Links & Blinks

Cam and I sent a Christmas card to our wedding photographer, Joee. In response, he snapped a pic and posted this blog about us. He's a fantastic photographer and we love his work, so we feel very lucky to have him for our wedding on June 21, 2008. You can visit that blog or his main website for more examples of his work, and the picture of us above was also created by him.

One of my friends has a new blog, Mutterings Of A Mom. The joys and stress of new motherhood... "This too, shall pass." Heh.

My dad had another good blog post recently, Great Versus Good Programs. Any great program requires a clear goal, a clear time frame and a clear exit strategy. Otherwise, any good program will either not accomplish anything specific or it will gradually peter out and die. I really like what he said here, it makes sense to me. Anyone disagree?

Close Relationships

Allow me to summarize what my brain is thinking about Christian life and personal growth these days...

1. Close Relationships Are Crucial
Much of my thinking flows from this initial premise. Close relationships are absolutely necessary and foundational to our growth as people and as Christians. Yes, we can grow and mature in many other ways but the most important and effective way, by far, is through our friends and mentors. Everything else is like going to English classes once a week rather than being immersed in an English culture (to steal an example from my dad).

2. Close Relationships Cannot Be Mandated
We can't pluck two people out of a crowd and make 'em into close friends. We can't assign mentors and expect things to work out marvelously. We can't assume that an Alpha program will produce continuing friendships. Cell groups and Bible studies can remain as boring and useless as we please. A church cannot decree that "relationships are important" or that "everyone needs a mentor" and expect to see something happen.

At best, a church can provide opportunities like Alpha and small groups. At best, the leaders can teach this by example. At worst, a church can facilitate superficial programs and encourage apathetic Christian lives. At worst, the leaders can show us that mentoring is not important. Either way, we can't expect the church to create these kinds of close relationships.

3. Close Relationships Are Created By Individuals
I suspect that there is no model that automatically creates close friendships and mentoring relationships. (Although it may be argued that cell churches in other countries intend to do exactly this, but even then...) It's up to each person on their own to make this happen. My goal is not to change church practice as a whole, it's to convince individual people of the importance of growing through close relationships. Sometimes I can do this by example and my direct friendships, sometimes it's through a cell group, sometimes it's through a blog like this, sometimes it's by challenging the status quo.

4. Close Relationships Are Intentional
In the end, close friendships come together because of many factors. A mutual desire for friendships, mutual willingness to be vulnerable and real, mutual interests or life situations may help, finding ways to spend time together, etc.

That being said, developing close friendships is not a "magical" thing, as I've heard people tell me many times. It's not some elusive chemistry and happenstance. Close friendships are intentional and they don't just happen. We have to make a point of finding people, of reaching out to them, of inviting them into our lives, of intruding into their lives. That's what good friends do.

Much of my blog writing regarding spiritual life and personal growth flows from these ideas, I think. Much of my emphasis with friends and the purpose of my conversations with people comes from here. If I criticize the church at all, it's because I see examples of how the church discourages close relationships. And even then, it's still not up to the church because it always comes back to making our own choices to pursue real and meaningful friendships.

All I want to do is enourage some people to develop some new friendships. I don't think that's too much to ask. We want to do it anyway, and we need to do it. It's not very difficult but it does require us to open up and make the effort. And when we do, we'll find that we can each grow so easily and so quickly and so well. We'll love these friends of ours and we'll make an impact with our lives, one friend at a time.

Actions Speak Louder Than Words

A few random thoughts based on various recent conversations...

The majority of a church's resources are devoted to the weekend service. Preparation for worship and sermons and multi-media stuff, Sunday school teachers, ushers, building usage, etc. While other church activities certainly take place, the greater percentage of it is devoted to the weekend services.

So if we try to emphasize any other initiative or purpose, whether it's social assistance of some kind or cell groups and mentoring, these will always come second to the weekend service. These other goals may be important but they're never as important as the services because we do not devote as much of the church to them. And when push comes to shove and people have to give something up, they'll stick with that top priority of the weekend service at the expense of anything else.

Actions speak louder than words, right?

If someone was involved in small groups, or service to the poor, or Alpha, are they considered to be a member of that local church? What if they only do those things regularly and they never come to a weekend service? What if they only attend one service a month? How do we define who is a member of our local church and who isn't?

Many people like to describe the local church as a "family." I am leaving my current church soon to join a different one with my fiance and various people have expressed some sadness at my departure. I was part of another church that permanently shut down and that was a very emotional experience for many long-term members there. We love those friends and those close relationships that we have in church.

However, how many of those relationships continued in any way after that church closed? How many of my friends from my current church will I ever see again once I switch? How many friendships survive after there's a conflict and someone leaves a church? In my experience, the answer is that very few relationships continue once someone moves on from a church for any reason, whether good or bad.

Attending church on weekly basis seems to make it conveniant to be friendly but it makes it inconveniant to become very close friends. Church is a life-support system that keeps these relationships alive, but only superficially, like keeping the breathing going. And once you remove the common factor of weekly attendance, these relationships falter and die. And when that happens, you have to wonder how close these relationships were in the first place.

Actions speak louder than words, right?

And what is the basis for a healthy Christian life with continued growth? The way that we answer this question informs much of our spiritual lives. If we answer that Bible and prayer are most important, we can devote ourselves to daily devotions and Bible studies. If we answer that good and challenging teaching is required, we can look for books and sermons and Sunday School classes. If we answer that we need mentoring relationships and discipleship, then we look to develop closer relationships with people. If answer that all of those things are important then we need to incorporate every facet.

Since mentoring relations are the exception rather than the norm in modern Canadian Christian culture, that would suggest that we place less emphasis on the relational aspect of our spiritual growth. And frequently, someone in church will ask if we all study the Bible and pray by ourselves enough, and the majority of the people will admit they do not. So that leaves Sunday services as the most common method to drive our spiritual growth because everyone actively attends these services every week.

Actions speak louder than words, right?

A Problem With The People

I was recently in church as the teacher made a comment that struck me quite hard. We were discussing the importance of prayer. The teacher was saying that most people in the church do not pray very much. Similarly, the majority of people in the church are not involved in church ministry at all. Likewise, there is a group of young people that are not involved in any church ministry, not even the Sunday service, because they feel excluded and they don't fit in with anything.

Everyone agreed with these observations, readily raising our hands to identify that we did not pray enough and all that. So the conclusion was that we all need to pray more. Pray for those young people, pray for our leadership, pray for opportunities, pray for God's leading...

"There is no problem with the programs, it's a problem with the people."

And there it was, said right out in the open. In addressing these issues and while trying to encourage all of us, we are told that it's all our fault and we need to change. Oftentimes, when I discuss the inefficiencies and limitations and problems with the way that the modern church is run, this is by far the most common response that I get. Church is fine as it is, it's just the individuals that are at fault.

For every example of how someone feels excluded from church, we have an example of how someone considers the church to be their family. Talk about someone with no friends in church and we can point out the opposite. Hear about someone that has never been mentored in any way and we can show how we have small group ministries to fix that.

