The Strong, Silent Type?

On New Year's Eve my dad mentioned that I'm a bit shy sometimes. I responded by saying that I preferred the term 'reserved' instead. I said that I sometimes remain silent as a conscious decision so that I don't overpower the conversation, as I am prone to do.

See, I've always viewed myself as fairly extroverted. I was always the leader of various groups in church; always a leader amongst my social group; usually comfortable leading worship at church; at ease in meeting new people and striking up conversations; often dancing and singing regardless of who was around. Yet somehow, some people see me as being the quiet type.

During my formative teenage years in Wawa, I was at the centre for many youth group and social activities. I gained a reputation for some hilarious antics at youth conventions (though that was still a tame reputation compared to some). I was constantly involved in organizing and running various events and whatnot. By the time I moved to London in 1998, I felt a little burnt out. I didn't want to start a new social group entirely from scratch and I didn't want a semi-real reputation hanging around. So when I came to London I intentionally held back and became more secluded. That was something which was helped along by the fact that I was nineteen years old and I couldn't join the youth group, so I ended up meeting a lot of adults, most of whom were five or more years older than I was at the time.

So that's the first part of the equation. As another part of it, I came to realize during my two years at Fanshawe College that I was prone to controlling conversations and to being the centre of the social group. I had a habit of annoying people just for sake of a laugh, to the point that some of my friends actually became seriously angry with me because I was so annoying. Right around then I realized that I was just being immature and thereafter I have tried to temper my outbursts and I have consciously tried to wait for my turn in conversations.

A third part of the equation is that I can be fairly introspective, which I attribute to the fact that we as Christians are trained to look into our own lives regularly. I once had someone close to me describe me as being 'very intense.' I took that as a compliment but I can see how that might not mesh well with people that are, shall we say, less intense. Even though much of my outlook on life involves seeing the humour in all kinds of situations, I can agree that I can seem overly serious at times.

For the fourth part of the equation, I throw in the fact that I've always nurtured utmost respect for the girls and women around me. I've always found it distateful to flirt with someone for the mere sake of flirting, but I've sort of ended up at the other extreme in which I have a hard time offering compliments at times. Back in Wawa, I was the guy that often escorted girls home from youth group at night just to be safe and I took the responsibility seriously. I suppose that 'training' has informed my mannerisms as well.

So if I take these factors and add them up, I find a surprising question: Am I the strong, silent type? This past week I was offered several situations during which I either chose to remain silent or I became tongue tied, and afterwards I realized that it would have been good to throw in the comments that I had. I consider myself pretty quick and sharp with my tongue (as anybody that has endured my barbs knows), and yet I see a pattern of silence there. I don't know, I surprise myself sometimes.

I suppose I'm curious to know how others see me, but mostly I was reflecting on this recently and I simply decided to write down my thoughts here. Now, "Shhhhh!"