Pick A Path

There was a theme that I picked up this week during discussions with various people. A number of my friends are at very important crossroads. Heck, I'm front of a few myself. Financial decisions, career moves, ministry opportunities, family life, romantic relationships, etc. Pick one from a hat and I can tell you story about it...um, but I won't because it's all private. Right.

Anyway, the way that we are all approaching these decisions is widely varied.

• Some prefer to stay safe and stick with what they know. Security is crucial.
• Some are asking for a prophecy, a sign from God. Let Him figure it out.
• Some talk to friends and family, seeking advice. Let others weigh things.
• Some look at it rationally, the pros and cons. Let logic decide.
• Some are jumping in with both feet. Get going and sort out the details later.

I'm sure that I've missed a few, or combinations of a few. My point is, we each have these major decisions and we tend to come at it in different ways. Our personalities, knowledge and experiences tend to lead us through our own individual approaches. We have faced other tough issues before and we're likely to behave the same way this time. Or perhaps we'll do the opposite, because our results weren't so great last time. Either way, we've already decided how to make this decision.

I have a sneaking suspicion that something might be a little off in this process for many of us. Funny enough, I'm questioning how we decided to make our decision. Yes, we're earnest. Yes, we want to make the best choice. Yes, we're trying to be wise, and careful, and obediant, and loyal, and faithful, and considerate, and decisive, and...

That's just it. We're trying to be so many things. We're trying to fulfill some perceived quality for ourselves, for others or for God. All of those pieces can clutter up this puzzle that we're putting together. And even beyond that, we want to be 100% certain about our final decision. We all want to see the picture of the completed puzzle.

Life just isn't like that. God may direct us but he isn't a fortune teller. Others may advise us but they're not living our lives. We may want something but who can truly know their own heart? And instead of recognizing these limitations, we reach out for those methods that I mentioned above. We repeat them and repeat them, looking for some safety or assurance or peace.

What did I just say? Life isn't like that. These are crucial crossroads. These are significant choices. If there wasn't some level of fear and doubt, we wouldn't be so concerned about it. If it didn't present some major change for us, we would run ahead without a worry. If we were a hundred percent sure about our conclusions then we wouldn't be us. We would be God.

Life is messy. Not all of our decisions will work out perfectly, no matter how hard we try or how much we pray. We can't allow that to hold us back from choosing one of these branching roads. Likewise, we can't select a path flippantly just because it's hard to choose. The thing is, we need to trust in God in these things.

We're not trusting out of naivete or blind faith. We just do our best with what we have, make the decision and then place it in God's hands. If we make the right call, He will be with us. If we get it wrong, He'll be there to protect us and help us along. We're not going to get all of these right but we're not alone in this. God will work things out for our good.

Different Words

"I've been thinking..." vs. "I've been praying..."

"I want to say..." vs. "God is saying..."

"I realized..." vs. "God showed me..."

"I matured..." vs. "God changed my heart..."

"I decided to..." vs. "The Holy Spirit led me..."

"I'm pretty sure..." vs. "I have a peace about it..."

We Christians often talk about our spiritual lives in odd ways. "Christianese," some people call it. We talk about the blood of Jesus, the Holy Spirit, visions and dreams, "being led" by God. Those kinds of things are pretty strange when you first hear them. We use all kinds of peculiar terms and phrases that don't make much sense unless you've been in church for a while. And by "a while," I sometimes mean years.

Even amongst Christians, we talk a little differently. It's like we have different dialects of Christianese. For all of the above phrases, I tend to use the ones on the left most often. I have other friends that will use the ones on the right more often, but we actually mean the same thing.

For example, I like to ask my friend J.P. about stories of his life at Fanshawe College. He will talk about how God led him to this person and that person; how the Holy Spirit gave him words to say; how God planted a seed into that person's life. Likewise, I end up in similar situations but I talk about how I bumped into a friend; how we had a good conversation; what was significant during our talk. God is using us in the same way, I just talk and think about it from another point of view.

As another example, sometimes people sing/play brand new songs all of a sudden during a church service. Songs that they just came to them right then. This can appear to be quite mystical to others, like some sort of hard-to-grasp spiritual experience. For me, though, it's pretty simple.