Doesn't the overwhelming pattern say something about church at all? If ninety percent of the people are never involved in church ministry, and most people do not pray regularly, and many people do not have even one close Christian friend, and... At what point do we admit that maybe, just maybe, our system of church is producing these results, rather than blaming all of these people as being immature or incompetant or unwilling or rebellious or selfish or lazy? (And that's only a partial list of how we blame and label people!)

As David Grant recently wrote here, why are we so keen to defend the local church institution while we're so willing to attack the people themselves? That seems so backwards.

So fine, I don't want to go overboard with this. The modern practice of church is useful in many ways and we don't want to scrap it all. Yes, there is a great degree of personal responsibility in each of our Christian lives and we can't expect the church to do it all for us. Yes, we certainly should be challenged and encouraged to pray more, to seek God's leading more, to love more.

And yet the need to defend the church programs and services is so ingrained that we preach it openly and no one doubts it. Sometimes I feel like I can't help but cry out against this.

Links & Blinks

Get a Cash Advance

Ha! My perspicacity is undeniable. Many thanks to my friend Mike, whose blog supposedly requires postgrad education just to have a sweet clue what he's talking about. I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not but he seems to think it is. I expected Dan's blog to qualify for the same status, as Abe playfully mocked here, but this evaluation claims that you only need high school for that one. 'S funny.

As for other recent blogs, my fiance Cam has some Christmas tree pics up. Ashleigh has a friend that recently published their own book, entitled The Invisible War. Steve gets nostalgic about old Saturday morning cartoons, my favourite being G.I.Joe.

We bid farewell to the Jennifer's blog. She has been posting off and on since August 2004 and she has some honestly revelational pieces in there about topics like grief and the loss of loved ones that will move you. A few other blogs have been deleted over the past month or two as well, and Lawyer Kid is the new semi-anonymous blog of one of my good friends whose initials may or may not be JET.

Thanks to everyone that responded to my recent posts about Marriage Manners and Wedding Crashers. Lawyer Kid responds with his this blog about his own rules for weddings, and he seems to emphasize Rule #1 a bit. Fascinating stuff, everyone, it was the best discussion on here in a while and I loved hearing the contrasting viewpoints.

One more link for the road: My dad uses the now-common catch-phrase BOCTAOE. The term was coined by Scott Adams, the creator of the Dilbert comics. Scott has a habit of toying with new ideas on his blog (which I read faithfully 'cause it's hilarious). The problem is that every new idea is often met with examples of how a general statement does not apply in a particular situation.

"The sky is blue." "Well, sometimes the sky is red at sunset." "No kidding. BOCTAOE!" The original statement is still true enough as an observation but people love to nit-pick and disagree and defend their own positions without really giving the original statement any serious consideration.

"The modern church does not encourage one-on-one friendships." "That's not true 'cause I met my best friend through my church." "Sure, but I met five people in church in the past three months that do not have even one friend." Open discussion to see if maybe, just maybe, the modern church isn't all it's cracked to be is hard if everyone just assumes that church is fine as it is. We can never improve and grow as individuals and as a church if the BOCTAOEs keep getting in the way. Let me hear an Amen!

The Advent Of A Miracle

For the fourth year in a row, I am part of the choir for the annual Christmas performance at my church. I sang in the bass section in my first year, I sang in the tenor section for the last two years, and this year I am singing bass again. I also have the solo for the final song of the evening, a really jazzy and uptempo version of "Hark, The Herald Angels Sing."

I have seen a preview of the entire performance during our practices and it's fantastic. The choir and soloists handle about twelve songs, ranging from classic Christmas carols to modern songs from Sarah McLachlin. This year, our choir is also accompanied by a live band. Usually, we record our own music tracks inhouse each year but this time we opted for the presence of musicians, even if that does double the complexity of performing these choir songs.

Mixed in with the songs, there are two stories. We have the classic story of Mary and Joseph, performed on stage by various actors. Virgin birth, Joseph not wanting anything to do with it until an angel visits him, no room in the inn, etc.

This story is shown in contrast with a modern tale about a husband whose family is in a car accident. The husband has to face the brutal emotions and questions that come in a situation like this as his family fights for their lives in a hospital. Themes of forgiveness and purpose show how the birth (and eventual death and resurrection) of Jesus has really changed our lives and our relationship with God forever.

This second story is actually shown as a film and it is quite impressive. It was filmed with proper cameras and lighting and boom mics and the whole bit, on location in Toronto and everything. It's like a short film that is woven between the on-stage play of Mary and Joseph and the choir songs. At one point, there is one song that really encapsulates all of the agonizing emotions from this main story and I think that it's the saddest song that I have ever heard.

It's a real roller-coaster ride and it's incredibly powerful. Everyone is invited to join us for one of the six free performances, as noted above. Be forewarned that each performance is usually packed and the second weekend is so full that many people have to be turned away due to a lack of parking and seating. You may want to arrive by 6:30 pm at the latest for whichever performance you are attending.

Merry Christmas!

My Own Man

So for the past few months, my dad has been reviewing his thoughts about church, paid pastors, the church building, and the importance of meaningful relationships. being the guy that he is, he likes to make his point with plenty of incendiary comments. Like this one and this one, in which he uses the average church budget to calculate that most Christians pay $43 per month for the Sunday services and give $2 per month to the poor, which is how the church finances ends up being spent.

And me, I love to read my dad's stuff 'cause it makes you think. Granted, a chunk of it is crazy talk designed to get a reaction out of us but I still like it. I think his core opinions are valid and well considered even he is still figuring things out for himself in many ways.

The problem is that I seem to get painted with the same label as my dad. Whatever little description we place on his stuff tends to get applied to me as well. And yet, I'm the one that directly challenges my dad more than anyone else. I could give examples directly from my own blog or from my comments on his blog, but even in my own daily discussions with him I tend to take everything that he says with a grain of salt.

Not that I think my dad is too off-base with some of his thoughts. It just so happens that I've been growing in the same areas that he has for the past ten years or so. I started my own cell group back when I was 21 years old because I realized how shallow and superficial so many of my own friendships had been. (As I wrote about here.) And in recent years, I've noticed the same pattern in soooo many other Christians and that makes me questions the effectiveness and purpose of the local church.

Of my entire family, I'm the one person that has consistantly attended church for the past 29 years of my life. (More than that, if you count when my mom was pregnant.) Each of my family members has lived in other countries for periods of time, has gone to school, and for whatever reasons they haven't always gone to church consistantly. But I have. And now that my dad has a lot of blog posts questioning the goals of the average Sunday service, people think that I'm in the same boat. If anything, I believe in church more than most people, and I've been more involved in church ministry than almost anybody else. Heck, I'm probably more of a goody-two-shoes-churchy-McChurch-A-Lot than all of you.

But you know what? As much as I love church, and as much as I have been involved with church ministry, I'm always willing to talk about the problems and search for better ways. Better ways of reaching out to people, better ways of communicating God's love, better ways of building friendships, better ways of being the followers of Christ that we were meant to be. And if that means asking a few innocent questions about the modern machinations of church then so be it.

