Find A Friend, Not A Church

I know a variety of people that find it difficult to attend church regularly. Sometimes it's because of shift work or business trips or other responsibilities. Sometimes it's because they can't seem to find a church that's the right fit for them. Sometimes it's because family members are either against the idea entirely or it's a touchy subject. Sometimes people have good intentions and want to attend church and just can't seem to get around to it.

Good news: You don't have to go to church on Sunday. One service in a church building each week isn't so important after all. The important thing is to develop a friendship with somebody. For a lot of us, we have honest questions about Jesus, about faith, about the Bible, about our families and our lives. Find someone, a Christian that you know and like, and talk to them more often. Make excuses to hang out, have them over to your house or have some conversations on facebook.

Don't feel like you have to attend a local church regularly to be a Christian. Don't feel trapped by this requirement. Don't get stuck focusing on going somewhere for some reason. Just do normal stuff with good friends, ask those deeper questions and look for God in your life.

Find a friend, not a church.

It's not about rules or belonging to some specific group. Heck, in my last post I followed up on this and mentioned our responsibility to be a friend to someone else. Don't even worry about that. Everything else is secondary.

We're trying to find Jesus, the real Jesus. Somehow, someway. Real, in our lives. Jesus our friend.

Find A Friend, Be A Friend

Couple of simple thoughts from this week...

I know a variety of people that find it difficult to attend church regularly. Sometimes it's because of shift work or business trips or other responsibilities. Sometimes it's because they can't seem to find a church that's the right fit for them. Sometimes it's because family members are either against the idea entirely or it's a touchy subject. Sometimes people have good intentions and want to attend church and just can't seem to get around to it.

Good news: You don't have to go to church on Sunday. One service in a church building each week isn't so important after all. The important thing is to develop a friendship with somebody. For a lot of us, we have honest questions about Jesus, about faith, about the Bible, about our families and our lives. Find someone, a Christian that you know and like, and talk to them more often. Make excuses to hang out, have them over to your house or have some conversations on facebook.

Don't feel like you have to attend a local church regularly to be a Christian. Don't feel trapped by this requirement. Don't get stuck focusing on going somewhere for some reason. Just do normal stuff with good friends, ask those deeper questions and look for God in your life.

Secondly, take that example and run with it. Once you have friends like that and you do see God in your life, it becomes your turn to get out there. Look at how your friends were most helpful to you and then try to be helpful to someone else in the same way. We're not trying to attain some level of maturity or some deeper understanding of Christianity and the Bible. We're just trying to be friends. We're just trying to help people find the things that they are openly seeking.

If we have these friends, don't take it for granted. Life goes on, people change, maybe somebody moves to a new town. Live your life to the fullest while you can. And once that time of your life is done, lift your eyes and start looking towards that next phase of life. It's not a big heavy burden or some ponderous Christian ministry. We're just looking for somebody that needs a friend, somebody that wants to ask about God, and then we're trying to be there for them.

Find a friend. Be a friend.

That's all, that's just what I was thinking about today...

Ma et Pa

Today is the 30th anniversary of my parents' marriage. I love my mom and dad dearly and I thank them for everything that have ever given me. I pray that God will be with them each day, that their love for one another will grow even more, and that our family will be blessed because of them.

I have always had such admiration for them both. My mom had three kids very early on. My 29th birthday was less than two weeks ago so she hit the ground running, so to speak. And even with three kids to make her nuts, or vice versa, she somehow managed to find time to study and get her bachelor's degree and then complete teacher's college. Granted, it took quite a few years but that's my multi-tasking momma!

Similarly, my dad ditched his lucrative job at General Motors when he was 30 years old to pursue God's calling in his life. He went to Bible College full time while he and my mom both worked part time to support the family. Nothing like leaving behind everything you know in order to follow after God. My mom supported him all the way, together as partners. And later on when they made a similar move to South Korea and they completely changed their lives all over again, it didn't seem like such a big deal because that's who they are together.

They were both amazing examples for us as we grew up. Church ministry was a way of life for our family. From the old days with the big purple bus, going around town to collect kids for Sunday School, to the Vacation Bible School that my mom used to run in Wawa with the youth group. I remember how they mentored one of the tennants from our basement apartment during the Peterborough era. I remember the string of foster kids that we welcomed into our home throughtout the years.