I recognize that we're coming up to a lull in the service. I think about the topic that we were talking about and sometimes I get one key sentence in my head. I think about it a bit more and I add a second sentence that rhymes or goes with it somehow. I throw in a melody and repeat it a few times silently. Finally, I've written a very short, repetitive song and then I work up the courage to sing it out loudly once there's a gap. It doesn't always work that way but it only takes thirty seconds or so to do.

By experience, I recognize that this is actually the Holy Spirit using me. It's not exactly me writing the song, it's more like the Holy Spirit using my gifts of song writing. Very often, that song ends up being exactly the thing that someone needed to hear. It can help people let their guard down and focus on God a little better. And while I think that it's a very normal thing that almost anyone can do, some people refer to this as a prophectic spontaneous song, as an annointed gift, as the moving of the Holy Spirit. I happen to agree with all of that, my vocabulary just sounds a little off.

My point is, it can be easy for some people to think that I haven't prayed thoroughly about something just because I don't talk that way, and to casually dismiss me because of it. Conversely, I sometimes have a hard time hearing someone else talk about the Holy Spirit "testifying" because I want to know the reasons behind it, not just vague feelings. As long as we recognize this different in dialects, it will help us work together and hear each other a little better.

P.S. As an added bonus, I used this post to give a clearer picture about what this spiritual mumbo jumbo really looks like in my head. It might sound weird to people reading this blog but it seems pretty easy to me. If y'all have questions, feel free to post a comment.

Vital Friends

"Today we are faced with the pre-eminent fact that, if civilization is to survive, we must cultivate the science of human relationships." U.S. President Franklin Roosevelt, in an essay just before his death.

I recently finished reading a book called Vital Friends, written by Tom Rath. Based on analysis of numerous Gallup polls, it tries to dissect the purpose of our closest friendships and the benefits of having a few of these close friends. The book made various good points that I'll summarize here for discussion.

Note that these survey results often use the term "best friend" because they explicitely tried to make a distinction between the vague term of "friend" and other really close friendships. Many of these concepts apply to having a best friend, or "vital friend" as the book is entitled. Casual or sporatic friendships are not nearly as beneficial.

The book defines a vital friend as (a) "someone who measurably improves your life" and (b) "a person at work or in your personal life that you can't afford to live without."

"During our teenage years, we spend nearly one-third of our time with our friends. For the rest of our lives, the average time spent with friends is less than 10%."

You are who you eat with: "If your best friend has a healthy diet, you are five times as likely to have a healthy diet yourself." Like momma always said, be careful of the company that you keep.

What drives marital satisfaction? "The quality of a couple's friendship" is five times as important as "physical intimacy."

"Without a best friend at work, the chances of being engaged in your job are 1 in 12." Vital friendships in the workplace are crucial in allowing us to enjoy work, to be motivated and to improve productivity. Actually, the book lists a variety of benefits revealed in the surveys, from having less accidents and a safer workplace to engaging customers better and having fun.

"Only 18% of people work for organizations that provide opportunities to develop friendships on the job." I know that this is a particular strength at AV-Base Systems, my former company. I think that there was a difference between the job satisfaction of those with a close friend at work and others that did not have that kind of person.

"Just 1 in 4 employees had someone help them make new friends when they started their last job."

"Having areas to congregate at work can double the chances of having a best friend at work."

"You are three times as likely to have a close-knit workgroup if the physical environment makes it easy to socialize. Only one third of the people we studied report working in such an environment."

"Only 30% of people find it easy to describe what each friend contributes to their life."

"83% of people bring different strengths to the relationship than their best friend does."

There are two main conclusions: We should not expect every friendship to provide everything that we need, and our friend will probably not give us the same thing that we give to them. In other words, don't try to force a friend (or a spouse) to be something that they're not. Appreciate them for what they do give to you and develop a network of friends that can help support different aspects of our lives. One friend cannot do it all.

In my next post, I will summarize what this book says about the eight different roles that our vital friends can provide. (Remember, I read this book so that you don't have to. Heh.)

Vital Roles

In Part I of this two-part series, I summarized survey results described in a book entitled Vital Friends. This book talks about the importance and the various benefits of having close friendships. In this post, I will summarize what the book describes as the eight "Vital Roles" that these types of friendships can provide. No single person can provide everything that we expect in a friend, so we need to develop our circle of friends and allow each person to use their own individual strengths.