So my question to you is: How many of us are just following in the footsteps of our own parents? How many of us believe the same version of religion that our parents believe? How many of us have only one or two friends, just because that's what our parents have? How many of us think it's all right to yell and scream during an argument, just because that's what we saw and heard while growing up? How many of us still hurt because of something our parents said or did, and still allow those memories to wound us all the time?

How many of us like still make little decisions every day as a direct result of what our parents did? And how many of us are willing to step back and try to grow a little more on our own? We can take the good and positive things from our parents without allowing the negative stuff to control us. Be thankful for what our parents gave us, and what they still give us, but without limiting ourselves to being mere reflections of who they are.

Wedding Crashers

Due to popular response, I am following up on my Marriage Manners post with another one.

The question of the day: How polite is it to crash a wedding?

Granted, that question is somewhat leading since the term "crash" indicates the answer itself. Even so, are there certain situations in which it is more acceptable to attend a wedding uninvited? Here are some possible scenarios...

• Attending the ceremony vs. attending the dinner vs. attending the dance.
• Larger wedding with 100+ guests vs. only family and close friends.
• Public location vs. local church vs. private home.
• Catered affair vs. potluck dinner.

Some of the central concerns about wedding crashers include: the hosts had to pay for everything; limited and designated seating; invitations were sent months in advance; the bride and groom already went through the very difficult and socially awkward process of selecting their guest list. There's also a difference between not being able to have all of your friends and acquaintances attend versus explicitly not wanting someone to attend.

On the other side, two positive reasons to crash are: to bless and celebrate the couple; to have a fun evening for yourself; other friends are attending and you don't want to feel left out. Any other reasons that you can imagine? And does a nice card and gift mitigate the rudeness factor?

Does anybody care to relate some amusing stories on either side of this discussion? Have you been the crasher, or have you been the host?

Rollin' Eyeballs

Now the body is not made up of one part but of many. If the foot should say, "Because I am not a hand, I do not belong to the body," it would not for that reason cease to be part of the body. And if the ear should say, "Because I am not an eye, I do not belong to the body," it would not for that reason cease to be part of the body. If the whole body were an eye, where would the sense of hearing be? If the whole body were an ear, where would the sense of smell be? But in fact God has arranged the parts in the body, every one of them, just as he wanted them to be. If they were all one part, where would the body be? As it is, there are many parts, but one body.

The eye cannot say to the hand, "I don't need you!" And the head cannot say to the feet, "I don't need you!" On the contrary, those parts of the body that seem to be weaker are indispensable, and the parts that we think are less honorable we treat with special honor. And the parts that are unpresentable are treated with special modesty, while our presentable parts need no special treatment. But God has combined the members of the body and has given greater honor to the parts that lacked it, so that there should be no division in the body, but that its parts should have equal concern for each other. If one part suffers, every part suffers with it; if one part is honored, every part rejoices with it. 1 Corinthians 12:14-26

Every person that walks into church is a different part of the body of Christ. Some of us are eyes, some are hands, some are the head, some are the feet.

What happens if these body parts never work together as one body? What happens if the people never come together in relationships to support one another and move forward together?

It's like a single eyeball that rolls into church, watches the Sunday service, and then the eyeball rolls out of church again without ever touching another body part. It's like an ear that comes just to listen to the sermon, or lips that only showed up so they could sing, and then each part leaves on its own again.

Sure, each body part and each person might get something from the Sunday service but the experience is so limited. We need those other parts and those other people to really grow and to really accomplish something meaningful.

Greasy God

A lot of our churches are like fast food restaurants. We make it easy for someone to drive in, grab their greasy God meal and get out. We provide the spiritual food once a week, and it's optional to tip 10% to the server.

With a litle less rhetoric, I suggest that the average church makes it really easy for people to visit once a week for the Sunday sermon and worship. Say hi to a few people if you want to but feel free to slip in and out without notice. Since the Sunday service is the primary focus of most churches, and only a small number of people can be actively involved in it as ushers or musicians or whatever, the majority of the crowd must remain passive participants. We pick from a menu of services in different churches, select our order, eat up quickly and move on.

So for this passive majority, the way to get involved is outside of that Sunday service. Nursery care, youth ministry, soup kitchens, etc. These programs usually require some sort of regular time commitment and you will have less time for family and friends, naturally. And in many cases, the activity itself is the focus of your time, so you concentrate on keeping the kids entertained but don't actually get much of a chance to get to know the people you're with. The opportunities to get involved are still plentiful but they come at a price, like going to a restaurant where you wait for a half hour for your meal and the bill is more than twenty bucks each.

Churches make it really easy to simply attend a Sunday service and then it's a little harder to get involved with a ministry. And in the context of all of that, the hardest thing is to find ways to develop mentoring relationships and close friendships. It's still possible, of course, but I think that this is the most difficult thing to do inside of a church. So why are we surprised when the majority sticks with the easiest option?

To extend this metaphor even further, most people do not eat at fast food joints or fancy resturants on a regular basis. Instead, we prefer to do a little home cookin' with our own groceries most of the time. It's easier, it's cheaper and it's in the comfort of our own home. To compare that to our Christian lives, it's more like inviting a friend over for dinner to discuss God and life, and we get our spiritual nutrition that way. This method is both easy and effective, and most of us already do this anyway.

If we can agree that the one-on-one relationships are key to a healthy spiritual lives, then we need to make sure it's easy to do. If it's not easy to do then most people won't do it.

Marriage Manners

Exactly three months ago, I got engaged to my fiance Cam. There has been a flurry of activity ever since then, as can be expected. Notifying friends and family, two engagement parties, two sessions for engagement photos, deciding on the wedding party members, wedding dresses, location, rentals, catering...the list goes on.

Cam is amazingly well-organized. She sees the colours and ideas in her mind's eye so easily, so the design for the invitations and other things is going smoothly. It's been a lot of fun for both of us so far, though I have to give her the majority of the credit for her hard work.

All of this is a frequent topic when I speak to people, as everyone often asks about our plans and the final date and everything. Therein lies the rub. People don't seem to have any qualms about placing me in awkward situations during conversations. Allow me to point a few annoyances...

1. No, you may not invite yourself to the wedding ceremony, the wedding reception or the engagement parties.

2. If you are invited to the wedding or the engagement parties, then please don't ask someone else if they're invited to the wedding. Well, you can ask that question but don't ask it right in front of me! That forces me into the position of blatantly saying the person is not invited.

3. Don't assume you know who the Best Man is, or the Master of Ceremonies, or the Maid of Honour, or whatever. It may or may not be the person you are thinking of, and just throwing that question out in front of me can be a tad weird.

4. My fiance and I currently go to different churches. However, I made the mistake of answering someone's questions honestly, indicating that I would not want to be in a separate church from my own fiance forever. Lo and behold, two minutes later everyone knew that I was considering leaving my current church. Ouch!

(For the record, I am leaving my current church of Glad Tidings Assembly at the end of the Christmas season in order to join Northpark Community Church. And yes, I have informed my pastor about this already. I've been an active member for three and a half years so it will be somewhat sad to leave.)

