So Many Islands

No man is an island, they say. I don't know about you but I feel like I'm taking a cruise through the Thousand Islands.

I have often talked about the need for three key relationships: a mentor, someone that we can mentor, and a close friend on our level. (Check that link for a more detailed explanation.) At minimum, I think that everybody needs one close friend with whom we can share almost anything. A friend that will be there for us in our struggles and celebrate with us in our triumphs. A friend that will challenge us when we need it and encourage us when we're down.

If we're married then hopefully our spouse is our closest friend. Beyond that, other family relationships are also very important but I think that we should have one friend outside of that circle that we connect with regularly. Even on a practical level, we all probably need an "outside" person that we can talk to about our family life.

I mean, this is why the cliche "no man is an island" even exists. We can't go through life solo. We need those close relationships. Even the Lone Ranger needed Tonto.

And yet I walk around meeting guy after guy that exist as islands. This week alone, I have spoken in varying depth to five guys that are in situations like this. It kills me to see so many guys that are just trying to make it through life on their own. And the thing is, they don't even want to be alone! Each of these guys really does want to have a close friend and despite their best efforts they're still stranded. I hear them talking and joking about things but there's this underlying heartbeat that's just asking for one good friend.

The circumstances differ, of course. Sometimes it's marriage or a newborn child that sucks up time for our friends. Sometimes we get caught up in work or school. Some people are merely intraverts and have trouble making friends. Sometimes it just seems like happenstance. Sometimes we have had friends that have moved away for whatever reasons and we're having trouble connecting with someone new.

That last one is me, to be honest. Back when I was twenty-one years old, I looked at my life and I realized that I had plenty of friends but no close friends. I didn't have anybody that I could talk to about those private things in my life, the things that I needed to talk about the most. (Here is my story in more detail.)

So at that time, I intentionally went out and developed those friendships and it was a beautiful thing. I still love those guys dearly. I always tried to be there for them and they were there for me. And now...well, I feel like I'm back to square one again. Time goes on and our lives are not pictures, they're movies. In my case, I don't see it as a bad thing. I cherish the closest friends that I still have but I'm merely acknowledging that I need to start developing some new friendships with some guys.

I've gone out and developed those necessary friendships before and I know that I can do it again. It's a promising thing to look forward to. And yet I know guys that have been in youth groups and churches for years and they still haven't connected with a friend on that deep level. They want it, they need it, they look for it and they haven't found it. So many guys, so many islands...

I have a hope in my life regarding these friendships, regarding the ideas of mentoring and discipleship. It is possible to find these friends and to grow and have fun together. I thank God for his love for us and I thank Jesus for his example while he was here on earth. I just see so many guys that do not have that same hope or that same experience. I desperately want them to look up from their islands, to see the rising sun and maybe help them find another guy that's sitting there on another island. And maybe that other guy is me.

Links & Blinks

Bumper Cars: On January 16th, 2007 in Portland, there was some freezing rain and then some light snow that covered the ice. In one area of this one town, somebody caught a video of people trying to drive around in these conditions. Since these roads had slight inclines, cars were going everywhere. Basically, fifteen different cars gradually get smashed up because people are idiots. It's crazy! Here's the original video and here's my original source.

Python Circus: This is an odd little story about a 5.5 metre python that escaped at a circus, found the animal caretaker and strangled her. The incident was only later discovered when it was too late. I know about workplace hazzards but this is ridiculous.

Komodo Mom & Pop: A Komodo dragon in a zoo in England recently gave birth to several baby dragons, despite the fact that this femal has never had contact with a male. Several other types of lizard have been known to do this but this is the first time that the largest lizard on earth is known to have done this virgin birth.

True or False: Bats always turn left when leaving a cave. Anyone know? It sounds like an urban legend to me but I heard it repeated on a car commercial this past week as a fact.

As quoted on Overheard at Western:
Two girls are talking about Rick Mercer's Talking to Americans.
Girl #1: That show is hilarious. I saw one where they asked Americans how they felt about Canada finally becoming a part of North America. Then they got them to fully congratulate Canada and stuff, on air!
Girl #2: Ugh, dumbass Americans. They're all just so ignorant.
Girl #1: I know, like, what the hell? Don't they learn about North America in, like, grade 8 geography? I mean, hello, North America has TWO countries, people!!!
Girl #2: Yeah, seriously!

