Marks Of Maturity

Last week, my dad told me a story about my own childhood that I had never heard before. (Funny how that happens, eh?) I was about five years old and we were still living in Welland in a cul-de-sac. I had a french friend towards the end of this street that I used to play with a lot. One day, I had been away at his house and then I came back home, half-crying and obviously angry about something. My friend and I had had a fight, about whatever it is that five year olds fight about, and I had walked off.

I explained the situation to my dad and I was torn up about it. After a few minutes, my dad said that I recollected myself and thought about it. Apparently, I decided that this fight wasn't worth all of the anger and pain. As a young kid, I gathered myself together and walked back over to my friend's house to make up. My dad saw me again a few hours later after I had been happily playing with my friend again.

So what is this maturity thing, anyway?

Maturity certainly isn't a title. I've seen Christians enraged, employers insulting employees, teachers ticked off with students, parents having temper tantrums and pastors that don't how to counsel. I've also seen new Christians evangelizing, employees that support and teach their bosses, students that change teachers' lives, children that comfort their parents and church members that minister to their pastors. Position and power doesn't equal maturity.

Maturity doesn't come automatically with experience. I've seen fifty year old Christians that are still dealing with childhood trauma, long-term employers that still have high turnover rates, and parents repeating the same mistakes that they so despised in their own parents. I've also seen kids walk through unimaginable circumstances in a healthy way, employees that change the very atmosphere of their companies, and kids forgiving their parents and changing their entire families. Age and time do not guarantee maturity.

Maturity doesn't rely on certain personality types. I've seen introverts that don't know how to analyze themselves, extroverts that leave a trail of broken friendships behind them, leaders that cripple their teams rather than building them, and care-givers that miss the most important people in their lives. There is no combination of strengths and traits that creates maturity.

Maturity can't happen as a formula. We can't assume that we will grow emotionally just because of our relationships. We don't know that we will grow spiritually just because we go to church. Being parents doesn't necessarily make us good parents. The lessons that we have learned in life may have been wrong all along - I'm still unlearning things this month that I had thought were correct my whole life.

The mark of maturity is only seen in one way: The results of our lives.

Do we have deep friendships? Have we dealt with past experiences in a healthy way? Are we focused on ourselves or others? Are we able to deal with conflicts in a way that heals the relationships? Are we honest with ourselves and others? Do we know Jesus personally?

We won't necessarily grow just because of desire or circumstances. However, there is also nothing holding us back. No life story, no situation, no current pain can determine the course of our lives by themselves. We are the ones that determine how far we can go. The walk will probably not be easy because everything of value costs us something, and this walk will never actually end, but we are the ones that determine our path in life.

Fingerprints

I was reviewing my blog links this week and I noticed that someone found me through this search and this search on Google. By coincidence, they stumbled across this old blog that I wrote in April 2004. (That was my first month of blogging. Wow, have I really been writing for more than three years now?) I used this story in that blog:

It's like my days as a custodian at London Gospel Temple, my old church. After everyone had gone home on Sunday night, I had to the clean the numerous glass doors at the entrances to the building. These glass doors would be layered with fingerprints from people pushing against the glass all day long, rather than using the push bar in the middle of the door. I would use a ton of Windex and paper towels, rubbing out every inch of each door. And even after a full half hour of cleaning, I would invariably change my viewing angle just a bit and I would see yet one more fingerprint that I hadn't seen before. You just had to change your angle ever-so-slightly and voila, more prints.

My point was that I was feeling exhausted from trying to fix all of these little details in my life. I was trying to mature and grow and improve myself but I just kept uncovering more problems to fix. It's an infinite loop that was wearing me out without end. There is always one more fingerprint to clean on the windows into me and I won't ever be able to clean them all.

I included my dad's observation that this is what religion does to us, this is what rules and traditions and "The Law" does. It sucks the life out of us and leaves us hallow and empty. I then concluded by saying that I wanted to find Life and Freedom somehow. I didn't even know how to do that, this was just a small and confused cry from somewhere inside me.

I look around at my life these days and I'm amazed to see where God has brought me. Now I'm writing posts like Finding Jesus and Dandelions and A Little Boy's Heart. I'm talking to friends like J.P. and reading about guys like Smith Wigglesworth as I try to learn what it means to follow Jesus each day. In allowing the Holy Spirit to direct me more than ever before, and in breaking away from the rules and laws that I used to obey without question, I find myself in a new place.

God is amazing. He knows what we really need better than we know ourselves. He knows what we're really seeking even if we can't say the question. He knows how to draw us into new life and new passion and so often, we don't even realize where we are being led. He knows our past, he sees our future and he's with us every step of the way.