Granted, some of these issues could have been resolved if I was more private about the planning. And I have had to speak to some casual friends to clearly ask them to back off a bit and not assume an invitation. I would find it all to be amusing if I wasn't so embarrassed by such situations.

And most of all, I think it's funny that I'm complaining about poor manners when in fact I tend to be oblivious to just how rude I can be sometimes. Irony noted.

Back To Square One

Professionally, this past year was quite a unique experience for me.

In December 2006, I let my company of eight years in order to help found a new company that was intended to help people with disabilities. While it was a great opportunity for me, the money never materialized and I ended up spending my savings during that period. That hurt financially and in retrospect it wasn't a prudent move but it was still a fascinating experience.

At various times during the year, I completed a couple of short-term programming contracts. Those were a ton of fun, and I enjoyed pulling together all of my varied skills to put on these little one-man shows. The trick is finding enough of these small projects, which ain't no small thing.

Back in August 2007, I joined another small company near London as a programmer. As it turns out, they needed someone to do technical support a lot more than they needed coding. Despite by best efforts, I got burned out from the constant phone calls and client care and I eventually had to resign from this job due to overwhelming stress. Today was my last official day with my current company, but they have a bright future ahead of them and I am disappointed that I had to leave.

I actually considered going back to my first company but my old position as Director no longer exists. I wouldn't enjoy returning if it meant kicking someone else out of a current management role, and I don't want to go back as a programmer only and lose the progress I've made in my career so far. That idea is somewhat awkward as well.

So here I am, back at square one. I would dearly love to find a job in people management for a software development team, or as a business analyst, or as a database architect. Overall, I wiped out my savings and ended up below the poverty line this year, which is hilarious. We'll just have to wait to see what happens with my career now...

Top 10 Reason For The Church Of You & Me

Here is my Top Ten list about the best reasons for Christians to simply live as the church body. That means having friends and helping each other grow, period. One of you may be mentoring or discipling the other, or you may simply be friends on an equal level.

The important thing is not the forum, it's the one-on-one time with each other. You can both be involved in Alpha programs, or cell groups, or Bible studies, or be members of a local church congregation, or play on a band together, or do a soup kitchen ministry together. You can have a mutual friend or two that is equally import to both of you.

As long as those things never take precedance over your one-on-one time then it's all good and will hopefully serve to enhance your growth. As long as the forum does not become a requirement and a rule, the relationship can thrive regardless. So you don't have to be a member of a local church and you don't have to be involved in a ministry. However, you do need to have Christian and non-Christian relationships, and you do need to use your gifts and talents, and you do need to reach out to people. It's just that the format for these things is really, really flexible.

So here is my Top Ten list of the benfits of this "Church of You and Me..."

1. Everyone Needs a Friend
That's a simple truth. Everyone needs a friend and no one wants to feel like they're alone. Someone to laugh and cry with, someone that gives to us and one to whom we can give. There are so many people, of all ages, in all walks of life, inside and outside of the local church, that do not have that kind of close friendship. We all need a friend, and I'm always shocked at how many people don't even have one close friend.

2. No Restrictions on Leadership
Depending on your theological flavour, your personal beliefs and your Christian denomination, you may accept certain restrictions in a local church setting. Some churches will not allow women to teach or preach, some will not allow single men to become elders, some will not allow people without pastoral credentials to give a sermon. However, these restrictions don't even apply if you're simply being friends with someone. Any woman can be a friend to another woman and can mentor them. No credentials or formal training required, just be a friend.

3. Everyone Should Lead
This is the positive flip side of the point above. Not only are there no restrictions on simply developing good friendships, but everyone should do this. (BOCTAOE) All Christians, regardless of maturity and age, can always come alongside someone else. And whether or not you call yourself a mentor officially, this is always the way to grow as a leader and mature. And in my experience, the most dynmaic growth in our own lives comes when we are trying to help others grow.

4. The Body Grows
As my dad said in this post, bringing one friend to salvation every few years isn't too hard. It can be a family member, a coworker, a classmate, anyone that you hang with. And if we do this, the Christian body would grow far more quickly than the rate we now see in North America. (And as bonus, you can still be a member of a local church, you just can't expect the local church to do your ministry for you.)

5. Meet The Need
Since this is all based on friendship, you will hopefully know what is going on in the other person's life. You will know their struggles, whether it's physical or emotional or whatever. And as their friend, you want to help. That might mean kicking in a few bucks to help with school, or inviting them over for dinner. It's simple. You may not be able to meet every need directly by yourself but even then you'll be sure to stand with your friend and support them.

6. Meet The Needs
As an extension of the above point, it can be even easier to meet the needs of a wider circle of friends. So much of our money is normally devoted to tithing, paying the pastors and paying the monthly bills of the local church. If this same money is instead directed to people you know personally, or friends-of-friends, it multiplies it's effectiveness. Just do the math. Take the amount of money that ten people give to the local church in a year and give that directly to friends in need, and the results are tenfold. (To be fair, there are certain things a local church can do much more easily, like planning foreign missions trips or large-scale ministries, but even these I have seen done on an individual basis.)

7. Anywhere
If you live in a tiny town in northern Ontario and you can't afford to build a church and hire a pastor, that's fine since you're just looking to build Christian friendships. If you live in modern-day Russia or China and your local pastor is put into prison and your church congregation is persecuted, you can handle it because it's all based on one-on-one friendships anyway. If you're a missionary heading into a strange part of the world, it's fine if there is no one that speaks English and there is no church, because your goal is to find a friend and lead them to Christ. Friendships work anywhere and everywhere.

8. Anytime
What about the person that works constant night shifts? What about the mother of two infant kids? What about the student that has to go to school full time and has to work full time? No problem. Friends always make time for friends.

9. It's All About Me
Not to be arrogant or selfish, but we can always grow in ways that we need to grow. If we're struggling with something, or we're curious about something, or we want to experience something new, we can go ahead and focus on that. We don't have to listen to weekly sermons that may or may not have much to do with our lives, though we may still prefer to do that through the internet or in a Sunday service. Granted, we need to ensure that we have somebody speaking new things to us and challenging us, otherwise we can get stuck in a rut of always dealing with the same issues and never exploring new areas. The key here is that the ministry that we give and receive is uniquely personalized to us.

10. We're Already Doing It
The most unassuming reason for this is the fact that we're already doing it. Hopefully, we already have a desire for close friends and we already spend time on those friendships. The difference is that we now make this the priority and all of the other aspects of modern Christian life become secondary, which is often not the case these days for church members. Playing on the music team should be secondary to being there for a friend in need. Attending a Sunday service should be less important than coffee with a friend. If we can balance different things like that then good for us, no need to throw the baby out with the bathwater. The most important thing is that we always ensure that our friends are the most important part of our Christian lives.

The Church Of You & Me: Context

Previously, I posted the Top 10 Reasons For A Big Church. This was in response to my dad's blog post in which he mockingly did the same. However, I am genuinely a fan of both big and small churches. I think that they each offer different advantages and disadvantages related to the number of people in the church.