From my mom, I got my crazy and dark sense of humour. I received my love for French and my cultural heritage as a French Canadian. From her, I gained my artistic eye. I received my musical talent and innate love of music. I've often said that music is in my blood. I remember listening to worship music all the time while growing up, automatically learning how to harmonize because that's how my mom sang. My love of kids comes straight from her. I trace my fiery and intense passion in many areas of life to her.

From my dad, I received my subtle and dorky sense of humour. And while I gladly do not share my dad's musical talents, or lack thereof, I did inherit his booming voice. My skills and love of sports, and my technical abilities as a computer programmer, can both be traced to my dad. My particular thinking process and the way that I digest information comes from him. The way that I approach problems and confrontations, I trace back to him.

I am the man that I am today because of my parents and because of our family. I will forever be grateful for that. I could never ask for any other life and I could never want any other parents. I love you both, Ma et Pa!

As They Say In Zanzibar

And now for the return of my selection of proverbs from around the globe. I chose some of these as truisms but others I chose primarily for the humour. The trick is interpreting all of these correctly...

Those who cannot cut the bread evenly cannot get along well with people. Czech Republic

The axe forgets, but the cut log does not. Zimbabwe

It is better to be entirely without a book than to believe it entirely. China

Who does not understand half a word will not be wiser for a whole word. Finland

Every art requires the whole person. France

The fish said, "I have much to say, but my mouth is full of water." Georgia

Reference: As They Say In Zanzibar

Resistance Is Futile

In the Star Trek universe, the Borg are a race of cyborgs that are intent on assimilating everyone else. They are linked with a collective consciousness which allows each individual to instantly work like one part of the larger machine, so it's like they share one mind. As they encounter new races, they conquer them and implant nanotechnology to make each new person a cyborg as well.

One of the main reasons that they are able to assimilate race after race is their defense mechanisms. Due to their extremely advanced technology and "hive mind," any new attack against them is immediately analyzed and the corresponding defensive act or technique is created. Their not completely impervious, as Picard has proved, but their incredible adaptability allows them to defeat almost anyone and enslave them as one more piece of the machine.

"Resistance is futile."

That's the approach that a lot of people use in real life. If there is an issue at work, or an argument with the family, or a friend does something that we do not appreciate, we act like the Borg.

We become impervious to questions, to debate, to doubt, to emotional pleas, to honest disagreement. If the other person screams, or is passive aggressive, or politely denies, or asks us to talk honestly for a while, we just zoom in for the attack as if nothing was said. We're fixated on this target of ours.

It doesn't matter what the goal is. Maybe we want a family member to complete a simple chore. Maybe we're feeling hurt about something else and our confidante wasn't reassuring enough. Maybe our friend insulted us and we demand an apology. Maybe we have an idea that we just learned and we want everyone to see how important it is. Maybe our employees are behind on their deadlines or quality control has decreased.

Regardless, we have learned plenty of tricks for getting our own way. Most classic, we resort to screaming and yelling or we our out tears to generate pity. We can either beat the person down with anger or manipulate them with guilt. However, we have plenty of subtle methods as well. As a boss, micromanagement and intensive reporting become our professional tricks. As a Christian, we pull out some choice Bible verses and whack people around. As a friend, we pull back and spread a little gossip around.

All of these acts are solely designed to get our own way. Our own selfish desires and emotions rule. We like to think that we're only acting for the greater good, for the benefit of the other person. We're not really being selfish because we're trying to help them and we're not getting any advantage at all. Or maybe it's just a quirk of personality and the other person should allow us to become enraged because it will all be forgotten ten minutes later. Maybe we're just acting in kind, returning insults for the curt words that we first received. Or maybe we're just being "honest" and that's why we're questioning the other person's motives and character. There are a million ways to justify ourselves.

All of those reasons do not matter, though. The underlying principle is that this goal of ours becomes more important to us than the person. We break through anything that the person can throw at us. We stick to our tried-and-true methods and we win. The other person capitulates eventually and bows to our will. They lose their identity and they become part of our collective.

And it's not really that bad because, in the end, we're right. When it's all been said and done, it pays off and we attain that crucial target of ours. The end justifies the means, of course.

And if that employee quits after a few months, we're mystified about how that happened. If that family member starts to get angry with us for no apparent reason when we ask a simple question, it's because they have some issues. If that friend backs off and we don't seem to have them around much anymore, it's because they're self-centred. If that church member stops attending, it's because they were immature and they don't really understand what the church represents and what the Bible teaches.

