So Many Islands

No man is an island, they say. I don't know about you but I feel like I'm taking a cruise through the Thousand Islands.

I have often talked about the need for three key relationships: a mentor, someone that we can mentor, and a close friend on our level. (Check that link for a more detailed explanation.) At minimum, I think that everybody needs one close friend with whom we can share almost anything. A friend that will be there for us in our struggles and celebrate with us in our triumphs. A friend that will challenge us when we need it and encourage us when we're down.

If we're married then hopefully our spouse is our closest friend. Beyond that, other family relationships are also very important but I think that we should have one friend outside of that circle that we connect with regularly. Even on a practical level, we all probably need an "outside" person that we can talk to about our family life.

I mean, this is why the cliche "no man is an island" even exists. We can't go through life solo. We need those close relationships. Even the Lone Ranger needed Tonto.

And yet I walk around meeting guy after guy that exist as islands. This week alone, I have spoken in varying depth to five guys that are in situations like this. It kills me to see so many guys that are just trying to make it through life on their own. And the thing is, they don't even want to be alone! Each of these guys really does want to have a close friend and despite their best efforts they're still stranded. I hear them talking and joking about things but there's this underlying heartbeat that's just asking for one good friend.

The circumstances differ, of course. Sometimes it's marriage or a newborn child that sucks up time for our friends. Sometimes we get caught up in work or school. Some people are merely intraverts and have trouble making friends. Sometimes it just seems like happenstance. Sometimes we have had friends that have moved away for whatever reasons and we're having trouble connecting with someone new.

That last one is me, to be honest. Back when I was twenty-one years old, I looked at my life and I realized that I had plenty of friends but no close friends. I didn't have anybody that I could talk to about those private things in my life, the things that I needed to talk about the most. (Here is my story in more detail.)

So at that time, I intentionally went out and developed those friendships and it was a beautiful thing. I still love those guys dearly. I always tried to be there for them and they were there for me. And now...well, I feel like I'm back to square one again. Time goes on and our lives are not pictures, they're movies. In my case, I don't see it as a bad thing. I cherish the closest friends that I still have but I'm merely acknowledging that I need to start developing some new friendships with some guys.

I've gone out and developed those necessary friendships before and I know that I can do it again. It's a promising thing to look forward to. And yet I know guys that have been in youth groups and churches for years and they still haven't connected with a friend on that deep level. They want it, they need it, they look for it and they haven't found it. So many guys, so many islands...

I have a hope in my life regarding these friendships, regarding the ideas of mentoring and discipleship. It is possible to find these friends and to grow and have fun together. I thank God for his love for us and I thank Jesus for his example while he was here on earth. I just see so many guys that do not have that same hope or that same experience. I desperately want them to look up from their islands, to see the rising sun and maybe help them find another guy that's sitting there on another island. And maybe that other guy is me.