I've been a member of maybe a dozen churches throughout my lifetime, usually changing churches only when my family moved or when the church closed. Several of those churches had between forty and eighty people, and a few had upwards of one thousand people. Regardless, I was equally involved in the music ministry in each place, and I was often involved in many other areas like youth ministry and small groups. And speaking of small groups, I've been a member of five different cell groups for most of the past ten years, including leading one such group for two and a half years

When we suggest that 90% of the ministry in a church is done by 10% of the people, I was always in that 10%. Spending 20+ hours at church in any given week is not abnormal for me, it's always been my habit. And you know what? I never regretted any of it. I always loved being heavily involved in church, using my gifts and talents for God and to minister to people. I'm a big, big fan of church.

I say all of this in order to supply the context for this next post...

Taken 4 Granted

My dad has been blogging for a number of months now, often focusing on how the institution of Sunday Services and the local church building actually inhibits and restricts real growth and life in the Christian body. Given my experience over the years, I am increasingly persuaded to agree with this idea. I want to summarize a few of his key points to save y'all the trouble of reading his stuff.

Persecuted For...
If the Christian church is actually persecuted, as it is now in Russia, the simplest solution is to go underground and only have small groups. There is no need for formal church congregations and buildings.

The Cycle of Church Life
Small groups of Christians will thrive and grow, become larger, slowly stop growing and eventually fade away or split. And then this cycle repeats itself...why not stay small and multiply the groups instead? Why repeat this pattern of slow decay?

Why Do You?
Why do we go to a local church? Because the church tells us we should, not because the Bible does. It's a teaching that feeds on itself.

Bill Hybels and I Agree
Willowcreek, the megachurch, did surveys and found no correlation between the church programs and long-term growth and discipleship for Christians. The local church congregation is not as useful as we like to think.

Aftermath!
If we lead only one person to Christ every four years, and those people do the same, we will see explosive growth. It's not too hard to do, and it's way more effective than the statistical growth of the local church.

Is Christ Divided?
Why does the local church need a name, or a building? That ain't in the Bible.

Scattered
In the Old Testament, people demand a king. In modern times, people demand a pastor. Missionaries get by just fine without a pastor.

Empowerment?
We say that we want people to be active as Christians, but if they contradict the ideas of the local church body they'll find that they eventually have to leave the group. The group itself is more important than individuals.

Living Relationally
An oxymoron: The Relational Church. Wayne Jocobsen has a story that illustrates how poorly the local church does in teaching and developing individuals.

Jesus Plus
Why do we feel the need for a local church congregation? Why do we add so much to Jesus, when Jesus himself is enough?

Hmm. Perhaps I will follow this up soon with a Top Ten list of the best reaons to not have a local church congregation...

Jury Duty

This past Tuesday, I had jury duty. I thought I would write up a bit about my experience just for the sake of curiousity. This is also for anyone who might be called for jury duty in London, Ontario in the future, if they want to know what they're getting into.

I arrived at the court house in downtown London at about 8:45 am for the 9:00 am session. Parking is something like $13.00 if you park at the courthouse, it's $7.00 about a block away and it's only $4.50 if you go three blocks south at the corner of King Street and Ridout. Yes, I chose the best parking spot and I got to brag about it a few times as everyone else complained about the price.

It's a good thing I arrived early at the courthouse. There was a long line of people waiting to go through the security checkin. We had to take everything out of our pockets, our bags were inspected and we had to go through a metal detector. Make sure you have extra time for that. Oh, and make sure you don't bring a drink in with you because it will get confiscated.

Once in, I took the elevator to the 14th floor. It's technically the 13th floor but such floors do not exist in some large buildings. This is where the main courtroom was situated for jury selections. I had my jury duty letter and I had to tear off the bottom portion, sign it and hand it in before I was admitted into the courtroom.

The courtroom seats about 200 spectators, just barely. On this day, we actually had two jury pools of 100 people each. The pool from the previous week had been cancelled and it was deferred to this week with my pool. At around 9:30 am, a lawyer-or-somebody-official came out and informed us that we would have two jury selections, one in the morning and one in the afternoon with a 1.5 hour break for lunch.

The lawyer-or-somebody-official then proceeded with rollcall. He went through two giant stacks of computer-generated cards, verifying that everyone was present. He worked hard to keep things lively, cracking jokes and referencing old names and businesses that he knew. At one point, he asked if one lady knew of so-and-so. The lady answered yes, that was her sister. And the lawyer-or-other responded and said that he had been married to that sister, much to the woman's surprise! Small world...

The lawyer-or-other also used this time to clarify the occupation of each person. Something like "manager" or "sales" had to be made more specific. As an example, he said that defense lawyers in a trial for a bank robbery may not want a bank manager in the jury. And while in civil cases a jury might be random, in this criminal case the lawyers had a finite number of vetoes regarding jury selection.

By coincidence, one of my friends happened to be in this jury pool with me and he sat down just two seats behind me. Nick Hourd had been in the pool for the previous week and now he was joining me in this selection. Interesting occurence, considering that I was hanging out with him the previous Friday. So later on, we got the chance to sit together and quietly crack jokes like those two guys on The Muppet Show.

At around 10:30 pm, the judge and the lawyers and the court officials and the cops and the defendant all came into the courtroom. "All rise...something, something...Queen and Britain...please sit down." Then they read the charges in this first case against the defendant. There were two charges, one for 2nd degree murder and one for arson. Based on that, it would seem that this guy was accused of lighting a house on fire on June 1 2006, thereby killing a woman that had been inside. The defendant then gave his plea for each charge, pleading guilty for the fire thing and not guilty for the worse thing.

After that, they stuck all of the jury cards into a big bingo spinner and mixed 'em all up. They pulled out twenty cards and had everyone come up one at a time as their name was called. After four or five people were lined up at the front, the judge explained (for a second time) that they were supposed to talk to the judge as they came forward if they had any good reason to be excluded from jury duty. Immediately, most of the people that were lined up stepped forward and gave some excuse and they were excused, leaving just one person standing there.

They gradually called more and more people up until they had 20 people in line that were willing and able to do jury duty. The excuses that people had for exclusion were sometimes quite amusing. A few examples...

• One lady announced that she was turning 100 next year and preferred not to participate.
• Another lady's occupation was announced as "maternity leave." 'Nuff said.
• One guy said he had cancer was starting chemo and the judge was this close to making him stay anyway.
• A couple of people said that they recognized the accused or one of the lawyers or witnesses involved.
• There was one priest that was excused on religious grounds.
• A lot of people said they had business trips that were absolutely required, and some simply offered the fact that they couldn't afford the time off.
• One guy offered the poor excused of being important at work and not wanting to burden his co-workers. He was let off but then the judge gave everyone a lecture about how she realized that this was a burden to everyone but each potential juror had to prove that it was an "undue burden" if they wanted to the be excused.

Other than that, the minimum requirements for a juror are that:

• They can understand english very well - not just conversational english since a court case is intricate.
• They are a legal citizen of Canada.
• They have adequate hearing abilities.
• In this case, that they are available for approximately three weeks.

