Windows Into Me

Recently, I've noticed that I've been hanging around with friends from widely varying social circles. Some are from my years at FCCC, some are from my ancient LGT era, some are from Glad Tidings, some are from the young adults group at Open Door. Some are from my brother's circle of friends, some are friends from my time working at AV-Base, some are friends-of-friends that I have met with Wing Night or such things.

I met all of these different people in different settings at different times in our lives for different reasons. As a result, many of my friends only know certain sides of my life and my personality.

As a random list, let me see how many major components are or were in my daily life...

• I have been a Big Brother for over two years. Very few of my friends have ever met my Little, never mind hanging out with both of us. My interest in heavy metal and rock music is directly related to him, and he's my main video game buddy.
• I am heavily involved in GTA, my church, as a percussionist and vocalist. People that attend my church see me up on stage the majority of weekends and they can see how expressive I am in worship. People outside of this church do not realize how involved I am.
• I have been attending a cell group at Neil and Stephanie Ross' house for more than two years now. A variety of people have come and gone from the group during that time, yet I remain. Outside of this group, people do not see how I act in a small group or in a Bible Study setting.
• Going back further, I led my own cell group for two and a half years with seven guys or so. This time represents my first steps into what it means to be a mentor to younger guys and I learned some major life lessons along the way. Few people outside of this group know how simultaneously boring, useful and challenging this was for many of us.
• Based on my time with that old cell group and with FCCC, two of my closest friends are still Joel Timmerman and Richard Phillips. While our friendships have changed over the years for many reasons, these two guys have seen me at my lowest points and have been there for me. Outside of these two guys, it's hard to understand how deeply I desire intimate friendships, or to even know when I was struggling with life.
• To come back to the present, there are several friends to whom I devote much time. Some are young Christians, some are not Christians at all, many are at crossroads in their lives. I wouldn't say that I'm a mentor in these cases but I do take my position as their friend seriously and I try to get past the superficial questions to something more meaningful. Again, anyone that is not with me when I hang out with these friends does not see how far I am willing to go for their sakes.
• In my career, my persona as manager is a whole different thing. I'm the man that cares deeply about the other employees, that wants to see them succeed and develop and enjoy their work. I take care of all of the garbage jobs and red tape and confrontations that no one else wants to handle. I consider myself to be at the service of everyone else, low man on the totem pole. That being said, I'm also excellent in a stressful situation and I can stand up to almost anyone without offending them. If you haven't worked with me, you don't really know this side of me.
• In my career as a programmer, few people know how brilliant I am. As prideful as that may sound, it's also completely true. I'm highly experienced with database design, I can pump out code at about twice the rate of the average good programmer, I have fewer bugs in my software that most other programmers, etc. I can maintain years of design decisions in my head for instant recall, I'm an excellent researcher and I can decipher the source of a bug better than most people. Unless you're a programmer and you've seen me in action, it's doubtful that you know this.
• Outside of my family, few people know how much I love my family and how I openly express that. There's all kinds of history in this that only rare friends will even hear about.
• In my private spiritual life, I'm an interesting source of contradictions. I love to deconstruct ideas and challenge what I accept to be true. Alongside that kind of analysis, I'm also very heartfelt and I cry fairly often when I see God moving. Outside of my dad, few people really see this side of me.

So there you have it, a whole bunch of little windows into my life. I could go on and on (and I already have) but my point is that few people see all of me. You get one picture and your view of my personality and my passions and my life is filtered through that small pane of glass. And while it may seem like extreme hubris to lay it all out like that, how will you ever know more about me unless I tell you? There's no way that any one of my friends will ever see all of this in action, so all you can have is the stories that I tell and then you can try to paint your own picture of me.