So we continually get our way. We're successful almost every time we try these little tricks of ours, so that means that we should keep on doing these things. And when the long-term effects kick in, we completely disconnect our actions with that result and we place the blame on the other person. We don't look for better ways to communicate or resolve conflicts or manage our employees. We just write it off and start the whole process all over again with a new person.

There are better ways. There are methods that bring a person alongside us instead of creating confrontations. There are management philosophies that achieve even better results and keep people in the company. There are words and there is body language that will help us communicate with family members. There are alternatives to raising our voice or resorting to emotional manipulation. We can move towards our goals without destroying the other person and without damaging our relationship.

It may require a little more effort and some more time. It may mean that we need to do some research and learn new techniques. We may need to tape our mouths shut metaphorically and force ourselves to really listen. We may need a mentor. It's possible, though. Our families can grow closer as a result, our depth of friendship can only deepen, our ministry at church can become more effective and our businesses can become more successful. It's possible.

The Big Three-Oh

The almost-big two-nine has rolled in and I'm not really looking forward to the dreaded three-oh next year. Time to take stock of life, eh?

"Hi, my name is Jamie Grant. I am unemployed, I'm single, I live in my parent's basement and I'm almost thirty years old." Ouch! That hurt a little more than I expected. Heh. Naw, it's not as bad it sounds, though I do fulfill the cliche quite nicely. Let me explain my life a bit more.

I am currently unemployed because I left my job of almost 8 years at AV-Base Systems back in December 2006. I joined an entrepreneurial venture that was aimed at giving financial and personal help to people with disabilities who are denied their rightful insurance claims. There's a great need for support like this, even as a for-profit company, and we had a strong vision for the business and for helping people.

I jumped on board a little too quick and the initial funding that we expected fell through. Unfortunately, the startup capital never did appear and I ended up working for free for almost four months. That wasn't so bad since I had some savings built up. However, my role as Director at this job and at my previous company hasn't really paid off. It was a gamble and I lost but that's fine. No regrets for me personally or professionally. My only regret is that there are so many people that we will never be able to help.

So now I'm officially looking for a new job. My skills are geared for software development. As a director and project manager, I have participated in virtually every part of the software development process, from inception and customer communication/designs to scheduling to coding to QA to tech writing to distribution to support. While I have the technical skill for all of that, I have discovered that my main passion in my professional life is in the management component.

I really love to see people develop and grow in their careers, to help them attain their goals. I want to make sure that each employee looks forward to work every day, which is easier said than done. I see the manager's role as grunt work. I'm the servant that takes care of red tape, boring work, reports, meetings, scheduling problems and personal conflicts. I suck it all up and make it all work so that my employees can focus on what they do best.

So now that I am looking for a new job, my search is very much focused towards the management side. Plus, I need to make sure that I do not take a step back in my career path and return to my work as a full-time programmer. Don't get me wrong, I love programming and I'm freakin' amazing at it but I want to keep my sights on management and not build from the ground up again. Beyond that, I have no idea. There are possibilities of going to China or South Korea, maybe Houston Texas, maybe Vancouver BC... I could write children's books, I could work with people with disabilities, I could teach English, I could get a Teacher's Degree for computer programming... I'm all over the place.

So that's my current employment situation. There's also the amusing detail about living in my parent's house. Now, part of the issue is that I have little savings left and that was originally intended to buy my own house. Beyond that, it's not like I'm a lazy son or something. I pay rent and everything. More importantly, I lived on my own for three and a half years before that and I had some roommates renting from me. When my parents wanted to make to Canada after their three years in South Korea, I had to be the one to represent the family when we bought the house so that necessitated me moving in in advance of them returning.

Mostly, living with my parents is a good thing. My brother and sister are/were living here while they are/were in university so I got to see them all the time. I'm close with both my brother and my sister and I love my parents dearly. There are no crazy rules and we get along well, so it's basically just cheap rent and a daily chef with plenty of love thrown in. I'm fine with moving out but finances are the main hindrance right now.

So that's my employment situation and my living situation. Then there's the minor fact that I'm single. As lonely as some people may find it, it hasn't been that big of a deal for me. I was always a big fan of the Joshua Harris concept. I much prefer the idea of developing a friendship and only dating/courting when the idea of marriage is at least potentially on the table. That approach hasn't worked out well for me 'cause it takes an awful lot of time, a fair bit of emotional investment and some sort of pre-dating commitment from the guy. Lord knows I've tried that a few times. So while I'm a little more cynical about "the one" just appearing in my life, I'm still a romantic about it at heart.