Once the line up of twenty potential jurors was set, each person was brought forward one at a time and they were told to look at the accused, and the accused was to look at them. Because this was a criminal case, the lawyers on each side had veto power to dismiss 12 potential people. The lawyers alternated, giving each side a chance to say "Content" or "Challenge" for each person. The lawyers took notes of each person and their occupation and it was an interesting little game of strategy. In the end, the jury seemed to be made of mostly of people that were 40 years old or older, with a few more men than women. It seemed to me the the lawyers were looking for people that seemed dispassionate and logical but that's just my opinion.

In the first set of names, about 40 people were called up and 20 or so were excused. Of these 20, only six were actually admitted to jury duty. After that, they gathered another line up of 10 people, then again a group of 5, and then another group of 5. So there were probably 100 or so names called in all form the jury pool to create a 12-member jury with two additional alternate members.

Once a jury member was agreed upon, they had the choice of swearing in or affirming. By swearing in, they held a Christian Bible and swore to uphold justice so help them God, or something like that. By affirming, the juror just had to promise real hard. Of the 14 jurors selected, only one man opted for affirmation. He was an awkward little asian guy that had trouble understanding the difference between affirming and swearing in. In the end, he simply said that he wanted to "stay away from the Bible," which I found quite amusing. I also thought that most of the people swearing by God was a little funny since I doubt that all 13 of those jurors were actually Christian.

So that was the end of that. All of the court-like people vacated the place and then the jury pool just sat around for another hour or so. We had the option of leaving at any time to go to the bathroom or to get a drink of water. And as the one lawyer-or-other guy said, the final jury members are "treated like gold" and they can get whatever they want, whether it's a bathroom break or a sandwich.

Time dragged on and it was well after 1:00 pm when somebody came back into the courtroom to announce that everyone could go home. We had been waiting to find out how long the lunch break was going to be but then the second courtcase was settled out of court around noon and they cancelled the whole thing. So we got out early, albeit quite hungry, and then Nick and I went out for a long and relaxing lunch.

All in all, 'twas a fascinating day. And this seemed like a fairly big trial with a lot at stake so that added to it all. Very serious stuff but I really enjoyed the experience.

Links & Blinks

Ashleigh has finally returned after being away for almost two months. She's still trying to catch up on all of the e-mail and facebook messages, but in the meantime she has managed to update her blog again.

If you want a tour-de-force, read this short story on Abe's blog as he describes himself watching the world die while he does nothing. Powerful images...

David Grant had this recent post about Willowcreek church. As one of the famous mega-churches, they just completed some intensive studies and discovered that their 30 years of church programs have no real correlation with a person deepening their relationship with God. By my estimation, people that want a deeper relationship with Christ will get it regardless of the church setting, and the average church attendee will just be satisfied with simply attending church. Do we just assume that church helps us grow, until someone pulls out the facts that say otherwise? And if church doesn't do the trick then what is the best environment?

There is some good, ongoing discussion on this recent post of mine. Is it enough to just make a buck at work, or do we expect more from our workplaces? As a manager, do we strive for satisfied and happy employees, or do we just expect people to do their jobs? Some interesting perspectives are popping up there...

As They Say In Zanzibar

And now for the return of my selection of proverbs from around the globe. My theme this time centres on rats and mice, for no particular reason. I chose some of these as truisms but others I chose primarily for the humour. The trick is interpreting all of these correctly.

When rats infest a palace a lame cat is better than the swiftest horse. China

The one who hunts two rats will catch neither. Uganda

A cat with mittens won't catch mice. Scotland

The cat who frightens the mice away is as good as the cat who eats them. Germany

The mouse is not crushed under the haystack. Scotland

The cat does not catch mice for God. India

When the mouse laughs at the cat, there is a hole. Gambia

It is a cunning mouse which nests in the cat's ear. England

Reference: As They Say In Zanzibar

Tit For Tat

I'm very much a 9-to-5 sort of guy. I come in on time and I leave on time. For many years at the beginning of my career, I actually despised the idea of working past 5:00:00 pm. That's right, down to the second. For me, leaving on time emphasized that my life outside of work, including my family and friends, was just as important or more important than my career. Workaholism was a dirty word to me and I really tried to avoid letting work take over my life.

The thing is, most employers tend to frown on this kind of behaviour. Employers want to see someone that is dedicated to the company, someone with ambition, someone willing to go that extra mile. They want happy customers and completed deadlines, and if that means taking an extra phone call at 4:58 PM or coming in on a weekend then so be it. Employers want a team player, someone personally invested in the company, someone they can count on.

It took me a long time to figure that out. So I gradually made small changes. Sticking around for an extra fifteen minutes made me look good even if little was happening. I still made a point of leaving at five o-clock regularly but I also made myself available when asked, and then I would advertise my extra work a little bit to the managers. If I'm going work extra time, I want the credit for it at least.

I will even offer to work extra weekends provided that I am paid the expected overtime. Ah, but that's where things fall apart. Suddenly these looming priorities and impending emergencies can wait until Monday if we have to pay time and a half to get them done. Money puts everything into perspective for a manager, it seems.

Companies, owners and managers want and expect employees to go that extra mile. And not only that, but not going the extra mile and sacrificing personal time is viewed poorly. It's a negative trait to refuse to work unpaid overtime or ten hour shifts.

The irony here is that these same companies will demand that everyone arrive on time at the start of the day. They will reprimand people that make personal calls or check their private e-mail. They will quell casual conversations between co-workers and split up teams that are too noisy. (And they usually don't realize that removing this freedom actually makes people work more poorly, not better.)

So companies place these demands on their employees and they often offer nothing in return. It's not a give-and-take proposition, it's a take-and-take deal. And if an employee challenges this, it's the employees reputation and standing that takes the hit.

As a manager and programmer, whenever I had deadlines looming I would make sure I got them done every time. Often enough, I would stay and work that extra Saturday shift in order to meet Monday's due date. I figured that was better than forcing my team to give up their weekend. As a by-product of setting that example, my team was then more willing to give up a few hours the odd Saturday every six months because they knew that I did it several times before for their sake. And as a manager, I tried to ensure that these types of extra shifts were not necessary in the first place because that would indicate poor planning from the start, so making a habit of it would be a systematic problem.

Companies can certainly have high expectations, I'm not disagreeing with that. However, companies need to offer something in return as well. If companies take-and-take, eventually the employee will have nothing left to give. Like strip mining a natural resource, the ground will be torn up. New ground and new people will be needed as the old people feel like they are forced to leave.

If we want to get the most from our employees, we need to give them something back.

Engagement Photos

This past week, Cam and I had our engagement photos done. We were supposed to visit our photographer in Toronto but the evening before we were informed that he had sprained his ankle and our plans were canceled. Our good friend Lori stepped in at the last minute and we managed to do an hour-long session at Pinafore Park in St. Thomas. Many thanks to Lori for that, she's been a great friend to both of us. And for your viewing pleasure, here is a selection of the many photos.

It was difficult for me to take my eyes off of Cam during our photo shoot. She is captivating to me...beautiful, beautiful.

