First & Only Love

Mike asked a question in the comments for this post: "Would you prefer to have married the first girl you ever dated?"

I thought it was a rhetorical question given the context of the discussion but he clarified that it wasn't. Purely by coincidence, I thought I would write something about the question today, on Valentine's Day.

This past Sunday morning, Pastor Rick (the senior pastor at my church) mentioned off-hand during his sermon that he is strongly of the opinion that people should not date at all until they're ready for marriage. He mentioned that Pastor Blair, the youth pastor, agrees with that guideline.

Not that the first date means a commitment to marriage, but he suggested that dating shouldn't happen unless marriage is a real option at some point. To extrapolate, dating is not a game and it has a distinct purpose, which is to find a marriage partner. I'm quite certain that he would not say that this means that you'll necessarily marry the first person that you date, but neither does it support the idea of dating somebody with the conscious intention of never marrying that person.

I like the idea behind this, though I haven't always lived by that precept myself. Even so, I want to look for a woman who might be a good wife for me and to whom I would be a good husband. I am not interested in a romantic relationship without that thought on the far-flung horizon. (Yes, I do understand that the 'M' word is dangerous thing to speak out loud to someone you're dating. Heh.)

The more important issue, I think, is can we be sure that we made a good decision if we marry the first person that we ever dated? My parents did just that and it's worked out very well for them. Some might say that they were just blessed, some might say that they were foolish and lucky but others might say that they were simply wise. Some might say it was a combination of each one.

I'm more inclined to think that a marriage is not simply a one-time decision. You can't just tally up the pros and cons, compare to past experience or go on our feelings. Marriage is not a single logical decision, it's our character and commitment and everything that we are. Marriage is a decision that starts when we first consider dating somebody and it continues every day for the rest of our lives.

Sure, we can be foolish about marriage and end up with multiple divorces, like Ross from Friends. I think a more easily accessible danger is to be foolish with dating relationships. I would have preferred to have been wise and seriously dated once rather than foolish with nothing to show for it but my memories.

So to answer Mike's question: Yes, I would have preferred to have married the first girl I ever dated. I would also have preferred to have considered who I dated more wisely.