risk vs. Reward. Security is our priority. The present is more important than the future.
• We defend what we know and attack what we don't know. Church, business, whatever.
• I'm a brilliant idiot.

And now for something completely different...

Did you hear about the latest perpetual motion machine? Well, it's not exactly perpetual motion but it apparently defies the laws of physics in a similar way. This guy has invented a type of engine that speeds up when a sold magnet is put near it. Without adding more energy or gas, the engine should not be able to do that. At worst, this might allow us to create more efficient electric motors. At best, it would create an electric car engine that gets charged by simply braking. The trick is, he needs to convince people that this is real because everyone just keeps telling him it's impossible, even after agreeing that his demonstration seems real.

Mark Twain said, “Never let public schooling deny your child of an education.” My dad wrote a blog post recently, Edumacated Versus Desire To Learn. He comments on the irony of well-educated people having a difficult time learning certain new ideas. Their circular reasoning goes this way. "I’m educated and therefore this new idea that I’m being presented with can’t be good because if it was good I would already know about it because I’m educated." I think he has a point there. (BOCTAOE)

Phraseological Fun

I have an ongoing series of blog posts entitled "As They Say in Zanzibar," quoting interesting and odd sayings from around the world. Similarly, this post is the second in this series and it explains the origins of common terms and phrases.

Bull Pen
Why is the spot where a pitcher warms up called a "bull pen"?
The term comes from the fact that in newspaper reporting a pitcher whose delivery is hit hard is said to have been "slaughtered." This led to comparing pitchers with bulls and the game with a bull fight. When one pitcher was hit out of the box and another sent it, the reporters wrote "another bull was led to the slaughter." At a bull fight, there is a "bull pen" close to the arena where the bulls are kept, waiting their turn. Thus, the place where the relief pitcher warms up, waiting to be called, is named the "bull pen."

Crocodile Tears
How did false emotion get the name "crocodile tears"?
The expression comes from what was once believed to be a fanciful tale of ancient travelers who said that the crocodile weeps over those he eats - and isn't sorry at all. But a crocodile does cry as it eats. For when a crocodile's mouth is full of food, the food presses at the top of the mouth and this releases tears from the lachrymal glands.

Funny-Bone
What is the reason the spot at our elbow is called a "funny-bone"?
It's a pun. This spot not only give us a "funny feeling when we hit it; it's also located at the enlarged end of the bone known to medical science as the "humerus."

Minister
How did a "minister" come to be called that?
The word literally refers to an "inferior person" or "servant." The original idea was that a minister was supposed to serve the parishioners. This idea has not yet completely disappeared.

Quiz
How did "quiz" come into the English language?
Because of a bet. A man named Daly, who was manager of the Dublin Theatre, made a bet that he would introduce into the Enlgish language within twenty-four hours a new word that had no meaning. Accordingly, on every wall in Dublin and every other place accessible, Daly had chalked up the four mystic letters Q-U-I-Z. That day all Dublin was inquiring what they meant, the people saying to each other: "Quiz? Quiz? What does that mean?" Daly won his bet - and the word has remained in our language to this day. It is quite probable, however, that his choice of letters - or at least, the continued popularity of the term - was influenced by the similarity in sound and meaning to the word "inquisition."

Tip
What is the reason we call a gratuity a "tip"?
Years ago in English inns and taverns it was customary for the patrons to drop a coin for the benefit of the waiters into a box placed on the wall. On the box was a little sign which said: "To insure promptness." Later, just the initials of the phrase were put on the box - T.I.P.

Source: "Why Do We Say It?" Published by Castle Books, no author listed.

Pushed Around

Most people get pushed around at some point. Eventually, you're ordered to do something that you really don't want to do. Such is life.

Maybe we're at work and we're given the duty of cleaning bathrooms - or worse yet, answering the phone. We have a boss or manager to whom we answer. We might have a little wiggle room but in the end, the boss is the boss. What they say goes.

Maybe we're at church and we get burned by a pastor. It happens to almost every church member somewhere along the way. A little misunderstanding here, a smudged reputation there, a disagreement over some issue et voila, we're removed from leadership or we're reprimanded. You don't have to volunteer for too long before you realize that everyone has someone to answer to.

Everywhere we go, there's a hierarchy in life. Even in some homes, the father's word is law and if the kids get out of line too often, it's gonna get messy. Volunteer at a soup kitchen and you quickly learn your place in the pecking order. Hang out with a random group of friends and try to decide which movie to see, and we'll see who is the most influential person.

So how do we respond to these situations? There are a few options...

We accept it. It doesn't matter if that's because we're faithful and obediant or because we're powerless and fearful. Either way, we accede and give up control. We support the very people that tell us what to do and we thank them for it. Maybe we're just stuck in a job because we need the steady paycheque, or maybe we're true believers and we think that this is how things are supposed to be. We love it or we live with it.