So how many countries are there in North America? (Here's the answer.)

As They Say In Zanzibar

Of the many books that I picked up during the holiday sales, there was one with "proverbial wisdom from around the world." I have a random selection of them and I figured that y'all would get a kick out of some of them.

A reasonable amount of fleas is good for a dog; they keep him from broodin' on being a dog. USA

Small cares make many words, great ones are mute. Germany

Sadness is a valuable treasure, only discovered in people you love. Madagascar

Friendship is steps. Kenya

A single bracelet doesn't jingle. Guinea

Before going to war, say one prayer; before going to sea, two; before getting married, three. Poland

Dress slowly when you are in a hurry. France

The one who seeks revenge should remember to dig two graves. China

The one who asks a question is a fool for five minutes; the one who does not ask a question is a fool forever. China

The best time to plant a tree was twenty years ago; the second-best time is now. China

Only with a new ruler do you appreciate the value of the old. Myanmar

To open a shop is easy; to keep it open is an art. China

No doctor is better than three. Germany

Fools seldom differ. England

Source: As They Say In Zanzibar (Link) by David Crystal

Strengths Finder

I recently finished reading a book called Now, Discover Your Strengths. It's all about patterns that were found based on Gallup polls that they have been using for several decades. As with my previous post, its key message is that we can excel by focusing on our strengths instead of our weaknesses. It then takes that message one step further and relates it to our approach as business managers (or spiritual mentors, or teachers, etc.).

34 Strengths Finder Themes

There is an official online quiz but you have to buy the book to get access and even then, it's one-time access with only limited results. You have to pay a few hundred dollars for the full test. The simpler approach is to look through the descriptions of these 34 "themes." Based on that, I did my own analysis to figure out where my top strengths lie. I've listed my top five themes below, ordered alphabetically with exerpts from the descriptions on that web page.

Belief
"If you possess a strong Belief theme, you have certain core values that are enduring. Your friends call you dependable. Your Belief makes you easy to trust."

Obviously my faith in God is central to my life. Beyond that, though, I tend to have a lot of clear-cut ideas about family, mentoring and my chosen career as a software developer. These principles are things that I strongly hold to be true and I consciously live by them.

Command
"Command leads you to take charge. Unlike some people, you feel no discomfort with imposing your views on others. You are not frightened by confrontation; rather, you know that
confrontation is the first step toward resolution."

Back during my teenage years, I realized that this trait could very easily dominate almost any group situation. If there was some slight hesitation or if I thought that I had a better idea, I would immediately step up and lead the group. It works like a charm in my chosen career and as a worship leader.

My discomfort lay in the fact that this conflicts with the "Developer" theme below. If I become the focus and I am too controlling then others do not get the chance to grow and to speak up. So since that time, I have consciously chosen to hold the reins on my mouth at certain times so that I don't step all over everybody. Sometimes it looks like I'm way too quiet within a group setting but this may be intentional as I allow others space to contribute.

Deliberative
"You are careful. You are vigilant. You are a private person. You know that the world is an unpredictable place. Everything may seem in order, but beneath the surface you sense the
many risks. Rather than denying these risks, you draw each one out into the open."

I equate this to the "turtle" personality type that we used at AV-Base during my time there. I excelled at analyzing and breaking down all of the potential questions and problems with our ideas. Preparation was always important. The downside is that this can lead to doubt and delays, so this needs to be paired with someone who is a visionary full of new ideas.

Developer
"You see the potential in others. Very often, in fact, potential is all you see. In your view no individual is fully formed. On the contrary, each individual is a work in progress, alive with possibilities. And you are drawn toward people for this very reason."

So true. So very true. This perspective is key for me in the areas of discipleship and mentoring. Everyone has gifts and talents and God has a plan for each of us. I just want to help people acheive those goals and dreams.

I like to think that I can give an objective assessment about most things in life. For example, maybe someone has a bad singing voice. Sure, I can easily recognize that fact. More importantly, though, I will also note that they have a desire to sing, that they have a love for worship and that God loves a cheerful noise. I want to encourage that passion, not crush it because it's a little messy.