I find that I'm trying to do less these days and yet, somehow, God is doing even more.

Riverside Bonfire

On Saturday June 23, I hosted a Riverside Bonfire & BBQ at my house. All told, 28 guests came. I knew some of these friends from Open Door, some from GTA, some from FCCC, some from LGT, some were friends-of-friends. Wow, I just realized had friends from all of my old and current churches there. Interesting.

About ten people arrived a little later in the evening, so for the first hour and a half most of us were on the lower deck talking and getting to know one another. Thanks to my brother's direction and help, I had prepared honey-burger patties by hand. Nina and Melissa volunteered for BBQ duties, so many thanks to them. It took us until after 7:30 to really have enough burgers cooked up so everyone was really hungry by then. Once everyone got a taste of those burgers, though, they decided that it was worth the wait. The subtle honey flavour and aftertaste was really nice.



The main event was supposed to be a large soccer game but few people wanted to join. As a result, my Little Brother and I were playing one on one for a while. Eventually Tara joined us, and then Grace and Alma and Rhea joined us as well to play guys against girls. Besides that, there was croquet and the swing and other minor activities. At one point, we found a large post with a big metal piece on the end which we proceeded to use as an oversided javelin. Due to the size of it, it was a bit of a caber toss as well. I think that I won that competition but I'll need to have someone confirm that.


There were plenty of burgers and after everyone had had their fill, we randomly hung out until it became dusk. I had a couple of guys volunteer to build the bonfire for us, which was helpful. It was a fairly large bonfire and everyone gradually moved down from the deck to the bonfire area at the bottom of the hill closer to the river. Due to the large slope, it was a little tricky to get down without having to walk all the way around the house to the groomed trail. Ashleigh came up with the novel idea of trying to go piggyback so we tried that maneuver for the first time ever and it was really easy to get down.


The weather was perfect for the evening. Clear skies to see the stars, no wind, few bugs. The night air was chilly enough that you wanted to sit by the fire but not cold enough to be bothersome. A simple sweater was enough for most people as we created a large semi circle around the fire. At one point, Alma disappeared and then came back with a whole bunch of marshmallows. Alma and Tara scoured the tree line for long and thin sticks and everyone enjoyed themselves.

And of course, I would be remiss if I forgot to mention the ongoing fireworks display. Thanks to Nick, we had some lengthy periods in which staccato explosions popped up repeatedly.

I was very busy for most of the evening hosting and taking care of the details. I was able to sit down for a minute or two once in a while just to say hi and any free time that I had besides that was devoted to my Little. Around the middle of the evening, a lot of people were still in my brother's apartment furiously playing Nintendo Wii. People had been in there to ooh and ahh over Abe and Melissa's two children, Ben and Chris.


At around 10:00 pm the fire was going nicely so I went in and ever-so-politely kicked everyone out, forcing them to join the great outdoors. I'm glad that I did that because everyone eventually had a lot of fun with the bonfire but initially there was plenty of whining about goose poop and bugs and the cold. Yeah, the great outdoors isn't exactly for everyone.

I finally managed to relax at around 11:00 pm for a half hour or so. I actually had the choice of spending that time cleaning up but I finally opted to end my hosting duties for a bit. (And I woke up at 6:30 the next morning to finish cleaning.) At around midnight, seven of us piled into my car, because my van was down being repaired, and I drove 'em all home. Nick and a couple of people waited around a bit longer for the fire to die down and they put it out before they left.

All told, it was a wonderful evening. Our guest of honour, Jason, was able to come even though he's leaving in just a day or two to work in the Dominican Republic for six months. I got to see Terry and Gina for the first time together since their recent marriage. I had plenty of newly-made friends that were able to come out and a few old friends joined that I had not seen in a while. Good times in the summer, good times.

Roller Coaster Of Life

"Click. Click. Click. Click. Click." You can hear the cars of the roller coaster gradually ascending to the top of that first giant hill. Anticipation builds as you get higher and higher, noticing your car way out at the edge of the parking lot and the ant-people milling about below. That rush of adrenaline starts to kick in.

"Clickclickclickclickclick!" You're sitting in that car on the roller coaster as it picks up speed and starts to barrel down the top of that mountain. You either grip onto that handle bar for dear life or you get the urge to get your hands in the air for the plummet. In a flash, you're at the bottom and zooming through your first loop, head banging back and forth a bit as you fight for control from the g forces.

It's the roller coaster of life. Up, down and all around.