Playing into that, the fact that I'm almost thirty and I'm considering traveling the world has to weigh in. The desire for a family is probably the biggest single reason that I've been living in London for so long, besides the fact that God hasn't directed me anywhere else. (I have talked about missionary work since I was a kid and it's surprising that the rest of my family did it instead of me.) I've long desired to have a family and kids, as my purchase of a minivan can attest. I grew up with a steady stream of foster children in the home and I loved it, especially as I got older. So all of that kicks in here.

So that's job-home-dating. The big cloud hanging over that is the three-oh thing, which bothers me more than I would have expected. (Hence this big ol' blog post.) I'm not too concerned about my career 'cause that'll work out eventually. I just look at this as the second phase in my professional life, like the way that my dad ditched his career at GM and went into pastoral ministry at 30. Everyone changes careers every ten years or so, at least in this modern world of ours. The living arrangements will work themselves out once I get a job or marry or move away. And I'm optimistic about romantic love, if for no other reason than hope itself.

In the meantime, it's not like I'm doing nothing. I have two primary callings in life: music/worship and mentoring/discipleship. I'm heavily involved in music/worship ministry in various places as a percussionist/singer/leader. I have been a member of the Big Brothers program for more than two years. I look for other opportunities for mentoring with my Christian friends and I consistantly spend time with several key friends, plus even more time with a rather larger circle of friends. God is challenging me and changing me in a dozen areas these days. It's great to see Him touching my life and the lives of my friends in real and meangingful ways.

Now I am moving forward to see what the future has in store for me. Good times lie ahead. I better put on some shades 'cause it's going to be bright...

Birthday Reflections

Puzzles & Paintings

We often treat people likes puzzles. We take a corner piece labeled "Good Cook" and we attach it to the piece marked "Good Host." We take a middle piece called "Decisive" and we attach it to the next piece labeled "Impulsive." We take all of these little sections of the picture, stick a name on them and voila, we have our image of this particular person.

The problem with a puzzle is that there are only so many parts to it. Once we have our puzzle put together, it's really hard to add or remove any one piece. Everything the person does or says now conforms to our picture of them in some way. Why did they behave that way? Oh right, it's because they're impulsive. Why did they say that? Ah, it's because they're judgmental. (And that thought usually appears with no sense of irony.)

So all of our interactions and observations with that person are now filtered by this puzzle picture that we created about them. It doesn't matter if the conversation takes five seconds or twenty minutes, it's now a simple matter to label what happened. Even worse, we now have licence to react according to our unique perspective of the situation instead of what really happened.

If the person doesn't want to help us, it's because they are selfish and never mind that they were on a cell phone in a noisy crowd. If the person refused to meet with us to discuss some important matter, it's because they're stubborn and we ignore the fact that they wanted to spend time with their spouse. If the person gets angry and yells at us, it's because they have little self control and it couldn't be the result of our insulting words. Every event just becomes evidence to support our picture.

Sometimes our little puzzles are created over time. We may not talk with the person too much so we can't tell much about them. Sometimes the person is introverted so we don't get to understand them easily. Sometimes the person seems to act contradictory so we get confused about the label to apply, so we try to match a few different puzzle pieces.

And sometimes our puzzles are created instantaneously. Some people have real talent in sizing people up accurately based on their initial meeting. Some people merely prefer to jump to conclusions and then stick with that. Sometimes one major event will define the person for us, like seeing them sing on stage at church or being insulted by one random comment in a group setting. And hey, if our puzzle pieces don't quite match properly, we can act like that five year old that tries to mash differing puzzle pieces together.

In the end, we all create our own picture of each person that we meet. We each have different talents and methods for doing this, some of which are more accurate than others. Some people form this picture from an emotional perspective. Some form this picture based on little facts and interactions here and there. Some ignore the real person and they put together this picture based on traumatic childhood experiences, or maybe their idealized version of what they want to see.

I think that people are more like paintings. On a painting, you can add layers as time goes by. You can stand further back and get the big picture, or you can get close and see the nuances of brush strokes and the minor of splatter of paint. The Mona Lisa is certainly a great piece of art but sometimes we don't realize that there are three more versions of this painting hidden under the layers.

As innate as it is to label people and then use our little puzzle pieces, we need to try to see them as a magnificant and unique painting. We won't necessarily see or understand the intricacy right away. We need to let people be themselves and get away from the little boxes and labels that we use, especially the ones that only serve to hurt the relationship. We need to grow, and we need to let them grow and change.