Intellection
"You like to think. You like mental activity. You like exercising the "muscles" of your
brain, stretching them in multiple directions. You are the kind of person who enjoys your time alone because it is your time for musing and reflection. You are introspective."

Heh. Yep, I'm thinking all the time about everything. That's part of the reason that I write my blog. Sometimes, I even practice conversations ahead of time as part of this process. I like to think about God, about my life, about some challenging science problem, about philosophy...I enjoy reading a tough book for much the same reason. As some of my friends can attest, I always have a list of things in my head that I have been thinking about in the past week.

I'm very curious to hear what the "Top Five Themes" are for other people. If you have time, go through that web page and scan the descriptions for the ones that stand out to you. I would love to hear some feedback on this.

Focus: Strengths vs. Weaknesses

Congrats to Joel Terry on his recent promotion to Assistant Manager at Wal-Mart. He's been working hard for the past couple of years in various departments and has proven himself to upper management. He is taking over as supervisor of the cashiers department and is the primary contact for customers that want to speak to a manager.

As such, he's heading into a very different world. He does have experience in Returns with handling customer complaints but this will be one step beyond that. The tougher part, in my opinion, is that he will be supervising a group of people now. He has to help others, especially new employees, improve in their jobs and further themselves. Eventually he has to find and groom his own replacement at the management level.

So how does this happen? Why do some managers seem to get the most out of their group while other managers just burn people out? How can we make sure that people enjoy their work every day, that they're motivated, that they have the tools they need? To me, becoming a supervisor relates strongly to the question of "discipleship" for Christians. Granted, a supervisor's relationship is not nearly as deep as that of a spiritual mentor but there are many parallels.

There are a lot of ideas that can kick in here so here is just one that I think is useful:

Focus on strengths.
Almost anybody can focus on weaknesses. Criticism comes easily to most of us. We can dish it out in the form of gossip, sarcasm and insults. We can keep a running total of things that people have done wrong to us. We can become offended at the simplest of actions. We speak wisely as we give "constructive criticism."

Conversely, we have come to expect criticism from the authority figures in our lives: our parents, our bosses, the church. Our grades in school were black and white reminders of what we did not know. Our yearly assessments at work are stressful times of confrontation. Church sermons remind us of our sins and our friends remind us about how we have failed.

And specifically with work and as a supervisor, we often think that we need to correct people. We need to show them their flaws and that's how we can get them to improve. We use phrases like "development opportunities" instead of "weaknesses." We make a good show about having a three-month action plan to fix things.

Back in the day when I first started out as leader of the youth worship team, that was definitely my (unintentional) approach. The band would play along with the music and I would stop things once in a while to correct someone or to teach a new technique. Though I consciously tried to be nice about how I corrected the youth, I was still focused on the mistakes. No amount of pleasantries and jokes could hide the fact that I was looking at the wrong thing.

I should have been focused on their strengths instead. Eventually and with their help, I did learn about the power of encouragement and positive feedback. At first I learned this only with my head, then I learned it through action and finally I learned it with my heart. One compliment can go so much further than a dozen pieces of constructive criticism.

People feel empowered with positive feedback. People gain confidence with compliments. People feel accepted when we note their accomplishments. People feel proud when we point out their performance.

Leonard Terry has gone so far as to say that he never offers negative feedback to someone, even when it's specifically requested. He always prefers to remark on the positive traits and built a person up instead. I've also heard other ideas like "always offer three compliments before offering one critique."

The point is that we can excel in the things that we already do well. By improving on our shortcomings, we can really only become adequate in those areas. Sure, it may be necessary to shore up our weaknesses but that will never make us stars. We need to look at our areas of greatest potential, at the things that we already love and do naturally, and open those up so that we can light up the night sky.

New Year's Recap

Back in October, I had scheduled a week's vacation to go with my brother to Kansas City for a prayer conference during the New Year's break. A few days before we were scheduled to leave, I was invited to join a few people from Young Adults for a trip to Montreal. My trip with my brother was conveniantly cancelled by my brother so off I went to Montreal.

Um, I guess I will avoid naming names out of respect for internet privacy. In any case, four of us drove down early on December 30th and the other four people drove down much later and met us at the hotel. The late arrivals had to deal with the headaches of hotel management that both gave away their pre-paid rooms and refused to compensate them but that's a whole other story.

