Hissing Cat

So, I stumbled across a bit of self-revelation this past week. Once I say this, it may be obvious to those closest to me. No one mentioned this to me that I can recall, I just realized it. Apparently, I do not respond well to demands, commands or ultimatums. If fact, I sometimes respond quite poorly.

This can relate to a fairly broad range of things. It might be about forgetting to do chores around the house. It might relate to some annoying personal behaviour of mine, like my wonderfully resonnant belching abilities. It might relate to some viewpoint that I hold, as sometimes happens on this blog. And of course, there's the classic demands within a professional setting.

Most often, I handle these kinds of situations just fine. I rarely accept "because I said so" as a valid reason but those situations are usually open to rational discussion. Sometimes, I easily admit that I neglected or could improve at something, so I apologize and try to change. Sometimes I open up a discussion, ask for and offer explanations, look for the middle ground and try to work things out. Sometimes I try to politely and openly express how I feel emotionally in response to unjust expectations. Sometimes, I respond negatively at first and then I deal with it properly and fix things a little later.

But once in a while, I get my back up like a hissing cat. I toss the comments away with sarcasm and a joke. As a teen, I was always pretty good with a cutting and demeaning remark. I might respond in kind with an attack and point out the hypocrisy of a command. I might just deny the request flat out in a curt manner. (Ooh! Please, Hammer, don't hurt 'em.) And sometimes, I let those angry feelings get the better of me and I let them stick in my head, instead of properly acknowledging and dealing with those feelings.

In my life, I place great value on rational discussions, open conversations, expressed feelings, co-operation and compromise. "Compromise" has always been a key tennant for me since I think that win-win results are better than win-lose results. I want everyone involved to have a voice, to feel like they are heard, to have a say in the matter and a personal stake in the outcome. That's important to me in both my professional life and my personal life.

And if someone bluntly contradicts those values, I don't like it much. I mean, how can we compromise on the issue of someone refusing to compromise? The opening of the dicussion is also the end and no one is left with anywhere to go. To me, it sometimes feels like someone making a sucker punch at the beginning of a boxing match and knocking the other person out in one blow. It can feel like the demand comes out of nowhere and ambushes you, and then it won't let you up off the mat.

So that was my nice piece of introspection for this week. Now that I've made this observation about myself, I think that I will spot these situations more readily and I'll be able to deal with these things a little better in the future. I already have the tools to deal with these kinds of interactions maturely, I just need to see myself for what I am and guard my tongue a bit more.