Marks Of Maturity

Last week, my dad told me a story about my own childhood that I had never heard before. (Funny how that happens, eh?) I was about five years old and we were still living in Welland in a cul-de-sac. I had a french friend towards the end of this street that I used to play with a lot. One day, I had been away at his house and then I came back home, half-crying and obviously angry about something. My friend and I had had a fight, about whatever it is that five year olds fight about, and I had walked off.

I explained the situation to my dad and I was torn up about it. After a few minutes, my dad said that I recollected myself and thought about it. Apparently, I decided that this fight wasn't worth all of the anger and pain. As a young kid, I gathered myself together and walked back over to my friend's house to make up. My dad saw me again a few hours later after I had been happily playing with my friend again.

So what is this maturity thing, anyway?

Maturity certainly isn't a title. I've seen Christians enraged, employers insulting employees, teachers ticked off with students, parents having temper tantrums and pastors that don't how to counsel. I've also seen new Christians evangelizing, employees that support and teach their bosses, students that change teachers' lives, children that comfort their parents and church members that minister to their pastors. Position and power doesn't equal maturity.

Maturity doesn't come automatically with experience. I've seen fifty year old Christians that are still dealing with childhood trauma, long-term employers that still have high turnover rates, and parents repeating the same mistakes that they so despised in their own parents. I've also seen kids walk through unimaginable circumstances in a healthy way, employees that change the very atmosphere of their companies, and kids forgiving their parents and changing their entire families. Age and time do not guarantee maturity.

Maturity doesn't rely on certain personality types. I've seen introverts that don't know how to analyze themselves, extroverts that leave a trail of broken friendships behind them, leaders that cripple their teams rather than building them, and care-givers that miss the most important people in their lives. There is no combination of strengths and traits that creates maturity.

Maturity can't happen as a formula. We can't assume that we will grow emotionally just because of our relationships. We don't know that we will grow spiritually just because we go to church. Being parents doesn't necessarily make us good parents. The lessons that we have learned in life may have been wrong all along - I'm still unlearning things this month that I had thought were correct my whole life.

The mark of maturity is only seen in one way: The results of our lives.

Do we have deep friendships? Have we dealt with past experiences in a healthy way? Are we focused on ourselves or others? Are we able to deal with conflicts in a way that heals the relationships? Are we honest with ourselves and others? Do we know Jesus personally?

We won't necessarily grow just because of desire or circumstances. However, there is also nothing holding us back. No life story, no situation, no current pain can determine the course of our lives by themselves. We are the ones that determine how far we can go. The walk will probably not be easy because everything of value costs us something, and this walk will never actually end, but we are the ones that determine our path in life.