Montreal was good times for those three days. We accidentally explored the red light district on our first day there and then we beat a hasty retreat into French Chinatown. On New Year's Eve we explored old Montreal, saw a street performer juggling flaming knives and had an excellent meal at a fancy restaurant.

Towards the turn of the year at midnight, most of us got back together at the hotel and celebrated with some champagne and random feats of strength. Kudos to Franz for beating me in our arm wrestling match, despite the fact that we agree that I am stronger. Remember to lock that wrist. I'll be ready for you next time, m'boy!

Only four of us stayed up later on in the evening. For the lack of any other activities, I started up a game of blackjack and I taught the newbies. I was the dealer and Franz, Jesse and Paula were competing. (Bah! I can't mock people if I do not name names.) We didn't have poker chips or money to play with so I came up with the idea of playing for five points. Every time you beat the dealer, you got a point.

The kicker was the punishment. The winner would become the next dealer but the other two people would face the dreaded Canadian Water Torture. It's similar to Chinese Water Torture but instead of slowly dripping water, you have to have an ice cube on your forehead for thirty seconds.

Franz kicked butt and the ice was surprisingly painful. Check out the results below for yourself...


We did the tourist thing at two old cathedrals in Montreal but I don't have pics of those yet. However, I did notice a bunch of cool graffiti just outside of our hotel so I have two of those below for your viewing pleasure.

Faith: Leap & Light

"Only in the leap from the lion's head will he prove his worth." Remember the tense sequence from Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade in which Indy has to leap out into thin air to try and cross an enormous chasm? It's the classic Leap of Faith. It's a picture that we often associate with the idea of faith, especially faith in God. We're jumping into the unknown and we're not sure if we're going to fall forever.

My dad used to use a different kind of example back in Wawa when he preached on this topic. He asked one of the kids to go to the back of the sanctuary and flip one of the main light switches. Before the kid did it, my dad asked if the light would be turned off because of the switch. The kid, of course, knew that the lights would go out and he was proven to be quite correct as we lost all light for a few seconds.

So here we have two competing images of faith. One is a near-mystical and doubt-filled step and the other is a basic part of every day life. Both represent ideas that people have about what the word "faith" means but I would suggest that the second version is more accurate.

We need faith for all kinds of things. We need faith to belive that Jesus died for us and that God has forgiven us. We need faith in figuring out what to do with the big decisions in life: dating, work, where to live, etc. We need faith during the tough times in life, to know that people love us and that God cares for us. We need faith to believe that our cars won't veer off the road suddenly.

Faith is important but it doesn't have to feel like weird spritual mumbo-jumbo. Do we have faith that the light switch will turn the light on and off? Of course. Do we have faith that the sun will rise tomorrow? Sure. Do we have faith that our families love us? I hope we do.

In Luke 7, we see a story in which a centurian in the Roman army asks Jesus to heal his valued servant. As Jesus approaches the house, the centurian comes out and says that he is unworthy of Jesus entering. Instead, he just wants Jesus to speak the words and the centurian knows that his servant will be healed.

As the centurian says, "I myself am a man under authority, with soldiers under me. I tell this one, 'Go,' and he goes; and that one, 'Come,' and he comes. I say to my servant, 'Do this,' and he does it."

That's simple, everyday faith. The centurian knows that his orders will be followed and he knows that Jesus' words will likewise be fulfilled. In return, Jesus says, "I tell you, I have not found such great faith even in Israel."

The main difference in these pictures is the reason that we take that step of faith. We have faith in a light switch because it's worked a hundred times before. The centurian had faith because he knew that Jesus has as much authority in the spiritual realm as he had in the physical realm. Iniana Jones...well, he stepped out because his dad was about to die if he didn't find the Holy Grail and heal him. Sometimes we're forced into a position of accepting God's word because we have no other choice, and it's only then that we see how faithful God is to us in return.

As I was discussing two weeks ago with my new co-workers, I have heard stories about pastors surviving from week to week with no guarantee of income or food. Yet God kept supplying for them and their families. After that kind of thing happens a few times, you might be more willing to have some faith but at first there is no precedance for that kind of thing. It can feel a lot like Indy's jump.