The Measure Of A Manager

How can a manager know that they're any good at what they do? The manager's manager will rarely see what they do on a daily basis, they just get the end results. And the people that are supervised will very likely never give their honest opinion for fear of reprisal. So the manager ends up in this nebulous zone within which they as they please and think as they wish, with no real feedback.

The easiest and most common measuring stick is the end results. The big deadlines, the ongoing projects, the new initiatives, the paperwork, the meetings. As long as those goals are met and they look good, that's all that we ask.

And the means to that end? Bah! It's too hard to measure easily and superficially. Threaten the employees, intimidate them, use sarcasm and derision, "constructive" criticism, expect unpaid overtime, withhold the next pay raise, etc. Whatever gets the job done, right?

There's still the tell-tale sign of employee turnover, but we can attribute that to the employees being selfish and immature. There is the option of the ominous Exit Interview but that requires a certain degree of trust, honesty, openness and genuine curiousity. Plus, it's uncomfortable to do, so it's easier to just let people leave and draw our own conclusions.

By definition, most people hover around the average. Most managers are average, most employees are average, most results are average. It's much harder to develop or find superstars in the professional market. It follows that most managers are merely adequate in their roles, and yet most of them don't realize this.

Many managers are simply promoted from another job, and no realizes that the skills of management are entirely different than their previous skills. And that experience and talent that they may have had as a programmer really doesn't translate into making people feel good about their jobs and not exhausting the talent. It's assumed that natural instinct and clever ideas are enough, so managers don't bother to research or study or assess themselves in any meaningful way.

The biggest problem with a bad manager is that they do not realize that they're bad. The biggest problem with an average manager is that they think they are good. Only the best managers continue to grow and become even better, recognizing their own weaknesses and strengths, whilst the rest become accustomed to the status quo.

Actually, that's incorrect. Poor managers aren't just accustomed to the status quo. They actually like it, and like it a lot. They will defend the status quo with every political and psychological trick in the book, even at the expense of everything else.

If you're a good manager, you will look for real feedback. You will want an honest reflection of your professional skills and the opinions of those with whom you work. You want to see the mirror clearly and won't be satisfied with anything less.

Movie Jerk

You know how you can be in a movie theatre and there's that one obnoxious person right behind you that cheers and claps and laughs like a fool throughout the movie?

Heh. Yeah, that's me.

I don't know when this habit of mine started. I distinctly remember a time when I was extremely well behaved in a movie theatre, quiet as a mouse and only laughing politely. Hmmm...

I seem to remember watching one of the most recent Star Wars at the theatres. Beforehand, I was standing in line for two and a half hours with other geeks and anticipating the greatness of these new movie. And once Yoda started flipping around during his main fight scene, and the crowd cheered loudly in unison...yeah, that was a great moment.

And more recently than that, I remember watching The Protector. The audience, mostly made up of guys, was blown away by the Bruce Lee styled fight at the end as the protaganist brutally beat down wave after wave of henchmen. Much cheering ensued once we caught our breath, so it really got a reaction out of us.

So thanks to a few of these big blockbusters and action movies, I have experienced some amazing movies that really drew a response from everyone in the theatre. And from this, I think that I gradually lost a lot of my inhibitions as a movie viewer.

So now I'm that guy that randomly cheers a cool stunt. The one that claps repeatedly after an awesome fight scene. The one that laughs uproariously at the hilarious jokes, and the one that laughs way too much at things that are only slightly amusing. I'm the one that exclaims something when the rest of the theatre is completely quiet, when I'm surprised by a plot twist or I really enjoy some subtlety of the scene. And I'm the guy that makes a none-too-quiet comment after I see an exciting movie trailer before the feature presentation starts.

I have always enjoyed movies quite thoroughly and I often try to see a movie on the opening weekend. And now that this hobby of mine is interactive, I like watching movies even more. I offer no apologies if I'm that annoying guy right behind you, all I can offer is an invitation to you to enjoy the movie as much as I do. So that's me, the movie jerk extraordinaire. :)

Spiritual Life Support

Currently, I'm a participant in three different churches.

As a formal member of Glad Tidings Assembly, I was involved in cell group with the church for three years. I play percussion and sing backup vocals for the worship team, several times a month. I'm also an annual member of the Christmas Choir and I have been involved in a few other ministries.

I also attend Open Door Christian Fellowship. I am involved with the Young Adults group there since GTA has little for me in that regard. I've been doing that for two and a half years now, and last year I was co-leader of the worship for YA as well.

Finally, I have recently started attending Saturday evening services at North Park Community Church. That's because of my fiance, and I go to Alpha with her here as well.

So I'm a member of three churches at the moment, and I'm fairly busy with each one. Come January, I am seriously considering cutting back and simply joining my fiance Cam at North Park for Saturday evening services and not doing anything else at all, as far as ministry goes. I don't know if I can actually last for very long without being involved with a music team at church but that's what I am considering right now.

You know what I am thinking about, though? I'm wondering what my spiritual life will be like at that point. As it now stands, I don't do enough daily Bible reading or prayer or private worship for my liking. Once I ditch all of these church activities, I wonder if I'll be hit with the sudden shock of how dependant my spiritual health is on my official church programs.

Is the church my spiritual life support? Is my personal faith in God just surviving because I go to all of these events and ministries? Is it like a respirator in a hospital that keeps me breathing, and I don't even use my own lungs anymore? Where is the depth and meaning in my own private time with God, where is the passion and purpose within my soul? Is my personal relationship with Jesus being killed by an unknown and hidden cancer?

I suspect that I am that dying man, lying in the hospital as the respirator pumps up and down while my heartbeat just barely keeps beeping. I suspect that church has made me dependant on this machine and I will struggle to live on my own without it. And I suspect that this is the case for a lot of other people in church these days...

Mumbly Joe

I have the particular habit of mumbling. In my head, my voice is clear enough but too often people miss what I am saying. It seems to be a combination of being too quiet, having a bass voice and not enunciating properly.

Near as I can figure, this is my response to having a very loud family. With three kids running around our house, plus a menagerie of animals, volume was a given. My parents and my siblings each have impressive pipes, too.

If you're arguing, the best tactic is to raise your voice, right? And if other people are speaking, we get louder to compensate. And if the television is on or the music is blaring, we can easily shout those down. Historically, my family would do this even when we were in the car on long trips, or especially in those cases, much to my father's annoyance. And then he would raise his voice even more to tell us to be quiet. It's ironical or something...

So I very intentionally have developed these quiet speaking patterns. Not that I don't have the ability to be the loudest one in the room. I often am, especially if I'm laughing at something. And while singing or acting, I can certainly project my voice with ease. However, I have cultivated a persona of self-control and calm in many situations, and keeping my voice low is an aspect of that.

Just call me Mumbly Joe. (Ten points if you know that reference...)

Pictures Of God

Do you know the story of King David and the prophet Nathan? It's in 2 Samuel 12, and Nathan uses a parable to confront David's sin of adultery with Bathsheba.

