Because I Said So

At lunch today, we were joking about how different my brother and I were as toddlers. As the firstborn, my parents weren't quite sure what to expect. However, I had it all figured out early on. My mom proudly told the whole restaurant about how I had self-trained to avoid peeing in the night by nine months of age. My brother joked that they could sit me by the side of a busy street with a comic and I would just sit there without a care in the world.

My parents were amazed at how easy this parenting thing was. Silly folks. Along came my brother a little under two years later and, as my brother said, he made up for both of us. While I was potty trained early on, my brother was the type of baby that peed in the nurse's face. If you sat my brother down anywhere near the front yard of a house, you would find him playing in the middle of the street shortly thereafter.

Ah, good times telling stories and jokes over lunch. So with my brother taunting the fates constantly, my parents really had to keep tabs on him. Once you let go of him he was off attacking a dog or climbing a tree or testing some matches. As soon as my parents saw it, all they could yell was "NO!" and if he didn't stop right that second, something dangerous could very likely happen to him. (And often it did anyway, given the number of stitches he has had over the years.) A pattern of quick and immediate obedience became crucial for his survival.

Times change and the years roll on, though. Now my brother and I are in our late twenties and we're not the same little kids that we once were. Somewhere along the line, simply yelling "NO!" at us wasn't going to work anymore.

It's not enough to tell a six year old that hitting their younger sibling is bad, now you need to explain that it hurts the other brother. It's not enough to force the eight year old to play hard in soccer practice, now you need to find ways to make it fun. It's not enough to tell the ten year old to do his homework and be quiet, now you have to motivate him in new ways. It's not enough to tell the twelve year old that they're not allowed to hang out with the wrong crowd, now you need to explain how peer pressure drives them. It's not enough to tell the fourteen year old that alcohol is bad, you need to explain the effects and dangers of it.

"Because I said so" won't be effective anymore. The way that we obey our parents and learn has to change as we get older. The situations that we face will likewise evolve as we age. We can't expect our parents to simply order us around at the age of twenty and assume that will be effective. And on the flip side, we can't pretend that we're "just" kids and that we're not responsible for ourselves as get older. The way that our parents talk to us changes and the way that we respond changes.

As we get older, we should find that we become more responsible for our school work, for our sports activities, for our selection of friends, for our attitudes at home, for our beliefs. We can no longer blame our parents (or other people) for our choices. And we can't play that game of pretending that it's okay as long as we don't get caught, like it's our parents' job to police every aspect of our lives.

To take that one step further, that's also how we are as Christians. Early on, simple obedience can work well. However, simple obedience just becomes legalism later on. Rules that helped us grow when we were young in the faith can constrict us as we become older.

That's why it's so important to find the reasons behind the words. That's why we need to study the Bible and pray and talk to people and look for God in our lives. We're not looking for more regulations, we're looking for the love and wisdom behind those things. We're trying to Find Jesus.

Whether it's in our normal everyday lives or it's part of our spiritual walk, we need to get down under the surface and find some depth. Whether it's decisions about work or questions about God, plain obedience will work well only for a time. Character, maturity, understanding, wisdom...these things should grow and develop in our lives. We can find the relationship and the love underneath those ancient rules from our parents and behind that faded text in the Bible.

And that's how we can break free of blind obedience. That's how we finally move into adulthood. That's how we find true joy in our faith.