Different people ride different kinds of roller coasters. For some people, this ride of life depends on what other people say. They're on top of the world when someone compliments them and encourages them. They're feeling that thrill when they find someone that really understands them. They can face any corkscrew as long as they have someone along for the ride to give support.

And yet these same people also find themselves at their lowest points because of what other people say. A harsh word, some sarcasm or a little gossip and the person is right at the bottom of the ride again. With each new day, with each new conversation, with each new person, the person just goes long for the ride, up and down, up and down.

For other kinds of people, life is a series of circumstances. They think of that upcoming vacation, that next job, that new relationship and they're in the air. Take away one of those things, or give them problems at school, or have a tough argument with a friend and they feel like they've crash landed again.

Everyone has a different roller coaster and each one is motivated and energized by different sources. Some people are motivated by responsibility and duty, like me. My friends can attest to how antsy I get when I'm late or when I fail to do something that I promised. I get a thrill out of killing software bugs and I am always disappointed every time I heard about a new problem that someone found in my code.

These motivations are not wrong, not by any means. Everyone gets pumped up by different things, everyone has the drive to succeed in different ways, everyone finds their own unique ways of moving forward. We're all wired in our own way and we all move through life on our track.

The problems arise when we allow these motivations to control us. Rather than using these things to fuel us, we let them take the driver's wheel each day.

Life will always have its up and downs, its highs and its lows. We're on the roller coaster, we're buckled in and there's no turning back. Of course, we will feel the emotion of it all. Joy and sadness, pleasure and pain, peace and panic, the entire spectrum of it. It's all part of this experience of life.

The question is, will we just let the coaster jerk us around every corner or will we enjoy the ride?

Attitude

"Attitude is a little thing that makes a big difference." Winston Churchill

"I discovered I always have choices and sometimes it's only a choice of attitude." Judith M. Knowlton

"A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort." Herm Albright

"We choose our joys and sorrows long before we experience them." Kahlil Gibran

"Our attitude will determine our stress. Is your attitude causing you less stress or more stress?" Catherine Pulsifer

"I've learned from experience that the greater part of our happiness or misery depends on our dispositions and not on our circumstances." Martha Washington

"I had no shoes and complained, until I met a man who had no feet." Indian Proverb

"If you don't get everything you want, think of the things you don't get that you don't want." Oscar Wilde

"Every day may not be good, but there's something good in every day." Author Unknown

"I take nothing for granted. I now have only good days, or great days." Lance Armstrong

"If you don't think every day is a good day, just try missing one." Cavett Robert

"When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us." Helen Keller

"You can complain because roses have thorns, or you can rejoice because thorns have roses." Ziggy

"We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars." Oscar Wilde

Links & Blinks

I have a few recent blog updates that I wanted to link and blink. ("Blink" stands for "Blog Link," natch.)

Wonder of wonders, Tara has written a new blog post about getting engaged to Richard. I love 'em both and I wish them the best. Click here to congratulate them, again.

Ashleigh continues to bare her soul on her blog. So brave and transparent to write like that. Click here to read about her highs, and click here to read about the not-so-highs. It's the roller coaster of life: sometimes it's thrilling and sometimes it's terrifying.

Lori has a million and one thoughts about being a new mother. I s'pose that most of cannot truly understand what she means until we are parents ourselves but it's fascinating regardless. Click here to share the love.

Cam has posted some pictures showing the new plants/herbs that she recently purchased. We're supposed to guess what kinds of plants these are. Is there some trick or method to doing this? Click here to add your guesses. I know there's a few garden lovers in this audience.

Elyse has a recent blog post (here) in which she asks what everyone thinks of child actors. My sister and I have had a number of debates on exactly this topic. I already wrote a response on that blog with some of my thoughts, so everyone feel free to pile on.

Deconstructing Jamie

The past few months have been rather interesting for me. "Life is what happens when you're busy making other plans." Many of my plans and expectations have fallen to the wayside. A number of my ideas about life, love and Christianity have been torn down and are being rebuilt. It has been an interesting trip but it's been amazing to see God at work in my life and through my life regardless.

The following list just shows that various areas that I have been reconsidering and growing in. Some of these ideas are still quite fluid and flexible but it's a nice snapshot of where I am these days.

1. The Local Church
This would be the biggest area of theological change for me, influenced by the more drastic restructuring that my dad has been going through in this area. In summary, I'm fine with having formal local churches but I no longer think that such institutions are as helpful as we think, nor as necessary (or Biblical) as we assume. I won't go into much detail because I often describe this as a house of cards and once you take away one card, so many other things start to fall away.