The thing is that our faith in these kinds of situations is not based on history and experience, it's based on our relationship with God. It's doesn't seem like such a big jump because we're sure that God is calling us from the other side of that chasm. It has to be because we love God and because we know that He loves us. It has to be because we have practised and tried to obey God before and we have learned to recognize His voice. It has to be about Him and it can't be about us or our friends or our families.

Yes, experience is crucial. Yes, logic is an important tool. Yes, analyzing and wrestling with issues is helpful. Our faith is not based solely on those things, though. It's based on our relationship with God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ. With that as our foundation, we can rest assured that even if we miss the invisible bridge and we fall, God will be there to catch us.

Top Ten Movies of 2006

Each January, I like to pull together my personal Top 10 list of movies from the previous year. This list only accounts for movies that were officially released in 2006 so it's doesn't include Christmas Day releases from 2005. It only includes movies that I actually saw, so there may be a few good movies that I missed but I've written about those movies here.

[10] World Trade Center (Link)
Starring Nicholas Cage and directed by Oliver Stone. This a realistic look at how police officers on the ground tried to deal with the Twin Tower attacks of 9/11, how they gradually learned about what was happening and their efforts to simply survive. It's based on the true experiences of a few of the characters and it isn't preachy or sentimental, it's just a good bit of drama.

[9] Invincible (Link)
I always like a good crowd-pleasing rah-rah sports movie about the underdog, so here we go. Beyond the football and the real-life story, I really liked the authenticity of the 1970's period that they use. The city of Philadelphia seems authentic and the cast of characters is well played and well written as unique individuals. And yes, I like Mark Wahlberg in the lead role.

[8] Bon Cop, Bad Cop (Link)
This is an odd movie and I really enjoyed it. It ranks as one of the two most popular Canadian-made movies of all time, right along with Porky's. Bon Cop is an odd-couple movie with one cop from Ontario and another from Quebec as they are forced to team up to investigate a murder at the border. The movie shifts back and forth between French and English and you can get different subtitles depending on which version of the movie you're watching. The jabs and insults that are tossed back and forth are funny but the movie repeats itself when it moves from Quebec to Ontario and does the same jokes in reverse.

[7] Cars (Link)
Easily the best animated movie of the year, though we expect nothing less from Pixar. I had this competing against Monster House, Ice Age 2 and Open Season but they were only runners up, placing 2-3-4 in that order. My Little Brother loves toy cars so he obviously got a big kick out of this as well.

[6] Jet Li's Fearless (Link)
Billed as Jet Li's final martial arts epic, this is a superb martial arts flick. It does include various crazy wire-stunts but it gives you everything that you would want from this genre. Excellent ending note for Jet Li, whatever that means.

[5] Talladega Nights: The Legend of Ricky Bobby (Link)
I liked Anchorman and I liked Will Ferrell in this movie in much the same way, as both the actor and the writer. I rate this as my top comedy of the year, even though I did miss Click.

[4] Pursuit of Happyness (Link)
This is a true story about a guy that ends up homeless for a while as he tries to take care of his kid while his life falls apart. Will Smith is up for best actor for the Golden Globes, there's a spark between him and his real-life son Jaden Smith and I hardly even recognized Thandie Newton as she disappeared into her role. I recently bought the original book so I look forward to reading that as well. I recommend that y'all catch this if you haven't already since it's still in theatres.

[3] Casino Royale (Link)
Ah, the return of James Bond. I'm a big fan of the entire series and it's somewhat nostalgic for me since I've been watching the movies ever since grandparents used to tape them from american television for us. This movie comes straight from the original book and shows us how Bond won the "double oh" status and became 007. It's centres around his relationship with the only true love of his life and it shows us how he became the stone cold spy that we all know and love. There weren't too many action sets as they concentrated on character development, tense card games and love affairs but the action that it did have was fun.

[2] Inside Man (Link)
Directed by Spike Lee and starring Denzel, this was Lee's most successful film venture by far, making about $40 million more than his previously most successful movie (comparison). This is a tense and twisty bank heist movie. Great plot, great writing, great atmosphere, great acting. There's a reason that there's making a sequel next year.

[1] The Protector (Link)
This stars Tony Jaa, whom you may know from Ong-bak. He has his own version of a martial art form that he uses for his films, according to something I read somewhere. It involves a lot of knees and elbows to the head and monkey-like acrobatics. The plot setup is pointless and silly (he protects sacred elephants from poachers) but this is all about the action anyway.