We're not putting them together. We're just trying to uncover the details and amazing creativity that is already there. Like studying the Mona Lisa, we're trying to find the beauty that is right in front of our eyes. We need to discover that subtle smile and that twinkle in the eye. There is a depth and wonder in everyone.

Not Quite Irreplaceable

I have a couple of observations to make about this song and video. The whole point of this song is to show that Beyonce is an independant woman. She doesn't need a man to survive, and she certainly doesn't need this man in particular. He thinks that he's one in a million but that's just not true because she can stand on her own.

So the video follows this scene with her boyfriend as she kicks him out of their house. (Which, by the way, is an amazingly large house.) She packs his things in a box, calls him a cab and boots him. I'm sure it's well deserved, anyway.

So she's grandstanding, singing in his face, lecturing him about how unnecessary he is. She waves him off repeatedly, the whole bit. And the power roles are classically reversed as he keeps trying to change her mind, trying to make up with her. Presumably, he acted like a jerk and assumed that he could get away with it because he was irreplaceable and now she's proving how wrong he was.

So tell me, why does she have another man coming over to the house "in a minute?" She's going on and on about how "you must not know 'bout me." She doesn't need her current (soon to be ex) boyfriend. Oh, but she's so afraid to be alone that she has another man coming over before the first one is even gone. Five minutes by herself would be scary, right? Talk about desperation.

And what's more, how can she have another guy on the wings just like that? Does she flirt with every guy that she meets? Does she string along replacement players, just in case her current flame dies out? She obviously had another guy that was just waiting for his chance to be with her. Maybe she was the one that was cheating on her man, eh?

To be fair, I may not be giving her enough credit. Maybe she was loyal and honest and true to her boyfriend. Maybe her character in this video does have that kind of integrity. So that means that she prefers to pick a shallow man as her go-to guy. A man that likes to catch girls on the rebound, one that is slimey enough to walk in while the ex is still walking out. Maybe this second guy is the type of person that will jump at the chance to be with a girl that has ignored him and dismissed his advances all along, but he "admires" her because of how strong she is. Or maybe she's hot enough that she can call any random guy and they'll drop everything. Nothing like completely physical and superficial attraction, I guess.

Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned, they say. And she's downright nasty about it, talking down to her ex and bragging about another guy. It might be safe to assume that this is just one in a long line of guys that she simply destroys once they cross her. One can only shudder and then pity the next man in line.

He Said Duty

I am the king of doing things out of a sense of duty.

Not that there's anything wrong with that. It's part of the internal mechnism for what makes me tick. It's one of my motivations in life. Every person has their own means of motivation. Some people are goal-oriented, some are people-pleasers, some are competitive, some act out of compassion. For me, duty is one of my triggers for action.

As a result, I'm Mr. Dependable. The go-to guy, the rock, fill-in man. If I say something, you can pretty much bank on it. Not that I'm perfect but I do feel like I have completely let myself down if I mess up on a commitment. Profuse apologies will almost certainly follow from me.

Let me prove it, then.

• I'm the person that has been a part of three different cell groups for the past seven years of my life with only a little time off as each group dissolved. Am I supposed to read the study notes, participate in discussions, spend time with friends, join in prayer? I'll get right on that.
• I'm the singer and percussionist that has been a constant part of church worship teams since I was a teenager. Four services on weekends? I'm there. One day a week for 4-hour practices, plus a long service on Sunday? Count on me. Appearing week after week for an entire year, with only a couple of weekends off? Not a problem. Leading worship at Young Adults or Youth Group, in addition to everything else? Yeppers.
• I'm the guy that missed having a mentoring relationship with someone, so I decided to join Big Brothers. And every single Saturday for more than two years now, I've been the Big that shows up at the door to pick up my Little. Money, time, energy, planning...I'll invest it all without a question.
• I'm the man with the van that always offers rides. Heck, that's why I bought a van instead of a much cheaper car. Need to go across town? Sure. Need a ride to church? Give me a call. Throw in a few more people and I can easily take more than an hour driving all about.

Such is my life. That's how I roll. At one point several years ago, I found that I was committing to too many things and I was exhausted and resentful as a result. I took that lesson to heart and I make sure that I do not commit to more things that I can reasonably handle. That's the reason that I will rarely volunteer to bring snacks to Young Adults. That's the reason that I will say no when someone asks if want to join yet another new ministry at church. That's also the reason that I constantly volunteer to give rides to friends, because an extra five minutes along my route to the same place doesn't cost me much.

