Wedding Crashers
The question of the day: How polite is it to crash a wedding?
Granted, that question is somewhat leading since the term "crash" indicates the answer itself. Even so, are there certain situations in which it is more acceptable to attend a wedding uninvited? Here are some possible scenarios...
- Attending the ceremony vs. attending the dinner vs. attending the dance.
- Larger wedding with 100+ guests vs. only family and close friends.
- Public location vs. local church vs. private home.
- Catered affair vs. potluck dinner.
On the other side, two positive reasons to crash are: to bless and celebrate the couple; to have a fun evening for yourself; other friends are attending and you don't want to feel left out. Any other reasons that you can imagine? And does a nice card and gift mitigate the rudeness factor?
Does anybody care to relate some amusing stories on either side of this discussion? Have you been the crasher, or have you been the host?
6 comments:
I've never crashed a wedding, even though I saw the movie I can't believe it really happens.
If someone had crashed my wedding, I would be completely shocked and it would make me laugh for the rest of my life because I just wouldn't ever be able to understand/fathom that.
I was the M.C. for a wedding last year in which the bride and groom did want to invite everyone they knew. Naturally, they couldn't do so because they had to organize and pay for the meal after the wedding.
The way they resolved this was that they made an open invitation to all of their extended group of friends to the dance portion of the evening. So the ceremony and dinner were by invitation only and then they explicitly told everyone else that they were welcome to the dance at a given time, around 8PM or so.
Another approach that I have heard of, when the ceremony was in a large church, was to make general invitations to everyone for the ceremony. Anyone that wanted to attend was welcome, and the reception/congratulations line was done right after. The dinner and reception itself were by invitation only, however.
Those are two approaches to use if the bride and groom prefer to allow anyone and everyone to attend.
I think it's great that people want to join in on your day of celebration. Sometimes at our church there are people who show up to the wedding ceremony, not knowing the two getting married, just to bless the couple which I think is a very sweet gesture.
As for the Reception, if you haven't received an invite there won't be anywhere for you to sit. We are doing arranged seating for our wedding so it would be kind of hard to sneak in unnoticed.
My issue is when people reply to say they're comming and then don't show up. Catered weddings can be very expensive so if you reply you had better be there.
It does depend on the wedding, the space in the church, the space at the dance. We had lot's of room in the church and I wouldn't have cared who showed up at the church in our instance uninvited. But the diner is tight for seating so would be so weird and we didn't have a dance, so I guess if I did - like you said Jamie, you could decide to make that portion an open invitation, etc. explaining the limited seating for dinner/budget - however you choose to approach it. Speaking to friends individually to explain their invitation limits is probably better than just sending an invite to the reception where someone might think you want a gift but couldn't even feed them. Hhy you never know people are sensitive. I know people felt slighted by not being invited to our wedding despite the detail I provided, my family circumstances etc. I'm so glad I'm not like that - I never take offense to not being invited to a wedding, you just have to try and understand peoples circumstances.
Thanks for this post Jamie. From my experience most crashers are polite, they bring gifts, mingle with other guests, wish the couple their best and help get the party started.
There are a few situations in which a crasher may feel awkward:
If the room is too bright and everyone notices that they just walked in (this happend to my friend - but she just went with it anyway). If it's an open bar, then you'd feel like you were mooching and had better bring a gift.
If there is arranged seating and everyone in the room is glued to their chairs for the night (I'm not a fan of arranged seating...it's just easier to let everyone sort it out themselves during cocktail hour - but make sure there are at least 10 chairs extra per expected # of guests).
So yeah, if you want a wedding to be a great party, then inviting crashers to attend later can be a great compromise.
Cheers,
Amanda J.
lol I've had many talks with Jamie on this topic. Bottom line I think it's rude either way, you're not invited for a reason so don't show up.
Post a Comment