I recently noticed that I tend to keep this image of God in my head. Anytime I have a sin for which I have not repented, I briefly worry that God will send somebody to prophecy over me, revealing my sin and demanding my repentance. He'll just uncover my deeply hidden sin and let someone call me on it.

I don't really think that this is God's usual gameplan, nor do I think that he is a particularly judgmental guy that just wants to crush people. I know that God loves me, I know that Jesus died for me, I know that sin hurts him and it hurts me, and I know that God just wants what is best for me.

And yet, the very fact that this minor concern pops into my head may indicate something about my view of God. Why would such a dramatic image have stuck with me for all of these years? Usually it doesn't have any real effect on me, other than to remind me that I do need to repent. I usually dismiss that condemnation and guilt and instead try to come back to God honestly and ask for real forgiveness.

What about you? Do you have any images or worries or ideas that define your view of God? Do you innately assume that God shares a lot of characteristics with your biological father? Do you interpret life through a coloured lens of who God is to you? Sometimes these things are not obvious, like this subtle fear I have that keeps cropping up. Sometimes it's a more obvious thing, where we directly claim that God is a jerk or whatever.

So what is your picture of God?

Pile It On

In the average company, work piles up like the laundry and dishes pile up in our homes. The clients keep calling and calling and the deadlines continue to march down upon us. It doesn't matter how many people you spoke to or how many problems you have resolved, there's always another person and a new problem. Um, not to compare clients to dirty dishes and smelly clothes but you get the point. It's a never-ending flow of work.

So what does the average company and the average manager do? Piles it on. These are all things that have to get done, and someone has to do them, so it might as well be...you!

Sure, we know that you're crazy busy and it's a miracle that you're keeping up with everything so far. That's a testament to your talent and how good you are. And logically, since you're keeping up with everything now, and you're so good at what you do, you should be able to handle just a bit more. Right?

So we add to the workload of our best employees, while we let the lesser employees stay as they are because we can't quite trust them with these new tasks. And we assign the jobs that nobody wants to the employees that won't complain, and those just happen to be our best employees, too. And we see how good our best employees are, so we want to reward them and use them to oversee the lesser employees, so we give them the grunt work of daily supervision and reporting as well.

And eventually, our best employees leave. One after another after another. And we stand amazed that people of such talent and dedication and desire couldn't cut it. Apparently they weren't quite as good as we thought, otherwise they would never have complained and they would never leave.

As an employee, we need to understand the limits of what we can do. We need to have a clear idea about how much is too much. We need to stand up and defend our time, to challenge the idea that we can cram three days into one. We need to assert ourselves, lay out everything that we have on our schedule, and get those priorities straight or get some work reassigned to someone else. Staying late regularly to finish that last project and meet that last deadline is a fool's errand and it will never end.

As a manager, we need to be the strongest defender of our employee resources. We need to be the ones that analyze the workload. We need to see that it's too much for any one person to handle, and we need to see overwhelming work coming ahead of time. We need to add extra staff, reassign extra work or defer some of the tasks. We need to take on the grunt work of reports and time consuming meetings so that our employees spend their time efficiently on the important things. And we need to decide what the important things are, since so much of what a business does every day amounts to so very little. Clear away the needless stuff, remove all of the obstacles and let our employees do what they do best.

The work isn't going to go away. We can keep on working hard and long, like a dog digging a hole, or we can find a better way to bury that bone.

The Boss

How did the "boss" get his name?

From the fact that at one time he had complete authority over his workers and could thrash them at will. "Boss" comes from the Old High German word bozan which means " to beat."

Source: "Why Do We Say It? The stories behind the words, expressions and cliches that we use." By Castle Books, no author.

Always With The Laughs

"I'm the kind of guy who laughs at a funeral.
Can't understand what I mean?
Well, you soon will."
One Week by Barenaked Ladies
I laugh at everything. Jokes, funny comments and puns? Always. Cartoons and comedies? I'll laugh louder than anyone else. The joys of life? Happy and hearty guffaws. The absurdities of life? Why not laugh? Insults, accusations, threats and anger? Mocking mirthfulness ensues. Disappointment, loss and heartache? Better to laugh than cry, I always say.

Even when I shouldn't laugh, I still do. Check that: Especially during the times when I shouldn't laugh, I still do. Everyone has their own defense mechanism, and mine seems to be laughter.

Uncomfortable situations make be giggle repeatedly. Someone yelling at me will draw a wry smile to my face, though I work to control that reaction since it only creates more of a problem. The best kind of bad situation will make me laugh, like this time when my van was broken into. The most annoying frustrations strike me as hilarious, like this time when I waited for the slowest train ever. And yes, I have indeed laughed at a funeral. Many times, in fact.

Laughter is my go-to move. It's my default reaction almost regardless of the situation. Sometimes it's just a subtle giggle, sometimes it's crazy laugh-to-the-sky hysterics. Sometimes it's for a good reason, sometimes it's not. I don't know how or why I developed this trait but it strikes me as funny. Of course.

I find it even more amusing to note the main defense mechanisms of my friends and family, especially in contrast to my own. Anger is a common response, along with all the mess that entails. Withdrawing and shutting down is another option I've seen. Dominating others or enforcing our independance can work fine sometimes. Some people have a million fears in any situation, some have a million tears. And while I rely on laughter so often, I've certainly used a couple of those other ones as well.

I love to laugh, and yet I find my own writing to be so bereft of humour. That's so odd...and it strikes me as funny. Heh.

Our Engagement

As Cam wrote about here, we recently became engaged and I gave Cam the engagement ring on September 10th, 2007. Cam took the two pictures above and below herself. The ring itself is a platinum band with a knife-edge cut and the diamond is a brilliant one. It compliments Cam's hand perfectly and I am very happy that I was able to select this ring with her help. This ring is the promise of our future together and I can hardly wait until we are married... I love this woman!




On Saturday September 20, 2007, my parents hosted a Bonfire & BBQ at our home to celebrate our engagement. We had about fifty people arrive at different times in the evening, some of whom were meeting Cam for the first time. My parents organized everything, my brother cooked up the succulent meat and Cam's mother Kim prepared Vietnamese springrolls from scratch. Everyone loved the food and since there were so many people from so many different social circles, there were plenty of new faces to see and all kinds of interesting conversations.

(Note: Most likely, Cam and I will host our own engagement party during the winter/spring. This was much more of a spur-of-the-moment thing that was planned the previous weekend.)


Later on in the evening, we relocated from the deck and inside the house to the bonfire in the lower field. The last time we did this, we had a lower deck on our house and the steep walk down the hill to the bonfire was somewhat treacherous. However, my parents tore out that bottom porch a couple of weeks ago and built a really long staircase, so the walk down was much more pleasant this time around.


Many thanks to everyone that came last night. The congratulations and card and gifts were much appreciated. It was a lot of fun for me to get the chance to see everyone and let you share in our happiness. And for more pictures, please see the next blog post.

P.S. Have I mentioned how much I love Cam?

Bring The Ring: Engagement Party

Here are some additional pictures from the engagement party that my parents hosted on Saturday September 29, 2007. For more details, please see this blog post.