Builder
Builders continually invest in our development and want us to succeed. They see our strengths and help us use them productively. They are generous with their time and are not in competition with us. If we need a catalyst for personal or professional growth, we need to find this type of person.

Champion
Champions are our best advocates. They are proud of our achievements and will go out of their way to brag about us. They have a low tolerance for dishonesty and we can count on them to accept us without judgment. They accept us for who we are, will defend us when we're not around and they thrive on our accomplishments and happiness.

Collaborator
Collaborators share similar interests with us. This can range from religion to politics or from sports to movies. We often share an affiliation with some group or activity. We're always on familiar ground with this person. There's usually something fun to talk about and it's easy to re-connect on this basis.

Companion
Companions are always there for us, regardless of the circumstances. When something big happens to us, whether it's good or bad, this type of person is one of the first people that we will call. Oftentimes, they know what we're going to do before we know ourselves. They take pride in the friendship and this type of friendship can last a lifetime.

Connector
Connectors are our bridge builders. They get to know us and then introduce us to others. They always seem to be inviting us for drinks, or dinner, or to some social gathering. When we need to find somebody, whether it's for a new job or a doctor or a friend, this person always seems to know someone that do that for us. They can help us expand our social network dramatically.

Energizer
Energizers can always brighten our day. We always seem to laugh and smile more when we're with them. They can pick us up when we're down and we almost always have a positive time with them. When we need to relax and have fun, this type of person always seem to know what to say and do to make us feel better.

Mind Opener
Mind Openers challenge us to think in innovative ways and help us create positive change. They like to encourage us to consider new ideas, new opportunities, new cultures and new people. They know how to ask good questions and they make us more receptive. When we're with them, we can be unguarded and express opinions aloud, even the most controversial ones that we might not want to express to other friends. If we need to shake up our lives and grow, this person can help break the status quo.

Navigator
Navigators are great for advice and can keep us moving in the right direction. We often go to them for guidance, to discuss the issues before making a big decision. They know who we are - and who we are not - and they help us see a positive future. We can share our goals and dreams with them.

This book expands on each of these roles with more thorough descriptions. It gives four or five quoted anecdotes to help give a clear picture about what these things look like in real life. It gives tips to help us identify these types of people in our lives, since we can have so much difficulty seeing what each of our friends gives to us. Finally, it gives pointers about how to best develop a friendship with someone that has this strength and, conversely, how to develop this strength if it's one that we have.

Book Assessment
I've recently read a bunch of books that are based on results from Gallup polls. This one was very brief in comparison to the others, as shown by the double-spaced lines throughout the book. While the author does a nice of spicing up the writing with examples and stories from real people, he doesn't seem to be personally invested in this, unlike the authors of other similar books that I have read recently. He doesn't have examples from his own life, as if these are mere statistics and not hard-won life lessons. That approach was somewhat disengaging.

On a more technical level, the book spits out numbers and statistics all over the place without much reference to the original studies. It's pretty breezy reading. There is an appendix that gets into the technical side of it but that seemed to be fairly brief as well. Other similar books seem to do more work to emphasize the validity of the surveys but this one seems to gloss over that and with the expectation that we take everything at face value.

So overall, I like the conclusions that this book makes but it seemed a tad superficial to me. It gave me the language and tools to help me review my own friendships, and to see what I am contributing to different friendships. Aside from the statistical analysis, it made me think and consider new aspects about my vital friends and I found that to be very useful.

Links & Blinks

Here's a weird optical illusion that I received via spam-mail, courtesy of Alma. To quote: "If you look at the above images from your seat in front of the computer, Mr. Angry is on the left, and Ms.Calm is on the right. Get up from your seat, and move back 12 feet, and PRESTO!! they switch places!! (it has to be 12 feet) It is said this illusion was created by Phillippe G.Schyns and Aude Oliva of the University of Glasgow. Does this prove that we sometimes may not be seeing what's actually there?" Note: Click on the image to enlarge it.

In other interesting science news, did you see this article about the new type of particle accelerator that is only one metre long? It uses a trick with plasma to duplicate results that the normal version can create, but the normal version is a loop that is 3 km long and costs billions of dollars to build. It still has some limitations but that's still an impressive feat of downsizing.

