Marks Of Maturity

Last week, my dad told me a story about my own childhood that I had never heard before. (Funny how that happens, eh?) I was about five years old and we were still living in Welland in a cul-de-sac. I had a french friend towards the end of this street that I used to play with a lot. One day, I had been away at his house and then I came back home, half-crying and obviously angry about something. My friend and I had had a fight, about whatever it is that five year olds fight about, and I had walked off.

I explained the situation to my dad and I was torn up about it. After a few minutes, my dad said that I recollected myself and thought about it. Apparently, I decided that this fight wasn't worth all of the anger and pain. As a young kid, I gathered myself together and walked back over to my friend's house to make up. My dad saw me again a few hours later after I had been happily playing with my friend again.

So what is this maturity thing, anyway?

Maturity certainly isn't a title. I've seen Christians enraged, employers insulting employees, teachers ticked off with students, parents having temper tantrums and pastors that don't how to counsel. I've also seen new Christians evangelizing, employees that support and teach their bosses, students that change teachers' lives, children that comfort their parents and church members that minister to their pastors. Position and power doesn't equal maturity.

Maturity doesn't come automatically with experience. I've seen fifty year old Christians that are still dealing with childhood trauma, long-term employers that still have high turnover rates, and parents repeating the same mistakes that they so despised in their own parents. I've also seen kids walk through unimaginable circumstances in a healthy way, employees that change the very atmosphere of their companies, and kids forgiving their parents and changing their entire families. Age and time do not guarantee maturity.

Maturity doesn't rely on certain personality types. I've seen introverts that don't know how to analyze themselves, extroverts that leave a trail of broken friendships behind them, leaders that cripple their teams rather than building them, and care-givers that miss the most important people in their lives. There is no combination of strengths and traits that creates maturity.

Maturity can't happen as a formula. We can't assume that we will grow emotionally just because of our relationships. We don't know that we will grow spiritually just because we go to church. Being parents doesn't necessarily make us good parents. The lessons that we have learned in life may have been wrong all along - I'm still unlearning things this month that I had thought were correct my whole life.

The mark of maturity is only seen in one way: The results of our lives.

Do we have deep friendships? Have we dealt with past experiences in a healthy way? Are we focused on ourselves or others? Are we able to deal with conflicts in a way that heals the relationships? Are we honest with ourselves and others? Do we know Jesus personally?

We won't necessarily grow just because of desire or circumstances. However, there is also nothing holding us back. No life story, no situation, no current pain can determine the course of our lives by themselves. We are the ones that determine how far we can go. The walk will probably not be easy because everything of value costs us something, and this walk will never actually end, but we are the ones that determine our path in life.

Fingerprints

I was reviewing my blog links this week and I noticed that someone found me through this search and this search on Google. By coincidence, they stumbled across this old blog that I wrote in April 2004. (That was my first month of blogging. Wow, have I really been writing for more than three years now?) I used this story in that blog:

It's like my days as a custodian at London Gospel Temple, my old church. After everyone had gone home on Sunday night, I had to the clean the numerous glass doors at the entrances to the building. These glass doors would be layered with fingerprints from people pushing against the glass all day long, rather than using the push bar in the middle of the door. I would use a ton of Windex and paper towels, rubbing out every inch of each door. And even after a full half hour of cleaning, I would invariably change my viewing angle just a bit and I would see yet one more fingerprint that I hadn't seen before. You just had to change your angle ever-so-slightly and voila, more prints.

My point was that I was feeling exhausted from trying to fix all of these little details in my life. I was trying to mature and grow and improve myself but I just kept uncovering more problems to fix. It's an infinite loop that was wearing me out without end. There is always one more fingerprint to clean on the windows into me and I won't ever be able to clean them all.

I included my dad's observation that this is what religion does to us, this is what rules and traditions and "The Law" does. It sucks the life out of us and leaves us hallow and empty. I then concluded by saying that I wanted to find Life and Freedom somehow. I didn't even know how to do that, this was just a small and confused cry from somewhere inside me.