2. Tithing
Funny enough, my dad was the one that always taught me the importance of tithing as a Biblical precept and now he's the one that disagrees with it. Tithing is so ingrained in Christian thought in my circles that many old-timers from Open Door church assumed it was held as a principle, even though Open Door actually disagrees with the 10% rule as a hard-and-fast requirement.

This may not seem like a big issue but I've been consistantly tithing ever since I had a newspaper route as a kid. I still look to give to God but I no longer assume a set amount and now I consider other ways of giving besides giving to my local church.

3. Hearing God's Voice
I have simultaneously become more attuned to the daily leading of the Holy Spirit while becoming more cynical when we talk that way. With many thanks to my friend J.P., I've been reading about Smith Wigglesworth and other such things, looking for God's random plans. I've also become much more skeptical when people reference some message from God when it comes to professional business, physical healings or dating relationships. It's a weird dichotomy for me.

4. Finding "The One"
Ah, dating relationships. Yes, I'm 29 years old and I do not have a girlfriend. It doesn't take a brainiac to figure out that this is an important issue for me. I used to be a major fan of Joshua Harris' books and I've recently had some interesting discussions with both guys and girls about this topic. I've always been pretty practical in my thinking and that has effected me here. Many thanks to my various friends for pushing me when I needed to be pushed and challenging my ideas when needed

5. Evolution
Yep, I now believe in evolution. And if that doesn't seem like a big deal then you're not aware of how long I have studied this area of science and how many debates I've had about it. Of course, my answer is a bit of a cop-out but that was still a struggle for me.

By nature, I'm an extremely habitual guy. I'm amazingly dependable and I can participate in some ministry or organization for years at a time without question. While I like to think that I'm a very open-minded guy and rather rational, I'm also fully aware of how thick-headed and obtuse I can be at times. The chains of religion can bind me in so many subtle ways, even as I declare that Christianity should be about "relationships and not religion."

I am grateful for my friends and family. I can only be so wise and clever and I keep those close relationships in order to smack some sense into me at regular intervals. And most importantly, I'm thankful that God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit love me, work in my life and direct me every day. I don't always see The Way clearly but I just keep trying to seek Him somehow.

Links & Blinks

Props to TrueHoop for this YouTube link. It shows a high-speed video of a guy making an Etch-a-Sketch picture of Lebron James, in honour of the current (and soon to be completed) NBA finals. 'Mazing. And if you want to amuse yourself further, read the comments on that TrueHoops page. Apparently there is another Etch-a-Sketch artiste out there that despises this one. That guy, jumboXL, is pretty funny as he rants on and on.

M'boy Battle was in Kalamazoo last week. That's right, there really is a city named Kalamazoo. Check out his blog to see his latest pieces. He also has some good stories in there, like this one about racism in the US, and this one about how different people deal with the brutality of life.

By coincidence, I came across this news article in the Toronto Star last week, and it is also situated in Kalamazoo. Apparently a guy in an automated wheelchair was going through a crosswalk too late. The truck that was there started to move ahead when the light changed to green, knocking the chair around and getting the handles lodged into the grill. (Not the guy's teeth, the actual truck grill. Oy vey.) The truck then proceeded to drive onto the highway for quite some distance until other cars noticed the man hanging onto the chair and called 911. Cops eventually pulled the truck over and the man came out of it relatively unharmed. Crazy!

In other recent blog news, Ashleigh has this fun story about being on top of the world, so to speak. On the down side of life, you may have missed Aleah's blog about how she got jumped near her house last month and was beat up. I've heard too many first-hand stories like this one from around town recently.

And finally, to close off this post, there's this news about J. Michael Straczynski, creator of the hallowed B5 series, being brought on to write the script for the proposed Silver Surfer movie. I do so love my comics and sci-fi...

Terrance & Gina Arsenault

On Saturday June 9 of 2007, Terrance Arsenault and Gina Toonk were married. The wedding ceremony was at 1:30 pm at Glad Tidings Assembly in London, Ontario. The wedding reception and dance started at 5:30 pm in Komoka, Ontario.

For history's sake, I will recap my involvement in all of this...

The preceding Friday, June 8, my only responsibility was supposed to be picking up my rented tuxedo. Fortunately for foresight, I decided to cancel any plans that I had for the day and devote myself to whatever last-minute preparations might be required. Terry wrote me on Thursday night and asked me to help set up the reception hall on Friday afternoon. No problem! So on Friday, I helped Terry do that. And then I helped him pick up one of the rental cars, went with him to pick up our tuxes, bought 21 disposable cameras, drive people to various places, etc.