We move on. We refuse to accept this hierarchy, whether it's justifiable or not. We get angry with our pastor for what he did, or we become increasingly frustrated with our boss. Maybe we're attracted to another church that seems to suit us better, or maybe another attractive job comes along. Either way, we're easily pursuaded to pack up and go. Sometimes this response works out well for us and sometimes we learn that the grass isn't any greener elsewhere. It's just funny how we always end answering to someone else, and we're simply hoping that we like what we're told to do.

Those are two most common options. I don't think that really makes a major difference in our lives, though. The overall pattern is established and we support it. We want someone in charge, we want a strong leader, we want a great boss. We expect it. I suggest that there is one other option, though...

We change the rules. In our careers, we take the chance and become an entrepreneur. In our spiritual lives, we decide to focus on relationships and place the strict requirements of church as a secondary priority. In our families, we decide to build our relationships on something other than the parent-child hierarchy and we look for real one-on-one friendship and respect.

I've shown three main options and in each of these cases, we can do them well or we can do them poorly. On the negative side, we can cower and give up, we can rebel and fight, or we can run and escape. We can be passively aggressive or actively aggressive. On the positive side, we can be humble and submit, or obey and honour, or we can leave with tears and and farewells. The motivations of our hearts can colour any of these choices in black or white.

I'm simply suggesting that this pattern of power, this greater-lesser dynamic, this hierarchy of obediance, does not have to be a fact of life. There are ways to be employed, to be a church member, to live in your parents' home, without making us all fit into little boxes of rules and roles. We can be employed as equals, we can work together as a church family, we can make our parents into our friends.

Such is life? It doesn't have to be that way...

Emperor Of These United States

Joshua Abraham Norton was a fascinating man. He lived from 1819 until 1880, spending his latter years living in San Francisco. An immigrant from South Africa, he became a successful businessman but he lost his entire fortune on a rice deal gone wrong and he became quite insane - or perhaps just weird, depending on your point of view.

He formally declared himself to be "Emperor of these United States." His local neighbours liked to humour him and play along, and gradually he became famous within the city for his eccentricities and kind heart. Tourists would visit just to meet him. As for his income, he often traded official certificates with his country's currency for regular American money, and eventually many of the local establishments treated these papers as legal tender. He would publish official edicts in the local newspapers, decreeing that a bridge be built across the bay and that U.S. Congress be dissolved.

At one point, the local police arrested him with the intent of forcibly admitting him to an insane asylum. However, he was so beloved by this time that there was a public outcry against this action, with many editorials defending him. As a result, this self-styled monarch was released with a formal apology which stated "that he had shed no blood; robbed no one; and despoiled no country; which is more than can be said of his fellows in that line." From then on, the local constabulary made a point of saluting whenever they came across him.

Upon his death, a local businessman's club funded a dignified funeral. Thirty thousand people lined the streets to pay their respects to this once-and-only Emperor of these United States.

Source: Wikipedia. I learned of this real man because of a story in the Sandman comic series by Neil Gaiman entitled "Three Septembers and a January."

GroupThink

I was sitting in church this past weekend and the service was emphasizing a recent initiative for church members to become more active in our communities. Soup kitchens, single moms, people with disabilities, a whole stream of things. Since it started in the fall, this initiative seems to have been wildly successful. It's really helped a lot of people become aware of various groups and needs in our city, and it has encouraged many people to step out of their comfort zone and reach out to people in personal, tangible ways. (For more info, check the Engage website.)

Four people gave their testimonies about their recent experiences. Two of them, in particular, contrasted quite a bit. One of them was from a middle-aged guy that was impacted by the book God In The Alley, which he read two years ago. Ever since then, he has been making an effort to learn about homelessness and other issues and step out to contact and help these people personally. He was already doing things like helping at the soup kitchen and he thought this new church intiative simply helped him learn and grow more in this area.

The other person was a leader of a women's group and she helped organize all of the mothers into one united team. For the entire fall season, they were able to supply necessities like twice-weekly meals for mothers with cancer, and socks and underwear for the men's shelter. They started this stuff based on the official guidebook that the church supplied but they expanded beyond it to start helping single mothers that they just knew personally. During her talk, she mentioned how little time mother of several children have and how effective this program was in harnessing what few resources this group had.

She also said something else: If often feels like we can't make a real difference by ourselves. Like, providing a meal a couple of times for someone has only limited value, but supplying two meals a week for three and a half months can really do something.

It's a subtle state of mind that creeps in, I think. As Christians, or as employees, or as people that just want to do some good, we feel like we're so limited. We feel powerless or restricted or ineffective and we often opt for apathy instead of change. Or worse yet, we opt to defend this system that created these feelings of uselessness in the first place and we won't rock the boat.

We like to think that we need a strong leader to direct the charge. Or we wait for someone to enlist us into some bigger group. Or we move to another church or business and hope that things will be better there. We come to accept the idea that we're just one little, busy person and there's only so much that we can do...

I suggest that we can have a great amount of influence even by ourselves. We can effect real change at work and at church and in our homes. We can have dramatic impacts on the lives of our friends, and we can find new friends and new needs anywhere.