Or what about this idea to use a special kind of protein that exist inside our ears? This protein converts electrical voltage into motion, allowing us to amplify sound. However, this process can be reversed and motion can be converted backwards into electricity. Cover a space suit with a membrane of these protiens et voila, renewable energy source created by the movement of the astronauts.

If you just want some fun nature videos, check out this article with links to various videos showing squid in their natural habitat, attacking and moving in a bunch of cool ways. I particularly like the one in which the squid attacks its prey and flashes a light inside its body just before it strikes.

And in case anyone has not heard the fantastic news, my friend Lori gave birth to her first child on February 10th, 2007. Check out her blog for numerous photos. Such a beautiful family. And it's nice to know that Brooke had a family blog before she was even born. The rest of us are just technical wanna-bes in comparison.

I Believe In Evolution

"I believe in evolution."

Gagh! I never thought that I would say that but here I am. Back in high school, I became fascinated with the Creation vs. Evolution debate. The Big Bang, the age of the universe, radiometric dating, irreducible complexity, the whole bit. I devoured any article that I could find in a science magazine and I systematically copied all related articles from a catalogue of back issues from the school library. I still have all of those photocopied articles in my room to this day.

I thought that I had learned what I needed to know about the topic. I knew that I was no expert in this subject but I certainly knew more than most people about it. Internet chat rooms and message boards became my forum for debates. Mike and I enjoyed tackling an unsuspecting room online and baiting people into these conversations.

As time went on, I lost my interest in this topic and in the debates and it all fell by the wayside as a fad. I do however, still eagerly read any article related to this topic whenever I come across one but rarely do I find anything new and exciting. The Creation vs. Evolution debate has changed only slightly by using the label "Intelligent Design." The scientists still bicker back and forth about the exact age of the universe, which changes with each new experiment. Ho hum.

Last month, I accidentally came across a new book at the public library called "The Language of God" (link). It's written by a guy named Fransic S. Collins, who also happens to be the head of the Human Genome project that finally disciphered the human DNA sequence. Hey, I like this topic so I thought that I would hear what he had to say.

The goal of his book is to look for the union between faith and science. More than most people, he is an expert in biochemistry and is a firm believer in the mechanism of evolution. He is also a Christian and thinks that both aspects can be joined neatly and logically. In this book, he succinctly dissects the position of Young Earth Creationists (YEC), atheism and agnosticism, and Intelligent Design. He tackles these areas with arguments from many different realms of thought but it was his scientific explanations that got me.

In the first half of the book, he focuses on supporting the common concepts of evolution. He presents various examples from his field of expertise and makes them easily to digest. Never mind the second half of the book in which he ably weighs the pros and cons of various positions in a whirlwind tour. This first half was enough for me and *poof* Just like that, I believe that evolution works.

I'm sure you're looking for the catch. If you know me at all, you know that I would never trade my faith in Jesus Christ and God for anything. That's as real to me as breathing is to you.

I'm serious, though. With some hesitation due to my own lack of knowledge, I now accept that higher life forms and different species can evolve from lower life forms. I used to differentiate between macroevolution and microevolution but he blew that argument out of the water in a single page, showing that there is no actual line between the two concepts. I accept that cells can evolve and natural selection works, period.

So where does that leave me? Let me first answer by indicating where the evidence and his personal experience left him. His book promotes the position of theistic evolution or, as he calls it, BioLogos ("Life + Word"). He agrees with the concept of a universe that is 14 billion years old, give or take a year. He thinks that God set the whole Big Bang thing in motion, maybe had a hand in creating the first few cellular life forms, and certainly creates this thing in us called a soul. From there, he expands on the concepts but that's enough.

As for me, I'm, uh...actually, I'm still a Young Earther. Six 24-hour days to create everything, a literal Garden of Eden, Adam was the first man, the whole deal. I think the Hebrew geneologies that trace back to Adam are accurate. So there.

Where I differ from the author is sort of crucial, natch. I now believe that the rules of evolution work, I just don't think they're the source of diverse life on earth. I say that God created everything really quick, he just created everything old. The author does acknowledge this argument briefly but blows past it since it makes science useless in analyzing ancient earth stuff. I agree that it invalidates certain aspects of scientific reasoning since it's too easy to say "God made it that way just because." Mike has expounded the same counterpoint in recent years.