On Saturday morning, just after 9:00 am, Terry called me and mentioned that I was an usher for the wedding. Oh right, he forgot to tell me that little detail. Ha! I arrived at the church an hour before the ceremony to figure out what had to be done for that. Corsages for the bridal party and immediate family, seating for the immediate family, wedding programs, etc. Jason Roberts was my wingman as the other usher, though he had known that in advance. Good thing, too, since he was able to actually recognize most of the extended family members on sight and I had never met some of them.

As the ushers, we were supposed to give out small commemorative capsules with a soapy solution to blow bubbles. Early on, I asked Terry about when that should be used and he said, "Anytime." As everyone filtered in, Jason and I handed out the programs and bubbles. Most of the men refused the bubbles but the women thought that it was a wonderful idea. I explained that the bubbles could be blown anytime, but most importantly as the Bride was entering. Seemed like a good idea to me.

Well, it's easiest to prove I'm a fool if I'm speaking. Apparently Terry meant, "Anytime as the Bride and Groom are leaving at the end." Someone thought that my instructions were odd and Jason went off to confirm that no, we were not supposed to blow bubbles during the Bride's entrance. Oops. Only twenty people had been instructed in that manner but there was no time to correct them since a massive line of people began to file into the church. I now gave new instructions, explaining that the bubbles would replace the traditional throwing of rice at the end. I was told that there would be an announcement about the bubbles so that no one would be confused.

Somewhere along the way, Zach and Sam, two of the Groom's men, set up three video cameras around the church sanctuary. We had professional photographers for the wedding but the video work was going to be done by these sationary cameras. I was brought in and given instructions about simply turning on each camera since they were already zoomed and focused on where the Bride and Groom would be standing.

The Bride arrived a little after 1:30 pm and everyone got the corsages and flowers ready. At around 2:00 pm, the wedding formally began. Just before that, I realized that the video cameras were going to be useless for any part of the ceremony besides the vows. I sped around the room a bit to get some shots of the entrance and the giving away of the Bride by her father. Ah, and now my bubble instructions came into play. A few ladies did exactly as I had asked, daintily leaning into the aisle to blow bubbles towards the Bride. Yessiree, that was all becasue of me.

From then on, everything went fairly smoothly. Pastor Tim had a nice little sermon about love, marriage and the Christian duties of a husband and a wife. Another guy played a worship on guitar during the entrance and later played a worship song on piano during the registry signing. I kept moving from camera to camera in an attempt to get enough adequate shots to splice together for one video afterwards.

While saying the vows, Terry actually answered, "You bet I do!" Gina giggled like a school girl and they both turned to grin at the audience. They were pretty cute together. And from what I understand, their first kiss as husband and wife was in fact their first kiss ever. Romaticness.

Then came the reception line whilst I gathered up all of the wedding equipment and supplies and prepared to lock up the church. We finally got everyone ready and packed into various cars and then we drove to the Springbank Gardens for the official pictures.
Now, let me take a second to explain that Terry and Gina had asked me months before to be the M.C. for the reception. However, one week before the wedding, Terry also suggested that I should be included in the official bridal party. I got sized for my tuxedo on Friday a week before the ceremony.

So now that we were all at Springbank Gardens, I was included in all of the wedding party photos. It was a little complicated since I three of the visual balance. After all, everyone else was in pairs. Bride and Groom, Maid of Honour and Best Man, etc. We managed to pull off that trick, though, and I'm looking forward to seeing those pictures later. Towards the end, I had to ditch a bit early so that I could get to the reception hall and prepare for the evening's events.

So around 5:00 pm, I arrived at the hall and flew into organizational mode. I spoke with the photographers and figured out what special instructions they needed announced. I spoke to the two music DJs, reviewed the schedule and gave them some special instructions. I dealt with a million and one last minute details. I put out the disposable cameras on every table; opened some doors to get a breeze into the gym; figured out how to announce the kissing instructions since no one remembered to bring a bell; figured out who had the CDs for the special music; dealt with the fact that none of the tables were numnbered as expected; spoke to caterers throughout the evening about special instructions; generally, I was a one-man circus act juggling all of the details. Terry already had a ton of decisions hitting him from all angles and I tried to be a buffer for him and the rest of the wedding party, trying to let them enjoy their reception while I ran around like a chicken with my head cut off.

Beyond that, everything went fairly smoothly. I made an idiot out of myself to get attention while announcing the kissing a few times. I was ordered to pray for the meal, even though that wasn't in my schedule and I'm not sure if impromptu prayers should be allowed like that. I kicked away a line of people that decided, on their own, that it was time for desert.