And yet here I stand. More frequently these days, I find myself asking, "Why?" What is the purpose in this particular church ministry, or that particular service, or one other commitment? What is the point? What am I really accomplishing? What I am getting out of it, and what am I contributing to it?

And so I allow myself to question the need for a Sunday service. I allow myself to raise red flags when someone talks about starting a new ministry at church. I allow myself to doubt the effectiveness and goals of a new initiative. I allow myself to wonder if I can use my money better by not tithing and instead giving a friend a useful gift.

And in return, what is the most common response? Duty. We should do such-and-such because the Bible says so. We should do this-and-that because we're a member of the church. We're adults, we're good people, we have talents, we have friends that rely on us, so get on with it.

I am the master and commander of this sense of duty. I know better than most about doing things out of some idea of personal responsibility. I have been there and done that more frequently and for much longer than almost anyone else I know. I haven't done these things as part of my career or for any personal reward. I've done these things on my own and against the crowd for eons. My obediance is immediate and concrete, my submission absolute.

If I now politely refuse to join new activities, or I ask challenging questions, or I lost my faith in "church for the sake of church," what kind of man am I? It's so easy to question my commitment, to raise red flags about my servanthood, to doubt my personal goals, to wonder about my sacrifical spirit. The labels are right there and the stick is in reach for an easy beat-down.

I'm not suggesting that anyone actually does this to me or to anyone else that I know. For that matter, my friend Richard challenged me last week about my commitment to church and, as a loving friend, I knew that he was only asking me out of concern without any judgment. That's useful and encouraging. I can respond well to that.

However, I do find a lot of instant opposition when I raise honest questions about the value of the Sunday service or the like. We defend these things because that's just how things are. We serve this sense of duty to the institution of church and we add band-aid solutions and work-arounds for any problems that there might be. And while we're at it, we nail the people that leave church, that don't agree with the pastor, that have a slightly different theology. Out of love, of course.

And when I use the word "we," I actually mean "me." I am the man that said those very words. I am the one that has preached submission to church and pastor and elders, without ever looking at what the Bible says about this hierarchy. I am the one that privately doubted the commitment and heart of a person that refused to do anything besides attend Sunday services. I am the one that always expected more out of people and I was the one that was disappointed when people refused to conform.

I have seen the enemy, and he is me. I apologize for defending principles that I did not understand. I apologize for enforcing rules that I did not comprehend. I apologize for pouring out Bible verses as correction and instruction, only to guide people into shallow water. I apologize for defending institutions and habits and Christian ideas that should have had no defense. And most of all, I apologize for allowing my sense of duty to be more important than helping people find real life in Christ.

P.S. "Tee hee. He said 'duty.'"

Texas Trip

This past week, I took a road trip to Houston, Texas. My brother wants to move there to take a nursing job once he's done school at the end of next year. It was a short vacation, doubling as a scouting mission to get the lay of the land.

Five of us left in a rental car on Sunday April 29th and we got back into London on Saturday May 5th. The drive took approximately 25 hours, including a relaxing stop in either direction for one meal. I used to do periodic 20-hour drives to Florida when my paternal grandparents were still living there so the difference wasn't too bad. We also had four drivers for the trip so the driving itself was a breeze.

The main problem was that we had three grown men sitting in the back seat of our rental car at any given time and that back seat was really designed for two people only. Not exactly comfortable. Here's a pic of our happy little gang before we left. In the foreground on the left is Bruce, and Darryl is to his right. In the background, from left to right, are me, Derrick and my brother Dave.


In this next picture, we just hit the Texas border and we're posing inside the giant Texas star that they have there. Derrick is the guy that is missing from this shot since he had the camera most of the time. And wow, the temperature was gorgeous down there. To quote myself when we were taking this shot, "This metal is so hot! My butt is hot! I. Have. A. Hot. Ass." Heh.


The highlight of the trip was the round of 18-hole golf that we played on our second day there. It was nice and warm with a pleasant breeze the whole time. Fortunately, this particular course allowed us to play as a fivesome rather than the usual foursome, as long as we took three golf carts with us. That was big and fancy for Derrick, who had never driven a golf cart before. Special.

On the first hole, three of us scored 9s and 10s, whilst the other two guys had 5 and 6. Based on that, we immediately switched to playing Best Ball on the second tee. Derrick, my brother Dave and I were teamed up against Darryl and Bruce. Darryl was by far the best player in our group, natch. Darryl and Bruce were leading for the first set of holes and then my group caught up and led for the next set of holes. It finally came down to the final four holes and we were all tied up as we approached the 18th tee.