Let me break it down, though. If the six days of the creation story are true, then God would have created a tree. If you sawed that tree down one minute after it came into existance, you would see tree rings showing it to be many years old already. Take it further and consider mountains that He may have created. If some types of mountains are created by tectonic movement, and tectonic movement relates to continental drift, and continental drift...it all fits, to have that nice mountain range sitting there instantly. Throw in Adam being created as an adult man (without a belly button?), animals being created in their adult form, the Oxygen/CO2 cycle already being in place...hey, it works for me.

We can go ahead and analyze the layout and laws of nature. It all fits in a neat little package and much of it can point to really old stuff, millions and billions of years ago. Sure, I guess that works. I'm not throwing the baby out with the bathwater, though. There is scientific evidence out there for the earth only having been here for between six and ten thousand years. I do still think that the dinosaurs that are mentioned in Job Chapters 39 and 40 in the Bible were real. So there.

Personally, I was astounded at how easily I was persuaded by this man. Knowing his credentials and his accomplishments, I was willing to take his scientific arguments at face value. Knowing up front that he believed in God allowed me to be be comfortable that this wasn't an anti-theistic brand of evolution merely looking to crush anything that can not be scientifically tested. Granted, I didn't agree with some of his arguments or conclusions. The book was definitely written in easy-to-read layman's terms but what he gave up in details he returned in pacing. I'm just as shocked as anyone that this book made any impression on me at all, let alone turned me around with such ease.

I doubt that others will find this book to be as interesting as I have. I have no intention of converting anyone to this brand of thinking. Like I said, it's just an old hobby of mine. My primary concern in life is in helping people find a purpose, to find a reason, to discover that God loves them and that Jesus died for them. Those are the things that change us and make life worth living. I just blew my mind a little with this book, that's all.

Hissing Cat

So, I stumbled across a bit of self-revelation this past week. Once I say this, it may be obvious to those closest to me. No one mentioned this to me that I can recall, I just realized it. Apparently, I do not respond well to demands, commands or ultimatums. If fact, I sometimes respond quite poorly.

This can relate to a fairly broad range of things. It might be about forgetting to do chores around the house. It might relate to some annoying personal behaviour of mine, like my wonderfully resonnant belching abilities. It might relate to some viewpoint that I hold, as sometimes happens on this blog. And of course, there's the classic demands within a professional setting.

Most often, I handle these kinds of situations just fine. I rarely accept "because I said so" as a valid reason but those situations are usually open to rational discussion. Sometimes, I easily admit that I neglected or could improve at something, so I apologize and try to change. Sometimes I open up a discussion, ask for and offer explanations, look for the middle ground and try to work things out. Sometimes I try to politely and openly express how I feel emotionally in response to unjust expectations. Sometimes, I respond negatively at first and then I deal with it properly and fix things a little later.

But once in a while, I get my back up like a hissing cat. I toss the comments away with sarcasm and a joke. As a teen, I was always pretty good with a cutting and demeaning remark. I might respond in kind with an attack and point out the hypocrisy of a command. I might just deny the request flat out in a curt manner. (Ooh! Please, Hammer, don't hurt 'em.) And sometimes, I let those angry feelings get the better of me and I let them stick in my head, instead of properly acknowledging and dealing with those feelings.

In my life, I place great value on rational discussions, open conversations, expressed feelings, co-operation and compromise. "Compromise" has always been a key tennant for me since I think that win-win results are better than win-lose results. I want everyone involved to have a voice, to feel like they are heard, to have a say in the matter and a personal stake in the outcome. That's important to me in both my professional life and my personal life.

And if someone bluntly contradicts those values, I don't like it much. I mean, how can we compromise on the issue of someone refusing to compromise? The opening of the dicussion is also the end and no one is left with anywhere to go. To me, it sometimes feels like someone making a sucker punch at the beginning of a boxing match and knocking the other person out in one blow. It can feel like the demand comes out of nowhere and ambushes you, and then it won't let you up off the mat.

So that was my nice piece of introspection for this week. Now that I've made this observation about myself, I think that I will spot these situations more readily and I'll be able to deal with these things a little better in the future. I already have the tools to deal with these kinds of interactions maturely, I just need to see myself for what I am and guard my tongue a bit more.

A Funny Thing Happened On The Way To The Theatre...