As for my official duties as the M.C., I purposely didn't plan anything too flashy or say anything too amazing. I knew that we would be pressed for time and, indeed, we ran an hour late at the end. My goal was just to keep things moving and be entirely forgetable. I think that I accomplished my mission nicely.

The very best speech of the night was given by Stan Clemance, the best man. In fact, it was the best wedding speech that I have ever heard in my life. Stan began by acknowledging that another member of our group, the Bachelors, had passed away. He asked for a moment fo silence as Zach hummed "Taps." Stan then followed up with at least five minutes of jokes. He was on fire! He knocked each joke out of the park and just when you thought he was going to be serious, he threw another curveball. He finally did end with a few heartfelt comments and a nice toast. I'm glad we video taped it since it was so utterly brilliant. Hopefully we can post that on YouTube at some point.

As for other comments, Zach led a fabulous rendition of an old Irish ditty about the family Dunn. It's a hilarious song that makes a pun out of the family name, and Zach performed it entirely with an accent whilst two of the Groom's Men joined in on the choruses. Everyone clapped along happily during the jig and the Dunn was fun until it was done.

I should also note that Gina was, in fact, sick for all of the preceding week. She had the flu, she was puking, the whole nine yards. She managed to get through the wedding day through a combination of steel will and four kinds of drugs. Heh. She went from being ecstatically happy and giddy to being overcome with coughing and dry heaves to crying for the touching moments. I'm really impressed that she held herself together so well. I also took note of Terry's reactions at various times. While he had so many things to take care and a lot of stress in preparing everything, he maintained a stolid facade and just tried to enjoy himself. And he and Gina were so cute together as they playfully mocked each other and constantly got each other to laugh. So sweet.

So eveything went very well overall. There were just a few things that I wish that I could have fixed. The bubble instructions, of course. Having a few guys to man the video cameras would have been good. Getting the table numbers and planning out the family tables properly would have been helpful. And most importantly, I would have had the official cake cutting before desert rather than afterwards, and I wouldn't have waited so long between the meal and the desert. At least I know this stuff now so the next wedding that I'm involved in as Best Man or whatever will be even smoother.

Now then, on with a few more pictures. Note that my Facebook account has many more pictures but this selection will have to suffice for my blog. This first picture shows me all done up purty-like.

Here's a picture of the Groom's Men (groomsmen?), all together.

This next picture shows me with Jason. We spent a number of hours together over the course of the entire weekend, and it was fun to reconnect with him since he has been traveling the world for the past few years. We had a bit of a competition going between one another. We were trying to decide who was the least important man in the wedding party. His argument rested on the fact that he was the last guy in the official party, he was single while a few of the other guys were married, that kind of thing.

My argument was based on the fact that I was an unofficial member of the party since I was not on stage during the wedding ceremony, nor was I at the head table during the reception. Plus, I got my suit a week before the wedding and I was informed about being an usher the morning of the wedding. I'm sure I won at being the best loser but he refused to concede his crown to me. Bah! I'm certain that I took first place for being last. What do you all think? (Heh. Just kiddin' around. We both know it was a great honour to be involved with this once-in-a-lifetime event.)
And finally, a note about the first picture at the top of this blog. That is the picture that Terry and Gina used in their official wedding program. Bonnie Clemance created and took this photograph and it's pure genius. Note the two rings creating a reflection of one heart. And note that the background text is actually from the Bible, Song of Solomon Chapters 3 and 4. It's awe inspiring.

A Handful Of Dandelions

"This was a revelation to me. When I made my mistakes for Father, He saw me with nothing but love. He knew I was just a little child that could only bring a handful of dandelions to Him. I had “matured” and could only see the foolish dandelions. But now I see what He saw: a beautiful bouquet of flowers." Taken 4 Granted

That's such a beautiful picture. It doesn't matter how silly or foolish or wrong we are as Christians. That doesn't change how our Father looks at us, with eyes of love. Even when we make mistakes, and even when we grow and become a little more wise about such things, it doesn't lessen the value of our childlike ways.

It's so comforting to know that our Father is simply waiting to kneel down and wrap his arms around us. He wants to thank us for these precious yellow flowers that we picked and encourage us. He will eventually teach us what we need to know but for now he sees our hearts and he knows how much we love him.

Photo Credit: Flickr

Because I Said So

At lunch today, we were joking about how different my brother and I were as toddlers. As the firstborn, my parents weren't quite sure what to expect. However, I had it all figured out early on. My mom proudly told the whole restaurant about how I had self-trained to avoid peeing in the night by nine months of age. My brother joked that they could sit me by the side of a busy street with a comic and I would just sit there without a care in the world.