The climax of the movie is straight from a Bruce Lee movie as wave after wave of guys come at him and he dutifully breaks various limbs in variois ingenious ways. The crowd that I was with was loudly cheering part way through this movie, that's how good this was. Granted, the crowd was made up entirely of guys but for straight up fight scenes and stunts, this was a beautiful movie. On an emotional level I declare it to be better than any other movie that I watched this year.

Honourable Mentions:
Blood Diamond
The Departed
The Prestige
Rocky
MI:3
16 Blocks

My Previous Top 10 Lists: 2004 & 2005
Reference: Top Grossing Movies of 2006

Top Ten Misses of 2006

There are a number of movies that I wanted to see but I missed. In some cases, these movies never came to London. In some cases they were superceded by other movies opening at the same time. And sometimes, I just didn't have anyone to join me and I rarely watch a movie by myself, despite the frequency with which I go the the movie theatre. Here's that Top 10 list.

[10] Zoom (Link)
Sure, it's a silly superhero teen comedy thing. It has Tim Allen, who has out out a bunch of cloying family movies in recent times. I'm hoping it has the feel of Galaxy Quest but I doubt it.

[9] Half Nelson (Link)
This movie stars Ryan Gosling in a critically acclaimed role, whom I have liked since the old Breaker High television show but that you probably remember from The Notebook. This movie is a heavy dramatic bit about "an inner-city junior high school teacher with a drug habit forms an unlikely friendship with one of his students after she discovers his secret." Gosling has a rare intensity as an actor and a character piece like this should work well.

[8] Tenacious D in: The Pick of Destiny (Link)
Jack Black's two-person pseudo-mock rock band spazzes through this movie about their mystical journey for a magical guitar pick. It died at the box office but it's a curiosity that I will have to see sometime.

[7] Nacho Libre (Link)
*sigh* I intentionally ignored this movie all year but I may finally watch it just because I have heard about it so often. For a while, I heard this movie quoted as often as Napolean Dynamite. The comparison did not sit well with me, though, because I thought that Napolean was made up of long doses of boredom punctuated by hilarity. Borat has definitely replaced Nacho as the movie that I hear quoted most frequently now but since I tried to watch that and walked out on it, I can't quote that movie either. I feel like I'm losing my cultural relevancy!

[6] The Good Shephard (Link)
I had little desire to watch this movie at first but once I heard the review saying that it's the "Godfather of CIA movies," it peaked my interest. Since it stars Angelina Jolie and Matt Damon, that's enough to get me to watch sometime.

[5] The Fountain (Link)
Psychadelic sci-fi movie, anyone? I really wanted to see this but no one else wanted to. I'm a sucker for sci-fi anything so despite the weirdness of the director/writer, Darren Aronofsky, I'll eventually catch this by myself.

[4] An Inconveniant Truth (Link)
Along with March of the Penguins, this marked a recent box office breakout for documentaries. And while March has cute penguin chicks fighting to survive, Truth has...the charisma of Al Gore going for it. It's actually just a movie version of his university tour in which he talks about the dangers of global warming. Apparently it's about as interesting as this topic can get, which still isn't saying much.

[3] Stranger Than Fiction (Link)
The main character in real life is somehow tied to the plot of a new book that is being written and if he dies in the book he will die in real life, too. This kind of humour is right up my alley, usually, but most people find these types of movies to be dry and boring. I'm a fan of Will Ferrell as an actor in the same way that I'm a fan of Bill Murray.

[2] Who Killed The Electric Car? (Link)
That's right, I have two documentaries on this list. This one was the harder of the two to find but it's the more interesting one to me. How did big business wipe out the promising and futuristic models of electric cars that we had in production in California?

[1] Idiocracy (Link)
It's a satirical comedy about a man that awakens in the future and finds that all of humanity has become a group of blithering idiots, thus making him the smartest man on earth. This movie was actually completed in 2004 or something like that but it was killed by the distributor for unknown reasons, especially since it had some good reviews. I desperately tried to find this movie and I would have gone to Toronto to see it but it only opened in, like, six cities and then it was killed off.

Reference: Top Ten Movies of 2006