From left to right in the above picture there is Grace, me, Celia and Catharina. I've known these Terry girls for more than six years now, since they were all pre-teens. They have grown up quite a bit during that time and now they're all teenagers. I got to know them when I was a member of FCCC, the church that Leonard Terry used to pastor. My entire family was scattered across the globe during this time and they always invited me into their home. I was there quite a bit during that period.

I have grown to love the entire Terry clan. I was around when Seth was born, I remember Rhea as a toddler, I have gone on trips with them to Colorado, I've been friends with all of the older kids...I have a lot of memories. Too many to detail here, actually. I love this family very much. And I have been honoured to watch these three girls as they have matured and grown into young ladies, and I treasure the fact that I have been able to be a part of their lives.

To celebrate my friendship with them, I decided to take them on a formal date. By coincidence, this happened to fall right in the period of Valentines Day so that was a nice touch. We all dressed up very nicely and I picked them on Sunday afternoon on Feburary 11, 2007.

As you can see in the above picture, I bought each of them three roses. The red rose indicates love because I love them so much. White indicates purity, and in combination with the red rose this indicates pure love. The peach-cloured rose indicates that I am proud of them and I cherish them. (I was also looking for a yellow rose to signify friendship but I couldn't find those, unfortunately.)


From there, we drove into town for dinner at The Keg. We arrived in London a bit early so we went through a car wash, just to shine the van up and have the thrill of quickie amusement park ride. Once we got into The Keg, we parked the van out back and went in, which was a new experience for the girls because none of them had been there before.

During dinner, we had a selection of appetizers. All three of them wanted to stick with garlic cheese bread but I insisted on ordering a few other options. I managed to get them to try the calamari ("mini octopi" as they kept calling it), which Celia and Catharina enjoyed but Grace refused. I could not get any of them to eat the escargot but they did taste the muchrooms that came with it. The escargot there is excellent, by the way, the best that I have ever had.

Three of us had succulent steaks whilst Celia sawed away at a full rack of ribs. Over dinner, I related a few bits of trivia about Valentines (as I mentioned here) and I told them about the meaning of the colours of the roses. We reminisced about our many years as friends and I expressed how much I love each of them and how they have all grown up.



After we left the Keg, we intended to take the van to go see a movie. I got into the van first to turn it on and warm it up and then Grace came around to the front passenger side door. She spoke to me about the mess, which was odd since she had not opened the door yet but I could still hear her plainly. I turned...and it was then that I saw the smashed glass all over the passenger seat.


That's right. Someone smashed through that window and broke into my van. The thief had rifled through the glove box and around various things in the front. Afterwards, we realized that Catharine had left her purse on that seat, which was a tempting target. I had left my jacket draped over the middle between the seats on top of my CDs, just be happenstance. Apparently it looked an awful lot like a jacket hiding a laptop bag.

Obviously the thief was in a rush since later I spoke to a couple that had arrived shortly after we had gotten there and it had already been smashed by that time. The thief ignored the expensive FM Tuner and battery converter that were lying right there and only took Catharina's purse. Fortunately for Catharina, she had no money in it and had only a few identification cards that will have to be replaced.

There wans't much of a point in going to the cops since there's little that they would be able to do. More importantly, I eventually needed to return the girls home so I wasn't going to waste time at the police reporting station. No need to blow our evening because of this situation. Instead, we drove 15 minutes to get back to my house. We parked the van, took a couple of pictures and switched to my dad's car.

After that, we drove to Rainbow cinemas and got there in plenty of time for the movie. I had not realized that Dreamgirls was basically a musical but the story was excellent and the songs fit right in with the movie and with that era. Starring Beyonce, Jamie Foxx, Eddie Murphy and others, it paid homage to old Motown stars of the 60's and 70's. During dinner, I had given the girls a brief history lesson on Motown, Dina Ross and The Supremes, James Brown, and the transition from Motown to Disco. The movie touched on those same characters and stories, while simulatenously being completely fictional. Great movie, even if some of the songs dragged on a bit too long. And if anyone is not aware of that lineage of music, I highly recommend edumacating yourself.