If we choose to let the group define us, we can only do as much as the group allows. Sometimes we need to be willing to break through those walls a bit and challenge ourselves and the rules. We make a mistake when we assume that the group is more important that the individual, and especially when we support one at the cost of the other.

Yadda Yadda: I happen to like this church initiative and it seems to have been remarkably effective, well beyond the pattern of normal church programs. It's a great and useful tool, and being part of a larger group is also good. I'm just saying that we often give ourselves licence to be limited, rather than challenging ourselves to grow and change. And if that means going solo for a bit then so be it...

Top Ten Movies of 2007

At the end of each year, I like to pull together my personal Top 10 list of movies. This list only accounts for movies that were officially released in 2007, and I did managed to see all but two of the Top 20 this year. I only considered the movies that I actually saw, which was about fifty of them, so there may be a few good movies that I missed...

[10] Fracture (Link)
I expected a tight drama with plenty of head-to-head scenes between Anthony Hopkins and Ryan Gosling, and I got it. I've been a fan of Gosling since Breaker High and I think that he's a great actor that can more than hold his own. Nothing like an old-school locked-room murder mystery with some court-room twists and turns to mix things up.

[9] Sicko (Link)
In Michael Moore's latest rant, he focuses on the pathetic health care system in the United States. He runs through Canada, then England, then France and progressively compares each of them. (Yes, I'm jealous of France's full-service system and England's cheapo drug costs.) Moore intentionally takes himself out of the central lens and lets the stories of others take centre stage. Anyone burned by Canada's health care system won't care for the lofty compliments he offers for our system but it's still infinitely better than that of the USA. And you've got to hand it to a documentary that can keep us entertained, eh?

[8] Across The Universe (Link)
This is a little-seen musical that incorporates Beatle's songs with a storyline centred around the Vietnam War. The songs are sung well and are meaningful to the story, and it made me appreciate the Beatles all the more. Beautiful.

[7] Stardust (Link)
Take The Princess Bride, add much improved special effects instead of muppets, take away the quotability factor, and you have Stardust. I actually watched Bride again shortly afterwards and the characters in that movie are definitely much more likeable and memorable, especially since Claire Dane's character in Stardust is a whiny brat and the hero is a naive idiot. However, it has the same sort of sensibility, the fantastical premise and setting, and the same amusing sense of humour.

[6] The Assassination of Jesse James By The Coward Robert Ford (Link)
I saw this shortly after watching 3:10 to Yuma, which was the (only) other major Western of the year. Yuma had the benefit of two great actors and a lot more action but I opted to put this Brad Pitt flick in my list instead. It's based on the real events of Jesse James' life, which I find fascinating. The final "confrontation" between Jesse and Robert Ford still sticks out in my mind months after I saw it, and the final commentary on modern celebrity is downright brutal.

[5] The Bourne Ultimatum (Link)
The best action movie of the summer, so says me. (Only bested by 300 in September.) Up until this was released, I thought that the fourth Die Hard movie held that title. It encapsulates parts of the previous two movies in the Bourne trilogy, which is certainly a unique approach, but taken by itself it actually ends up as the best of the three.

[4] American Gangster (Link)
Based on the true story of the rise of a black mob boss, this pits Denzel Washington against Russell Crowe. What more do you even need to know? From the outset, it makes it clear that Denzel is a bad, bad man. And yet, he cherishes self-discipline and family in a way that Crowe's cop character can't live out in his own life. It's a great dynamic and while the ending kind of fizzles, it's still a great dramatic movie.

[3] The Transformers (Link)
As a life-long fan of the original Saturday morning cartoon and the comics, this was my most anticipated movie of the year. (My favourite comic has them teaming up with Spider-Man.) This had the original narrator from the cartoon movie, a few bursts of the original sound effects, and even some classic lines from the cartoon. ("Once again, Starscream, you have failed me.") The fact that they had product placements everywhere and all of the vehicles were from GM didn't detract too much, though John Turtorro's silly role was insipid. Some people derided the focus on the human characters but I thought that gave the audience someone to root for and it fit well with the Tranformers philosophy. All in all, I was definitely that annoying audience geek that cheered and clapped all over the place.

[2] Dan In Real Life (Link)
After all of the big blockbusters of the summer and fall, I'm surprised that this small flick rated so highly for me. I saw this mostly because my sister wanted to see it so badly, but it's also the type of character-driven pic that I have always appreciated. Steve Carell is a bundle of supressed nerves and pain, and the family angst and paternal relations strike a real chord. And I have really enjoyed Dane Cook's work this year, both here as the main brotherly foil for Steve's character, and in Mr. Brooks earlier this year.

[1] 300 (Link)
I liked the original graphic novel and I loved the movie. I like that it relates to real history, even if the facts are askew. Each small battle, with the increasingly crazy setups, was a pleasure to cheer. Frank Miller's unique comic perspective was translated perfectly. Best movie of the year, be it action or otherwise.

Honourable Mentions:
Children Of Men
Ratatouille
I Am Legend
Beowulf
Amazing Grace

My Previous Top 10 Lists: 2004, 2005 & 2006
Reference: Top Grossing Movies of 2007