Emotional Bank Account

I may be a good manager at my software development company. I may be able to schedule the development time at our company efficiently. I may be able to put the unique skills of each developer to their maximum use. I may be able to teach and correct our programmers. I may be able to provide accurate employee assessments. I may be able to solve problems and make crucial decisions.

I may be able to do all of those things in a calm, respectful and pleasant manner. I may be able to help make the development section of my company into a well-oiled machine. I may be able to listen to others, accept feedback and compromise. I may even be concerned for the morale of our staff members.

And I might still have people are not satisfied. I might still have people that resent me. I might still have people that fume after I make a decision. I might still have people that quit.

The picture here is that people have an emotional bank account. You can make a deposit into your relationship with somebody and develop trust, respect and appreciation. You make a withdrawal from your relationship and erode it. It's not enough to be nuetral or not be too negative. Every interaction that we have with somebody either adds or takes away from the emotional bank account. Even minor withdrawals can add up over time into a major deficit.

This bank account exists everywhere. It's in our personal relationships, in our professional relationships, in our social relationships. There are a lot of ways to make deposits into your relationship with someone, just as there are plenty of ways to take withdrawals.

To begin with, we just need to recognize that this exists. We cannot assume that this emotional bank account does not accumulate. We cannot assume that co-workers will keep working because of the all-mighty dollar. We cannot assume that we deserve respect. We cannot assume that our actions are always perceived positively - the person with the bank account gets to choose which transactions are positive or negative, not us.

Once we acknowledge this, we need to do something about it. We need to find out what our current balance is with people. We need to make deposits into their lives and into our relationships with them. And based on my own experience with this, we'll definitely see positive changes in both ourselves and in our relationships with others once we start to do this.

Reference: 7 Habits of Highly Effective People (link)