All in all, it was a fabulous night. Lovely and beautiful girls, laughter and memories, fine dining, fun movies and one really memorable event. As a final note on that "memorable event," I should mention my initial reaction once I saw the broken glass in my van. I could not help but laugh heartily as soon as I realized what had happened. The girls were shocked at the break-in and then they were doubly shocked at my reaction. C'mon now, though. It was hilarious! What a wonderfully bad moment in what would have been perfect evening. I loved it all.

As They Say In Zanzibar

And now for the return of my selection of proverbs from around the globe. I chose some of these as truisms but others I chose primarily for the humour. The trick is interpreting all of these correctly...

Do not try to borrow combs from shaven monks. China

Never bolt your door with a boiled carrot. Ireland

Admiration is the daughter of ignorance. Spain

You are many persons as languages you know. Armenia

A frog beneath a coconut shell believes there is no other world. Malaysia

When you show the moon to a child, they see only your finger. Zambia

If it were not for the night, we would never know the stars. Germany

Reference: As They Say In Zanzibar

Be A Friend

To follow up on this post, I've recently spoken to many guys that are looking for a close friend. We're looking for another guy in whom we can confide and discuss the tough questions in life. As some of the responses to that post mentioned, many young girls are in a similar position and are looking for another girl to walk alongside them.

Sure, it may be possible to get by without such a friend. We can make do with a larger circle of friends with whom we are not quite so intimate. We can get through the trials in life on our own, though sometimes we're a little worse for the wear. We rely on our close family relationships. We chalk up the lack of a close friend to circumstance. We rationalize, criticize and just do our best. It's just that many of us want so much more.

I have been reading a book called "Vital Friends" by Tom Rath (link). One survey result that it mentions is that employees with a close friend at work are seven times more likely to be engaged at work. That means that, even within our careers, we work best when we have a friend that we can lean on and that we can support.

The book mentions a couple of more personal stories as well. It mentions one guy whose "work friend" left and he was gradually overcome with the regular stress of his job. He gradually turned to alcohol to cope and he eventually bottomed out without a job, friend or family. On the other end of the spectrum was a young girl that left a bad home life while in her teens. She eventually got training, got a job and started a family in large part due to the encouragement of one loving social worker. In either case, both of these people point to that one close friendship as a turning point in their lives.

Despite the fact that I see (and experience) this evident need in so many people, I was still left with that one question: Why? Why do we let ourselves go on without something that we know that we need and want? How can we get past that and find that meaningful friendship?

Maybe it's a symptom of our North American culture or our church culture. Maybe it has something to do with the generational gap or how our families are. Maybe we have tried and failed, or maybe we haven't learned how to do it. Maybe we don't want to rely on someone, or have someone teach us, or have someone really challenge us. Maybe we think that friendships "just happen," in the same way that we may find our soul mate before marriage.

Funny enough, I think that I found my answer while writing this little children's poem this past week. I say that good friendships are not intangible ghosts that are lost in a crowd of faces. I say that best friends are not merely born by luck. The closest and best kinds of friendships are made, by conscious choice and with our patience and love.

We gain a friend when we are a friend.
There may be a million other reasons that contribute to a lack of really close friends. Hey, maybe you lived in Antartica and your only friend was a penguin. As valid as those reasons may be, there's really only one reason that stops us from developing friendships and that's us. In my case, that's me. If we do not reach out in friendship to someone else, it's very hard for anyone else to reach out to us.

A Pup & His Friends

There is a story I know,
Only a year ago or so,
When two puppies were found
In the pound.

One puppy, one day,
Was taken away
And the other was left
By himself.

This puppy broke out
To try and find out
Where his friend was and why
He had left

A sewer he found
With a gator way down
Who welcomed him in
with a grin

The pup ran away
To a watery bay
But the fish that he met
Would not help.

He then ran with a pack
Of bigger dogs that
Had no interest in finding
His friend

So off the pup went
Looking each way and then
He came to a cat
Who was lost.

The pup helped the cat
Find its way home and that
Gave him hope of finding
His friend.

He came to a tree
With a bird at his feet
The bird asked for help
To get up.

The pup helped him up
Then continued, the pup
In the way that the bird
Had pointed.

He came to a house
And he barked out aloud
And there, at long last,
Was his friend!

They jumped and they played
And the pup then did say
How alone and how scared
He had been.

His friend pointed out
He had made friends throughout
His long journey to get
To this place.

The pup then discovered
That friends help each other
And friends are just trying
To find us.