My parents were amazed at how easy this parenting thing was. Silly folks. Along came my brother a little under two years later and, as my brother said, he made up for both of us. While I was potty trained early on, my brother was the type of baby that peed in the nurse's face. If you sat my brother down anywhere near the front yard of a house, you would find him playing in the middle of the street shortly thereafter.

Ah, good times telling stories and jokes over lunch. So with my brother taunting the fates constantly, my parents really had to keep tabs on him. Once you let go of him he was off attacking a dog or climbing a tree or testing some matches. As soon as my parents saw it, all they could yell was "NO!" and if he didn't stop right that second, something dangerous could very likely happen to him. (And often it did anyway, given the number of stitches he has had over the years.) A pattern of quick and immediate obedience became crucial for his survival.

Times change and the years roll on, though. Now my brother and I are in our late twenties and we're not the same little kids that we once were. Somewhere along the line, simply yelling "NO!" at us wasn't going to work anymore.

It's not enough to tell a six year old that hitting their younger sibling is bad, now you need to explain that it hurts the other brother. It's not enough to force the eight year old to play hard in soccer practice, now you need to find ways to make it fun. It's not enough to tell the ten year old to do his homework and be quiet, now you have to motivate him in new ways. It's not enough to tell the twelve year old that they're not allowed to hang out with the wrong crowd, now you need to explain how peer pressure drives them. It's not enough to tell the fourteen year old that alcohol is bad, you need to explain the effects and dangers of it.

"Because I said so" won't be effective anymore. The way that we obey our parents and learn has to change as we get older. The situations that we face will likewise evolve as we age. We can't expect our parents to simply order us around at the age of twenty and assume that will be effective. And on the flip side, we can't pretend that we're "just" kids and that we're not responsible for ourselves as get older. The way that our parents talk to us changes and the way that we respond changes.

As we get older, we should find that we become more responsible for our school work, for our sports activities, for our selection of friends, for our attitudes at home, for our beliefs. We can no longer blame our parents (or other people) for our choices. And we can't play that game of pretending that it's okay as long as we don't get caught, like it's our parents' job to police every aspect of our lives.

To take that one step further, that's also how we are as Christians. Early on, simple obedience can work well. However, simple obedience just becomes legalism later on. Rules that helped us grow when we were young in the faith can constrict us as we become older.

That's why it's so important to find the reasons behind the words. That's why we need to study the Bible and pray and talk to people and look for God in our lives. We're not looking for more regulations, we're looking for the love and wisdom behind those things. We're trying to Find Jesus.

Whether it's in our normal everyday lives or it's part of our spiritual walk, we need to get down under the surface and find some depth. Whether it's decisions about work or questions about God, plain obedience will work well only for a time. Character, maturity, understanding, wisdom...these things should grow and develop in our lives. We can find the relationship and the love underneath those ancient rules from our parents and behind that faded text in the Bible.

And that's how we can break free of blind obedience. That's how we finally move into adulthood. That's how we find true joy in our faith.

Finding Jesus

What does it mean to have a relationship with God? If Jesus was a real, earth-bound person and he's alive today then how do we talk to him? What does it mean to be his friend?

Those are tough questions. I mean, it's easy to give the Sunday School answer. We're all separated from relationship with God because of sin. Jesus had to die for us to deal with that. If we believe in Jesus, accept him as Lord of our lives and ask forgiveness, our sin is instantly and freely forgiven and we become children of God. After that, it's a matter of reading the Bible, praying, learning more about God, growing...

That's the Sunday School answer and that's true. In sensible everyday terms, though, it's messier. We understand what it means to have a relationship with a family member. We know how to interact with a friend when we hang out with them. We can talk and listen, see each other, touch each other, spend time together, take pictures of ourselves, all of those simple things.

How does that translate to this invisible and intangible God that's vaguely everywhere and yet somehow inside us at the same time? We're built to use these five senses of ours and he isn't even as real as the wispy mist at the dawn of day.

It is a tough thing to do and to understand. I would guess that this is one of the main reasons that we like to make these giant rulebooks about Christian life. It's easier to grasp that we should care for the poor, teach little kids Bible stories, avoid swearing and drinking, mature in our personalities and go to a church service every Sunday. That's basic, we can do and see and feel those things. We become reliant on this image of what a Christian should be and we focus on these outward requirements. (Not to condemn action and moral rules, both can be valuable and that's not the point here.)

It's just that Jesus isn't in those things. Jesus is in us. Jesus does talk to us. He does change our hearts, he can affect our emotions, he wants to spend time with us. For me, that sometimes happens when a thought pops into my head. Sometimes it feels like I'm having a conversation with myself. Sometimes I'm praying about an issue, something clicks inside of me, my heart seems to clear and I break down and cry at what Jesus just did for me. Sometimes people come into my life and talk to me, or I read something, or I listen to music, and I later realize that Jesus had something for me there.

