My Big Brothers Story
I wrote out some notes beforehand, which is a tad geeky and unnecessary but I do like to give presentations. My talk took between fifteen and twenty minutes and I think that I gave a pretty clear picture about what it's like to be a Big. We had a total of six guys there, I think, ranging from late teens to mid-twenties to a guy in his forties. And since Big Brothers works with high school co-op students, one of them was video taping our session for a school project as well. I cracked a joke about posting it on YouTube but apparently my fifteen seconds of fame will have to wait.
I was surprised when I realized that I started the application process with them back in January 2005, and I'm coming up on my third anniversary with my Little in April. Cool! So here are some of my notes, for anyone that may care or may come across this on google...
HOW I JOINED
In September 2004, I noticed the sign on Oxford Street asking for new Bigs so I started asking around. My old co-worker Lindsay, in particular, was a Big Sister before and she told me her story. In January 2005, I called Big Brothers and attended their orientation meeting. On February 7, 2005 I had my initial interview
with the case workers during which I asked my own questions and they asked about my family life growing up and that kind of thing. The background and police check was done, and all that jazz.
I then had a second meeting to discuss potential Littles that they had selected for me. Three were within my desired age range, 12 and up, because I thought that I would relate better with an older kid. However, one was only 7 years old
but that was easily my best match. On April 4 2005, I started hanging out with my Little Brother.
Ever since then, we have made a point of spending three to four hours each weekend together. The organization only expects you to do this consistantly for the first year but my Little and I have so much fun that we have kept this up all along. Sometimes we're with a group of people but it's supposed to be one-on-one time so that's what we usually do.
WHY I JOINED
I have a passion for mentoring young people. I have mentored/befriended a few younger guys over the years personally, along with a group of teenage musicians from my old church. I think that everyone needs to have someone from whom they can learn, and someone that they can teach. As those roles in church came to an end, I was looking for another outlet and opportunity to mentor. I saw the sign while I was driving along and the rest is history.
WHAT WE HAVE DONE
I don't want to go into too many details for privacy reasons but I'll list off a few things. I gradually helped my Little learn how to swim, and two winters ago we took snowboarding lessons together, which was a brand new experience for me. I took him on his first camping trip, went fishing with him for his first time, have gone hiking and biking, went river tubing, we've hit a number of heavy metal screamo concerts, etc.
My pattern is that we stick around my house every other week and do the usual things like video games, movies and imaginary games. On the opposite weeks, we usually go out and do something, whether it's waking around the flea market or learning how to fill the windshield washer fluid in my van. Nothing too crazy or expensive, just hanging out with my friend and often doing the things I would do anyway.
OUR RELATIONSHIP
I went into much more detail about this during my talk but suffice it to say, he's one of my best friends. He's the only friend that knew about it when I was going to propose to my fiance, and he helped me buy roses for that occasion. We talk about fun stuff and we talk about serious issues, and I make a point of getting beyond the easy, superficial conversations once in a while. So yeah, I love this kid!
MY ADVICE
It's a wonderful opportunity to get a great friend. You will learn a lot from each other so it's definitely not just a one-way thing.
My warning is: Don't jerk 'em around. These kids don't have a dad in the picture and one of the worst things you can do is join and then quit before your first year is up. I've seen this happen. Despite our best intentions, sometimes intentions are not enough so don't get involved until your life is pretty stable. The trust and friendship that is so easily given in the beginning can become cynical and cold if you burn a kid by ditching 'em, regardless of the reason, so be careful.
Sometimes, we wonder about making an impact in this world. With just one small life, we certainly can have a gigantic impact. And the effect on the rest of the family is noticeable, too, as an added bonus. It's a fantastic experience, full of fun and life-long memories and first-time events. It's be great!
Related Blog Posts
Sept. 8, 2004 Considering Big Brothers
Jan. 26, 2005 Funny Thing happened to me on the way to get my police check...
Feb. 9, 2005 Big Brothers Interview
Apr. 5, 2005 I'm a Big Brother!
Feb. 13, 2006 Our First Mosh Pit & Screamo Concert
9 comments:
Hi Jamie, I was at the info session this past thursday. I'm the guy you think was in his 40's. I owe you one cause I'm really 57.Thanks for the complment cause I'm feeling real " young" now. I enjoyed your sharing with us very much and plan to move forward with this.I have been involved with young people most of my adult life in sports. I hope to "luck out" as well as you seem to have done.
Hi Jamie, I was at the info session this past thursday. I'm the guy you think was in his 40's. I owe you one cause I'm really 57.Thanks for the complment cause I'm feeling real " young" now. I enjoyed your sharing with us very much and plan to move forward with this.I have been involved with young people most of my adult life in sports. I hope to "luck out" as well as you seem to have done.
danjames, it was my pleasure. I'm glad I could contribute a bit and I hope it works out well for you and your future Little!
Hi again, I do have a concern that perhaps my age may not bode well for me as a big brother. Am I wrong for being concerned about this?
danjames, the age difference is a great question. Someone posed the same question to me yesterday - and then they pointed out that I'm old enough to be the father of my Little. And as I mentioned, I originally asked for an older kid because I thought it would be easier to relate.
I think that it has more to with finding things in common with your Little. A good match from your case-worker will handle that, but you'll also need to create/find new things in common.
Video games and animated movies are an easy combo for me and my Little. It was harder for me to get into playing make-believe X-Men action-figure wars but my Little complimented my "toybility," which I understood to be a rather large compliment coming from him. (Search that word on my blog.) I learned to snowboard and I went to screamo concerts entirely for the sake of my Little.
On the other hand, my age and experience also allows me to teach him things about camping and such that a younger Big might not know. Dealing with relationships, future careers, spirituality...for the "big questions" in life, the older you are the better your advice will be, I think.
So I'm saying that there are advantages and disadvantages to the age difference but that's the same for most Bigs and Littles. You just have to find creative ways to connect with your Little, ways that are meaningful to both him and you.
Thanks Jamie for your wise words. If accepted I'll try to put your advice to work for me as you have with your little. I hope you don't mind me asking you questions, as other then knowning of "big brothers", I really don't know much about them. But I do like what I do know and being able to ask questions to someone like yourself I feel will enable me to be a good big.
danjames, by all means, ask as many questions as you please. I think that a good heart and common sense goes a long way. Being a friend isn't rocket science but I think that it's so crucial in a kid's life, so it's great that you're interested and you're going through the process now. Welcome aboard!
Greetings, Jamie after much thought I've decided to pass on the idea of being a big brother. I've having major trouble getting my head around the age gap issue. I've read what you said but the passage of time has "passed" me by on this. But all is not losted, I'll be exploring the possiblity of "fostering "a child as a "foster grandparent" though the CAS. This would seem the better fit for someone my age and something I can share with my partner.
I would like to once again thank you for your time and wish you, your little and your future wife all things good.
Thanks for the update, danjames. My parents were foster parents many times over the years and I'm quite fond of that kind of relationship as well. It can be a bit brutsal sometimes, depending on what the kid is dealing with, but it's also incredibly rewarding. I wish you the best!
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