I look around at my life these days and I'm amazed to see where God has brought me. Now I'm writing posts like Finding Jesus and Dandelions and A Little Boy's Heart. I'm talking to friends like J.P. and reading about guys like Smith Wigglesworth as I try to learn what it means to follow Jesus each day. In allowing the Holy Spirit to direct me more than ever before, and in breaking away from the rules and laws that I used to obey without question, I find myself in a new place.

God is amazing. He knows what we really need better than we know ourselves. He knows what we're really seeking even if we can't say the question. He knows how to draw us into new life and new passion and so often, we don't even realize where we are being led. He knows our past, he sees our future and he's with us every step of the way.

I find that I'm trying to do less these days and yet, somehow, God is doing even more.

Riverside Bonfire

On Saturday June 23, I hosted a Riverside Bonfire & BBQ at my house. All told, 28 guests came. I knew some of these friends from Open Door, some from GTA, some from FCCC, some from LGT, some were friends-of-friends. Wow, I just realized had friends from all of my old and current churches there. Interesting.

About ten people arrived a little later in the evening, so for the first hour and a half most of us were on the lower deck talking and getting to know one another. Thanks to my brother's direction and help, I had prepared honey-burger patties by hand. Nina and Melissa volunteered for BBQ duties, so many thanks to them. It took us until after 7:30 to really have enough burgers cooked up so everyone was really hungry by then. Once everyone got a taste of those burgers, though, they decided that it was worth the wait. The subtle honey flavour and aftertaste was really nice.



The main event was supposed to be a large soccer game but few people wanted to join. As a result, my Little Brother and I were playing one on one for a while. Eventually Tara joined us, and then Grace and Alma and Rhea joined us as well to play guys against girls. Besides that, there was croquet and the swing and other minor activities. At one point, we found a large post with a big metal piece on the end which we proceeded to use as an oversided javelin. Due to the size of it, it was a bit of a caber toss as well. I think that I won that competition but I'll need to have someone confirm that.


There were plenty of burgers and after everyone had had their fill, we randomly hung out until it became dusk. I had a couple of guys volunteer to build the bonfire for us, which was helpful. It was a fairly large bonfire and everyone gradually moved down from the deck to the bonfire area at the bottom of the hill closer to the river. Due to the large slope, it was a little tricky to get down without having to walk all the way around the house to the groomed trail. Ashleigh came up with the novel idea of trying to go piggyback so we tried that maneuver for the first time ever and it was really easy to get down.


The weather was perfect for the evening. Clear skies to see the stars, no wind, few bugs. The night air was chilly enough that you wanted to sit by the fire but not cold enough to be bothersome. A simple sweater was enough for most people as we created a large semi circle around the fire. At one point, Alma disappeared and then came back with a whole bunch of marshmallows. Alma and Tara scoured the tree line for long and thin sticks and everyone enjoyed themselves.

And of course, I would be remiss if I forgot to mention the ongoing fireworks display. Thanks to Nick, we had some lengthy periods in which staccato explosions popped up repeatedly.

I was very busy for most of the evening hosting and taking care of the details. I was able to sit down for a minute or two once in a while just to say hi and any free time that I had besides that was devoted to my Little. Around the middle of the evening, a lot of people were still in my brother's apartment furiously playing Nintendo Wii. People had been in there to ooh and ahh over Abe and Melissa's two children, Ben and Chris.


At around 10:00 pm the fire was going nicely so I went in and ever-so-politely kicked everyone out, forcing them to join the great outdoors. I'm glad that I did that because everyone eventually had a lot of fun with the bonfire but initially there was plenty of whining about goose poop and bugs and the cold. Yeah, the great outdoors isn't exactly for everyone.