The competition was a lot of fun since it was so close for the entire game. And by playing best ball, no one had to worry about one terrible shot (or four of them) derailing the game. In the picture above, Dave and Derrick had some fun teeing off at the same time. Amusingly, Dave's shot swung wide right and Derrick's shot swung wide left, forming a rather artistic X through the blue sky. As the third member of our team, I then stepped up split the difference, sending it straight down the fairway.


I had a fairly good game that day with the majority of my shots heading straight towards my targets. The downside is that I lack power so my longest drive was only about 165 yards. Compared to Dave and Bruce, that ain't much at all since they can easily crack 200 when they keep their shots straight.

At one point, I spasmed and twitched several times as I realized that ants were attacking my feet. I only had sandals on, which wasn't such a clever idea. I received about ten bites during that day and the top of my feet were rather itchy, red and swollen for a full day after that. And speaking of ants, the next two shots depict the wonderful new gold tee that we discovered. If you look closely, you can see that we actually placed the golf ball on an ant hill and we teed up from there. So weird and yet cool.


For the record, my team won the game by a single stroke. It was the first time that my brother had ever managed to beat Darryl in a game of golf, so he was proud of that even if was a team win.

On Wednesday of that week, we went to watch the Houston Astros play against the Cincinatti Reds. Considering that the 'Stros lost 10-1 the previous day against that same team, we were quite happy to see them pull off a 3-1 win the day that we were there. This particular game had a little bit of everything: a home run, a hit batter, strike outs and walks, a triple, a guy getting injured at 2nd base in a collision, and one baseball record. Craig Biggio had two hits to move into 29th place on the all-time hits list in major league baseball, with a new total of 2956 as he hunts down that magic 3000. Always good to see history being made.


Beyond that, it was good times. My brother and I shared one motel room for the week whilst the other three guys crammed into a second room. On Thursday of that week, I stayed at the motel and spent most of the time reading various books, including the fascinating Houdini biography. The rest of the group headed off for a tour of a local hospital and to talk to recruiters, and then they hit the beach. Throw in three different buffets and a number of other resturants and fast food joints and it was quite the week. The main problem was that our wireless internet service was down for much of the week, which was a pain for me.

Oh, one other major thing that I need to mention. My brother "rented" a GPS system from Best Buy for the trip. It's a TomTom box that you can stick on your car's dashboard. You punch in your desired destination - a town, a mall, a restaurant, etc. - and it lays out the whole trip for you. As you come up to exits and intersections, it gives you warnings and it actually gives you a moving map as you drive down the road, showing your exact location. It's freakin' amazing. If anyone is headed on a major trip or is visiting a big city, I highly recommend getting one of these gadgets.

We configured our TomTom box to use a women's voice and we started referring to "her" directions. At one point, I suggested that "Tom" was a bad name if this was a female. I proposed a simple name change to "Tammy" since that was somewhat similar. The name stuck and we gradually assigned all kinds of personality traits to her as she bossed us around, changed her mind and generally told us what to do. Heh. Double entendres were the name of the game for this road trip, natch.

Great trip, fun group, good times.

A Little Boy's Heart (Part 1)

Note: The following is a true story, which was related to me as a first-hand account. Certain key details have been changed for privacy's sake and some literary licence was taken. By coincidence, this is also quite similar to the story that the prophet Nathan tells David in 2 Samuel 12.

There once was a young boy that had just turned ten years old. His family lived on a successful farm, with plenty of land for crops and with numerous kinds of livestock. His family also had a rather large herd of sheep, which they raised and sold regularly at the market.

This particular summer, the young boy was sent to work for a neighbouring farm. It was intended to be a lesson in discipline and independance, away from the boy's own farm. The other farmer put him to work and taught him well. Each day the boy would work diligently, learning his trade and experiencing the differences in how the two farms were run. At the end of the long summer, the boy received his promised payment: One small lamb.

The boy was quite excited, as one might expect. He understood the value of this lamb and all of the hard work he had invested throughout the summer. The regular school term began again in September. As soon as school was done each day, the boy would run all the way home to his lamb. He would care for it and look for any injuries, making sure the lamb was comfortable in the pasture and was getting along with the other sheep. He would feed it with table scraps that he had saved from his previous meals and he went out of his way to ensure that his little lamb had the best feed available.