Conversely, those things might not be Jesus at all sometimes. I know that thoughts pop into my head randomly for no good reason and I know that Satan likes to tempt me once in a while, too. Sometimes having a conversation with myself really is mano-una-mano. Sometimes I'm crying because of stress or depression and not because of God, even if I thought it was God at the time.

I'm not offering mystical, magical, warm and fuzzy feelings. I'm saying that Jesus is a real person and he does want us to learn how to hear his voice. Jesus does want to lead us everyday. He does want to lead us to new people to help them and he does want to direct us in our conversations. It's not easy to do and it's not easy to explain. It's not even easy to learn or understand. All we can ask is for Jesus to help us in this, to reveal himself to us, to let us learn what his personality is like and how to respond to him each day.

Hey, I'm still figuring this out in a deeper level and I've been a Christian since I was a young 'un. For a long time, I thought that I had it figured out. Only in recent times have I caught a glimpse of what it means to follow Jesus every day and allow him to lead me. Only recently have I seen that my service and ministry and church and rules may be good but they're not Jesus.

What Would Jesus Do? It's a great motivational question. The real question, though, is: Who are you, Jesus? It's personal, a question to him directly. We want him to reveal himself to us in every situation and in every area of our lives. We're not trying to learn about Jesus. We're trying to know Jesus himself, one on one.

Maturity Is Only For The Mature

I was talking to some friends this past week that are in their early teens. We hit upon the topic of siblings squabbles, which are as plentiful as you would expect. Somebody does one selfish thing, the other sibling returns the favour, a grudge is formed and the cycle renews. Everyone involved says that they other person is wrong and defends their own actions. "Hey, they started it!"

That's par for the course. The funniest thing I heard, though, was the younger ones blaming the older ones because they should know better. They older ones are, y'know, older and they should be more mature about the whole thing. The younger ones insist that they are mature enough to see that the other person isn't mature, but they are not mature enough to change their own actions and stop this circle of fighting. That kind of logic just struck me as hilarious, though my friends didn't find it to be quite as amusing.

Seems to me that anyone that recognizes this pattern should be able to put an end to it. Seems to me that anyone in their mid-teens should be old enough to take responsibility for their own actions and attitude, right? Maybe it's not as simple as that...

As for those of us in our late twenties and early thirties, you might think that we had a better chance of figuring this stuff out. We've moved out of our parents' homes, we're independant, we have careers, we have families of our own, etc. We should be good and smart by now, eh?

Case in point, I was chatting a few weeks ago with someone that is in the medical field. After working day in and day out with people in various areas of the hospital, they had encountered a number of people with psychological issues of all kinds. Granted, many of these cases were more extreme ones but the anguish and pain that these people had was rather jarring to this medical professional.

My friend decided at one point to take stock of their own life. They realized that their deeply-rooted bitterness and unforgiveness really didn't matter so much in the larger scheme of things. They realized that holding onto that kind of pain was just letting those experiences kill them slowly, one day at a time. At worst, they would end up like the people in the hospital. At best, they would be stressed and have fractured relationships for the rest of their lives whenever someone touched that old nerve.

And so my friend decided to do something about it. Deal with it, forgive people, work it out and then move on. Stop allowing the past to control the present and move on with a healthy life and a new perspective.

We're humans really hate change, don't we? Once we get a hold of something, good or bad, we'll keep a tight grip on it come hell or high water. Even if we see the pain that our actions cause, we'll keep on doing it. Even if we know there's a better way to relate to someone, we'll stick with our old habits. Even if we know it's immature and hurtful and mean, we'll defend ourselves until the end.

Young or old, Christian or otherwise, single or married, we can all get trapped here. Even so, the truth is that we can have freedom from this stuff. It just takes some strong motivation to get us there sometimes. It might require an up-close-and-personal look into people's personal lives, like my friend at the hospital. It might require some time away from a given family member, just to avoid the quarrels and clear our heads. It might require a serious family situation that forces us to get past the petty problems.

Hey, we can get there, to this place of healthy relationships and a deepened maturity. A lot of us prefer to learn that lesson the hard way but it's possible to listen and figure this out without burning every bridge behind us. We can all find this type of wisdom and understanding. Maturity is not only for the old people, for the experienced folks, for the parents who have seen it all. Each of us can develop and grow now, no matter what our age is or what our circumstances are. A healthy life and healthy relationships can be ours.