I finally managed to relax at around 11:00 pm for a half hour or so. I actually had the choice of spending that time cleaning up but I finally opted to end my hosting duties for a bit. (And I woke up at 6:30 the next morning to finish cleaning.) At around midnight, seven of us piled into my car, because my van was down being repaired, and I drove 'em all home. Nick and a couple of people waited around a bit longer for the fire to die down and they put it out before they left.

All told, it was a wonderful evening. Our guest of honour, Jason, was able to come even though he's leaving in just a day or two to work in the Dominican Republic for six months. I got to see Terry and Gina for the first time together since their recent marriage. I had plenty of newly-made friends that were able to come out and a few old friends joined that I had not seen in a while. Good times in the summer, good times.

Roller Coaster Of Life

"Click. Click. Click. Click. Click." You can hear the cars of the roller coaster gradually ascending to the top of that first giant hill. Anticipation builds as you get higher and higher, noticing your car way out at the edge of the parking lot and the ant-people milling about below. That rush of adrenaline starts to kick in.

"Clickclickclickclickclick!" You're sitting in that car on the roller coaster as it picks up speed and starts to barrel down the top of that mountain. You either grip onto that handle bar for dear life or you get the urge to get your hands in the air for the plummet. In a flash, you're at the bottom and zooming through your first loop, head banging back and forth a bit as you fight for control from the g forces.

It's the roller coaster of life. Up, down and all around.

Different people ride different kinds of roller coasters. For some people, this ride of life depends on what other people say. They're on top of the world when someone compliments them and encourages them. They're feeling that thrill when they find someone that really understands them. They can face any corkscrew as long as they have someone along for the ride to give support.

And yet these same people also find themselves at their lowest points because of what other people say. A harsh word, some sarcasm or a little gossip and the person is right at the bottom of the ride again. With each new day, with each new conversation, with each new person, the person just goes long for the ride, up and down, up and down.

For other kinds of people, life is a series of circumstances. They think of that upcoming vacation, that next job, that new relationship and they're in the air. Take away one of those things, or give them problems at school, or have a tough argument with a friend and they feel like they've crash landed again.

Everyone has a different roller coaster and each one is motivated and energized by different sources. Some people are motivated by responsibility and duty, like me. My friends can attest to how antsy I get when I'm late or when I fail to do something that I promised. I get a thrill out of killing software bugs and I am always disappointed every time I heard about a new problem that someone found in my code.

These motivations are not wrong, not by any means. Everyone gets pumped up by different things, everyone has the drive to succeed in different ways, everyone finds their own unique ways of moving forward. We're all wired in our own way and we all move through life on our track.

The problems arise when we allow these motivations to control us. Rather than using these things to fuel us, we let them take the driver's wheel each day.

Life will always have its up and downs, its highs and its lows. We're on the roller coaster, we're buckled in and there's no turning back. Of course, we will feel the emotion of it all. Joy and sadness, pleasure and pain, peace and panic, the entire spectrum of it. It's all part of this experience of life.

The question is, will we just let the coaster jerk us around every corner or will we enjoy the ride?

Attitude

"Attitude is a little thing that makes a big difference." Winston Churchill

"I discovered I always have choices and sometimes it's only a choice of attitude." Judith M. Knowlton

"A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort." Herm Albright

"We choose our joys and sorrows long before we experience them." Kahlil Gibran

"Our attitude will determine our stress. Is your attitude causing you less stress or more stress?" Catherine Pulsifer

"I've learned from experience that the greater part of our happiness or misery depends on our dispositions and not on our circumstances." Martha Washington

"I had no shoes and complained, until I met a man who had no feet." Indian Proverb

"If you don't get everything you want, think of the things you don't get that you don't want." Oscar Wilde

"Every day may not be good, but there's something good in every day." Author Unknown

"I take nothing for granted. I now have only good days, or great days." Lance Armstrong

"If you don't think every day is a good day, just try missing one." Cavett Robert

"When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us." Helen Keller

"You can complain because roses have thorns, or you can rejoice because thorns have roses." Ziggy

"We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars." Oscar Wilde