Granted, the boy was a farmer. He understood the difference between a pet and livestock. He fed his lamb well with the goal of making it plump and large, so that he could eventually sell it on the market. After all, this was his payment for his summer of tedious work. A weak and sickly lamb would not bring much money at all, and he would get no money at all if it died. Such is the life of a farmer.

After a number of months, the boy had proven his worth and the lamb had indeed grown to a good size and it was in great health. One day, the boy ran home to feed his sheep and it was not in the pasture. He looked into the adjacent pasture and it was not there, either. He ran along the entire length of the fence and checked for holes or gaps, because these sheep sometimes manage to escape. He checked the nearby river, he checked the barns, he even ran down the road in each direction for several kilometres and the sheep had simply disappeared.

He was not about to give up. As much as he didn't like the idea of admitting that he had lost his cherished lamb, he knew that he needed to speak to his dad and get his help. He would likely be punished for this, he knew, but his dad would know what to do. Maybe they could drive around to search for a while, or he could get his siblings to take a break from their chores to help.

With much trepidation, he approached his dad and explained his problem. His voice squawked a little as he spoke and his eyes were misty from tears. His dad was busy with the cows and he didn't even lift his head. His dad said yep, he knew that the sheep was gone. He had sold it that afternoon to somebody that was looking at the herd. That other farmer had insisted on this particular lamb and he paid well for it. The dad kept working away on the cow, explained that the money was good for the family. And besides, the boy could pick out another young sheep from the herd and he could have that one.

That was all that was said that day in the barn but the boy's story does not end there. See Part Two.

A Little Boy's Heart (Part II)

See Part One.

That was all that was said that day in the barn but the boy's story does not end there. Two years later, the father unexpectedly died from a heart attack. The boy did not shed a single tear at the funeral, or at any time during that period.

So the boy grew up and took a profession of his own. He married and had several wonderful children. Raised as a Christian, the boy eventually grew into a man that was devoted to his job, his family and his church. Dependable and sure, this was the kind of man that everyone could rely on. His word was as good as any promise and he was always punctual and prepared.

There was just one problem with this man. Everyone was aware of it but his family knew it best of all. His children knew that he loved them but those words never left his mouth. His wife knew that he cared for her but it had been a long time since he really opened himself up to her. There was this wall of armour around the man.

He was a good person with honest motivations and he was actively involved in many things with many people. He just wasn't an emotional guy, that's all. Loving words, simple hugs, meaningful intimacy...these things may have been there, but they were buried quite deep. Such was life for the family, and the wife and kids were all quite close regardless. The man wasn't going to change and it really wasn't such an issue in most cases.

Time went on and the kids grew to adulthood. The man was still as involved in church and family life as he had ever been but his retirement was coming soon and he was looking forward to it. At some point around here, the man's church introduced a new weekend seminar.

This seminar was supposed to talk about blessings in our lives. The man wasn't keen to go but his wife insisted on it and he said that he was open to whatever God had for him, so off they went. The seminar was set up to include videos, breaks for meals and coffee, and prayer in small groups. Each twenty-minute video would outline the importance of blessing in our lives. It would explain how our childhoods and past experiences could effect the people that we become, either negatively or positively.

During this intensive weekend, he was praying in one of the small groups. The men in this group were discussing past experiences, particularly those major life events that seemed to loom in each person's mind. This story came out in that setting and specific prayer was directed towards it. With the Holy Spirit's guidance and by seeking for healing through Jesus Christ, the man was able to address this story in his life.

Freedom. The man's life was never the same again. Remembering his story about the lamb no longer made him feel like that little kid again. He said that he had not been able to cry since that time and he was finally able to cry again. All of sudden, it's like the floodgates were opened and emotions came pouring out. He was no longer just the stern older man. He had become a smiling windmill of energy, encouraging everyone and almost jumping around at times.

There was a new joy in his life, a new passion for his relationships, and new love for God. It was astounding. His family hardly knew what to do with him. In fact, they hardly even knew who this man was anymore. He wrote letters to each of them and repeatedly expressed those three precious words, "I love you." He contacted his own siblings and opened up to them as he never had before. Even though they had gone through the same seminar and understood the healing power of Christ, this was still an awful lot to take in. The man was deeply changed and, as a result, so was his family.

This is just one story that I have heard. My dad can relate numerous others that are equally amazing and heartfelt and miraculous. I can relate some of my own, though nothing on that kind of scale. Some of friends have their own stories about freedom and healing in Christ. This kind of thing just blows me away and leaves me in awe. I can't get enough of these stories.