Vital Roles

In Part I of this two-part series, I summarized survey results described in a book entitled Vital Friends. This book talks about the importance and the various benefits of having close friendships. In this post, I will summarize what the book describes as the eight "Vital Roles" that these types of friendships can provide. No single person can provide everything that we expect in a friend, so we need to develop our circle of friends and allow each person to use their own individual strengths.

Builder
Builders continually invest in our development and want us to succeed. They see our strengths and help us use them productively. They are generous with their time and are not in competition with us. If we need a catalyst for personal or professional growth, we need to find this type of person.

Champion
Champions are our best advocates. They are proud of our achievements and will go out of their way to brag about us. They have a low tolerance for dishonesty and we can count on them to accept us without judgment. They accept us for who we are, will defend us when we're not around and they thrive on our accomplishments and happiness.

Collaborator
Collaborators share similar interests with us. This can range from religion to politics or from sports to movies. We often share an affiliation with some group or activity. We're always on familiar ground with this person. There's usually something fun to talk about and it's easy to re-connect on this basis.

Companion
Companions are always there for us, regardless of the circumstances. When something big happens to us, whether it's good or bad, this type of person is one of the first people that we will call. Oftentimes, they know what we're going to do before we know ourselves. They take pride in the friendship and this type of friendship can last a lifetime.

Connector
Connectors are our bridge builders. They get to know us and then introduce us to others. They always seem to be inviting us for drinks, or dinner, or to some social gathering. When we need to find somebody, whether it's for a new job or a doctor or a friend, this person always seems to know someone that do that for us. They can help us expand our social network dramatically.

Energizer
Energizers can always brighten our day. We always seem to laugh and smile more when we're with them. They can pick us up when we're down and we almost always have a positive time with them. When we need to relax and have fun, this type of person always seem to know what to say and do to make us feel better.

Mind Opener
Mind Openers challenge us to think in innovative ways and help us create positive change. They like to encourage us to consider new ideas, new opportunities, new cultures and new people. They know how to ask good questions and they make us more receptive. When we're with them, we can be unguarded and express opinions aloud, even the most controversial ones that we might not want to express to other friends. If we need to shake up our lives and grow, this person can help break the status quo.

Navigator
Navigators are great for advice and can keep us moving in the right direction. We often go to them for guidance, to discuss the issues before making a big decision. They know who we are - and who we are not - and they help us see a positive future. We can share our goals and dreams with them.

This book expands on each of these roles with more thorough descriptions. It gives four or five quoted anecdotes to help give a clear picture about what these things look like in real life. It gives tips to help us identify these types of people in our lives, since we can have so much difficulty seeing what each of our friends gives to us. Finally, it gives pointers about how to best develop a friendship with someone that has this strength and, conversely, how to develop this strength if it's one that we have.

Book Assessment
I've recently read a bunch of books that are based on results from Gallup polls. This one was very brief in comparison to the others, as shown by the double-spaced lines throughout the book. While the author does a nice of spicing up the writing with examples and stories from real people, he doesn't seem to be personally invested in this, unlike the authors of other similar books that I have read recently. He doesn't have examples from his own life, as if these are mere statistics and not hard-won life lessons. That approach was somewhat disengaging.

On a more technical level, the book spits out numbers and statistics all over the place without much reference to the original studies. It's pretty breezy reading. There is an appendix that gets into the technical side of it but that seemed to be fairly brief as well. Other similar books seem to do more work to emphasize the validity of the surveys but this one seems to gloss over that and with the expectation that we take everything at face value.

So overall, I like the conclusions that this book makes but it seemed a tad superficial to me. It gave me the language and tools to help me review my own friendships, and to see what I am contributing to different friendships. Aside from the statistical analysis, it made me think and consider new aspects about my vital friends and I found that to be very useful.